Rockin' Robin

A few nights ago I got the privilege of having a fun night at home with my roommate, Robin. In case you haven't gotten a chance to spend an evening with Robin, I'd like to inform you that you are missing out! Robin's hilarious. Her wit, her silliness.... oh yes... it was a wonderful night. I took some pictures to document our evening.

First we did a bit of house chores, like collecting mail [shown above] and doing laundry[well, I supervised the laundry doing =P ]. Then we played some cards, followed by playing with the cats a bit and playing the game of Clue. I won, but Robin sure tried hard. [bwahahahahahaha!]

So, yeah, it was a great night of fun.

And if you see my roommate... be sure to tell her "hi" for me.

Holiday Screaming and Leg Stabilizing

Well... tonight was the Holiday concert for the Beavercreek Christian Learning Center (aka BCLC...where I work). So my Kindergartners all showed up to join in the festivities of scream singing and ridiculously wonderful dancing. As the children came in I became the evening's distraction factor, ushering their attention to a book they had heard billions of times before. Then after much hallway shushing, the stage welcomed the squirmy children. All children Kindergarten through 2 and 1/2 found their place on the stage. Us HUGE Kindergartners were given our honorable spots on the risers. That's right.. risers! So I found my honorable spot stabilizing the legs of jumping, swaying and spinning 5 year olds. With each song they moved closer and closer to their toppling defeat. Nonetheless, upon the concerts conclusion, we ushered out the children, trying our best to keep them from screaming in the mics and yelling at their parents from the stage. Then we lined up our rambunctious bunch in front of the classroom so their parents could come relieve us from our own parenting duties. Or shall I call it our shepherding duties? I sat on the floor with one overwhelmed child to keep her from crying. She sat in my lap, clinging to my arms for comfort. After her mom came, I stood by the morning Kindergarten teachers, carrying on playful banter. Time passed and the swoop of moms and dads and random other relations passed through. As the crowd cleared I saw my one little Kaylee's blue eyes looking up from the hallway wall.

"Come on over here, baby." [I call them all that.]

She came over, receiving my outstretched hand.

"Oh... is she yours?" A passing mother asked me.
"Oh... no, no, no." Came my quick response as the woman moved, trailing the heard of chaos.
It was then that I realized that both Kaylee and I had our curly hair pulled back in a bun-like mass of curly chaos. We did kind of look a bit similarly overdressed for the occasion.

"I think her mom's down the hallway," Mrs. Thatcher said as she grabbed the last few things from the hallway and shut up the room. I knew her mom wasn't there. Kaylee's mom was out of town. But her babysitter was supposed to be there though.

Kaylee and I walked down the hallway.
No babysitter.

We entered the sea of cookie eating chaos in the gym. Parents stood socializing as their children ran through the crowd pushing other kids, stealing cookies, and screaming. [Ahhh, the joys of the BCLC.] We wandered through the crowd.

"Is she yours?" Came two more strangers.
"No, No." My eyes continued to search for Kaylee's sitter.

We left the crowd after Kaylee got a few pictures with a classmate. I couldn't take the chaos anymore.

"Maybe she's in the sanctuary..." I ventured forth trying to make our quest a game.
"She's forgotten me." Teary eyes looked up at me.

"No, baby, are you kidding me? You? Not Kaylee... how could she forget Kaylee? Oh no. There's just so many people here, so she's a bit harder to find. But we'll find her. We won't give up. But let's go get a cookie first. I think that'll help."

We headed for the cookie table, bumping into Mrs. Thatcher again.
"I was looking for you. I couldn't find her mom either." Came the information.

We found two chocolate covered cookies at the cookie table and when we turned around... there stood the babysitter.

"See... I knew we'd find her."

Kaylee's face lit up and she exploded into story after story about the holiday concert. She grabbed hold of her sitter's hand as I vanished into the crowd.

See friends, readers.... what you don't know is that Kaylee was adopted. So it was all the more important that she not be left behind.

But nonetheless... after a night of holiday screaming, leg stabilizing, and being accused of getting pregnant at the age of 16 [seriously guys... me? A single mom?] I'm calling it a night.

G'night all.

I went to the Princeton High School Holiday Concert last night. It was so weird.
I was so glad that my sister was there. Matt came with me too. [Sweet boy.]

So yeah... at the closure of the Holiday concert, all Alumni are invited on the stage to sing the Hallelujah Chorus from the Messiah and Silent night [which the audience gets to sing along with as well]. My sister and I were laughing as we attempted to squeak out the high notes in the Hallelujah Chorus. We didn't sound too bad, but for a second soprano and an alto... it was rough. Hehe. We did sit in front of Jes' old best friend (or maybe they're still good friends.... but I'm not so sure). Nonetheless, we saw some familiar faces. There were a whole 3 people from the class of '03. But we saw a few others from other classes. It was kind of weird too cause I ran into a good section of the Grease cast. [Yes, in case you didn't know... I was actually in Grease the musical my Senior year.... yep... I was Sandy.... Moving On.] So yeah.. the concert was pretty neat, but weird at the same time.

[By the way in case you are confused... the picture above is from my Senior Recital... it wasn't actually at our school, Princeton, but at a Cincinnati Music Hall side-stage room. - The room's acoustics ROCKED!-]

One thing that was quite weird was a conversation with Megan after the holiday concert. Megan was actually in the class of '04, so she was a year behind me (and still is actually). Megan spoke of others from my class. Two names popped up... an old best friend of mine, Erin Kennedy, who according to hearsay is engaged. Congratulations Erin, wherever you are. And then sadder news came to my ears about an old classmate who is expecting her first child soon. It really made me sad to think of the single-mom situation that this child would be born into. Furthermore... I just wonder if God is going to use this child to open his mother to the good news. She has been so closed for quite a long time.

On a happier note, I did get to report my engagement to a few old friends while at the concert, which was always a joy to brag on my Matt.

And furthermore, Jes, her old friend, and I explored the place of our teenagehood... ragging Matt and Nayt along. They were sweet for entertaining us with their interest.

Overall, the night put a good close to my Alumni status. If I never return there again, then I'm okay with that. I went once. But in all honesty... God has me in a new place now. And I look forward to all that He brings me in contact with as He guides me down His road of life.

Thank You, Jesus.

In Peace

December 6, 2006 at exactly 12:07, my watch took it's final tick.
I didn't discover it's lifeless little face until this morning. [I'd tell you what time, but it is so difficult to recall. ;) ]
How can I describe how I feel?
It's like time has just stopped.


May it rest in peace ...

... for now.

Of the Saints

I heard this song again this afternoon...

Tears Of The Saints
By Leeland [Album: Sound of Melodies]

There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People’s hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it’s state of desperation
For Your glory

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

Too often do I find myself focusing on my own self-hurts and my own life struggles that I forget that there is an emergency of hurt all around me. No, I can't run out there and save everyone. No, I can't go fix all the stumbling Christ followers that are so lost in a world of materialism that they have forgotten the beauty of being in love with Jesus. No, I can't save anyone... that's God's job. But I have forgotten to be open to His guidance into the uncomfortable conversations and open arms of those searching for meaning. I have forgotten to pray for those in emptiness. How careless of me. How selfish. I have forgotten to deny myself. [Luke 9:23] I have chosen not to.

Thank you, Lord for the reminder.
I love You and You give all that I need.
Thank You for forgiving me when I choose not to accept Your gifts.

I love You, Jesus. I love You because You showed me what love is.

Clingy, Clogged Cutie

Today I got the chance to watch Ezra. While Ezra isn't as small as the little one to the left, he's still tiny in comparison to most. Ezra is a whopping 18lbs eleven month old. Random funny trivia for you... Chloe Elizabeth, one of the Turner kids that I watched last night, is a whopping 17lbs and that child is almost 4 months old. So either Ezra is small for his age, Chloe is a strong 4 monther ... or both are true.

Nonetheless, Ezra and I hung out today. He was dropped off to me from an Aunt's car at about noon. His mom and dad are a few hours away doing wedding photography, so Ezra had an evening and a day of bouncing to two caregivers. I was excited to be one of them. I love that Ezra. He's a blast. And not to be unmentioned... he's a cutie too.

Ezra, on mom withdrawl, clung to my shirt, rubbing his runny nose on my sleeves. [Poor little guy.] We had a fairly uneventful day. We played, we ate, Ezra napped, we played, we ate, and then it was Ezra's bedtime. Preparing for some crying like at naptime, I began singing to Ezra as we climbed the stairs to his bedroom.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say
And if you think of me
I'll be with you

[Yes, the Veggie Tale song sung by Junior Asparagus... but seriously guys.. it was the first thing that popped into my head.]

Ezra happily clung to my shirt, much like the duration of the day. I sat down in the comfy rocking chair recliner and the fussing began.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say
And if you think of me
I'll be with you

I put Ezra into his sleeping sack (way cool invention, by the way) so as to simulate a comfy blanket that stays wrapped around the little buddy. Ezra wailed, angry that I had set him down to zip him all into his nighttime blankets. I picked him back up and he stopped crying. He rubbed his face on my arm once again, snuffling as he tried to breathe through his cold.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say
And if you think of me
I'll be with you

I walked about the dimly lit room, cuddling the baby in my arms.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say...

I looked down to see the sleeping babe.

And if you think of me
I'll be with you...

His heavy breathing consumed the quietness.

"What a little piece of Heaven," I thought.

To his stomach he was placed in the crib without clinging or waking.

Sweet little dear.

You know, I've been here at Ezra's house for about nine hours now, and I figure I'll be here at least until 10pm, but there are no promises of when I will be able to go home tonight.

But you know.... I have been so blessed to have had a quiet afternoon spending time with such a sweet kid. Despite his cold and his mommy deprivation, Ezra has been such a dear this afternoon and evening.

So I just wanted to post a little to let you know about the sweet little Ezra.

I love that kid!

New Habit Gone So Wrong

So our cats have this new habit... jumping on the kitchen counters.

And I don't like it!

But the new habit turned from bad to worse this morning.
My blueberry bagel popped out of the toaster.
Boots hopped onto the counter, grabbed my bagel out of the toaster and was back onto the floor in a split second.

So now he's howling from his jail cell, the bathroom, where he's going to owe me MUCH time in repayment for his new habit.

He's lucky he didn't get the death sentence.

Braggin' Again

A few nights ago as Matt and I were saying goodbye he graced my ears with these words;

"I Loveth Youeth Mucheth"


(She swoons) That man... and when he speaks the King James....


hehe
= P

An Unfitting Dress and a Solo

For those of you who don't know... I headed down to Cincinnati this past weekend. (Really it was Friday night to Saturday early afternoon.) For those of you who know what I initially headed down there for... no it didn't fit. And for those of you who don't... I was trying on a wedding dress.

But no fear... my trip was not in vein.


I really enjoyed getting the opportunity to hang out with my mom and dad. I had had a really horrible day on Friday and I was actually looking forward to seeing my parents. (Not to say that I do not usually look forward to seeing my parents, it's really that usually bad days cause me to seek out alone/away time.)

It was a fun trip filled with viewing mom's old wedding dress (it was really neat to see a symbol of the start of my parent's marriage- and also all the hard work my mom's sister had put into making her '70s lace wedding dress), wedding dress online exploration, a GOOD night's sleep (FINALLY!), a quiet morning, enjoying a contata practice, hearing my mom's solo (she did really well. I am still impressed at how despite her stage fright, she really gave her all to God... ignoring the fear. GO MOM!), holding a baby (always wonderful), and a nice lunch.

I was so blessed by the trip.

Thanks God, for once again, blessing me in ways that I did not imagine.

I love you, Jesus.

Brightens My Day

Look outside! DO YOU SEE THE SNOW?! [Well if you don't then you must be in a place that it didn't snow at. But it snowed here!!!] That's right... SNOW!!!!

It makes me want to sing.

But I can't.
Cause I don't want to further the "neighbor who was assassined for singing" statistics.

But at 9:45... yeah baby... I'm bustin' out the guitar!!!


To continue my wild jumping fit... I was reading my sis' blog this morning. I was excited to find the address in my email since it got messed up through my last site and I've been Jes-blogless for far too long. But there was a section that was written to me... me who lost her blog site.... me!

It overjoys me to discover that in and amongst the business of life [and man it can be stinkin' crazy], my sis thought about me. It was nice of her to write to me.


Thanks Jes.
That's another thing that brightens my day.

I love you.

Tall Man and 3 Little "Princesses"

So I have to take a second to brag on my man... bear with me. [Or don't. Cause it's your choice to read or not.] =)

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, my mother's boss got married. It was her and her husband's second marriage and the couple was a bit older so they had kids from their previous marriages. In light of their many grandchildren, Matt and I were hired for the evening to watch these "spirited" children. We had seven kids all under the age of six and a half. The ages went as follows; 6 1/2 (boy), two 4 1/2s (girls), one almost 3 year old (girl), one almost 2 year old (girl) and two 1 1/2 years olds (boys). Whew! What a crew! And yes, they were all in uncomfortable dress clothes. Our instructions? Keep them occupied.

With limited means and limited instruction, Matt and I worked purely on improv. Small goody bags were provided for all the kids, so I drained every inch of entertainment from those goody bags as Matt tracked down a high chair for an extra little one. When the goody bag joys were fully drained, the children took to running about the reception hall. Since these children were usually psychotic, the bride and groom encouraged their running and took no mind to the screams and giggles. So what did my sweet fiance do? That's right, he ran around the reception hall with them. No pride whatsoever. It was so neat to look up from the toddlers at the table and watch three little flower girls chasing after Matt as he weaved through columns in the middle of the reception hall. Those little girls ["Princesses" as one mom called them.] just laughed and laughed as they ran behind him.

After dinner was finally served for these little ones, we headed upstairs for video entertainment. Some of the little ones changed into more comfortable clothes, others stayed in formal wear. The parents came in and out of the room at random times to invite their little ones back downstairs. It was pretty laxed at that point.

Once video time was complete, the reception had elevated into dancing, which is always interesting because at that point I knew that alcohol had kicked in. [Not for me -I don't drink- but for the guests who would be dancing.] By the time we got everything all cleaned up back in the room and headed downstairs the guests were weaning, but Matt and I were still "on the clock" so to say. We found my Mom and Dad to chat a little while the seven kiddos were dancing. In the middle of watching the dancing, almost three year old Mackenzie ran over to me so I could hold her. [She had taken to me for some reason.] She told me all about her dancing.
Matt piped in, "You want to go dance with Monica?" knowing how much I hate to dance in public.
"Yeah!" Mackenzie took the bate.
"How about dancing with Matt, that's so much more fun!" I set the trap.
"Yeah!" came the responce.
I handed the child to Matt and off to the dance floor they went.

Matt held her and spun through the crowd. This huge smile beamed from her face.

"Visions of the future?" My Mom spoke leaning toward me.

"Oh yeah." I laughed knowing she could read it off my face.

So yeah... that's my sweet Matt for you.

And thus ends the tale of the Tall Man and 3 Little "Princesses".

Emerging

"Emerging"
[neat pictures.]

Chocolate rebels

Last night I went out to dinner with Matt. I really didn't know much about the whole affair, but Matt gave me more details as he discovered them himself. I wasn't worried... I was going out with Matt. Who cares where we went.

So we ended up going to the Schindler Event Center on Xenia Christian's high school campus. Yes.. CAMPUS. For a second I felt like I was at Michigan State driving the loop up the hill from the Spartan statue (Matt nodds his head knowing what I'm talking about... all others are clueless). Anyway... Xenia Christian Schools? Huge! And for serious... it's a lot like a college campus. What they do in and with all the buildings still baffles me mind.

We arrived just in time to meet up with "Pastor" (as Matt calls him). It was nice to be welcomed by familiar faces and we even got ot eat dinner with Matt's pastor and his wife, which was quite fun (as you will read later). We also ran into (not literally) Matt Burgy, Andy and Lisa Weems, Justin Williams, Chris from Crosswalk, and a few other less familiar (to me) faces in the big world of Baptist Association peeps.

It was in meeting all the people Matt introduced me to that I first learned of the name of this event. Check this out... "Ministers and their Mates". Can you tell a man came up with that title? Mates? First thing I thought of was a porpus, then maybe some other wild animal. HEHE.
But no fear, the evening rose well above the confinements of it's title.

After prayer, we were dismissed in a specific order to go to the buffet line. And where did our table fall in that order? Almost last. Carla (Pastor's wife) leaned in to explain, "It doesn't seem to matter where we sit each year, we are always last." Matt joked, "Well, I guess we'll be finding a new table."

And then came the announcement straight from heaven, "At 7:15 you may go to the chocolate fountain, but please hold off until 7:15."

At 7:15 we still sat at our table waiting for our turn for dinner.
"What time is it?" Carla asked Matt.
"7:15" came his smiling responce.
Pastor Steve looked at his watch, "It's 7:18 by my time."
"Let's go get chocolate," came Carla's brilliance.
"Are you serious" Matt Burgy asked as Carla and Pastor Steven, Matt and I got up from the table, "Oh, ok..." Matt Burgy jetted after us.

That's right... we had dessert first. And as we sat down to our dinenrs, we smiled at the long line that was forming at the chocolate fountain. That's right... we were the rebels. And who started off our rebellion? The Pastor's wife.

I have even higher respects for Carla after last night. Hehe. =)

The Mark of the Boots

I have a cat. His name is Cheddar. He is a fluffy, soft, lovable orange striped cat seen in the following pictures. Yes, he is a joy. And no... you can't have him.

But then there's this other cat...

Robin has a cat. He is a beast. And yesterday I received the mark of the beast. (Revelation punn.) Or for the sake of argument we shall call it THE MARK OF THE BOOTS.

While Boots can carry some pleasurable aspects to his character, yesterday he failed to show any. Last night after jumping on my leg at feeding time, spilling his dish of food and dumping his water bowl, Boots got evicted from the kitchen. Then, after dragging a bag of trash about the house, Boots found himself happily residing in the bathroom for an hour. [The ultimate torture chamber.] Upon coming out of the bathroom, I noticed that Boots had hit his right cheek bone on something and now had a swollen right cheek, causing his eye to remain closed. [Great! Now it looks like I beat the cat.] ~~ For all you extreme animal lovers... no fear.. He looks normal this morning.~~
Well, the fun did not end there.

In discussing Cheddar's recent rough neck [not a derogatory term, but a description], we discovered via the ever-useful flea comb, that our furry friends had fleas. FANTASTIC! How or where they got it from is a mystery to us both. We think it could have been their trip to the vet. Nonetheless, a flea dip was in order. And that is where I received THE MARK OF THE BOOTS.

Boots was the first one to get dunked. He always prooves quite "challenging" in the bathing process, so I like to get him done first. Afterall, if we can survive Boots, we can survive anything. [Little did I know how acurate that thought would be.]

The howling and fidgeting began with the first introduction to water. [It sounded liek we were killing him one hair at a time.] He calmed down for a little bit as Robin and I went through the choriographed cat-dipping routine. Then came the outburst of craze and it happened... Yes... Boots bit me. My right arm has a lovely perfect row of cat teeth pressed into it. And yes, he broke skin. And yes, I was grateful that he was up to date on his rabbies and other vaccines. And yes I wanted to spike him. And no, I didn't. But let me tell you what... in all the times we've bathed him, I have always been closest to the mouth. But never once have I fallen victim to THE MARK OF THE BOOTS. Oh I have received my share of deep five-claw scratches. But never teeth.


So now I am branded.

The mark of the Boots is upon me.

To Keep From Forgetting

This morning I was reading Sarah's blog. She spoke of us not forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. It spurred a thought process of mine. What's the point of Christmas without Christ? Yes, Santa Clause would then skyrocket in popularity. But let's be honest... America is able to materialize any holiday and even create some of their own (aka Sweetes Day, etc). Yes, our society can take any family holiday and turn it into a bloodthirsty, shop-o-holic experience of pure materialism and anti-family tendencies. I mean seriously... look at what they have done to Thanksgiving. Yes, you "give thanks" while fighting with family and gorging yourself on that "Turkey Day" and then the very next day you go express your thanks by making a mad dash through crowded store, loosing your sanity and personality for the gift that you just "have to have". But whatever happened to a true Thanksgiving?

So maybe it's our job to promote Christ through love and reverence to our Father. It's so easy to get lost in buying the perfect gift for someone, but the truth is that the Perfect Gift has already come. While it may be wonderful to see someone's eyes light up as they open a gift from you, let us not forget how Joseph's eyes must have lit up atthe sight of our Lord. As the weather gets cooler, let us not forget how cold it could have been that night that Christ lay in the stable. Please, may we do whatever it takes to keep from forgetting that Christ is Christmas.

The manger scene is lit.
The cattle all in their stalls.
The angel firmly placed with golden locks flowing down her sholders.
The three wisemen stand at a distance adjusting the placement of their gifts.
The shepherds lean wearily on their staffs, preparing for the long night's stand.
Joseph and Mary lean over the manger, hoping to stirr the perfect example of parenthood.
But what do we discover?
In all the preparation, we have forgotten the most important one.

The manger is empty.

Heaven forbid we ever get to a point in the Christ-following community that we have forgotten Christ on Christmas.

Abandoned Projects

Just some neat pictures I found of abandoned projects.

4 a.m. Monologue

Last night I couldn't sleep. So in honor of my rommate, here is my "4 a.m. Monologue".

G'morning God.
It's a little early, being 4 o'clock and all, but I trust that your timing is perfect.
I sit here on the couch listening to two purrers in the darkness.
No Franklin activity.
The heater blowing.
The refrigerator humming.
The couch cover's much colder at 4 a.m.
Maybe I'm just more sensitive.
The rustling of the goldfish cracker box stirrs the wild out of once-peaceful kittens.
"Basic, not acidic." Kelly's advice echoes in my mind as I attempt to neutralize stomach acid.
The reflection of my bedroom light reveals activity in Franklin's water.
Guess the headcount of those awake is now four.
Two cats, one turtle, one Monica. No Robin.
The orchestra of coughing, plastic bag crinkling and cat collar bells plagues the silence of a once-quiet apartment.
Personal space violations and finger bites from the vampire cat spur the completion of goldfish cracker snacking.
Now what?
Silence surrounds me.
I wish Robin were up. And yet I don't.
She looks peaceful.
Overhead footsteps reveal that there are now five awake.
Two cats, one turtle, one Monica and one neighbor.
The footsteps stop.
Now back to four; two cats, one turtle and one Monica.
The cats settle back into the couch beside me.
My eyelids heavy. Alas... sleep becomes me.
Whiskers tickle my nose, reminding me that sleep does not belong here.
Cold toes find warmth beneath bedcovers. No Robin disturbed.
The 4 a.m. Monologue now the 5.
Sleap... please become me again.

It didn't until nearly an hour later.

How Shallow Feels

What does shallow feel like?

Is it something you can taste?
Is it something you can see?
Is it something you know you are in...
you are doing...
you are saying...?


Maybe it's just that you don't know what shallow looks like...
what shallow feels like...
what shallow tastes like until you know the fullness of depth.

The sweet tastes ...
with the bitter...
the beauty...
with the ugly...
the overwhelming sense of "you belong"
with the sense of "sticking out"
that echoes in your soul through depth.

And yet... It's enough to make you never want to feel the shallow again.


Never, never, never again...





Lord, protect me from the shallow.
May I encourage others to depth with Your words... not my own.


I love you, Lord.

Faithful Servant

This thought reflected through my thoughts again this morning. And it is interesting to think of all that in light of all the new proposals of "my generation".

"Aren't you excited?" My best friend asked me in light of the new news of someone else's proposal.
"Yeah..." Came my unexcited response. "I guess."

Oh don't get me wrong... proposals are fantastic! [I am biased.] The joy is fantastic! [Again, biased.] But the divorce rate kinda scares me. Oh it doesn't scare me in light of thinking that Matt and I would ever get divorced. And it's not one of those naive "we'll never do that," sayings. Truley... Matt and I have discussed the seriousness of marriage and how divorce is not an option. Faithfulness, even in trials, is a life moto of both of us. But... I wonder if that's every newly engaged couple's moto.

I guess while my thoughts are overjoyed with the thought of friends and aquantances becoming engaged, my heart simultaneously hurts for those who will fall to the statistics of divorce. My heart hurts for those currently married who have put God into a box and take Him out on Sundays and thier marriage reflects that choice.

"Have you looked for a dress?" was asked to me.
"Nope... but I think I passed my exams!" verbalized.
I have nine months... I'll look soon enough. Came internally.

I guess it's just this thing... August 25th is one day... yes.. one day that we'll have in our memories. Yes the beginning of "one". But it is just that... one day. I'm focusing less on spending a huge amount of money for one day and more on preparing my mind for the endurance of marriage.
Oh I am so excited for August 25th. I am! Because that will be the start of fulfilling my promise to God that I will live the rest fo my life striving to follow God as Matt's wife, wherever He takes us and whatever may come. But how much more exciting... how beyond expressions exciting is the thought of spending the rest fo my life fighting the good fight with Matt. That blows the wedding day out of the water in my mind. And while a good start is always nice... the race is won through endurance, not a sprint.

I pray that more and more Christ-followers will race with endurance.

May more and more of us when we come face to face with Beautiful Jesus hear the words...
'Well done, good and faithful servant.'

He's what I live for.

To God be all the glory.
Thank You for saving my heart, my soul and, Lord... thanks You so much for saving my mind.

To Avoid the Label of 'Crazy'

You know a lot of people do things to avoid the label of 'crazy'.

But not me.

So it snowed last night! YEAH!!!!
This morning I awoke and saw the remnants of snow powdering the grass and my car. And what thought did that trigger in my mind?
You got it! Let's go for a bike ride.

I checked the weather prediction to decipher how many layers I needed. Once fully layered, I was off. Some people may fear frostbite... but not me. Afterall, you can only live once. Right?

Yes, the thirty degree air was crisp. Yes, I couldn't feel my cheeks. Yes, I'm still fighting off my cold. Yes, my nose ran constantly. But my oh my it was fun. [Especially the part where my gears jammed in the middle of Woodman Road's traffic.] Heck yes! Life is truly fun!

I gotta be honest.. I was just tired of this sickness taking me out. And who knows... maybe some good frigid air and a continually running nose will do the trick.

Even if it doesn't... I had fun.

Thanks God, for the simple blessing of a bike ride.

Have a wonderful day all!

One Last

So tonight is my last final exam. I'm stoked!!!

And here it is at 8:45 in the morning and I am up... ready to study for THE LAST EXAM OF MY LAST FALL QUARTER!!!!

Oh... why you ask.. why is it my last Fall Quarter?

Well...

I'M GRADUATING IN AUGUST!!!!!!
Just in case you forgot.

And then... after I am done with this exam tonight... for one whole week before interm classes... I'm not going to have a clue what to do with myself. Fan-stinkin-tastic!

Alright... back to studying.

Deficiency and Pride

This morning I turned on some music as I was checking my finances and these lyrics "randomly" came to my ears:

Holy design
This place in time
That I might seek your face, my God
My God



Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over You, and only You
Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over You, and only You
Lord I want to yearn

Your joy is mine
Yet why am i fine
With all my singing and bringing grain
In light of Him

Oh You give life and breath
In You we live and move
That's why I sing

~ "Yearn" by Shane and Shane

When looking at my finances, I sincerely questioned whether I would be able to tithe this paycheck. My heart breaks to find the discomfort in the answer. But you know what's funny? It's not even a deficiency problem. It seems to be a pride problem. Can I ask for help?

I believe God is Big.
I believe God is Mighty.
I believe God provides.
And even in discomfort, all I need is given to me.
Just ask.

So out of the GREAT gain of knowing Christ Jesus, My Lord, self-denial and leaving behind pride seem to be such easier steps.

I just have to keep my eyes on Christ.

I trust my God.

He will be exalted through my obedience.

Us Two

August 25, 2007
293 Days
Matthew S. and Monica E.

I can't wait!

Thank you, Jesus.

Update

There's some triathlon pictures.
Sorry it took so long for me to post some.

Oh, and in case you didn't know.
Elaine and I (pictured above) got 3rd place in the Women's Division.

Total surprise.
Totally awesome.

Thanks be to God.

When he found my eyes

It was about 8:30 when housechurch ended. The regular socialization filled the house. Robin, my roomate, ventured off into the kitchen to do the dishes, or "the family chores" as could also be the reference. I was tired from a long weekend of serving at a Crosswalk retreat. My feet hurt, my head was beginning to hurt, and fatigue was beginning to control my ability to keep from complaining. But how could I let Robin do the dishes alone?

Once the last forks and knives were dried and in their place, I gathered my things, bid my fairwells and found myself driving down the brick road toward a new friend's house. It's late, but a promise is a promise, I thought with Jamie's black pocka-dot jacket drapped over my arm. Besides, now that I have this jacket to return, I have to go.

I stood outside of an unkown area of life. How nice it will be to be in this adventure, I thought as my eyes examined Jamie's newly-wed house. With the ring of a doorbell a "puppy" met me at the door. "Come on in," Jamie invited me as she dragged the two foot tall boxer puppy from 'welcoming' me. I exchanged Jamie's forgotten coat for an envelope and a few pleasant words. Soon I found myself back outside ten minutes later.

The drive home was dark, but enjoyable. How strange it is to be between life's stages, I thought. I am too old and 'away' from college, I reflected on my 'off-campus' living status, yet I am still in college. I suddenly felt old again, as has been a typical feeling this Senior year of college.

My fingers fumbled a familiar tool in my pocket. With the press of the nine button a ringing tickled my right eardrum. I hung up and redialed. When the same answer machine picked up again I began to wonder, why isn't Robin answering her phone.

I pulled into the parking lot. No blue Cavalier. I dialed again. This time she answered.
"Hey! Where are you?" Came my concern. You should have been home by now, went my unspoken thoughts.

"I went to go get some deoderant. Where are you?" Came the response.

"In the parking lot. Did you leave the bathroom light on?" My thoughts outpoured as I caught glimpse of our apartment.

"No, didn't you?" Robin questioned.

"No. I always check to see that the lights are off before I go." Erupted my certainty as I rechecked the statement for validity in my mind. Did I leave the bathroom light on this time? Had I made that mistake? When no answer was found I spoke again.

"There are changes of light (I struggled to describe what I saw) coming from the kitchen window. Could the cats have turned the TV on?"
"I wouldn't put it past them. They love that turtle." Came Robin's quicker-than-usual response as she referenced to the stuffed turtle on our TV stand.

I was quiet as my mind pondered the chances of a stranger being found in our household. Could we be getting robbed at this very minute? I wondered. Or could someone have mistakenly entered our apartment? Did the office give out the wrong key? Explanations flooded my mind as I unclicked my seatbelt and gathered my things.

"Did you need me to talk to you as you go in?" The question broke through my thoughts.

"I don't know." Came my puzzled response as I neared the outside apartment door. All the while as I was walking, I became more and more aware of my surroundings, wondering if I would need to know an escape route any time soon.

With one foot pivated toward the escape, I put my key in the kitchen doorhandle. My heart raced and peace began to ease my mind as I felt the familiar resistance of a locked door.
I creaked the door open to reveal votive candles, two white roses and a teddy bear on the counter. I hung up the phone.

Through the kitchen I walked, still bewildered by the awe of the candles. And then suddenly I seemed to have stepped into a dream of candlelight. I hurried to my bedroom to put down my things, looking solely at the floor. I knew he was there, but I didn't want to be carrying things when he found my eyes. I re-entered the room, thrilled that it wasn't a dream. This was real. The warmth of the candlelight streaming from a roomfull of votives, the bouquet of white roses on the coffee table, the Word opened with a white rose in it... I was overwhelmed. But it was an overwhelmingly wonderful feeling.
"Hey." My voice cut the darkness
"Hey there." Matthew's voice resounded through my heart.
And then it flooded out of me as if reality once again consumed my thoughts, "I was out in the parkinglot sitting in my car, you scared me, cause I saw the bathroom light on, and I called Robin, and then the light coming from the kitchen window...
"Man, I tried so hard to be secretive." He explained during my rambling.
I cut off my explanation to hear him.
"I put the cats in the bathroom cause I didn't want them to eat the flowers or catch on fire, and then I couldn't leave them in the dark..." He trailed off explaining himself. "And I couldn't control the light coming from the blinds, but I tried so hard, I parked in the next lot over so you wouldn't recognize my sister's car..."

Silence filled the room again.

"Would you like to dance?" His words asked my heart.
"There's no music cause I didn't think it was cool to break onto your computer and all..." He explained.

"I can't dance." Came my feeble confession.
"It's okay, me neither." He admitted. "But you just hug me and sway a bit." He explained as he guided me to an open spot in front of the coffee table.

After a few moments of hug-swaying, I spoke, "Your heart is racing. What are you up to?"
"Well..." He guided me over to the couch to sit.
"Did you notice the color of the flowers?" He asked when we were sitting.
"They're white."
"Yep... about a month into dating you, you told me never to get you white flowers because they meant engagment and marriage to you." He explained.
"Yeah.. and purity too..." I mumbled recalling the conversation with him.
"Well... and... about a month ago you wrote me a note telling me how you didn't know why I chose to be with you when there are so many other good girls out there. So I wanted to respond to that now."
He took my hand and guided me back over to the 'dance floor' we had just came from.

And then from down on one knee he said, "Monica Elvy, will you marry me?"
"Yes" broke from my lips with no hesitation.
"Really?" Came his surprise.
"Yes." My heart repeated again.

And after a big hug, Matt's excitement pierced through the room, "Good! Now I have to call my parents and call Robin so she can come home from driving around."



So, that's it folks...

Matthew Stauufer and I are engaged.


And I couldn't be more excited.


I can't wait to serve our God with him
... for the rest of our lives.

Last Night

Something fantastic happened last night!

Stay tuned for more...

Put to Song

There must be more than this
O breath of God come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for You

Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming Fire fan into flame a passion for Your name
Spirit of God fall in this place, Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way with us

Come like a rushing wind
Clothe us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandoned to Your praise

Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall

Consuming Fire fan into flame a passion for Your name
Spirit of God fall in this place, Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way with us

Stir it up in our hearts, Lord, stir it up in our hearts, Lord
Stir it up in our hearts, a passion for Your name

Thank You, Lord, for such a wonderful day put to song.
I can't wait to see what else You will do today.

Would you?

What if you were called to go?
What if you were called to leave behind your comfort?
What if you were called to sell your things?
Or give them away?
What if you were called to be moble?
To leave your security?
To embark on a life-threatening task?
To wage everything you have?
To be forgotten by friends?
To loose closeness with family members?
To miss Christmas and Easter dinners?
To have forgotten Birthdays?
To forgoe convenience?
To embrace distance?
To walk into the unknown?

What if you were called to go?


Would you?

In Front of Me

It was picture day today at the daycare. All the kids, overdressed and uncomforatble, lay sprawled out on the gym floor coloring pictures as I entered. "Ms. Monica!!! You're here early!" came my welcome. [Sure can't pass anything by five year olds.] After a few hugs and a few more children were positioned and postured for their parent's kindergarten memorabilia, it was forgotten that I didn't come with the normal morning routine. [I love how inviting kids are. While it may shock them at first to experience change, most gladly embrace it as the "norm".]

As I was leaving the building, the over-head speakers caught my ears. The warm familiar voice filled my mind as Bethany Dillon sang a new chorus,

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me, Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me, I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The lyrics spun through my mind as I traveled toward Wright State.

Whatever's in front of me, Help me to sing hallelujah

I walked into the social work department a little later on this morning. I sat down at a table with my classmate after discovering that Dr. Brun (the Department Chair) was not available until 12:30p. And it is in a conversation with my classmate that I realised that my priorities have shifted, yet again. My views have changed.

Whatever's in front of me, I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The pressing thought of choosing my senior practicum sight came to my mind. Time is coming closer. Still no final decision has been made. But it is in sitting there and speaking with my classmate that I realised I no longer was interested in Child Welfare. That narrows the field for practicum sites. I most definately don't want to practicum with older adults. And... so... um... where else is there? Those are the areas the social work department focuses on. And those are the areas in which I desire not to be.

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me, Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah by definition means "praise ye Jehovah" or "Praise the Lord". While tis may seem like a very easy phraze to understand, the concept is a bit harder to apply. Try telling someone who is abused to praise the Lord. Or one who is lonely, "Praise the Lord." Or one who is depressed, "Praise the Lord." Is it just me or does it seem like these are a bit more difficult situations to praise in? Yet, the lyrics ring fo the truth that no matter where we go or what we do, God is worthy of our praise. How radical of a thought process is it to think of praising God in the midst of starvation, or abuse, or oppression? How radical to think of being grateful for all that God has given you when society cries for your hopelessness? Your helplessness.

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me, I'll choose to sing hallelujah

I am so blessed to be in the midst of decisions. I am so blessed to be where I am. And thank You, God, for guding my thoughts and my heart over and over again back into Your pressence. You are so faithful.

I have some decision to make. Some research to do. Some thoughts.

But it;s funny how no matter how much research I do, no matter how many different environments I find myself in, no matter the choices to be made right here and now, I can't help but feel that it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter what "field" of Social Work I choose to specialize in, it doesn't matter where I do my practicum... something is coming. Something is coming in my life that will is so of God and so anti-me that no matter where I am, it won't matter. And when that call comes, my "yes" will resound through the streets of this shabby little town of Nowhere and "Radical" won't even begin to describe the leap of faith that will be made. It's not for my name, but for the only name worthy of Life... Jesus Christ.

So for now... it doesn't matter... oh, I will work hard. Yes, I will give my heart in service. No doubt about it.

But something, my dear friends, is surely coming. And I can't wait to be lost in it.

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me, Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me, I'll choose to sing hallelujah

New Sight

Who are you anymore?
It baffles my mind
Words and actions unparallel
You were once
...nolonger
'Life is change'
Uncomfortable to be left in the dust
while still moving forward


Yet hope remains
through soothed stripes
Peace flows
through healed hands
Faith prevails
through radiance


Trust is justified
in the Beauty of You

A Today Reading

"In the sight of God man is a sinner when he relies upon himself and what he does, without acknowledging his dependence on God and God's gifts. 'Not to believe, trust, fear Him, not to give Him glory, not to let Him rule and be God' is sin. So sin is at bottom a turning away from God. It is not believing. Sin is not so much a matter of wrong acts (although it is this too) as it is a matter of wrong orientation. With this understanding the medieval distinction between moral and venial sins of course collapsed. Man confesses, 'I am sinner,' rather than, 'I have commited a sin.'

Man's fellowship with God is broken by sin, but God takes the initiative to restore the fellowship. In Christ, God graciously takes upon Himself man's sin, compassionately suffers in man's behalf, lovingly gives of Himself to reconcile man, gratuitously offers pardon and forgiveness. For (Martin) Luther the word 'forgiveness' embraces all of this. It is something positive rather than merely negative. It is God's acceptance of man in spite of his sin, and it is the eterenal life that is such acceptance.

Man, for this part, can receive only what is thus given. He is not worthy of the gift, nor can he make himself worthy of it. He simply takes hold of what is offered, placing his confidence at once in the promise, and the Giver in God's Word and in God Himself, who addresses man in His Word. 'God gives you nothing on account of your worthiness,' Luther wrote. 'Nor does He establish His Word and Sacrament on your worthiness. But out of pure grace He establishes you, unworthy as you are, on His Word and sign.' The Word of God (more specifically, the gospel) is the means by which God comes to man with His offer of forgiveness and life. Because it is a promise, it can eb recieved only in faith-not intellectual assent to doctrine, but personal trust in and commitment to God in Christ-which is itself a gift of God rather than an achievement of man. Faith is the assurance that God loves in His wrath and is gracious in His judgment. To have faith is to have God.

The Christian life, then, is a life of faith, a life lived in and under God. A Christian does 'good works,' not to save himself, but to serve his neighbors in love. 'To serve our neighbor is a service to God,' is Gottesdienst. A Christian does this freely, spontaneously, joyfully-not in order to secure salvation but because he is saved."

- An excerpt from the introduction of Luther: Letters of Spiritual Counsel

***The German word Gottesdienst carries the meaning of "God’s service to us and our service, including Anbetung or worship, to him.

Simply Delight

Sometimes it's nice to stop and delight in the simple.

Fall

Fall is beautiful.

Thank You, Lord, for the blessing.

I Have Never

This morning proved to be another fun hang-out with Ellen (Matt's older sister). We walked to Meijer together, engaging in random conversation. Back on campus we found ourselves munching and talking before Ellen's next class. Conversation flowed and soon another classmate joined into our discussion, sharing her own life experience. And it's strange, but our conversation invited another classmate whom proceeded to criticize my life choices and mock my inexperience. So here I find myself reflecting on this strange encounter and previous strange encounters that I have had with the particular classmate in the past.

It is odd but I have never forced this classmate to accept my views. I have never even asked her to bend her own thoughts to encumpass mine. But since I hold a Christ-centered view of life, I am labeled as "wrong" and "ignorant" in her eyes. I have never challenged, mocked or scorned her lifestyle. But for some reason, she finds the need to continually pick at mine.

I can't explain to her why I think the way I think and why I have certain values because I don't believe she hears my words anymore. I am well aware that my opinion is bias, but I think, nonetheless, that my classmate is so caught up in what she believes she's hearing that she does not actually hear my words. [How often have I done the same? I wonder.]

I say this not to rip up on my classmate and somehow gain some victory from slamming this girl behind her back. No, I say this because it breaks my heart to think that all the while I am trying to convey to this girl that I don't hate her, words (beyond my control) in her own mind are replacing my motions of friendship.

I guess I just need to learn a new way to show this girl that I am not judging her or her lifestyle when she approaches me next.

I just want her to know I care about her... and I am not here to judge.

Home

I found myself wandering through friends' websites this morning. I have found a few extra hours in which I have no pressing engagements and, quite frankly, can't think of anything that I should be "getting ahead" in. I read one particular article of my aunt Yvonne's reflecting on her experience in California. It was a joy to read and reflect on my personal joys about the trip.

As I was reading through her entry, immediately a quote from a dear friend, Harry, popped into my head; " So much of life is not done solo; its in teams or partners. So it's hard to decipher the impact of you."

It's funny. I woke up this morning to a quiet apartment. No agenda consumed my mind. No "hurry, get going" provoked my awakening. So I lay there for a minute. Soon two cats meowed their way into the room, faithfully reminding me of their state of starving. When their meows had turned to purrs through much petting, I resided to begin my day. Now I sit here with wet hair falling over my shoulders, fully seeing, fully wake, and with bagel in the toaster. Yet despite the music, quiet still surrounds me. Oh, what a refreshing break from life this morning has been. I am blessed beyond imagination. Yet, honesty stirrs within me. Quiet is only fun for a while and then I desire to share it with another. Independence is fantastic! As is independant dependance.

"So much of life is not done solo..."

I used to strive on my "away from life" times. I found such refreshment in them. I even began to look forward to them more than "busy in life" times. But it's like I woke up this mroning and my world had flipped. My mind asked "can my 'away from life' times still happen, just not solo?"

"Please." spoke my heart.


I pet Cheddar and Boots. Cats bring such stability in my life.
They are so familiar. So normal. So "home".


Home.



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