No Words. Capture.

There's no real words to describe my

thoughts and feelings today.

But this picture best captures them.

Clash

So I've come to the realization that I completely clash with the college lifestyle. Other than the obvious non-drinking, non-smoking, virgin testimony that distinguishes my character, very basic elements of my life clash with the stereotypical college student.

1. I'm a morning person. And we all know that going to bed at 10:30 and getting up at 6 is highly atypical for the college night-owl who sleeps in til noon.
2. I work. That's right, I actually have to take responsibility for my own lifestyle and 'needs'.
3. I actually enjoy edifying fellowship. Our generation encourages destruction of characters, but oddly enough, I delight in encouraging of each other to reach the fullest potential.
4. Oh yes, and then there's the ever-defining label which encourages much dispute and persecution... I am a Christ-follower! Not only that, but I actually stand behind a lifestyle of purity in all aspects? Not perfect, but trying to live to the standard I am called to. How unheard of!

See, funny thing is I am in constant conflict with the world. In no way should my lifestyle reflect a typical worldly view. So why does it shock you, society? Is it that you have become accustomed to the Christians of today who call on the name of the Lord only in convenience, giving nothing of themselves in devotion, laughing at self-sacrifice? That's right, I may very well be lumped into the category of Christianity, but I am a Christ-follower. I am actively seeking His glory and His fame, not my own. Don't place me on a pedestal, don't worship worship, don't praise praise... NO! Please, just fall down with me in front of the utter power and glory of our Lord. Admit daily that we are nothing without God. Therefore, we can go nowhere, we can do nothing without our God.

Dying world, please see that!

And Christians?

When the praise music stops, when the 'church' walls crumble, when the suffering comes, when the persecution is too much to bear, when the hymnals are lost, when the powerpoint freezes, when the cross necklace breaks, when the material fails... Christ-followers? What then?

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD!
I will be joyful in God my Savior!

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
He enables me to go on the heights. "

[Hab. 3:18-19]

Where is your strength?

~ Soli Deo Gloria.

Your Heart and Your Tears

So today I really wanted to go Home again. I'm struggling to find peace with accepting that God has put me here and chosen to keep me here for good reason. It's not even a matter of wanting to go to School Rd down in Cincinnati, I want to go HOME! I woke up this morning so Homesick that I just wanted ot shut off from the world. Everywhere I turned there seemed to be reminder after reminder that this world is not my home. After my psych class I finally just broke down and had a good cry. I was walking out through the trees coming to God with one of those prayers where you don't even have to say anything. You know? It just speaks from your heart and your tears.

Home, I want to go Home.

"Oh that you would rend the Heaven and come down today." (Isaiah 64:1)
The verse ran through my mind.

After some time passed (I really have no idea how long) I pulled myself together and began walking home. I felt a little better after crying in all honesty. At lease I had accomplished a good emotional release. As I was walking, I hit the play button on my CD player and these lyrics flooded my ears,

"Lead me on, lead me on
to the place where the river runs into your keeping.
Yeah, lead me on, lead me on
The awaited deliverance comforts the seeking.
Lead on!"


I love you, Jesus. All I can say is I love you.

My Big Sister

So, I just got off the phone with my sister. You know, no mater how far away we are from each other, she will always be my big sister.

She picked up the phone while she was in the middle fo work. (I still don't know how she gets away with this one.) It was funny how she answered the phone at her work and yet didn't give me a stereotypical "I gotta get off the phone" speach that I have received lately from many people's lifestyles. It was like she couldn't even imagine a single thing better than talking to me.

In the light of feeling scheduled into fake, plastic people's lives lately, there stood my sister, breaking that "trend"; all ears and an opened heart.


Thanks, Jes.

I love you.

"Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary, use words."

- St. Francis of Assisi

Thank You, Jesus.

Unmotivated

Today I'm finding myself a bit unmotivated.

There's a lot on plate to do this week (get my stuff together for my Social Work application, type a 9 page report due Thursday at 2:15pm, Soc 200 exam today, still need to study for the Soc 200 exam at 12:20pm, and countless other things) and yet I am feeling this strange sense of apathy.

What up?

Lord, please come help.

wait

Wait.


Just wait.

Soli Deo Gloria

Today when walking home from my psychology class, I got the opportunity to slow down and experience the "silence" of God breathing through nature. Isn't it phenomenal to watch a bird coasting on the wind? It's wings outstretched, soaring and plummeting in the wind's power. It just stole my attention to watch such a simple act of worship. Kelly's words came to my mind as she shared what the Lord had been teaching her weeks ago, "there's this spider that I was reading about in a magazine. it lives in a bubble under the water..." she went on to explain so many details about this little spider that I honestly fail to retain, but the end remark is impressed upon my mind for eternity, "that spider is glorifying the Lord in doing exactly what it was created for." I watched the bird glide on the wind's strength and a smile came to my face as the phrase came to my mind...

Soli Deo Gloria. [All Glory be to God Alone.]

The trees' colors. None are the same. Each one's leaves rustling in the wind. Each one glorifying the Lord. We most certainly couldn't have created that. They are all proof of our Creator.

Soli Deo Gloria.

That's my Wonderful God. That's my God.

Soli Deo Gloria.



Soli Deo Gloria.

Restless

So it's 3am. Why can't I sleep? Why have I been struggling and tossing and turning since I layed down at 11? What is it that You are wanting to tell me? What is it that You are wanting to say? What should I be listening to? Who do I need to pray for? Who do I need to encourage? What passage do I need to read? Can I have a little direction here? Will You send Your guidance? I need Your thoughts, Lord. I need Your mind. I need Your devotion and Your strength. I need Your patience. I need Your peace.

I need You.

Please come meet with me.



I want You here. Please come.



[Tomorrow's going to be a struggle. Well, at this point... today is going to be a struggle. Please hold my hand, God. I can't walk it alone.]

Doors

So what do you do when the Lord opens a door that has never been opened before? What if He has always told you to go through a certain door, but now you look down the hallway and realize that another has been opened? Do you continue doing what He has always told you? Or has He opened that door for a reason? If He has, then what reason? Maybe it's for the purpose of testing your persistence to follow the path He has set before you. Maybe He is guiding you to a new path in your life.

So which is it?

Refer to His Word. Refer to His guidance set out thousands of years before your name touched the minds of your parents. But what if you find conflicting answers. What then? Go back to the last thing He told you and stick with it until He changes your mind. Ok. That I will do.

God, if you are wanting me to switch courses, You are going to have to bluntly tell me. Please keep my mind, ears and eyes alert for Your direction. I will follow Your lead, Lord, to the ends of the earth. You are my First Love. Please, God. Guide me on the path that will most glorify You. I love You. I trust Your lead.

Scarcity. Wait.

Lord, grant me joy in the midst of scarcity.

You are the one defining 'need'.
You are the one defining 'good'.

Mold me to accept your definition.


I love You.

I trust You.



"I wait for the Lord, my soul awaits, and in His word I put my hope."
-Pslam 130:5

Through my Lacking

Excerpt from a letter:

"It's funny how daily we are given the opportunity to surrender our all and choose the abundant Life of Christ. Some things are easily placed on the alter, while others feel like they are nearly torn from our arms. But, alas, our Isaacs must make their way to the alter no matter how much we feel the act defies the Lord's promise to us. God's plan is best and even when I feel most tempted to rip my Isaac from the alter; His plan is still best for my life. I speak these words partially for your mind's ease, but mainly for my own as I find myself in occasional moments of fear and doubt. Living Biblically was a choice that I made at baptism and yet sometimes it still surprises me when self-sacrifice hurts.

My God is good...

My God is bigger than my fear.

My God has already conquered my fear.

I shall try my best to live according to that Truth and trust in Christ to carry me through my lacking."

I'm nothing without You, Jesus.



make me less,

You More.

Far Greater

"Honor is fidelity to a system of fixed values and relations. Is there anything today, even in the imagination of the Christian, for which we are willing to pay the price of self-sacrifice? Any ideal left, any clear-cut goal, any control of passion? Surely there is somewhere, but it is hard to find... I write in the hope that those who know what honor means will be cheered to see that they are not entirely alone. It may strengthen them to find that, even in recent decades, there are those who recognize something far greater than their own passions, even though for the world at large there seems to be nothing else of any consequence. The majority will sacrifice anything-security, honor, self-respect, the welfare of people they love, obedience to God-to passion. They will even tell themselves that they are obeying God (or at least that He doesn't mind) and congratulate themselves for being so free, so released, so courageous, so honest, and 'up front'. The greater the potential for good, the greater the potential for evil... A good and perfect gift, these natural desires. But so much the more necessary that they be restrained, controlled, corrected, even crucified, that they might be reborn in power and purity for God."

- Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot

God, You speak so boldly and loudly to us.
May I dare to live up to Your standard in my life.
Your standard, Lord, not my own.

I love You, Lord.

Priorities

After a few instances in my psychology class, I found myself reflecting upon priorities as I walked home for lunch today. And I came to these conclusions:


~ When I prioritize giving my best for the Lord, then it will be seen in my discipline of eating and sleeping, so as not to hinder the Spirit by the flesh.
~ When I prioritize prayer, then just maybe I will start praying as much as I promote.
~ When I prioritize service, then I will discover ways to prepare my heart prior to the mission field entrance.
~ When I prioritize obedience, then I will reach out to the Body of Christ pleading for reprimanding and disciplining in all areas in which I fail to uphold the Lord's standard.
~ When I prioritize God, then my life will reflect the growth and change that only the Spirit can accomplish as He prepares my heart for an encounter from the Most Holy of Holies.


I am learning that it is not the final product that defines character, but the time in between the assignment and the due date.


Lord, God, reprioritize my mind. May my life in turn be affected and changed by you. But please, God, start at the source... my mind.



I need You.