Climb in and out of the Lego toy bin for 6 minutes.
Wander the house.
Find paci - the long-lost friend- amid the nursery pile of baby blankets that are supposed to go there and certainly not in the crib where Mommy puts them with me to sleep.
Talk to paci, reciting his name affectionately a handful of times before putting him in his right place - where he fits so well. Paci remains in my mouth for the next 24 minutes.
Immediate hand to rub that one comfortable place on my belly. It always happens that way when paci is in place.
More hallway walking.
Climb up on the couch - oh the effort- and bang the blinds a while - what a joyful event!
Talk to ride-on cow about the latest happenings.
Throw all the blankets off the couch Rachael put up there for her babies earlier this morning.
Drag one of the blankets back over to share with cow, resuming our intimate meeting by the cat tree.
More hallway wandering.
Drag the play guitar on the kitchen floor. It sounds so funny that it makes me smile.
Roll on the living room floor while kicking my legs in the air.
Try to ride the cat carrier.
Eyeballs peeking up over the table edge and putting an arm up there in hopes of finding treasure.
Smack a few magnets off the fridge as I walk by.
Wooden puzzle time- putting all the circle piece on their pegs. Dumping over my head and redoing.
Abandon puzzle.
OOOOOH look! Mommy caught a meow! - HURRY! Hurry!
Calling "Meow's!" and confusion why they run when I just want to give them big hugs while squealing.
Wander around looking for Rachael.
Observe Rachael's play.
Show Daddy the necklaces Rachael dropped.
Laugh and flap my arms in excitement that he might put them on me.
Wear necklaces with pride - parading through the playroom.
Turn a few nearby toys in my hands to inspect them.
Join in Rachael's marching-band parade with the addition of jingle bells.
Oh look! Books!
Abandon parade route and instrument.
Commence edible book review.
Talk to Daddy on play phone, then give Mommy a turn.
Run to Mommy saying, "neigh, neigh" and flapping my arms so she'll put me on the rocking horse.
"Down" gets me off.
Laughing that "down" worked.
Ooooh! Daddy's putting Rachael in her food chair! How exciting! RUN!
This has been a 35 minute walk in her little shoes.
Just
letting you all know, there may be a lull for a little while in my posting. A good while ago my computer's mother-board bit the dust. I
had borrowed a computer for a little while, but we're still looking for
a permanent fix to this situation. The computer I borrowed needed to be returned before we were able to fix the situation. So for the next little while, Matt
and I will be sharing his work computer (which is only available to me
when he's home). This really isn't a big deal, people, because the
emails and posts can wait - they're not life-sustaining. =)
But I will
miss the fun as we continue to figure this puzzle piece out. =)
So know I still love
you all, even if I am quiet for a while. =)
We loaded up and headed to a small-town church this morning. The Pastor was away for the holiday and asked Matt to fill-in preaching. There were ten people total in the congregation. Matt, I and the girls made up four. Then there was a 7 or 8 year old grandson. So once the children were dismissed and I got settled back down after changing baby's diaper, there were a whoppin' five in the service, including me.
The service began at 10:30a. Matt and I got delayed in our commute due to me forgetting my guitar in the shovel out the door, but ended up being the first people there at 10:20a. At 10:27a, a local attendee arrived, followed by the music leader and his grandson at 10:28a, who was able to let us into the building. At 10:32a, there were still us seven. Matt asked if we should start, smiling at the fact that our family outnumbered the attendees. We were informed to wait for more. Two more came in together, one of which was the Sunday School teacher. After introducing my girls to the nursery toy stash (praise the Lord!) the final congregation member arrived.
No one minded the toddler "praise" occurring in our row as the first 6 (seriously, SIX) hymns were sung (at least 3-4 verses a piece). And pacing in the side row with a baby on your hip didn't even bat an eye. I was still grateful to have remembered to put away the walking toy Abi had found so amusing before the start of church. All we needed to complete the service was a melt-down over who would push the walking toy back to the nursery before the sermon. I'm not even sure if anyone would have noticed a good ole fashioned toddler fall-out tantrum. Graciousness poured from the small bunch.
No one payed any mind to the "Jesus loves me" chorus from the nearby Sunday school room amid Matt's sermon. Rachael's voice sailing in competition of the microphone. Giggles and running feet from the other room were merely a part of Matt's sermon.
We ate at a local diner after church, slightly annoyed by the girls' sugar high post snack cookies. Rachael explained how she learned about Tangled at Sunday School and that Jesus healed someone at a hospital and "another guy was forgived by Jesus because he was a bad guy". I still have no idea what the lesson was, but the butter-rolls were a hit. The grilled-cheese sandwich partial-crusts proved their toddler success.
The drive home included one passed-out baby with head tilted toward the ceiling and a toddler zoning through slit-eyes until her body gave in. Matt chuckled as he heard snoring from the backseat. I pondered the romance of the rural country with a background of AM Radio Sunday afternoon football playing and a husband immersed. Rain fell as thoughts of the romance in working the land with your hands, keeping up with the house chores, and raising the kids consumed me. I remembered the short conversation Matt and I had as we waited outside the church, after walking the small block and looking in all the storefront windows with the girls. "What if a small store-front church called you and asked you to be the Pastor and live above the church, what would you say?" "I'd say yes," he smiled, "As long as the apartment fit our family." We both smiled, remembering our family motto to serve the Lord wherever He may call.
And I was reminded again that it is not the place, but the enjoyment of the romance of the place that brings such joy. Seeing the joy and delight in the everyday normals. Finding the bliss in the here and nows, even if the here and nows are drastically different from one day to the next. It's the reminiscing on the present as if it is told in the future to a circle of grandkids. Enjoying life as it is given to you as a gift from our Father in Heaven.
I'm going to have to think/type quick for this post because I only have a half hour until Mike is coming to beat to death a pipe in our wall that keeps spewing forth washer drainage (mmm, yes!)
But I wanted to take a minute to share something with you, reader(s). (If you exist out there.)
Yesterday I went to get my hair trimmed. I like to go to a beauty school for a few reasons 1. Can't beat $8 for a wash, condition and trim and 2. Refer to #1.
While sitting and chatting with the student who was trimming my hair (kinda funny to talk with someone who's squatting on the floor to trim your hair - guess it's a little long these days), the student, mom of 2 preschool kids, mentioned in an outpouring of how smart kids are "these days" that she believed "parents are better parents these days, then they have been in the past." I thought that one through for a quick second and replied, "Maybe some," to which she semi-recanted that she agreed that not all parents were good parents.
Thinking over this concept, I'd have to personally disagree. While some new "technologies" have allowed parents to be more effective *ahem, the cloth diaper*, I personally think that the new wave of "selfish parenting" that is on the rise kind of hurts that theory. Many parents, check out the commercials, are not parenting for the benefit of their children, but instead in order to shape the child to best glorify the parent. Don't I sound like a conservative crazy?
Just in thinking about it, so many parents dress up their kids for the soul purpose of making them look good. And then there's the "I don't care" population that is letting their kids control everything; the child-rearing, the marriage, the schedule.
I can imagine there must have been this same kind of thinking in every generation. But I believe, at least from my current viewpoint, that many parents are getting worse. The concept of family is drifting from "quality time around the table together" to meals in the car on the way to the massively-packed schedule that "must be kept up."
We all pick our lifestyles. But I just have to say that the more I think about how my mom parented my sister and I, the better Mom I am. Sure she made her mistakes. But her heart was prioritizing our whole good - not just giving in to the moment to get us to shut up (though I could testify to the utter temptation at times). My mom gave up so much to invest in Jes and I. She took the extra time-consuming steps to raise us to the best of her ability. She evaluated herself and tried to leave "the bad" behind in an effort to give us her best. She didn't idolize us, she didn't shelter us from all consequences, she didn't hide us away from reality. But she sure did put her heart and soul into molding us into the people we are today.
I guess if my mom were lazy, disconnected, or self-focused then I could agree with the student's statement that just maybe my parenting could be better than my mom's. But looking through the lens I have been so blessed to see through... I disagree. I think the beauty student spoke in error. I don't think parents are better parents these days, then they have been in the past. I believe it is the job of every parent to submit to Christ and then let your parenting be an outpouring of your heart of service.
(cue music) "Watch this is so fun to see. Oh... despicable me..."
Well, maybe not despicable, but certainly domestical me. =) Alright, alright... just "domestic me".
When Rachael was 11 months old I "retired" from the working world and became a homemaker, housewife, and wonderfully unemployed me. Beginning my second trimester of Abi-pregnancy goodness and keeping track of my 11 month old at the time was a whole new challenge. It's been a learning curve as we've gone through different stages and new challenges have arisen throughout the past two years. There have been moments of tears and moments of great triumph in mastering a regular order to the house and intentionally offering myself to my kids. Matt has been more than generous in lending a hand to keep things going during the "newborn: will we even get sleep again?" phase, the Abi-crying phase, and the various challenges in balancing life and kids. I could not have asked for a greater teammate at life.
With increased balance and mastery of the house/child rearing, I have taken on a few "projects" of my own. I am finding the utter delight in mastering and contributing to my family through my "projects". The laundry/cleaning was one of my projects - finding that attainable balance of daily contribution and preventing the utter pile-up.
- multi-tasking -
Homeschooling is one of my projects. And while it certainly will become a necessity in educating the kids, right now it is such a fun research, curriculum writing adventure of being intentional to instill Christ (to the best of my ability) in my kids. Christ is the one who takes up residence in somone's heart, but I sure can be intentional about watering and planting.
And then there's my very recent project: diapering. My sister in law, Ellen, was wonderfully kind to allow me the borrowed use of my nephew's old cloth diapers. Now while cloth diapering may sound ridiculous to some, disposable diapers are quite expensive and for an investment upfront (which thanks to Ellen was near nothing for us this far), you can diaper and re-diaper for "free". "Free" includes the regular price of laundry soap (really it's about a load or two more per week since the diapers can go through with your regular laundry). I'm trying out cloth diapering after Abi's repetitive rashes, highly irritable skin, and the luxury of being available to tend to her diaper needs promptly if need be. But thus far, count me in that crazy bracket. =)
It's all about trying to do better with what you are responsible to do. Christ has given me the wonderful chance to serve Him through my family and I have to say... it really is a blessing.
Thanks, dear blog, for letting me share a slice of my domestic life here.
Between Sunday night touchdowns we enjoyed writing it. We laughed about the illustration, building with a dirt foundation and creating a flood. We giggled about the idea of sticks falling all over the place and the utter joy of permitted destruction coming upon the face of a child. We laughed until tears came to our eyes as we thought of accidentally knocking down the building built on rocks and trying to explain that God does a better job at building than this demonstration. And then we sent the lesson overseas with a prayer and a smile.
Nothing can describe the joy I felt in my heart when I found these two wonderful pictures in my inbox this evening.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand...
And you know what happened.
(Love that this picture captures Auntie Theresa and the new Uncle Ayuba, I presume, in the mix too. How cool!)
Oh but the wise man...
I read over the account of the Bible lesson's success and my heart leaped within me. Thank you, Jesus, for orchestrating such joy and such a blessing in my life.
I just love my little Nigerian kids and their Aunties (and now Uncle).
- to God be the glory.
- love and hugs to Theresa and Will.
Yes, yes, I have another homeschool post. Buckle up, people, these may happen periodically.
I wanted to share a fun little project I did with Rachael. We made a book about shapes. Rachael worked very hard on this book, tracing and coloring in each of the shapes. On the backs of each page we traced and colored six of each shape (repetition, repetition, repetition). I don't have pictures of Rachael making this book because between instructing and chasing down Abi as she "borrows" items from the table, I was a little busy.
But alas I share with you one of Rachael's accomplishments:
Her book on Shapes.
These are each of the 8 pages.
These are the backs of each of the pages that had backs to them.
And this is what little-one does most of the time while we homeschool:
She loves her books.
The following two pictures is a placemat I made for Rachael to aid her identifying of numbers, shapes, letters, and her Bible verses. Since I couldn't find a placemat that had all these things on them, especially not the Bible verses, I just decided to make one. At each meal she can decide which side of the placemat she'd like to face up, and accordingly we get to talk about and rehears that side of the placemat during meal prep and sometimes during the meal itself. Since Rachael just sits at the table nicely many times while we prep/serve the meal I figured it was a good time to use the captive audience wisely. =)
The front: Rachael's 3 Bible verses. Believe it or not she know the top two and we're working on the last one, "God is love". She almost has it down. We put these verses to song and she picks them up lightning fast!
The back: letters, numbers, and shapes. Thus far she can ID A, C, E, H, L, and R (her name) and she can ID all the shapes (confusing some occasionally) and 1-10 with some confusion about 9 and the fact that 10 is ten and not 1 and a 0.
Proud of my little smarty and her excitement for exploring and learning amidst our day of fun and play. She is absorbing much and hungry for much learning too.
Posts have been a little slow lately (I know my reader(s) are hungry for my constant news... NOT!).
Between homeschool and watching a little boy (2 y/o) now during the days there has been minimal time to breathe around here. (My last day watching him was today). We just got off of a Discipleship Now weekend with the youth group. I think all enjoyed it. And now comes the usual exhaustion of a completed busy weekend.
I've found myself some time to reflect amid prepping the "new family member" room as we are finishing our last few pieces of adoption paperwork. While I feel like the phrase, "finishing our last few pieces of paperwork" is a lie, it feels nice to say likewise. =) There's always just one more. But that paper takes on another meaning when it brings you that much closer to your new family member.
We did our child survey, identifying all the traits we would or would nit consider tonight. Matt joked that filling out the paperwork during Sunday Night football may have been a mistake.
Me: "Will we consider a child who has been convicted of murder?"
Matt: "YEAH!!! GO, GO, GO!!!!"
Me: "Will we consider a child with the characteristics of honesty?"
Matt: "Man!!! No way!!! What was that?!?!"
=)
I'm looking forward to spending an evening out of the house with no kids (say what?!) with Amanda tomorrow night. I feel like it's been dark ages since we've sat down. And a good cup of hot chocolate at a bookstore is in order for sure. Don't you love how a good Christ-centered conversation leaves you marveling at how quickly the time has passed?
Matt's playing some war video game. I'm sure he loves that I keep asking questions during his relaxing time blowing up of "the enemy forces". It's a boy thing, I tell myself. Girls aren't supposed to understand. ;)
So that's how it's been lately. A little busy, with laundry on the side. And the joy of lazy Sunday afternoon naps and good husband-snuggles during this wonderful football season.
Looking forward to returning to a less-busy schedule (after the photo shoot, vet appointment, house-cleanup, and girls night out scheduled for tomorrow of course-hehe).
Some errands left to before our final safety audit in this adoption process (lock box, smoke detectors, and a convertible car seat to buy). I'm putting primer paint on my Christmas list. I figure I'll try to get that room painted white and then when we meet/make the matching conference on a child we can ask them what color they'd like their room. Just trying to think of ways to make the room theirs and make them feel welcome.
sigh... alright, that's all for tonight. Thanks for reading my randoms. =)
You know, I just wanted to take a moment to bring up the interesting conversation/battle of birth control into the topic ring.
I have many times heard the birth control method argued by Christians to be "responsible" and "enabling you to control when you have a kid to best care for the child." I have also heard the conservative approach, and even "excessively" conservative approach argued that "we'll take whatever the Lord gives us."
I find this conversation interesting in terms of the Duggar's new announcement that they are pregnant with their 20th child. So many feel challenged by that information and often throw in their two cents of, "those people are ridiculous" judgement. I could easily find myself in that camp when my kids are obnoxious. I could also find myself in the "test of faith" camp wondering how many other feminist thoughts we are going to try to justify by the Word because the thought of not controlling our family feels uncomfortable and we want to feel justified with our level of control.
Matt and I have had this conversation many times and probably will continue to have this conversation as we continue to surrender our family to the Lord. I agree with him that birth control, whether it be abstaining during your ovulation cycle or a non-abort-effasive method, in many instances can be very responsible. I think it can also be very wrong. I think it boils down to the heart, which is what the Word seems to bring me back to.
Am I saying, "no, I don't want You plan over my own," to the very one I call Lord? Am I saying, "it's not convenient," and viewing children as the "burden" that first began the feminist movement of birth control? Is my heart in line with what God says about kids? Is my mind with Christ's on valuing and delighting in children? And does not being on birth control really mean that I'm going to end up with 30 kids? What about Hannah? Or those in the Bible that were barren? Or those in the Bible that only had a handful of kids?
Or am I using my "faith" in God's plan as a cop-out? Am I being irresponsible in ignoring the things we so clearly know about women's bodies and how and when contraception is at it's most harvest-filled time? Am I being selfish in wanting a particular number of kids and controlling in being non-controlling?
The battle is in the heart. And the surrender, on either side of the argument, is in the heart. But what I do know is that God calls us to self-sacrifice. His Will in exchange for our will. And His Will stretches us and is not comfortable because it defies our fleshly nature. His Will challenges and grows us. And while we can still be Christians and still be controlling, I just know one thing... the Judge looks at the heart to determine who is and who is not sacrificing in worship and evidence of their faith.
Paul states it this way in the Word, that all things are permissible for us, but not all things are good (or beneficial). It is important to weigh out the consequences of either side of this "birth control" argument and surrender our families fully to the Lord. For He even said, "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46).
We need to be certain His motives are ours in all things, the make-up of our family included.
No one prepares to be blown away... otherwise they'd hang onto something.
Homeschool has been trucking along with this Mommy creating random letter-focused practice sheets for Rachael to do and coming up with various other curriculum ideas and Rachael just going along for the ride. It's been fun to be creative and watch Rachael's discovery and pride in her accomplishments.
We have been slowly working on Rachael's letters in her name each week. Repetition, repetition, repetition in tracing the individual letter per week, recognizing each capital letter in books and amongst other letters, and learning shapes, colors, and numbers along the way. I've been very goal-focused in targeting Rachael's weaknesses (fine motor control) while blending them into her strengths (identifying shapes, colors and numbers). We've had our frustrating days (sigh) and our moments of victories. And then came today's in which I found myself blown away.
We were sitting down to the normal homeschool with an audience of Abi and Rachael's newest "goes with her everywhere" stuffed animal. We were working on squares today, Rachael showing off her advancements in fine motor skills over the past 3 weeks of focus and I decided to try it out... Rachael has learned the letters R, A and C (we're working our way through her name - other letters didn't really sick). Thus far we have only been tracing them because her fine motor skills are *ahem* "age appropriate". This is not a problem, but I do like to challenge her. So I decided to try it out... NO DOTTED LINES....
And man did she blow me out of the water writing the letters she knows...
It's so cool to see her advancements and her increased focus and hear her ecstatic laughter as she masters a skill for the first time.
- love homeschooling.
Some pictures of her work over the past 3 weeks:
Week 1: "R"
Week 2: "A"
Week 3: "C"
We had done other homeschooling prior to this, it was pretty light and didn't focus on writing at all. Then we took a break from it for a while (helpful of homeschool) after I started getting my feet wet so I could reorganize and so life could happen. And then we started into a more "let's get ready for our real written preschool curriculum for the winter" process which I have charted above.
But anyway, thanks for celebrating with us on Rachael's great successes!
You know, I was thinking today about what it will be like to be nearest to Jesus. I can't possibly fathom what it will be like to see Him for the first time. And quiet honestly, just thinking about it makes me miss Him so much.
Do you get like that? Where you think about how awesome Jesus is and just want to find yourself wrapped up in His arms? It's not that your family isn't wonderful. You're not in some pity-me moment. And it's not a self-loathing moment either. Your day is good, maybe even great, and you just miss Jesus. He hasn't gone anywhere, but something deep inside... something that can't be satisfied just wants to run into His arms.
Something inside you wants to stay in His arms and catch up on the 'remember when's of this journey. You just want to snuggle in deep and hear Him breathing. You just want to feel His embrace - you know that has to feel amazing.
God is no less real on this side of the New Jerusalem. God is no less present and no less enough than He is. The I AM is still the I AM. And there are days that I wish I could just hug Him. No one has been closer to me than Jesus. And no one ever will be.
The closest thing I can think of how my face will be is comparable to this little girl's face when she looks up from her classroom work to see her Daddy standing there, newly returned home from the war.
My two year old told my one year old in the middle of her afternoon play, "You watch my babies and I'll go to training and be back soon."
Can you tell we've been doing our foster/adoptive training for a good while now.
And alas, I finished my last class tonight. Funny how 36 hours can feel like a lifetime.
The final class brings a relief and yet a bit of fear too. You see, God told us to get our license. So we have. We've tried to be good kids. But as we finish this process up, it's kind of like standing on a cliff after climbing the hill in obedience. It's not a fear of someone pushing you off, God has more love than that. But it sure gives you a thrill at God's prospect of saying, "Jump... trust me..."
It's like that moment at the top of a roller-coaster hill when you have that split second somewhere between, "This was a good idea, right?!" and "BRING IT!!!" It's that healthy wondering of what the horizon will reveal.
So much change has happened to our family over the past 6 months, from no longer watching Lexi to temporarily watching Kevin, to God adjusting our plans multiple times and reminding us that He is more than capable of using any situation to grow and change our family, to babysitting Mom's cats and then ending up adding one of the cats to our crew, to getting into the swing of homeschool and delighting in Rachael soaring in her learning. We just never know what's on the horizon. And it's so exciting not to have the "this will be out of God's control" fear that comes from a lack of faith, but instead to have a butterflied feeling of excitement and anticipation for what we have yet to see.
It's like holding your breath and trusting that God will instruct you when to breathe before it's too late - even if it gets a bit uncomfortable at times. He knows what He is doing. And He sure is moving.
Matt still has a class to go in 3 weeks and then our collective training classes will be complete. We have our list of things still left to get done before getting the final stamp of approval from the county before sending the application to the State for a completed license. But with all that being said, our application/license should be complete around Christmas. Christmas, people!!!! That may feel a bit far away when you look at Halloween and Thanksgiving coming up first, but when you think about the fact that i have started Christmas shopping/looking..... eeeeeek, people!!!! That's in a blink of an eye.
God is so good to us. God has blessed us so. And I'm feeling like a little kid in a toy store as this adoption process is becoming more of a reality. Whooooo! Stand back and check out what God will do...!!!!!
We'll be standing beside you, checking it all out and applauding His Greatness,
We went today to a fall festival at a local park that is only 15 minutes from my house and yet I didn't know existed. Yes, Yes, I know... submit commentary here about how adventurous I am. =) Each year we try to go to a fall festival or pumpkin patch with "the cousins" (Aunt Ellen, Uncle Ron, Bekah, John-John and Josiah). It's a fun time to make memories together.
The little Fall Festival was free to the public - right in our price range - and had all kinds of family-fun activities from pony rides to a goat petting zoo (don't pet the one that was head-butting the kids -- for serious. lol.), and a pumpkin decorating area with free pumpkins, oh and also a playground and a barrel-seat train ride pulled behind a tractor (Rachael bowed out) and a large wagon hayride (we all bowed out). Wonderful few hours of fun and smiles. Poor Rachael was still recovering from her 102 degree fever the day before, so her regular energy level was not completely back during the adventure. But a good stroller ride, blanket snuggle and a snack helped her rejoin the fun without over-extending the poor kid. And Abi had her first pony ride.
And thus I share pictures.... you know, because I'm a shameless Mom of two cute kids. =D
Our Cowgirl -always wanting to ride the ponies.
Her first pony ride. Look at that pacifier smile! (yep, we're still teething hard.)
YAY!
Picking out a good one. (The wind in her hair).
So little.
She wanted to carry her own pumpkin.
So Daddy was helping her be as big as she felt in that moment. =)
All the kiddos.
Pumpkin decorating.
Rachael's finished product. - bear with her she was starting to feel poorly.
[see her poor flushed face.. =( It was nearing time for a break. ]
She came back to life, after a break, with full character in the leaf fight.
hehehe. So much fun had by all.
Aunt Ellen boosting her up for a view of the cows and donkey.
Happily Daddy's sidekick.
Sister Snuggles.
A family shot. - Rachael's done for the day.
(Oh look! I was there too!)
One last wind-in-her-face smile before we loaded up and called it a day.
Wonderful trip. Wonderful company. Wonderful day.
Thanks again, Ellen, Ron and Co. for another great year of fall tradition.
I've been to a few youth conventions in my life. You know, those mass-packed stadiums of exhortation and challenge. I've been to my fair share as a youth and then a good handful as a youth chaperon in college and then as a "youth pastor's wife" here on this side of life.
I've found over my years that the music has changed from being familiar singalongs to I-have-no-idea-who-that-guy-is songs. I'm sure, friends, that as the music has changed so have I.
Those wonderful youth conventions turned from just-right music to did-you-bring-the-cotton-balls music. Again, friends, I did the changing. And while some youth conventions end with outlandishly entertainment-only speakers, I have heard my share of good challenges and, what we "old people" of the faith call "charges" at revival-type settings.
In my quiet-time reading yesterday I felt the desire to check out Philemon again. Good old Philemon; wronged by his disobedient slave who stole from him and ran off (Sentencing the slave with a punishment of death according to Rome should he be found). Poor Christian Philemon.... now what? And then this letter arrives from a dear friend, mentor, and brother-in-Christ, Paul. And the letter says what? The slave is now a Christian and is the bearer of the letter? Now what should you do, Philemon? When put at the crossroads of trial, what should be the response?
The Bible never tells us. Thanks! Good suspense novel missing the last chapter! But again, you know how I like those unsettled-in-the-middle stories.
Only my heart shifts instead to the slave: Onesimus. Onesimus is translated to mean "useful". Paul and his witty self using the play on words that Onesimus is no longer useless, but instead in Christ is useful. Nerd joke alert! Gotta love that Paul.
And yet the term sticks. Am I Onesimus for the Kingdom? That is, am I useful for the Kingdom?
Each day we have an opportunity. I hope to seize that opportunity today. Not that my record could be cleaned or my name looked better upon, but that I would be proof that only Christ can do the changes that are inside of me. Just like Onesimus.
And one more thing, what if God calls you not to the exciting missions field where you get to witness first-hand the Kingdom work, but instead right on back to where you were running away from? Is He any less God? Is that cause to return to uselessness?
I got a World Vision magazine in the mail today. Funny how excited my heart gets to see those two words, "World Vision". World Vision means more than a humanitarian effort. World Vision is how we have met Lydia and Tofic. World Vision is like a family connection.
This magazine wasn't like a normal one. Instead of selling gifts and household clutter, this magazine opened up a new window of Christmas - spirited opportunities.
A few days ago, maybe it was yesterday, I took my quiet nap-time allotment to count coins. Yes, I know machines can do that. Yes, I know those little paper wrappers don't carry any alluring factors. But this counting had purpose.
I emptied the contents of our missions jar on the table. We've been just adding our spare change to the collection for a number of months now. And as I started counting and wrapping I wondered how awesome of an experience it would be to sit around with our Sunday School class, or a group of friends, and do just that... count and wrap coins for missions work. I began to sing praise songs - interjecting numerals in there as I got closer to the brinks of my personal math skills. =)
I was pleasantly surprised by the amounts that laid before me some 45 minute or an hour later after shelling and counting and handling what felt like a small amount of coins. Funny how God shows up. I wondered what these would be used for. I wondered why God had put it on our hearts to collect this money. When we set the goal to save the coins and then find a place to donate the money once the jar was filled the day felt so far away. And while the jar is not filled yet, I felt the need to count and wrap up the coins.
Then today the magazine came. World Vision. I love those words. I flipped open the pages and looked at all the pictures with my toddlers today at lunch. Daddy's at seminary all day today, so in many ways the house has felt unusually quiet - even though he's always at work during most of the daytime anyway. But at lunch he usually joins us and he was missed today - as he is every Tuesday.
"Look at that boy!" my little talker interjected. "What's that?"
"A goat."
"Why?" the famous and expected response.
"Because some Mommies and Daddies live in places where it is hard to grow food or where there isn't enough food. You know how you tell me you're hungry and I can just open the fridge and make you lunch? Some families can't do that. Some families don't have enough food. So Daddy and you and me and Abi have been putting away our money in the missions jar. Remember putting coins in the jar? And we are saving the extra blessings God has given us to help feed other families. One way we can help feed other families is by sending them a goat. You know how we drink milk? And cows make milk? Goats make milk too. And so a goat would help a family drink milk."
She smiled. "Look at that girl.... She's happy!"
That's exactly right, little girl. Exactly right.
Funny how tears well up in your eyes sometimes when you know in your heart that something is right. When you know in your heart that you are right where God has planted you... and you are doing your best to grow.
I wiped away a few tears as Rachael looked over the magazine with fascination and continued to comment on all the little boys and girls' faces. Abi kept referring to each animal we saw as "meow"s and after Rachael corrected Abi's labeling we talked about how each of the different animals could help families.
The goal is not just to send an animal. The goal is to serve the least of these with a worshipful heart. They may come to the Lord, who knows, maybe not having to worry about their food source will allow their minds to think more of Jesus. But all I know is that Jesus said very plainly that when you do unto the least of these you do unto Me.
We just want to do unto Jesus more and more each day.
My best friend woke me up this morning. No, I'm not referring to my husband, he's still sleeping, or a pet. I have found that in setting a devotion wake-up time goal i have never had to set an alarm. I just mysteriously wake-up 15 minutes earlier than my goal. That put me right out on the couch after my lovely morning bathroom trip and gathering my Bible at precisely 6:30a.
Good morning Jesus.
How close does He feel today?
You know, I have found in memorizing Scripture and trying to live it out that when Jesus feels close it is not a burden. It is a privilege. When Jesus feels like a best friend, I want to read His letters to me. I want to read His advice and guidance to my heart. And when He feels far away, I find other things to replace the time.
Oddly enough I don't believe our faith should be a feeling. I believe we need to train our selves and whip ourselves into shape. We can never do all our training ourselves, we need to pray for the Holy Spirit's changing in our hearts. But I believe many of the "seasons" in Christianity are really disguised Apathy emerging in our lives. O yes, I have been through dry seasons where it feels like my prayers are hitting the ceiling, but I have also found that while it is a challenge sometimes to think beyond ourselves (ahem, it's a challenge all the time in my selfish heart), I must push myself.
No change will just happen on it's own. I don't believe this is because God cannot just make a change happen. Beyond salvation, in which I found myself all of a sudden "getting it", all other change has happened gradually. As I have asked for more of Jesus and less of me, I have slowly gotten just that. But I must keep asking.
Some days I don't ask so well. Some days I want more of myself. And it's in those days that I must push myself.
A while back I happily accepted my apathy toward devotions. "Everyone struggles with them," I told myself. "This has been something I have always struggled with: the consistency of a devotion time," my own enabling continued. And where did that get me? Continuing to struggle to "find time" for a devotion.
Matt came home from a youth conference with a challenging phrase: "Devotions are a promise. Every day you feel like breaking your devotion time, just go ahead and tell your teenager they can break their purity promise that day. Afterall, you're breaking your promise that day too."
I didn't like that. Purity really matters to me. I can't imagine throwing it all in the can for one day of fleeting passion after waiting for 22 years to save sex for marriage. It forced me to think in real terms.
No, that didn't instantly fix my struggles with devotion. Every day I have the battle, many times a day, flesh verses Spirit. But I must show up to the battle!
My routine started like this: grumbling at the early time, apologizing to God, reading the Word, writing some prayers in my journal, and repeating that process for a week of exhausted morning devotion. We all must start somewhere. Then i started going to bed a little earlier. The grumbling cut back and I started apologizing for sins other than my grumbling. =) And sooner than I thought a month or so had passed and it was just normal to wake up early - even on a Sunday, and start my day off in the Word. There were days it sucked - I was in a bad mood. I hadn't slept well. Vacation came. I failed. But I just kept thinking about telling Rachael she didn't have to guard her purity that day. Now people, I am aware that she is 2, but purity is a heart-training that begins with modesty, initially for the sake of "because Mom says privacy is important", and expands into a lifestyle of waiting for what God has on the horizon for you. I just kept imagining telling Rachael in her teenage years to "go have fun" and "forget about it for today" afterall, "you'll get another chance tomorrow." See how different devotions look in another point of view?
I challenge you to lay it all on the line. You'll mess up - I did. But I challenge you to force the priority and stop accepting your own excuses. You will be surprised what a heart for Jesus emerges from diving into the deep. You'll be surprised at the clarity that emerges in refocusing on His Truth daily.
Sorry for the silence for a while. There has been much to think about and much to pray about lately. With some addition of alone time this past week and the addition of some quiet time this week rocking Abi's teething, tired body, I thought I'd share some mid-thoughts.
A few weeks ago our Sunday School class spoke on hindrances that we personally have in sharing the Gospel with those we care deeply about. I was thankful for the honesty and the grace amongst the group as a few shared their hearts.
Sharing the Gospel can seem so formal sometimes and even unnatural in feeling at times. Some could venture to state that the Spirit is not leading if the situation feels awkward. But so much of the situation feeling awkward could be in your own mind as well. Sure there is the feeling of rejection that adds a bitter taste sometimes. But it is such a tricky piece of life because while we don't intend to walk on eggshells in our world, we also want to be careful not to tromp around with spikes on our boots.
Maybe I can explain it better like this:
When Jesus is everything to you... When Jesus is the air you breath...
When Jesus consumes your thoughts, your heart, your intentions...
Are you then sharing the Gospel or just living?
See how can I keep from wanting to share Him? He's my best friend. Of course I want you to meet Him. He changes everything. He makes the hurts livable. He makes the trials bearable. He makes hope from devastation. He is Life to the full!
Not everyone is ready to accept Him. Not everyone is ready to have faith like a child. And according the Word, not everyone will accept Him. But everyone will hear.
I've been listening to this song while rocking my littlest through her teething needs. "The Gentle Healer" by Selah. It's a cover of the song done many years prior. But I include it here for a few reasons: I like about the song that it is written from the position of an outsider trying to rationalize and understand who Christ says He is and proves Himself to be. And yet at the end of the song the singer is not converted. Many Christian songs end in conversion, yet few continue in their state of lose ends. It's important not to get discouraged as a believer... it's all a process for each of us. And while we have the Answer to Life beating in our hearts, Christ is certainly not to be taken lightly. I enjoy how in this song it ends with "some folks who followed Him, they say that the Gentle Healer is the Truth, the Life, the Way."
At some point it must be us making the decision if the Gentle Healer is our Truth, our Life and our Way. Only we can make that decision. And there are consequences on both sides of that choice.
Yet the journey to that choice is just that... a journey and our jobs as Christians are to come alongside of the walker and disciple them to the choice of Jesus. It is the walker's choice, but our Master has made it more than clear that He is a Gentle Healer, gently healing our hearts to salvation should we chose to have faith in His ability to Heal us.
The greatest challenge I have ever been given is that of Christian parenting, AKA discipling. I'm not talking about television-raising parenting or any other cop-out parenting. I'm talking about attempting to make disciples and raise your children to honor the Lord.
There are the normal exhaustions of parenting that we selectively forget when looking back on the early years. Any parent is faced with the frustrations of talking back, constant noise, discipline and punishment. Those are hard. Those try your core. And those you can't get away from because your child will follow you. ;)
But there is a greater call that will strip you to your core - making disciples.
The Word tells all Christians to go and make disciples. So we arm ourselves for the outdoors, prepping ourselves in the quiet of the morning for the tasks at hand in the day. We strap on our kindness and our faithfulness and our godliness as we seek to intentionally love others to Christ around us.
But what happens when your disciplings are waiting for you before you have gotten your shower? What happens when your disciplings cry out over the baby monitor for the 15 billionth time in the night and they are just as demanding of your example the following morning? Discipleship moves to a whole new level.
And while discipleship is a shared responsibility for a husband and wife when a husband is home, during working hours discipleship is a mother's responsibility. And no matter how much joy and enjoyment you may find in discipling your children, there are still those moments of returning to your home with toddlers in tow and tears in your eyes because no one showed up for their discipling shift in the nursery again. Those moments are hard, when it feels like you alone are investing in your children with minimal, if any some weeks, breaks to re-prep and re-focus.
I am grateful to those who go out of their way to disciple my children. I am grateful for those who require nothing more than "thanks" from me in exchange for personal time to regroup and recollect myself. Their gift is generous to my children and overly generous to me. Gratitude feels like too small of a word to use to express my thanks. And i try to express my thanks as often as I can to those who so selflessly take on my Mommy hat for a few hours.
(sigh).
Discipleship is hard. Seeing your deepest flaws in your children makes you want to be a better Christian and leave a better legacy. But constantly being faced with your greatest challenge day in and day out, 24/7 is also a challenge in itself.
Some days I show up for the challenge. Other days I wish my kids could follow a real example of a good Christian.
And while discipleship is QUITE the challenge, it carries quite the rewards as well. It's the investment in them that is a reminder of God's investment in us... while we were yet sinners.
What happens when we start applying the Word of God like as if it's the Truth that it is? What happens when we cling to the Word and the power of God's promise through it?
You know, it's been slowly growing in me the utter power that God has given us through the Word. Many days it can fell so normal and common-place as if somehow a distant part of the Christian walk. It's "old texts" feel just that when new crisis arises. It's "Sunday School" applications feel more like some dying off church when we face the daily battles and struggles of our culture and our generation. What does the Word really have to say about what I am going through?
It is a challenge to state with your livelihood that every word in The Bible is Truth. Not applicable only to one person, or one time, or one situation, but applicable and True.
Can you imagine what would happen if we were to fall on our faces before the Lord and instead of lifting up countless Sugar-Daddy prayers, beg Him for more of His Word to be alive within us? I can't imagine how it would change us if we would just apply more of the Word of God.
Suddenly gluttony, homosexuality, adultery, anger, fear, depression, greed, gossip, impatience, hatred, hypocrisy, impulsivity, being judgmental, anxiety, bitterness, complaining, being critical, disrespect, doubting, envy, boasting, inferiority, superiority, pride, masturbation, lying, love of money, pornography, laziness, profanity, rebelliousness, stealing, self-centeredness, uncontrolled thoughts, lack of discipline, lack of loving, lack of forgiveness, revengefulness, gambling, materialism, pleasure seeking, intoxication, immodesty, smoking, apathy, neglect of Bible Study, prayerlessness and so many others would be answerable. And through the Spirit Christians everywhere could overcome those demons left over from their life before Christ.
The Scripture would truly be alive and sharper than a double edged sword in our lives, cutting out the garbage we allow to master us.
Matt and I have begun a challenge to use the Word to put off our old self methods - you know, those "always there to trip you up" sins, and put on the new self. You are going to meditate on something. You are going to do something during a frustration. You can't just stop doing a sin without replacing it with what God wants us to do. So Matt and I have been using a tool that helps us identify our Achilles heal sins, put on the Biblical character attributes that are the complete opposite of those and then memorize specific Scriptures to guard our hearts against those sins. In other words, we're trying to take God at His Word.
God promises that the Holy Spirit will be our guide. So we're just trying to identify him better and agree with God that our sins are unacceptable.
Are we going to be prefect? Not this side of the New Jerusalem.
But I don't want to be the same. We are called to grow in Christ. The way we did things yesterday is not good enough. Only through the Holy Spirit can true change take hold, but we're called to be proactive in seeking righteousness, not just hoping it'll fall into our lap one of these days.
I am reminded of this song in thinking over the Truth and the power of Scripture applied in our lives. Amidst the tragedy of losing her newborn son, a woman penned these honest words about God's love and character. In the face of fleshly responses to be angry and broken and beaten down amid the tragedy, came this woman's response to her son's death. I'm sure every day wasn't a walk in the clouds or anything close, but the honesty of her unwavering faith is alive in this song.
I want a faith like that. A faith that doesn't have to be tried by trials and tribulations to produce a right view of God and His Word. But a trust that even though we are in a sinful world that has so many sinful consequences and hurts, God's Word is Truth - now and always- and it testifies about the true character of a more-than-worthy-of-our-praise Father.
I hope you choose today, in this moment, and every moment during today to let His Spirit conquer your flesh. It is a true challenge, but as I am reminded again and again,
"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape, so that you will be able to endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13
God has provided all that we need to overcome our temptations through His Word. Now it is time for His people to take Him at His Word.
And "if hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?"
I have recently been reminded of the value of communicating worth in each conversation.
We've all been there: standing beside a person on the phone who just interrupted your conversation to "take this" obviously unpressing phone call. We get the "just a minute" hand motion. Or talking to someone and realising that they are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can continue to share their story. Or maybe it's the "I know you are dying to know all about me" people who never seem to ask you anything about your day.
It all boils down to expressing worth.
We want to feel valued in a mutual conversation. I want to feel like there is a reason to stand face-to-face, not so I can watch you text on your new iPhone. You value me being there. You want to spend time with me. And that's why you are here... and so am I.
I think we have endangered ourselves with the "I'm always available" age. If you can get ahold of me 24/7 that means whomever I am with needs to take a number. While certainly having access to Matt is a wonderful part of our day - sharing in silly signs that I have passed on my walk with the kids, or that random phone call to share what our crazy toddler just said. And yet there is an oddity and a distance that waiting causes in a relationship when "I just have to take this call" happens.
We've all done it and returned to the "now where were we?" moment. But I have been reminded once again that sometimes that moment has passed and static is left on the line.
It makes me evaluate how I communicate their worth to others when in a conversation. Rachael and Abi will always interrupt - they're not perfect- but I am communicating your worth to me by putting them on hold for you. I am saying, "I value you" by turning off the TV when you call. And I am saying, "You matter to me" by being present during our conversation.
The call can wait. The text can wait.
You matter.
I chose to be here with you.
- hope I can continue to make a conscious effort to be present ... in spite of life. =)
Today is a raining, thinking day. Ever had those? Seems like I get my best quiet thoughts done on rainy days. Maybe it's because the weather forces us to stay indoors. Maybe it's because staying indoors produces chores-work, which allows for individual kids play which, thus contributes to quiet thinking time.
[We're on the rebound from a stomach virus here on the homestead. Thus, I am washing everything anyone who was infected may have even looked at while they were sick. We don't want any revisitors.]
Rain kept us sitting in the car a little longer than usual at our destinations today, listening to the comforting melodies of Sara Groves' new Cd. Something about the rain and Sara Groves that makes the world's spinning feel a little more slow and manageable. Quieter... easier... slower.... ever mom's dream?
Just been thinking today. Pondering the Word and it's application in our world. Thinking about where God has our little crew and where He is taking us. This journey always brings up memories of sappy Mother-treasures and lonely valleys. Nope, not depressing things, just a day and a time to ponder.
I was told over the weekend that I am a good Mom. And I wonder what constitutes being a good Mom?
Is it that I have sacrificed my social life for runny noses and dirty diapers?
Is it handing in concert nights for middle-of-the-night fevers and vomit crew?
Is it making the choice to "give up dreams" to have kids - as if kids are not purpose in themselves?
I wonder how we measure a good mom these days?
Does that mean I'm old fashioned and therefore strike a chord with someone else struggle to find their identity among piles of laundry?
Am I one of those "traditional" moms who keep to themselves and don't let anyone into their corner of crazy?
Or am I a newfangled, "my baby must wear the finest", selfish Mom who is too busy taking pictures of their kid to interact?
Maybe I'm a mixture of all or none in any given moment.
What constitutes a good Mom?
I'm not asking for props to be given to me. Just wondering how I classify a good mom.
Does a good mom mean her kids are quiet? What if quiet is a byproduct of fear?
Does a good mom mean her house is clean? What if she never plays with her kids?
Sure there are the balances and the moments of "we're just going to get ice cream and ignore the dirty bathroom". But maybe a good mom is one that knows her weaknesses - however many- and tries to parent her child to not carry on those same weaknesses.
I was asked if I would want someone to follow my example. Is it bad to say "no?" There are so many better examples out there. So many closer Christians to Christ that could give you a much better glimpse of the Perfect Example. Maybe it's better for you to follow those examples, cause seriously you could end up with the fruit I have if you follow my example.
What constitutes a good Mom?
Is Jesus a qualifier?
Hope so.
Thinking about the Proverbs woman (Proverbs 31) - yowza! Did she do all that stuff in one day? Or is it more a synopsis of her week - or weeks. Maybe I'm not such a good mom afterall. Or maybe thinking I'm a good Mom will stunt my growth toward being a good Mom. Is the aim to be a good Mom? Or is that a byproduct of wanting more of Jesus?
Hope so.
- Moments of reflection.
Don't we all need a day like that?
Hope you are finding your soothing rainy day soon.
It's hard to believe it has been ten years already. I remember it like it was yesterday: coming into my high school class to a CNN broadcast. It was ironic to have the TV on in the first place, but I took my regular seat. There was a building with smoke billowing out of it and I remember thinking, "What country is that cause it looks surprisingly like New York?" No one in the class spoke, excluding the hallway chatter before the bell rang. The teacher stood speechless, glued to the TV. She wrote our assignment on the board, clearly not paying any attention to her crooked writing while remaining attentive to the TV screen. We all wrote down our assignment in our usual programmed way. I saw the second plane hit in real time. I wondered why anyone would run a drill like this. Didn't they know how much fear they could instill. Then it hit me - our country was under attack.
Today is a mixed-bag of feelings with the shock of the 10 year anniversary of 9-11. It's a mixture of sadness and yet the odd normalcy of the happiness of a beginning a new day. It's that eerie haunting oddity of the tragedy... in the face of the new life and rebirth of today. In so many ways it still feels surreal, even though I have visited ground zero and seen the footage. It still feels like a bad movie sometimes, this disconnect from New York since we are "so far away." And yet now that my horizons have broadened, New York doesn't feel as far away as it used to feel. In other ways it feels dangerously close - too close.
I'm not sure I ever got over the shock of 9-11. I know that I am blessed to not have to personally grieve for the direct loss of family or friends due to the tragedy. Last night I listened to the recorded audio transpondings amid airports and the cockpits of the 4 hijacked planes. Maybe it's because I was so young - merely a Sophomore in high school that made the whole thing feel oddly small for a while. My world felt smaller compared to the things I know and understand today. I couldn't even drive, people, so seriously my world consisted of a town-radius. It was odd how I felt the fear of "they're on our soil" and yet the safety of "we're not nearby anything governmental." I didn't know Wright-Patt Air force Base was in Dayton.
And then I remember seeing the footage of what looked like New York City was on fire after the Towers fell...
It is still quite overwhelming. It brings tears to my eyes at times, now that I know more to the magnitude.
My eyes have been slowly opened to parts of the breadth of the tragedy and I have become slightly less shell-shocked. I wonder if there were any children on the planes. I wonder how terrifying it would be to look up from your desk nearby New York's tallest buildings and see your neighboring building "on fire" or witness the second plane hit. I can't imagine the wives and husbands and Mothers sitting by the phone praying for the "I'm okay" phone call that never came.
My heart goes out to the families of the victims of 9-11. I don't really have words to say, but I offer my silence and my prayers in honor and remembrance of September 11, 2001.
