Sometimes I find myself consumed in present day troubles. Oh, these finances. Oh, these internship tasks. Oh, these kids at work who don't listen. And it is in those moments that I need most desperately to think of the big picture.
In life, thinking of th big picture often overwhelms me. Ahhh, I'm so, so, so in debt from college that I can't even breathe. I'm going to be such a poor wife. I'm in no way qualified to be a pastor's wife! And let's not even think about how bad of a mom I'm going to be if God ever gives us kids.
But God's big picture has such a different effect on me. As was mentioned last night at house church, thinking of God's big picture helps me to see an even greater value to prayer. Thinking of God's big picture encourages me to live each moment for His glory alone. Thinking of God's big picture opens my eyes to the hurting souls I come in contct with every day and those brothers and sisters far away whom I will never meet on this earth. Thinking of God's big picture only brings good and hope to my day.
Today I read this (thanks for the unintentional tip, Robin). And it started my thoughts of God's big picture. Slowly the thoughts of my imperfection melted as I thought of God's perfection. Slowly the thoughts of this world's trials and hurts melted away with the thought of this place Jesus is preparing for those who acknowlegde Him as Lord of all. Slowly my morning began to have purpose. And slowly hope crept into my smile. In and amongst my longing for this new Heaven and earth, I felt a part of something so much bigger than myself. And to start off my morning, I felt, once again, that I could actually use these flawed filthy-rags to make God's name and true character known. Talk about a good way to start the day.
Thank You, God, for the hope of someday being perfect in You. That truly is something to strive for. I love You.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
But it's Truth.
I finished!!!
Yesterday I finished reading Safely Home and it brought up thoughts. I've been wanting to tell you all about this book I've been reading and how it has made me feel, only I haven't been convinced that I could articulate the thoughts that are circulating. Even now I'm not sure. Where should I begin? What should I say?
My house church decided to read this book and discuss it at our regular Sunday evening meetings. Initially I was quite weary about reading and discussing anything but the Bible, but due to Robin unknowingly encouraging me, I pick the book up. A novel? I thought. I bet it'll be some cheesy Christian fiction. One of those ones that are more like a soap and less like a lifestyle choice. Stereotypical Christian. Stereotypical love life. One of those "Choose to wait" type high school youth group novels geared toward those who believe they can find more direction and guidance in a novel than the Truth of God. [Kinda close-minded, huh?]
In some ways the novel fit the stereotypical Christian novel qualifications. But in other areas... I could feel my mind opening. It was as if the King was saying, "Child, see. Truly see."
I won't give the novel away to you. I won't tell the ending (especially since Robin hasn't finished and she reads my entries sometimes). I will tell you things you could read on the back cover though (even though I never read the back cover). There a Chinese man, Li Quan, who has returned to China after visiting America and earning a high education at Harvard. He returns to his people in China and is a persecuted Christian. His old American roommate, Ben, has long forgotten any Christ thoughts and poured his soul into his business accomplishments, leaving his family in the dust. The two roommates meet in China after twenty or so years of silence. And the rest of the novel unfolds the persecution (sometimes detailed), the risks that are taken for God's name's sake, and the imprints that a radical Christian lifestyle has on Ben. While this book was classified as a fiction novel, the author based the book off of various stories of persecution that he had learned of on journeys of faith (missions trips).
I think the thing that struck me the most from this novel was the whole concept of Heaven's sights verses earthly viewpoints. And in the contrast, God so orchestrated that my mind should begin to wrap itself around more of the eternal picture of life and less of the earthly viewpoint. I have thought and still think about the eternal impact of prayer. It's power truly cannot be leashed. Suffering has presented itself as an honor and a blessing. Surely it's nothing to be pitied.
Would I hold to my God so dearly that physical persecution would not harm my faith?
Would fear overcome me in the midst of torture?
Do I cling too much to things of this world forgetting the Source of the blessings?
The life of a martyr is breathtaking. And to think of the humility still kept while enduring all things for the sake of the cross (-Paul's words, not mine-). Would we, could we dare as comfortable American Christians to forfeit our comfort for God's glory?
One of a few keys points in the story remains trailing through my thoughts...
Li Quan spoke to Ben of his failed marriage with his wife. He spoke in pity that the American couple had not experienced the persecution that made his relationship with his wife so much stronger.
Lord, as much as I fear conflict. I pray for persecution. Lord, for then I know fully that the opposition arises when they see the light of Your face.
Maybe, just maybe, the ticket to fully relying on Christ and dying to yourself is not only to admit that you have been a sinner and accept his life, but also to loose all your comforts that you cling to in order to exalt the Lord... no matter what your life situation would look like afterward.
But that's not what we want to hear.
But it's Truth!
-These links are public facts that the author assimilated on his webpage. If confusion arises regarding any thoughts that the author has shared regarding heaven and other topics, please refer to the Word of God to answer all questions. You could ask me, but I can't guarentee you any profound knowledge since I too am marveling and learning each day. Pray and ask God your hard questions. I cannot guarentee that He will answer your every question, but I can guarentee that He is listening and wants you to ask Him hard questions. -
Yesterday I finished reading Safely Home and it brought up thoughts. I've been wanting to tell you all about this book I've been reading and how it has made me feel, only I haven't been convinced that I could articulate the thoughts that are circulating. Even now I'm not sure. Where should I begin? What should I say?
My house church decided to read this book and discuss it at our regular Sunday evening meetings. Initially I was quite weary about reading and discussing anything but the Bible, but due to Robin unknowingly encouraging me, I pick the book up. A novel? I thought. I bet it'll be some cheesy Christian fiction. One of those ones that are more like a soap and less like a lifestyle choice. Stereotypical Christian. Stereotypical love life. One of those "Choose to wait" type high school youth group novels geared toward those who believe they can find more direction and guidance in a novel than the Truth of God. [Kinda close-minded, huh?]
In some ways the novel fit the stereotypical Christian novel qualifications. But in other areas... I could feel my mind opening. It was as if the King was saying, "Child, see. Truly see."
I won't give the novel away to you. I won't tell the ending (especially since Robin hasn't finished and she reads my entries sometimes). I will tell you things you could read on the back cover though (even though I never read the back cover). There a Chinese man, Li Quan, who has returned to China after visiting America and earning a high education at Harvard. He returns to his people in China and is a persecuted Christian. His old American roommate, Ben, has long forgotten any Christ thoughts and poured his soul into his business accomplishments, leaving his family in the dust. The two roommates meet in China after twenty or so years of silence. And the rest of the novel unfolds the persecution (sometimes detailed), the risks that are taken for God's name's sake, and the imprints that a radical Christian lifestyle has on Ben. While this book was classified as a fiction novel, the author based the book off of various stories of persecution that he had learned of on journeys of faith (missions trips).
I think the thing that struck me the most from this novel was the whole concept of Heaven's sights verses earthly viewpoints. And in the contrast, God so orchestrated that my mind should begin to wrap itself around more of the eternal picture of life and less of the earthly viewpoint. I have thought and still think about the eternal impact of prayer. It's power truly cannot be leashed. Suffering has presented itself as an honor and a blessing. Surely it's nothing to be pitied.
Would I hold to my God so dearly that physical persecution would not harm my faith?
Would fear overcome me in the midst of torture?
Do I cling too much to things of this world forgetting the Source of the blessings?
The life of a martyr is breathtaking. And to think of the humility still kept while enduring all things for the sake of the cross (-Paul's words, not mine-). Would we, could we dare as comfortable American Christians to forfeit our comfort for God's glory?
One of a few keys points in the story remains trailing through my thoughts...
Li Quan spoke to Ben of his failed marriage with his wife. He spoke in pity that the American couple had not experienced the persecution that made his relationship with his wife so much stronger.
Lord, as much as I fear conflict. I pray for persecution. Lord, for then I know fully that the opposition arises when they see the light of Your face.
Maybe, just maybe, the ticket to fully relying on Christ and dying to yourself is not only to admit that you have been a sinner and accept his life, but also to loose all your comforts that you cling to in order to exalt the Lord... no matter what your life situation would look like afterward.
But that's not what we want to hear.
But it's Truth!
-These links are public facts that the author assimilated on his webpage. If confusion arises regarding any thoughts that the author has shared regarding heaven and other topics, please refer to the Word of God to answer all questions. You could ask me, but I can't guarentee you any profound knowledge since I too am marveling and learning each day. Pray and ask God your hard questions. I cannot guarentee that He will answer your every question, but I can guarentee that He is listening and wants you to ask Him hard questions. -
You
-an excerpt-
"Lord, I love you. You are Maker of Heaven and Earth. You are Refuge. You are Relief. You are Shelter. You are Shade. You are an Awesome God. You are Forgiver. You are Healer. You are Ancient of Days. You are Alpha and Omega. You are the Prince of Peace. You are the Lord of Lords. You are Comforter. You are Open Arms. You are Mercy. You are Love. You are Grace. You are the God of Abraham, Isaac, Moses, and Jacob. You are Judge and you are the Ransom paid for all. You are Guide, Helper, and Friend. You are Savior, Messiah, Ever-present, Eternal, Omniscient, Director, Organizer and Maker of mankind. You are Creator of life. You are Faithful. You are Giver. You are Encourager. You are Teacher. You are Discipliner. You are Corrector.
You are the God who led His people out of slavery in Egypt and through the Red Sea. You are the God who provided manna to your ungrateful people. You are the God who taught and continued to love Your people and provided a Ransom for Your people even in Your wrath for their disobedience. You are the God who sent down prophets to warn Your people of the reality of Your judgement and to declare the coming of Your Son. You are the God who hates divorce because You are concerned with the heart of man. You are the God who used a willing virgin in a humble hole in the wall to bring Yourself to save us from ourselves. You are the God who used flawed mankind to make Your name known and Your Greatness known. You are the God who endured 33 years of our pains and our ignorance. You are the God who took on all the humiliation, mocking, spitting, cursing, depression, emotions behind self-mutilation, pain, worthlessness, selfishness, arrogance, oppression, lusts, temptations, mistakes, fears, angers, outbursts, disobedience, discouragement, and shame of all mankind in exchange for the possibility that we would accept a life-renewing relationship with the god of the universe. You are the God that died on the cross before we ever even thought to accept Your beauty. You are the God that endured all of that, even if we chose not to accept your gift. You are the God that chose to forsake Your Son, a part of You, for a rebellious people yelling "crucify him!" You are the God who declared, "It is finished!" and never once gave up on Your promise to die for Your people, even as Your people held the hammers. You are the God who as laid in a tomb guarded by Roman guards and sealed from people and intruders.
Then...
You are the God who conquered death, leaving the linens to re-emphasize Your love and sacrifice for Your people. You are the God who reminded His people again and again that You will never leave them. You are the God that after ascension sent messengers to re-emphasize again Your love and sacrifice for all mankind. You are the God who sent down messengers who opened their hearts and arms to share Your teachings, the beauty of Your sacrifice and what our response should be. You are the God whose Son sits at the right hand of Your throne, after having been with us sinners for thirty-three years and having conquered the grave, and prays for our obedience. And You are the God who took a willing servant and had him write down the end of Your story... the triumph of You, and ultimately, Your people, to give us all the hope we could ever need during our times of darkness and persecution for Your name's sake.
Lord, Father, Savior, You are that God.
You are all that and so much more.
Therefore, I love You.
Because You first showed me how to love."
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Does a weekend get better than this...
Today Andi becomes Andi "a wife".
Congratulations, Andi!
I'm so excited for you!
And for all my loyal readers (HA!), I probably won't be posting this weekend because...
Friday, is an afternoon/evening of a dear friend's final wedding preparations, reahearsal and rehearsal dinner [I've never been in a wedding before. This is a new thing.]
Saturday, Miranda Snider becomes Miranda Baker!!!!! and my 'brother', Chris, gets a GREAT wife!!!!!
Sunday, celebrate my Daddy, eat dinner with Matt's Dad, and sing along with Martina McBride. [That's going to be a fantastic concert.]
That's right... great stuff this weekend. And I'm so stinkin' excited!!!
Congratulations, Andi!
I'm so excited for you!
And for all my loyal readers (HA!), I probably won't be posting this weekend because...
Friday, is an afternoon/evening of a dear friend's final wedding preparations, reahearsal and rehearsal dinner [I've never been in a wedding before. This is a new thing.]
Saturday, Miranda Snider becomes Miranda Baker!!!!! and my 'brother', Chris, gets a GREAT wife!!!!!
Sunday, celebrate my Daddy, eat dinner with Matt's Dad, and sing along with Martina McBride. [That's going to be a fantastic concert.]
That's right... great stuff this weekend. And I'm so stinkin' excited!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The Hop
Well my dear readers (all two of you) I wanted to give you a real look at my life thus far. So brace yourselves.
Last night I got the privilege of going to the bachlorette party of a dear friend. She’s getting married on Saturday and I’m so excited for her because she’s marrying Chris, who’s totally like a brother to me. It was a wonderful scavenger hunt party. Allisha did a nice job planning it, once the plans got rolling. Miranda was even pulled over (on purpose) during the hunt. And despite some of the gross elements of a bachelorette party, it was a wonderful night of good surprises and support of Miranda.
During this evening, I was most content to just sit back and listen to others ask Miranda questions. It was so neat to think about how far Miranda has come in her walk with the Lord since I first met her. And it was so different to think of dear little Miranda being all old and grown up… and a wife. But I couldn’t be more happy for the two of them and, while it may sound stereotypically cliché, Miranda and Chris really do fit together. I’m not talking about some American dream fit together, I’m talking about a day in and day out, sometimes angry, sometimes unforgiving, but all the time loving fit together. And it makes me so happy to count down the days until their public ‘I do’s. There’s four more days. Four more days.
And that brings me to the thought of the 74 more days left before Matt and I get married. Yes, everyone asks questions, and the questions were not contained to Miranda talk last night either. The same few questions arose regarding my wedding plans and the same shock and, at times, annoyance returned through people's eyes as my laxidazical, "things are going well, I haven't done too much lately, and we're pretty much done" flows out. Oh yes, I am exciting, but I have been focusing on what life will be like in marriage, not on August 25th.
Finances. Finances. Finances. Details. Details. Details. Sometimes it's a real struggle to try to make finances fun. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes the thought of all the numbers which will contribute much stress and, in turn, coping strategies in our married life brings fear into my life. But I am the one who controls whether or not I will cave in to that fear, exchanging my sanity or each unfulfilling morsel.
I know God. I trust God. He has provided in the past. He has promised He will provide in the future. So, therefore, He will. And I just need to trust that.
74 days. [For Robin, 10 weeks.] Two weeks from yesterday marks exactly 2 weeks until we reach the 2 month marker. In other words, 1 week and six days until we reach 2 months to go. Why is this significant? (Robin has asked in her head in the past. - wow that makes you sound liek a crazy, Robin. Or at least it makes me sound like a mind reader.-) At 2 months, Matt and I begin marriage counseling. Marriage counseling!!! Which means August 25th is just a hop away.
So, until that hop takes place, I am working on completing my bachelores degree in Social Work [internship + class], as of yesterday, it looks like I'll be taking additional class, playing outside with my kids, taking the licensure exam (SW), getting a job (or at least getting a "real" job rolling), securing a new APT, moving Matt into the new APT, packing my things, petting Cheddar, moving my things, going to Cleveland on a MFBC mission trip, having a bridal shower (July 28th), doing marriage counseling, and preparing myself mentally and emotionally to make one of the biggest transitions I have ever made.
That's me lately.
What's God been doing in your life?
Last night I got the privilege of going to the bachlorette party of a dear friend. She’s getting married on Saturday and I’m so excited for her because she’s marrying Chris, who’s totally like a brother to me. It was a wonderful scavenger hunt party. Allisha did a nice job planning it, once the plans got rolling. Miranda was even pulled over (on purpose) during the hunt. And despite some of the gross elements of a bachelorette party, it was a wonderful night of good surprises and support of Miranda.
During this evening, I was most content to just sit back and listen to others ask Miranda questions. It was so neat to think about how far Miranda has come in her walk with the Lord since I first met her. And it was so different to think of dear little Miranda being all old and grown up… and a wife. But I couldn’t be more happy for the two of them and, while it may sound stereotypically cliché, Miranda and Chris really do fit together. I’m not talking about some American dream fit together, I’m talking about a day in and day out, sometimes angry, sometimes unforgiving, but all the time loving fit together. And it makes me so happy to count down the days until their public ‘I do’s. There’s four more days. Four more days.
And that brings me to the thought of the 74 more days left before Matt and I get married. Yes, everyone asks questions, and the questions were not contained to Miranda talk last night either. The same few questions arose regarding my wedding plans and the same shock and, at times, annoyance returned through people's eyes as my laxidazical, "things are going well, I haven't done too much lately, and we're pretty much done" flows out. Oh yes, I am exciting, but I have been focusing on what life will be like in marriage, not on August 25th.
Finances. Finances. Finances. Details. Details. Details. Sometimes it's a real struggle to try to make finances fun. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes the thought of all the numbers which will contribute much stress and, in turn, coping strategies in our married life brings fear into my life. But I am the one who controls whether or not I will cave in to that fear, exchanging my sanity or each unfulfilling morsel.
I know God. I trust God. He has provided in the past. He has promised He will provide in the future. So, therefore, He will. And I just need to trust that.
74 days. [For Robin, 10 weeks.] Two weeks from yesterday marks exactly 2 weeks until we reach the 2 month marker. In other words, 1 week and six days until we reach 2 months to go. Why is this significant? (Robin has asked in her head in the past. - wow that makes you sound liek a crazy, Robin. Or at least it makes me sound like a mind reader.-) At 2 months, Matt and I begin marriage counseling. Marriage counseling!!! Which means August 25th is just a hop away.
So, until that hop takes place, I am working on completing my bachelores degree in Social Work [internship + class], as of yesterday, it looks like I'll be taking additional class, playing outside with my kids, taking the licensure exam (SW), getting a job (or at least getting a "real" job rolling), securing a new APT, moving Matt into the new APT, packing my things, petting Cheddar, moving my things, going to Cleveland on a MFBC mission trip, having a bridal shower (July 28th), doing marriage counseling, and preparing myself mentally and emotionally to make one of the biggest transitions I have ever made.
That's me lately.
What's God been doing in your life?
Monday, June 11, 2007
In Excess of Maximums
I was checking my DARS this morning (the program that reports how "on track" you are to graduate). And I was pleased with all the areas I have successfully completed Wright State's University standars. Then I saw something a bit "different". I saw a "NO" where apparently I have not met a University Standard. In further investigating this "NO" I read this...
What's that mean?NEEDS: 1.0 HOUR
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Cup of Java
There is nothing like waking up at 6am (begrudgingly at first. - I'm not going to lie-), reading the Word, running for three miles and then taking a nice cool shower.Ahhhhhh... yes.
This is my cup of Java.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Lasts
You know, there are some bitter sweet moments in life that take your breath away. And then there's some hard moments in life that cause you to take coping deep breaths.
It's the end of the quarter and the lasts are creaping in. I am taking my last exam on Thursday, I have attended my last Crosswalk, I just attended my last "class", and my last is all I can give. I can't give anymore to this quarter. And you know what? I'm really okay with that. In fact, it brings much relief. Much relief.
This summer will be hard; one class, practicum and work back to back (and even overlapping at times), and then life. It will be a challenge. Truly a challenge. It's the last sprint for my degree. And while it may feel like it is dangling over my head, attached to a wire on my back, eventually I'll reach it. And another checkmark will be placed on the list of life.
My Refuge has brought rest. Much needed and much appreciated.
I came home to a bouquett of roses and a "just because" letter. How he blesses me. And I agree, taking time for the simple is a must... and it's so needed. Thank you, Matt.
More thoughts that crossed my mind today revolved around a little girl. A classmate brought her daughter into class. Her daughter, Rose, must have been a good 2 years old. Rose was a healthy two, laughing, interrupting class, rolling on the floor, and talking to another five year old child drag-along for the day. My classmate shared with me and another aquaintance, "I wanted two and I knew it was now or never." She also expanded upon her teenager that's back at home. This woman, now in her mid thirties/early forties had this little one. And the smile on this woman's face? Her little one was her world. And it was so cute.
Kinda made me want to be a mom. Later... but I looked forward to if God would ever grace me with the oppotunity to love Matt and my little one to pieces. We'll see in time. I'm in no rush.
I thought of Ellen and wondered how she was doing. I miss seeing her regularly. We're going to meet up and hang out sometime later this week so we can pack her up for her move on June 16th. And maybe I'll even get to hold my neice a little. But, I'm not going to lie, as much as I love my neice to pieces, I really do love her mom and I care more about how her mom was doing than my neice. As cold as that sounds, Ellen's a friend and i really care about her.
I also got an email for Andi a few days ago. She can't come to Matt and my wedding. That was really disappointing because she was one of the few people that I really wanted to be there. Oh but I completely understand that she can't come. I COMPLETELY understand. My, my how God has grown her and Ben. It's amazing to watch. Praise God for His grace and His love. But in and amongst the wonderful things God is doing, there are little hurts that happen too. And Andi not being able to come to my wedding. That's just one of them.
Well, the cats are all sprawled out, napping on Robin's bed. And as tempting as that looks, I think I'm going to go for a run. It's been a long time since I've gotten to just run. And I look forward to it.
Hope you are seeing the Lord's blessings in your life today.
To God be all the glory and honor and praise forever and ever.
Amen.
It's the end of the quarter and the lasts are creaping in. I am taking my last exam on Thursday, I have attended my last Crosswalk, I just attended my last "class", and my last is all I can give. I can't give anymore to this quarter. And you know what? I'm really okay with that. In fact, it brings much relief. Much relief.
This summer will be hard; one class, practicum and work back to back (and even overlapping at times), and then life. It will be a challenge. Truly a challenge. It's the last sprint for my degree. And while it may feel like it is dangling over my head, attached to a wire on my back, eventually I'll reach it. And another checkmark will be placed on the list of life.
My Refuge has brought rest. Much needed and much appreciated.
I came home to a bouquett of roses and a "just because" letter. How he blesses me. And I agree, taking time for the simple is a must... and it's so needed. Thank you, Matt.
More thoughts that crossed my mind today revolved around a little girl. A classmate brought her daughter into class. Her daughter, Rose, must have been a good 2 years old. Rose was a healthy two, laughing, interrupting class, rolling on the floor, and talking to another five year old child drag-along for the day. My classmate shared with me and another aquaintance, "I wanted two and I knew it was now or never." She also expanded upon her teenager that's back at home. This woman, now in her mid thirties/early forties had this little one. And the smile on this woman's face? Her little one was her world. And it was so cute.
Kinda made me want to be a mom. Later... but I looked forward to if God would ever grace me with the oppotunity to love Matt and my little one to pieces. We'll see in time. I'm in no rush.
I thought of Ellen and wondered how she was doing. I miss seeing her regularly. We're going to meet up and hang out sometime later this week so we can pack her up for her move on June 16th. And maybe I'll even get to hold my neice a little. But, I'm not going to lie, as much as I love my neice to pieces, I really do love her mom and I care more about how her mom was doing than my neice. As cold as that sounds, Ellen's a friend and i really care about her.
I also got an email for Andi a few days ago. She can't come to Matt and my wedding. That was really disappointing because she was one of the few people that I really wanted to be there. Oh but I completely understand that she can't come. I COMPLETELY understand. My, my how God has grown her and Ben. It's amazing to watch. Praise God for His grace and His love. But in and amongst the wonderful things God is doing, there are little hurts that happen too. And Andi not being able to come to my wedding. That's just one of them.
Well, the cats are all sprawled out, napping on Robin's bed. And as tempting as that looks, I think I'm going to go for a run. It's been a long time since I've gotten to just run. And I look forward to it.
Hope you are seeing the Lord's blessings in your life today.
To God be all the glory and honor and praise forever and ever.
Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)