More of Jesus

You know, I was thinking today about what it will be like to be nearest to Jesus. I can't possibly fathom what it will be like to see Him for the first time. And quiet honestly, just thinking about it makes me miss Him so much.

Do you get like that? Where you think about how awesome Jesus is and just want to find yourself wrapped up in His arms? It's not that your family isn't wonderful. You're not in some pity-me moment. And it's not a self-loathing moment either. Your day is good, maybe even great, and you just miss Jesus. He hasn't gone anywhere, but something deep inside... something that can't be satisfied just wants to run into His arms.

Something inside you wants to stay in His arms and catch up on the 'remember when's of this journey. You just want to snuggle in deep and hear Him breathing. You just want to feel His embrace - you know that has to feel amazing.

God is no less real on this side of the New Jerusalem. God is no less present and no less enough than He is. The I AM is still the I AM. And there are days that I wish I could just hug Him. No one has been closer to me than Jesus. And no one ever will be.

The closest thing I can think of how my face will be is comparable to this little girl's face when she looks up from her classroom work to see her Daddy standing there, newly returned home from the war.

http://www.godvine.com/Daddy-Gives-his-Daughter-a-Heartwarming-Surprise-at-School-764.html

With tears in my eyes I can say that yes... Jesus is well worth it.

-Keeping my eyes on the Prize.

"...Going to Training"

My two year old told my one year old in the middle of her afternoon play, "You watch my babies and I'll go to training and be back soon."

Can you tell we've been doing our foster/adoptive training for a good while now.

And alas, I finished my last class tonight. Funny how 36 hours can feel like a lifetime.


The final class brings a relief and yet a bit of fear too. You see, God told us to get our license. So we have. We've tried to be good kids. But as we finish this process up, it's kind of like standing on a cliff after climbing the hill in obedience. It's not a fear of someone pushing you off, God has more love than that. But it sure gives you a thrill at God's prospect of saying, "Jump... trust me..."

It's like that moment at the top of a roller-coaster hill when you have that split second somewhere between, "This was a good idea, right?!" and "BRING IT!!!" It's that healthy wondering of what the horizon will reveal.

So much change has happened to our family over the past 6 months, from no longer watching Lexi to temporarily watching Kevin, to God adjusting our plans multiple times and reminding us that He is more than capable of using any situation to grow and change our family, to babysitting Mom's cats and then ending up adding one of the cats to our crew, to getting into the swing of homeschool and delighting in Rachael soaring in her learning. We just never know what's on the horizon. And it's so exciting not to have the "this will be out of God's control" fear that comes from a lack of faith, but instead to have a butterflied feeling of excitement and anticipation for what we have yet to see.

It's like holding your breath and trusting that God will instruct you when to breathe before it's too late - even if it gets a bit uncomfortable at times. He knows what He is doing. And He sure is moving.


Matt still has a class to go in 3 weeks and then our collective training classes will be complete. We have our list of things still left to get done before getting the final stamp of approval from the county before sending the application to the State for a completed license. But with all that being said, our application/license should be complete around Christmas. Christmas, people!!!! That may feel a bit far away when you look at Halloween and Thanksgiving coming up first, but when you think about the fact that i have started Christmas shopping/looking..... eeeeeek, people!!!! That's in a blink of an eye.


God is so good to us. God has blessed us so. And I'm feeling like a little kid in a toy store as this adoption process is becoming more of a reality. Whooooo! Stand back and check out what God will do...!!!!!

We'll be standing beside you, checking it all out and applauding His Greatness,

Fall Festival

We went today to a fall festival at a local park that is only 15 minutes from my house and yet I didn't know existed. Yes, Yes, I know... submit commentary here about how adventurous I am. =) Each year we try to go to a fall festival or pumpkin patch with "the cousins" (Aunt Ellen, Uncle Ron, Bekah, John-John and Josiah). It's a fun time to make memories together.

The little Fall Festival was free to the public - right in our price range - and had all kinds of family-fun activities from pony rides to a goat petting zoo (don't pet the one that was head-butting the kids -- for serious. lol.), and a pumpkin decorating area with free pumpkins, oh and also a playground and a barrel-seat train ride pulled behind a tractor (Rachael bowed out) and a large wagon hayride (we all bowed out). Wonderful few hours of fun and smiles. Poor Rachael was still recovering from her 102 degree fever the day before, so her regular energy level was not completely back during the adventure. But a good stroller ride, blanket snuggle and a snack helped her rejoin the fun without over-extending the poor kid. And Abi had her first pony ride.

And thus I share pictures.... you know, because I'm a shameless Mom of two cute kids. =D

 Our Cowgirl -always wanting to ride the ponies.

 Her first pony ride. Look at that pacifier smile! (yep, we're still teething hard.)

 YAY!

 Picking out a good one. (The wind in her hair).

 So little.

 She wanted to carry her own pumpkin.

So Daddy was helping her be as big as she felt in that moment. =)

 All the kiddos.

 Pumpkin decorating.

 Rachael's finished product. - bear with her she was starting to feel poorly.

[see her poor flushed face.. =( It was nearing time for a break. ]

 She came back to life, after a break, with full character in the leaf fight.

 hehehe. So much fun had by all.

 Aunt Ellen boosting her up for a view of the cows and donkey.

 Happily Daddy's sidekick.

 Sister Snuggles.

 A family shot. - Rachael's done for the day.

(Oh look! I was there too!)

 One last wind-in-her-face smile before we loaded up and called it a day.

Wonderful trip. Wonderful company. Wonderful day.

Thanks again, Ellen, Ron and Co. for another great year of fall tradition.

Blessed

I am so blessed by these little faces.

 hehe. Look at Abi-baby cheesin' it!

 Oh no... here it comes....

 TICKLE-MONSTER!!!!!

AHHH!!! Second TICKLE-MONSTER!!!!

My cast of characters make my world.
They're such little best friends. =)

Thanks, God!

Goodmorning everyone. 

To be Onesimus for God.

I've been to a few youth conventions in my life. You know, those mass-packed stadiums of exhortation and challenge. I've been to my fair share as a youth and then a good handful as a youth chaperon in college and then as a "youth pastor's wife" here on this side of life.

I've found over my years that the music has changed from being familiar singalongs to I-have-no-idea-who-that-guy-is songs. I'm sure, friends, that as the music has changed so have I.

Those wonderful youth conventions turned from just-right music to did-you-bring-the-cotton-balls music. Again, friends, I did the changing. And while some youth conventions end with outlandishly entertainment-only speakers, I have heard my share of good challenges and, what we "old people" of the faith call "charges" at revival-type settings.

In my quiet-time reading yesterday I felt the desire to check out Philemon again. Good old Philemon; wronged by his disobedient slave who stole from him and ran off (Sentencing the slave with a punishment of death according to Rome should he be found). Poor Christian Philemon.... now what? And then this letter arrives from a dear friend, mentor, and brother-in-Christ, Paul. And the letter says what? The slave is now a Christian and is the bearer of the letter? Now what should you do, Philemon? When put at the crossroads of trial, what should be the response?

The Bible never tells us. Thanks! Good suspense novel missing the last chapter! But again, you know how I like those unsettled-in-the-middle stories.

Only my heart shifts instead to the slave: Onesimus. Onesimus is translated to mean "useful". Paul and his witty self using the play on words that Onesimus is no longer useless, but instead in Christ is useful. Nerd joke alert! Gotta love that Paul.

And yet the term sticks. Am I Onesimus for the Kingdom? That is, am I useful for the Kingdom?

Each day we have an opportunity. I hope to seize that opportunity today. Not that my record could be cleaned or my name looked better upon, but that I would be proof that only Christ can do the changes that are inside of me. Just like Onesimus.

And one more thing, what if God calls you not to the exciting missions field where you get to witness first-hand the Kingdom work, but instead right on back to where you were running away from? Is He any less God? Is that cause to return to uselessness?

- just some thoughts today.

Look at that girl... She's happy.

I got a World Vision magazine in the mail today. Funny how excited my heart gets to see those two words, "World Vision". World Vision means more than a humanitarian effort. World Vision is how we have met Lydia and Tofic. World Vision is like a family connection.

This magazine wasn't like a normal one. Instead of selling gifts and household clutter, this magazine opened up a new window of Christmas - spirited opportunities.

A few days ago, maybe it was yesterday, I took my quiet nap-time allotment to count coins. Yes, I know machines can do that. Yes, I know those little paper wrappers don't carry any alluring factors. But this counting had purpose.

I emptied the contents of our missions jar on the table. We've been just adding our spare change to the collection for a number of months now. And as I started counting and wrapping I wondered how awesome of an experience it would be to sit around with our Sunday School class, or a group of friends, and do just that... count and wrap coins for missions work. I began to sing praise songs - interjecting numerals in there as I got closer to the brinks of my personal math skills. =)

I was pleasantly surprised by the amounts that laid before me some 45 minute or an hour later after shelling and counting and handling what felt like a small amount of coins. Funny how God shows up. I wondered what these would be used for. I wondered why God had put it on our hearts to collect this money. When we set the goal to save the coins and then find a place to donate the money once the jar was filled the day felt so far away. And while the jar is not filled yet, I felt the need to count and wrap up the coins.

Then today the magazine came. World Vision. I love those words. I flipped open the pages and looked at all the pictures with my toddlers today at lunch. Daddy's at seminary all day today, so in many ways the house has felt unusually quiet - even though he's always at work during most of the daytime anyway. But at lunch he usually joins us and he was missed today - as he is every Tuesday.

"Look at that boy!" my little talker interjected. "What's that?"

"A goat."

"Why?" the famous and expected response.

"Because some Mommies and Daddies live in places where it is hard to grow food or where there isn't enough food. You know how you tell me you're hungry and I can just open the fridge and make you lunch? Some families can't do that. Some families don't have enough food. So Daddy and you and me and Abi have been putting away our money in the missions jar. Remember putting coins in the jar? And we are saving the extra blessings God has given us to help feed other families. One way we can help feed other families is by sending them a goat. You know how we drink milk? And cows make milk? Goats make milk too. And so a goat would help a family drink milk."

She smiled. "Look at that girl.... She's happy!"

That's exactly right, little girl. Exactly right.

Funny how tears well up in your eyes sometimes when you know in your heart that something is right. When you know in your heart that you are right where God has planted you... and you are doing your best to grow.

I wiped away a few tears as Rachael looked over the magazine with fascination and continued to comment on all the little boys and girls' faces. Abi kept referring to each animal we saw as "meow"s and after Rachael corrected Abi's labeling we talked about how each of the different animals could help families.

The goal is not just to send an animal. The goal is to serve the least of these with a worshipful heart. They may come to the Lord, who knows, maybe not having to worry about their food source will allow their minds to think more of Jesus. But all I know is that Jesus said very plainly that when you do unto the least of these you do unto Me.

We just want to do unto Jesus more and more each day.

- to the least of these for now and forever more.

-- if you are interested in helping yourself: www.worldvisiongifts.com
Check it out.

Devoted?

Ready to fly?

 
My best friend woke me up this morning. No, I'm not referring to my husband, he's still sleeping, or a pet. I have found that in setting a devotion wake-up time goal i have never had to set an alarm. I just mysteriously wake-up 15 minutes earlier than my goal. That put me right out on the couch after my lovely morning bathroom trip and gathering my Bible at precisely 6:30a.

Good morning Jesus.

How close does He feel today?

You know, I have found in memorizing Scripture and trying to live it out that when Jesus feels close it is not a burden. It is a privilege. When Jesus feels like a best friend, I want to read His letters to me. I want to read His advice and guidance to my heart. And when He feels far away, I find other things to replace the time.

Oddly enough I don't believe our faith should be a feeling. I believe we need to train our selves and whip ourselves into shape. We can never do all our training ourselves, we need to pray for the Holy Spirit's changing in our hearts. But I believe many of the "seasons" in Christianity are really disguised Apathy emerging in our lives. O yes, I have been through dry seasons where it feels like my prayers are hitting the ceiling, but I have also found that while it is a challenge sometimes to think beyond ourselves (ahem, it's a challenge all the time in my selfish heart), I must push myself.

No change will just happen on it's own. I don't believe this is because God cannot just make a change happen. Beyond salvation, in which I found myself all of a sudden "getting it", all other change has happened gradually. As I have asked for more of Jesus and less of me, I have slowly gotten just that. But I must keep asking.

Some days I don't ask so well. Some days I want more of myself. And it's in those days that I must push myself.

A while back I happily accepted my apathy toward devotions. "Everyone struggles with them," I told myself. "This has been something I have always struggled with: the consistency of a devotion time," my own enabling continued. And where did that get me? Continuing to struggle to "find time" for a devotion.

Matt came home from a youth conference with a challenging phrase: "Devotions are a promise. Every day you feel like breaking your devotion time, just go ahead and tell your teenager they can break their purity promise that day. Afterall, you're breaking your promise that day too."


I didn't like that. Purity really matters to me. I can't imagine throwing it all in the can for one day of fleeting passion after waiting for 22 years to save sex for marriage. It forced me to think in real terms.

No, that didn't instantly fix my struggles with devotion. Every day I have the battle, many times a day, flesh verses Spirit. But I must show up to the battle!

My routine started like this: grumbling at the early time, apologizing to God, reading the Word, writing some prayers in my journal, and repeating that process for a week of exhausted morning devotion. We all must start somewhere. Then i started going to bed a little earlier. The grumbling cut back and I started apologizing for sins other than my grumbling. =) And sooner than I thought a month or so had passed and it was just normal to wake up early - even on a Sunday, and start my day off in the Word. There were days it sucked - I was in a bad mood. I hadn't slept well. Vacation came. I failed. But I just kept thinking about telling Rachael she didn't have to guard her purity that day. Now people, I am aware that she is 2, but purity is a heart-training that begins with modesty, initially for the sake of "because Mom says privacy is important", and expands into a lifestyle of waiting for what God has on the horizon for you. I just kept imagining telling Rachael in her teenage years to "go have fun" and "forget about it for today" afterall, "you'll get another chance tomorrow." See how different devotions look in another point of view?


I challenge you to lay it all on the line. You'll mess up - I did. But I challenge you to force the priority and stop accepting your own excuses. You will be surprised what a heart for Jesus emerges from diving into the deep. You'll be surprised at the clarity that emerges in refocusing on His Truth daily.

 Am I ready to fly today?

Or just drag my feet?

... in Christ Alone.

Sunday Morning Recap

At the Sunday lunch table.

Me: "So Rachael, what did you learn in Sunday School today?"

Rachael: "[Specific little girl] wasn't sharing and I was listening."

- rotten.-

Me: "What did you LEARN in Sunday School today?"

Daddy: "What was the lesson that you learned?"

Rachael: Quickly, "I don't know" Shoved noodles into her mouth.

- Thank you, teenager.-

Daddy: "Yes you do too know. Think about what you learned."

Rachael: ..... "about Josiah."

Mommy: eyes the story paper sent home with Rachael.

Daddy: "What did he do?"

Rachael: Quickly, "I don't know." More noodles.

- we wait -

Rachael: "He cleaned up."

Mommy: "then what happened?"

Rachael: "I don't know."

Daddy: "Did he find something?"

Rachael: "The BIBLE SCROLL!"

Mommy: "And then they read it to the people and the people knew what God wanted them to do.

Rachael: shoveling in more pasta.

Mommy: Turning to Abi, "Is that what you learned too?"

Rachael: "No. She didn't learn anything. She just walked around, she wouldn't do a paper and she ate animal crackers."

- Sorry Abi, better luck next time. ;)


And thus you have it: the Sunday Morning Recap... from the mouth of our two year old.

(sigh) - love her.

The Gentle Healer

Sorry for the silence for a while. There has been much to think about and much to pray about lately. With some addition of alone time this past week and the addition of some quiet time this week rocking Abi's teething, tired body, I thought I'd share some mid-thoughts.

A few weeks ago our Sunday School class spoke on hindrances that we personally have in sharing the Gospel with those we care deeply about. I was thankful for the honesty and the grace amongst the group as a few shared their hearts.

Sharing the Gospel can seem so formal sometimes and even unnatural in feeling at times. Some could venture to state that the Spirit is not leading if the situation feels awkward. But so much of the situation feeling awkward could be in your own mind as well. Sure there is the feeling of rejection that adds a bitter taste sometimes. But it is such a tricky piece of life because while we don't intend to walk on eggshells in our world, we also want to be careful not to tromp around with spikes on our boots.

Maybe I can explain it better like this:

When Jesus is everything to you... When Jesus is the air you breath...
When Jesus consumes your thoughts, your heart, your intentions...
Are you then sharing the Gospel or just living?

See how can I keep from wanting to share Him? He's my best friend. Of course I want you to meet Him. He changes everything. He makes the hurts livable. He makes the trials bearable. He makes hope from devastation. He is Life to the full!

Not everyone is ready to accept Him. Not everyone is ready to have faith like a child. And according the Word, not everyone will accept Him. But everyone will hear.

I've been listening to this song while rocking my littlest through her teething needs. "The Gentle Healer" by Selah. It's a cover of the song done many years prior. But I include it here for a few reasons: I like about the song that it is written from the position of an outsider trying to rationalize and understand who Christ says He is and proves Himself to be. And yet at the end of the song the singer is not converted. Many Christian songs end in conversion, yet few continue in their state of lose ends. It's important not to get discouraged as a believer... it's all a process for each of us. And while we have the Answer to Life beating in our hearts, Christ is certainly not to be taken lightly. I enjoy how in this song it ends with "some folks who followed Him, they say that the Gentle Healer is the Truth, the Life, the Way."


At some point it must be us making the decision if the Gentle Healer is our Truth, our Life and our Way. Only we can make that decision. And there are consequences on both sides of that choice.

Yet the journey to that choice is just that... a journey and our jobs as Christians are to come alongside of the walker and disciple them to the choice of Jesus. It is the walker's choice, but our Master has made it more than clear that He is a Gentle Healer, gently healing our hearts to salvation should we chose to have faith in His ability to Heal us.

- just some thoughts rattling about in my head.