Friday, November 23, 2012

MOVED!!!

I've moved...

over here now.

=D

See ya over there.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Thanksgiving

God, thank You for a country where I don't fear for my girls' physical safety throughout the day and at night.

God, thank You for a community where I can leave laundry on the line and toys out in my yard and they're still there in the morning.

God, thank You for the freedom to read books about struggles that are so far removed from me.

God, thank You for safety and Your hand of protection on my family.

God, thank You that when the burglar broke in through the nursery window, entering and exiting through the girls' room last May no one was harmed. Thank You for allowing the girls to sleep through it all and be oblivious to the danger You saved them from. Thank You that they still sleep soundly and safely in their room to this day.

God, thank You for a government that even in it's sinfulness, still stands on most terms of protecting life and governing those who threaten the quality of life.

God, thank You for sparing my direct family from direct involvement in the utter destruction and soul-ripping pains of human trafficking. We didn't get to pick where we were born, so thank You for this undeserved blessing.

God, thank You for sparing us, thus far, from the utter horrors of child soldiers, sexual abuse, torture, in-country combat war, abandonment, violence, rape, slavery and so many of the other ways mankind can find to inflict terror upon each other. Lord, don't let me take it for granted that You have spared us from this, thus far. Please don't let me get lost in my little world of blessing that I'd become so sheltered from the pains around this world... and please help me to fight the real battles, leaving the civil arguments amidst warm houses filled with more than we could ever need. Lord, please help me to run HARD after You, promoting Your justice to save us, mankind, from ourselves.


God, thank You so much for ALL that You have given me and opened my eyes to.

Now, Lord, help me to use that wisdom to fight the good fight, win the race and keep the faith.


You are more than enough.


Where You lead me, I will follow.



I love You, Lord.


- Amen.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

So Demanding! ;)

I went to a Le Leche League meeting with a friend Tuesday night. I can certainly see the value in asking questions should your kid be having some odd behavior or you have some nursing complications. I have been blessed by Hannah's wonderful nursing skills (though we did have our hiccups too) and Abi's past success, but I certainly don't take them for granted (remembering the struggles with Rachael and ultimate weaning at 6 weeks).

But there also is a danger in sitting around in a group that won't tell you "no."

Please hear me through on this one...

Support is important. Support to excel and succeed can certainly help a Mom "go the distance" in the nursing world. But support is only healthy if the behavior supported is healthy.

I believe breastmilk is the best option for a baby - for certain. But I think the question moves from "best nutrition" to "overall health" when looking to wean a child. Biblically kids were weaned around three years old, but we must also take into account a child's expectation and cultural skill level at three years old 2,000 years ago verses now.

I tend to fall on the side of babyhood and breastmilk falling together (if possible) while toddlerhood, when nutritional value is found in food over drink, and breastmilk should be a "weaning onto other things" policy. There has been a recent trend in "prolonged" or "extended" breastfeeding into preschool age.

First off, I begin to wonder what is fueling this need. Is it really the child or is it the parent projecting a need onto the child?

I sat beside a woman who was still nursing a child Rachael's age (turning 4 years old this winter). Now while I am not making the family decisions for her household, I began to wonder if feeding a stubborn will and a perceived skin-to-skin need was indeed healthy. She herself acknowledged the nutritional need ending long ago and the need to establish boundaries.

I also sat across from a woman who in an effort "just to make her happy" was still getting up multiple times per night to nurse her co-sleeping toddler.

[Sidenote: A child is capable and healthily able to sleep through the night once they return to birth weight, though emotionally they may not be ready initially.]

I think it depends on how you view breastfeeding. Is it nutritional or attachment or both?

I'd venture to say in the beginning that it is both. I agree in wanting your child to be happy, but to what extreme do you do it?

It's the same argument for the pacifier. Or the special blanket.

And I would argue that it is the parent's job to make sure the habit is remaining healthy. See, when a child's stubborn will is exerted over a parent, the habit's not healthy. When "no" is not accepted characteristically, the habit is not healthy. And when a parent views a child's needs as demand-oriented, drop-of-the-hat, child-controlled, the habit is not healthy.

I don't think it's my job to set a nursing age standard by any means, please understand. But I do call to question the evaluation and parenting method of demand-oriented comfort, regardless of the method.

See, I think there's a sickness going around the parenting world that the child is the authority and ruler of the household or child-rearing. I think it's the same sickness that drives parents to merely entertain verses interact. I think it's the same sickness that sets a child up for even greater selfishness.

No one had to teach my kids to be selfish, we all came into this world with those resume skills. ;) But instead it is the job of the parent to foster a child into "otherness" without fear of their own true needs being met. And it's not the immature child that dictates the true needs. Oh, they can vocalize their wants all they desire... and they will. But we create an unsustainable world by demand-oriented parenting.

I'm not arguing to rip the special blanket from a child's arms by any means
(and I was a blanket kid - and still do love my adult blanket and pillow's feel of normalcy). But I am arguing the need for constant evaluation as to a habit's transition from nurturing to defiance or dependence.

What do you think?

Feel free to share in the comment section.

=)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: So Just Her

"Here, Mommy. Take my picture standing next to Abi and putting my arm around her like this." I found the camera and prepped the shot. Before the flash, "Now be happy, Abi. We love each other."



- She cracks me up.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Ninepence's Less


I sat down to read the usual Adventure Missionary reading while the girls fell asleep. Hannah, who had waited patiently for her lunch, snuggled in for her feeding as I rocked, read and fed. Rachael and Abi laid silently in their beds, initially twiddling a finger here and there and later fast asleep.

I love reading the Christian Heroes: Then & Now series to the girls. I love that in one effort my little ones get to fall asleep to my voice, have a specific and daily set-aside time to hear the testimony of heroes of the faith, and that I get the privilege to soak in some "beyond picture books" reading.

I read this today and it really resounded in my heart:

Gladys realized that she could not leave the little girl to possibly die in the hands of such a heartless person. She stopped and turned and stared at the woman. "I don't have that much cash, but I will give you what I have in my pocket."
The woman smiled slyly. "And how much would that be?" she asked.
Gladys fished around in her jacket pocket and pulled out a few copper cash coins, equal to ninepence in English money. She held the coins out on her open palm for the woman to see.
"Done," the woman declared, grasping for the money. "Take her away."
Gladys took the hand of the little girl, who she decided must be about four or five years old. Together they continued on down the street. By the time Gladys reached the inn, the enormity of what she had just done began to dawn on her. She had just bought, or adopted, as she preferred to think of it, a little girl. Just like that, she had become a mother. 
Ninepence, as the girl quickly became known, gulped down every scrap of food she was given. Within weeks she had turned into a healthy, happy little girl. She loved living at the inn, and Gladys never had a moment of regret that she'd followed her heart and not the mandarin's command. 
One day, after Ninepence had been living at the inn about six months, Gladys was standing on the upstairs balcony. Suddenly, she saw Ninepence come running through the gate into the courtyard.
"Ai-weh-deh [name given to Gladys by the Chinese and translated: "virtuous one"]," Ninepence yelled, "are you hungry tonight?"
Gladys thought the question rather odd, but she answered it. "Yes, I am, and Yang is making us a delicious millet stew."
Ninepence looked up at her. "I'm going to eat a little less at dinner. If I eat a little less, would you eat a little less, too?" she asked. 
"Why would we do that?" inquired Gladys. 
"I found a boy out here, and he is hungry," Ninepence said, pointing to the gate. "If I eat less, and you eat less, and we put those two lesses together, we would have enough to feed him, too."
Gladys smiled to herself. Ninepence was always on the lookout for children in need. "Yes, I will eat less with you, and the boy can eat with us. Bring him in," she said.
 And so it was, that an eight-year-old orphan boy also became part of the family. 

 - excerpt from "Gladys Aylward: The Adventure of a Lifetime" by Janet & Geoff Benge

It just got me to thinking and praying...

Lord, that I would eat less.

Lord, that more would eat less. Then we could put our lesses together to feed others and bring them into the family. 

... Amen.


- To God be the glory.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

That Beautiful Adventure in Her Eyes

I remember babysitting a lot while in high school. My church had a lot of young families, providing a lot of babysitting opportunities. I remember the fun times, endless candyland games, and various obstacle courses designed in the hours of entertainment. I also remember the first time I met families, that opportunity to smooth over the introductions and read a child quickly to figure out what kind of challenges presented themselves once the parents waved goodbye.

I had nearly completed the fall transfer of clothing. The girls were growing again (funny how that always happens) and the last of the cooler weather clothes needed to make their way into the closets from the boxes. We have been blessed with hand-me-downs from a few generous families and thrift-store loving little ladies from our church. My girls are thrilled with anything new to them.

Maybe it was the way I did her hair yesterday, in her two Laura Ingalls Wilder braids. Or maybe it was the last of the "toddler" style clothing exiting her wardrobe. Or maybe it was her laying on the floor this morning repeating a book for memory, "reading" to her sister. Or maybe it's in the way she always seems to find an imaginary wayward chick to nurture back to health. Or maybe it was seeing my baby Rachael in Hannah's eyes.


But suddenly I realized that she is a little girl. The toddler has long gone, never to return. She is one of those little girls I used to love to babysit. That little girl I spent a summer nannying, studying and investing in. She's like one of those babysitting kids I couldn't wait to get to watch, only I get to keep her for a little while longer.

She's on the edge of schooling. Growing. Changing. Independently blooming. And her little browns remind me of the ones I see in old photographs of a small, auburn haired adventurer who used to care for imaginary forest creatures whom had lost their way and needed a mother.

I always thought she looked a little like me. When Abi came along it sealed the deal. Abi is her Daddy. Rachael is a little variation of me. But it's so odd and amazing and tear-provoking all in one to watch her grow into my most distant childhood memories.

She is brilliant and curious and wild and gentle all in one. She is independent and just wanting to be held all at the same time.

And while three little ones encourages my day to be filled with wiping noses, picking up stray toys, dishes (if I can get to them), and laundry and more laundry, there is something about that smile of her's. That smirk of delight mixed with a little wild excitement. That smile of contentment and joy in discovering something new. That light in her eyes... she's just so alive. And I want nothing more than to drink it all in, living in the imaginary world of rescued chicks, fairy cottages, and ballerina concerts.


I adore her. She is such an utter delight.


My Rachael. 



- thankful and blessed.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Still on the Playlist

I had a conversation with a dear friend, ...oh it must have been a few weeks ago by now. The girls were all sleeping, my friend's kids were knocked out as well, and we enjoyed the quiet households giving us the opportunity to share in each others' lives.

I don't even remember quite how we got onto the subject, but we blasted back to the very beginning of our marriages. I enjoyed learning about my dear friend's transition from her Mother's house to making a home of her own with her husband. And it was fun to take a walk down memory lane with her back to the old one-bedroom apartment that Matt and I stepped foot in after saying our 'I do's.

Well after the phone conversation ended, the memories swirled.

That broken bathtub drain clogged with a washcloth so I could do the mounds of dishes piled up, evidence of no dishwasher and a cutting-board sized counter space. Two full, full-time workers and then school and then internship. The late night hours waiting for Matt to return resulting in me falling asleep on the couch.


When we got married it was not in ignorance. We had seen divorces have their affects on families and kids. We were blessed to have also seen marriages, our parents, held together by Christ and prayer. We knew the statistical odds. We knew it'd be work. And we knew it'd be worth it.


But never in my wildest dreams could I ever have imagined it'd be this good.


Here 5 years later, rocking my youngest of three daughters, the praise of our Lord pours from my heart. Thanks be to the God of firm foundations. Thanks be to the God of uniting hearts. Thanks be to the God of hope and forgiveness. Thanks be to the God who has built our marriage on Him and Him alone.

I remember my roommate and best friend at the time putting together our wedding slideshow. She gathered together the old baby pictures of Matt and I, infusing two separate stories and sharing the years of memories captured in the hearts of our friends and families in attendance. She asked me to pick the background music. A few songs came to my mind that she easily found on my music playlist. Then by some near mistake, she came across the song. The song that captured the very heart of the commitment we were offering each other. "We Build" by Nicole Nordeman.

I wanted to share this song with you, but could only find it in terms of a past flood video so please enjoy the words and ignore the pictures for the purpose of this blog. ;)

"It's bigger than we thought
It's taller than it ought to be
This pile of rubble and ruins
The neighbors must talk
It's the worst yard on the block
Just branches and boards where walls stood

Did it seem to you
Like the storm just knew
We weren't quite finished with the roof
When it started?

So we build
We build
We clear away what was and make room for what will be
If you hold the nails, I'll take the hammer
I'll hold it still, if you'll climb the ladder
If you will, then I will, build

On any given day
We could simply walk away
And let someone else hold the pieces
The lie that we tell
Says it's better somewhere else
As if love flies south when it freezes

What I'm trying to say
In some clumsy way
Is that it's you and only you for always

So we build
We build
We clear away what was and make room for what will be
If you hold the nails, I'll take the hammer
I'll hold it still, if you'll climb the ladder
If you will, then I will, build

What I'm trying to say
In some clumsy way
Is that its you and only you, not just for now, not just today
But its you and only you for always

So If you hold the nails, I'll take the hammer
I'll hold it still, if you'll climb the ladder
If you will, then I will, build
"

"We Build" speaks of emerging from the tragic moments, the tougher trials and challenges and choosing to build. Matt and I don't have a pessimistic view of our marriage, but we do know there will always be trials and challenges and circumstances outside of our ability to rise from.

But instead of accepting the lie that "it's better somewhere else" we must choose to build... together.

It's that security of choosing the mindset that "it's you and only you, for always". When you start there the choice is to build now or have a harder time building later. But not building is not a choice.


Matthew, I love building beside you and with you. I am blessed beyond measure at the graciousness you extend to me through Christ. Thank you for teaching me with a humble heart how to build. Thank you, Lord, for breathing your truth into our marriage. Please, Lord, help us and hold us together because it's so easy to be "prone to wander" when we look to ourselves to keep this marriage healthy.


I wish I could convey to you the reassurance I see in his eyes. It's something that just can't be put into words unless you have felt that kind of commitment. So many walk into relationships with a "hope this works out" mentality. And I must tell you that not one day of our marriage have I ever, nor will I ever, fear Matthew leaving me for "something else" or "someone else."

So many times this confidence has been laughed at as naivety or immaturity. But I find it quite the opposite. I know that Matt's soul is the Lord's. His commitment to me is through his level of commitment to Jesus. For it is through Christ that he is even able to offer me a lifelong commitment. And just as it is a daily denying of self for the cause of Christ, Matt has chosen to daily work on our marriage. (And I likewise).

Sometimes daily working on our marriage looks like ignoring my flaws. Sometimes it looks like grace. Sometimes it looks like holding me accountable... even when I don't want to hear it. Sometimes it looks like sitting next to me, holding my hand and not asking me to talk. But it always looks like, no matter what the day has held for us, it always looks like snuggling each other before we fall asleep.

See, no matter how flawed and frustrated and annoyed and selfish we have been, we have chosen our "for always" here on earth to be together. It's not a commitment that can be changed by circumstance. It was decided once ... until death. And it's that commitment that keeps us coming back to apologize. We can joke, because otherwise the next 90 years are going to be mighty quiet and frustrating if we don't apologize now. ;)


It's hard for me to put into words. It's hard for me to convey my appreciation, adoration and confidence in my husband's heart. He chose our marriage in his mind. And he is one stubborn man. ;)

And I'm so blessed... so very blessed to build with him... no matter what.


- we build.