The predictable utterance of any toddler. The half-hearted response written across any teenager's face at their parent's exciting vacation plans. The programmed response of any adolescent when offered an "uncool" option. Yes, friends. I'm talking about the word, "NO."
Such a small word with great power.
I've found that this word may not produce immediate smiles or high fives, but sometimes it's the best response of honesty available.
God's been teaching me a lot lately. As I type that sentence I wonder at the marvel that He would still teach me and take time to walk this road with me even as I stumble along in my toddling for truth moments.
"Where is your ministry?" is often thrown around in the Christian church.
"My ministry."
"I just can't find a place to serve."
Pastor's wives (and church staff wives), I have found, are either expected to run everything - the church MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group, Jr. High girl's bible study, vacation bible school kindergarten 2 class, and raise 5 babies - 2 from Africa- while keeping the house cleaned and dinner on the table at 5pm. Or there's the "does our Pastor have a wife?" staff wife that lives in her house and tries to keep from attending prayer meeting in her bathrobe.
Sure there are those staff wives that are able to find the beauty in balancing their crazy kids (who's kids aren't crazy), bake brownies for the next church social, and stick to only teaching their 3rd grade Sunday School class. But while we all aspire to be them we have our wonderful moments of feeling the fluctuating from the overbooked to the hermit.
And while my brain and heart digests the unspoken, yet felt, expectations or, for a kinder word, "desires" of a church Body on the Pastor's wife/staff wife I find God walking in with a whole new life motto.
"Just say 'no'."
What God? Come again?
At some stages of life God is revealing to me that He just wants me here; folding the laundry while singing praises, picking up the talking hamster pet toy for the umpteenth time, changing one more diaper, and serving my husband where I am.
You know, maybe I create too much pressure on myself. Or maybe I am just trying to serve where I have in the past. But I am learning that sometimes the best thing I can do and the best glorifier of Jesus that I can be is the wife that: makes Godly goals with her family, gets up with the baby and rocks that new tooth out of hiding, prays for her husband and listens to his heart, tries to come up with new ways to surprise her husband with an 'I love you' note, joins in toddler dances with flailing arms and no reservation to 'old school' Sunday School songs, and prays 'thank yous' to Jesus for His marvelous works while scraping food off the dishes.
Matt has a lot on his shoulders and He needs to unload on His Savior. But am I ushering Him into the presence of God? Or am I heaping more onto the load because I failed to say 'no'?
Someone will always ask me to do more. And I hope they never stop asking because it gives me opportunities to run to Jesus and say, "What about now? Did You want me to do this?" But there's no shame in saying, "I agree. That ministry direction sounds great and is just what our church needs. I'll pray for more workers alongside you and let you know if God is calling me to add more than prayer."
He's given me so much to be thankful for. And while I'm not to be self-serving and not to seek out the easiest road. I am reminded again and again that I will be standing at the throne of God in judgment (not Heaven or Hell. That question is sealed already.) . And though I will always have "I wish I would have done better" on my lips (if I can even talk), I want to say that I tried hard to serve and serve with my family. I want to say, I received your ministry in my life and ran hard.
So today I woke up stretching (and yawning) as my ministry awoke me over the baby monitor. My ministry filled the kitchen sink and sat by the washer. My ministry woke up for another dry morning and toddled to her little potty. And I kissed my ministry as he headed out the door for the office. And now I'm about to go clean out my ministry's dirty littler box and then rescue my ministry from her torturous napping crib. Tomorrow, if the weather's nice, my ministry could be sitting on the park bench watching her kids play too or standing on the side of the road asking for a hand-out.
Thank you, Lord, for the ministry you have given me.
Please continue to help me grow and mature more in serving my ministry as you expand and develop it.
I'm reminded of the praise Chorus:
Where you lead me, Lord, I will follow...
Where you lead me, Lord, I will go...
-to God be the glory.
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