I sat down at the computer tonight to play what felt like a few hundred games of solitaire while Rachael ate her second dinner. Solitaire helps to pass the time as the little one savors each drip. I often find myself at 4 or 5 in the morning stacking clubs and hearts, etc for a half hour feed. But tonight the question popped into my mind, "Is what I'm doing going to stand the test of fire?" The ultimate answer resulted in a closed solitaire window and some more exalting prayer and study work.
Matt and I had a conversation on the car ride home. A few months ago Matt and I decided to become more intentional about investing in friends' lives through our church. And since then we rejoice in having a few closer friends. No, they are not our projects. We just wanted them to be more of a part of our "outside of the church building" lives. We greatly value our friends and enjoy the last minute plans and freedoms of neighborhood walks and game nights with their families.
But tonight's car conversation revolved around growing with our friends. Our church has this dilemma of not being a relationally connected church with the "young adult" population. It's funny but there really are a few couples in our church between Matt and my ages and 50. So we had an idea and I'm really quite excited about it. We're hoping to have a weekly get-together with a few dear friends in order to share life together. We'd like to do dinner together and share a time of short devotion or Christian comedians or whatever other creative way of exhorting each other and encouraging each other's growth. Nothing too high maintenance or requiring of childcare - just an opportunity to love on each other. We're not sure how receptive others will be to the proposition. But really when it all came down to it, we'd be more than blessed to step up to foster deeper, Christ-centered friendships amongst the "young adults" of the church. So what better way than to open our home and encourage our friends to open their homes for a nomadic group of life-sharing friends.
We'll see how this all goes. But we'll never know if deeper friendships can be accomplished unless we try. But the ultimate point is not to merely share in friendship, but to spur each other on toward Christ. I really hope this can be accomplished through a casual weekly gathering. We'll see.
- May God get all the glory. -
2 comments:
Friends are the ones that you “know’ and ‘know’ you. “Know” is a particular word that we toss around to cover many levels of connection. First from awareness of another person’s existence, then acquainted with their job titles and personal interests, familiar with and accommodating physical needs (like a Gluten Free diet), and beginning to identify and accept things emotional (hopes, stress of family, lost dreams, self doubt).
I believe deeply that our desire to know and be known on the deeper levels is like a hole that aches to be filled in us. It is not strange that we play it “shallow” with each other long enough to first test the deeper waters thoroughly so we don’t get in over out heads. Being friends is being a bit vulnerable.
I have found that the persons who can really understand my pain are on the fast track to real friends. It is little wonder why young parents in stress or seniors lonely and fighting with their bodies find friends who do more than empathize, but sympathize because they have felt (or still feel) your pain. When we relate to each others pain and loss in life we ‘know’ a person – even though we may be projecting a bit of our exact experience on their story. (Gotta’ listen more than talk – a problem I fight all the time) When we get to a trust level to share some of our pain, and we do so successfully, the trust grows, and we feel we ‘know’ and are ‘known’ much more. A shovel full of relationship fills in some of the aching hole.
Little disagreements and even arguments can build trust along the way. They are both the evidence of the confidence that the friendship can “handle it” from the one who first “asserts” themselves in an argument, and it is the trust that the friendship is “valuable enough” to find a way through a word storm by the one arguing back. When we find someone who agrees with us that the friendship is valuable enough (even through their willingness to argue here and there), the relationship hole in us is filled in a little. We ‘know’ and can even trust each other more after most healthy disagreements.
While pain and disagreements may be the construction surges in our friendship house, just relating on those two levels is not sustainable or desirable – it is probably dysfunctional. I need recognize the friendship building moments as they come, (so I won’t retreat from them when I need to listen or I feel the urge to share) but it I must let other ‘normal’ living and doing be the lion’s share of time spent with friends. Hobbies and events lived together give the foundation on which to lay bricks of vulnerability where build beautiful and strong friendships can protect and last.
Oh the value of, and the investments made in our friends.
I think I'll make a call or two this week to thank some of my friends. Thanks for the nudge!
very good comment. thanks for the wisdom.
love you, Daddy.
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