Of course it's not just us... everyone does. Or at least everyone needs counseling who are getting married. Especially those who are getting married in 52 days!!!
(Seven weeks for Robin's count.)
I agree, Jes, relationships are hard and yet rewarding and very "different". And nothing like counseling will make you feel as unprepared for the future as anything. And yet at the same time, our first counseling session reaffirmed the fact that while I may not currently contain the wisdom to conquer fights, love Matt he way he needs, and be a mother (down the road), the foundation of Matt and my relationship is strong enough that the promise of the rest of our lives to each other will survive. It's nice to hear Rob reaffirm what God has already said to be the path for our lives.
But who knew counseling would put you on the spot? (Yes, I'm that naive sometimes.)
For a thinker, there is nothing more horrifying than an interview. And an interview we indeed had. But all the while I was fearful that I wouldn't know the answer to some questions, especially the "if I were to ask Matt this question, how would he respond" questions. So, in other words, if I don't answer this question right, I don't know my future husband. And worse than that, if I answer it wrong, but he answers it right, then I look like a self-absorbed fiance. My, my.... the stresses I place upon myself and the power that I give anxiety to conquer me sometimes. Oh, and way to scare the tar out of me, my dear friend, Rob.
Conflict Resolution is this Saturday's topic. HA! Matt and I have no conflict. This should be easy. We always agree. hehehe.
In all reality, while it may be hard for me to do the mushy romanticism love (I am just not quite wired like that), there is one thing that has been reaffirmed lately in Matt and my relationship. My greatest promise that I can give Matt will be proven not through any words I can say, but through walking beside my best friend and love. It doesn't matter what will come. It doesn't matter how much I get annoyed or frustrated at Matt. No matter whether I want to be alone sometimes or whether I fail to listen when he most needs someone to listen to him. No matter how many times I fail him by not supporting him, by disappointing him, and by saying something mean. It doesn't matter how much baggage (good or bad) I bring into our lifelong promise. But the only thing that does matter is that for the rest of my life, I choose to love Matt, laugh with Matt, encourage Matt, ask forgiveness from Matt, apologize to Matt, cry with Matt, and just sit in silence with Matt. And the only way that I know how to prove my love to Matt is to do just that... walk with Matt through life.
Sometimes I don't feel like that promise is enough. And I am sure that I won't know the extent of that promise until our first serious argument after marriage or our first huge trial or whatever may come. But my promise will never change. And premarital counseling, despite hard at times... and wedding planning, though hard and hurtful at times... and "the rest of our life" conversations about those topics that we so would like to avoid... all of it has only strengthened my promise to Matt.
I love you, Matt.
And I can honestly tell you that I will never leave you until God calls me or you home.
Thank you, Lord, for all the ways that You have reaffirmed this path for Matt and I. Thank You for all You have provided us with. Lord, "thank You" just isn't enough. Yet, thank You, Lord, for the greatest challenge and reward on this side of the cross. Thank You, Lord. Thank You. Thank You. And in my hardest moment of sheer hurt... thank you. How You bless me Lord. In Christ Jesus, I pray. Amen.
2 comments:
Mon, I really am so proud of you as you and Matt make these steps. I see how it's growing and challenging you and can't help but to think, "wow, God is REALLY in this!" The most exciting thing for me will be to stand up in your wedding and have an pclose view of the two of you saying your vows. :-)
I am so proud to be your sister and I love you to pieces. Keep on having those tough conversations...man, they are so worth it.
I chuckled when I read that you and Matt always agree. Nayt and I have tons of conflict, man. Lol. About four months into dating I felt like everything between us was conflict. But we realized that we were both dealing with areas of strongholds, and that I needed to be patient and etc. (also that I can be a little irrational when I get emotional...who knew?) :-) It's been hard sometimes. It's been totally worth it though. I feel as though he and I can work through anything.
That's an awesome feeling.
I love you! Love readin your blog, man!
Jes, It's been way neat to watch you and Nayt grow in your relationship with each other and the Lord. Your genuine desire to serve the Lord in every area of your life spurs me on frequently. Your relationship with Nayt has also been reaffirmed in my mind as you remain open to what the family thinks about Nayt. That has proven time and again that your relationship with Nayt is a mature and growing one. From what I;ve witnessed and both of your commmitment to purity, I truly am encouraged by the example that you two set.
Regarding conflict, we all have it. (Admits sadly) even Matt and I. But I learned that a relationship is defined by it's conflict resolution. Some conflicts, from personal experience, are way too big for any two peopole to solve, but it's how the couple approaches that conflict (on a united front or with individual goals) that grows a couple. Furthermore, in the face of the Adversary, it is all the more critical to maintain a sense of "you are not the enemy" in conflict so as to maintain a strong and healthy view of the challenges placed before a couple. Wow, I feel like I'm writing a self-help book, so I'm going to stop.
Either way, thank you for your spurring on, Jes. I love you.
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