Absently Here

not ready

day slow down

confused french

confused english

one step behind

tying my shoe

wondering what's been forgotten

why so late?

thinking, why so hard?

blurry day

just not ready

going through the motions

absently here

and i miss you too.

A Baby

You know, it’s amazing to think that a little baby came to save us all.

It’s amazing to reflect on the power to conquer the grave that was packed into that small child.

It’s absolutely amazing to think that a cry never came from Christ’s mouth when He was an infant. Such trust and self-sacrifice he showed as even just a tiny baby.

I wonder so much about His childhood in light of his display of self-sacrifice in his first encounters in the world. You know, like kids are so selfish these days. There are a few families, in comparison to the millions, that are sincerely teaching their children that “it’s not all about them” and it’s good to take care of others first, not just taking care of them after you have gotten your fill. But so many children never receive that message of self-sacrifice. I wonder if that’s why later in life it is so much harder to accept Christ. After a lifetime of learning that you are to be “the best” and that you are to fight for your own benefits, it’s really hard to think of willingly giving your opportunities to another when there doesn’t seem to be more opportunities being handed out. I wonder if that’s one of the reasons why it’s so easy for people to harden their hearts to Christ. I wonder how we can break that cycle. What things could I think of to expose even my little Kindergarten class to that would allow them to see that it is our job as Christians to serve others before ourselves? It’s so funny to think that while I could come up with a long list of places I’d love to take my Kindergarteners there would be an equally long list of “dangers” that would forbid us from going. Woe to the constraints of fear. And I long so desperately to tell these supervisors and these parents that we cannot live our life in fear. Some things are worth doing for Christ. And yet, then I realize that some of these parents are the very ones that have hardened their hearts to Christ. It’s such a vicious cycle to break.

One little girl made a table of some sort at art yesterday in my Kindergarten class. She glued some match boxes to a purple plastic lid and then glued a popsicle stick to the top of the lid to make some kind of a handle for the table. “I have to pretend because Daddy doesn’t like to hear about Jesus things” she explained to me. “What do you have to pretend for?” I asked her. “Well, it’s an altar table.” She explained “and Daddy’s family didn’t raise him to love Jesus so he doesn’t like to hear about it and I could get in trouble. I asked him if he’d think about loving Jesus again. He said n-o-p-e spells nope.” “Do you love Jesus?” I asked her “Yes. I love Jesus.” She said with sincerity as she put her art supplies away and moved to a different station.




It’s such a vicious cycle to break.



And it’s just so amazing how much Jesus clashed with the world even as a little baby.

… Such faith that we are called to imitate.

Un Message de Francais

Bonjour!
[Yo - only more formal-]
J'ai un announcement!
[I have an announcement]
Je suis travaille becaucoup dur le classe de francaise.
[I am working hard in french class]
C'est tres difficile, mais je ne quittes pas!
[It's very difficult but I won't quite.]
J'etudie beaucoup et je le surmonte le francais!
[I study a lot and I will overcome french.]
Il n'etre pas accable de chagrin.
[It will not overcome me with grief.]
C'est tout, je le surmonte le francais!
[That's all, I will overcome french!]

Quelle heures est-til?
[What time is it?]
AHH! C'est tout. J'ai besoin de alle au BCLC pour etudie me francais parce-que je suis demenagement ce weekend et je ne pouvois pas etudie le francais ce weekend.
[Ahhh - like you needed a translation- That's all. I have to go to BCLC - my work- for study my french because I am moving this weekend and I can't study french this weekend.]

Au Revoir mes amis (ou mes amies) qui lives me blog.
[G'bye friends -masculine- (or my friends - feminine-) who read my blog.]

Self-arranged Hurdles

Ever just made a stupid move and then all of a sudden you realize how many more hurdles are before you now? My goodness. Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself and some of my choices. It was completely brainless, but it's brainlessly permanent. Therefore, now I get to, once again, revert to my coping and pinching and squeezing skills.

It's so funny.

Paycheck to paycheck is such an odd art.

(especially when the artist is a not-so-good one)



Thank you, Lord, for testing my ability to cope and teaching me trust in You all the more when my abilities routinely fail. I love You. You bless me so far beyond imagination. Thank you, Lord, for desiring me, even in my mistakes... even with all my flaws. Lord, You are a GREAT God. May You be exalted forever and ever.

You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name.

A Life Goal -- Attempt

So Triathlon training starts tomorrow.
I have to be honest, while I'm a bit excited, I'm also a bit scared.
I have 9 weeks to train and then it's showtime.
This is one of my lifelong goals.
And I know there's no better time than now.

I'm just looking to finish, but after looking at my training schedule...
um... finishing might be the biggest challenge yet.


Here goes nothing!

[Just a heads-up, I may be scarce for the next two months since 5 out of 7 days will be spent training and the other 2 attempting to have a social life/doing homework.]

I can do ALL things through Christ!!!

The Brick Wall

my feet bandaged,
my hair pulled back,
my headphones set,
my stretching complete

with the play button I ran
my pulse excelled
sweat began
breathing rigid and hoarse with my dry throat

and then the skip
and then the fuzz
and then the silence

my energy drained
the heat sunk in
my shoes biting
my endurance failing

to the concrete with the music
shattering down
along with the idea of a run

no bike-ride for me
flat tire
no running for me
old shoes
and broken music

tears streamed

why can't I just worship this time
without the brick wall