Because it Matters

My heart is overwhelmed with the joys of our nap-time missions readings, following my dear friend, Theresa's blog, and witnessing the small pieces coming together in terms of our adoption. "How beautiful are the feet of those that bring good news..."

Read something interesting in terms of worldviews and the shaping of them. An excerpt from the "Christian Home School" book I've been reading by Gregg Harris reaffirmed what Matt and I have witnessed in textbooks; "These studies make it abundantly clear that public school textbooks commonly exclude the history, heritage, beliefs, and values of millions of Americans. Those who believe in the traditional family are not represented. Those who believe in free enterprise are not represented. Those whose politics are conservative are almost unrepresented. Above all, those who are committed to their religious tradition-at the very least of as an important part of the historical record-are not represented.

Even those who uphold the classic or republican virtues of discipline, public duty, hard work, patriotism, and concern for others are scarcely represented. Indeed, the world of those virtues long advocated by believers, as well as deists and skeptics such as Thomas Paine, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson, is not found here. Even what one might call the "noble pagan" has ample reason to reject these inadequate and sentimentalized books which seem to be about an equal mixture of pop and propaganda.

Over and over, we have seen that liberal and secular bias is primarily accomplished by exclusion, by leaving out the opposing position. Such a bias is much harder to observe than a positive verification or direct criticism, but it is the essence of censorship. It is effective not only because ti is hard to observe-it isn't there-and therefore hard to counteract, but also because ti makes only the liberal, secular positions familiar and plausible. As a result the millions of Americans who hold conservative, traditional, and religious positions are made to appear irrelevant, strange, on the fringe, old-fashioned, reactionary." (quote by Professor Vitz in a study of textbooks in the American public classroom).

If you are still with me after that in-places-a-bit-heady quote (sorry I didn't warn you), please allow me to sum it up. Many textbooks portray one side of events in a persuasive manner to sway their readers to agree with particular sides of historical platforms or particular thought-processes about historical events. Therefore, while in a history class the topics of teaching are indeed historical, the biases are not being taught in fair playing fields. So when liberal agendas are the norm, the student concludes that traditional or conservative agendas are "out-dated" and that there is no value in entertaining such ideas.

This is an interesting argument that is running rampant in our culture and many other cultures. In many societies elders are considered to be wise and useful and full of experience. But in "new-age" thinking remaining young is an ideal - college students marking many backings of political change - - look at who the targeted voting age is? Age is considered "past your prime", I mean take the hair-dye industry as an example. If it was honorable to grow in age and maturity and wisdom I wonder if so many would try so desperately to look young?

Beyond that there comes the Christian scope of thinking in which we just need to be aware of the biases coming through teaching. I'm not arguing that all students are corrupted and warped by the public school system - seriously, I would be a victim. But I am arguing that in family conversation around the dinner table we need to know what we are up against in terms of the past 8 hours of our child's education.

Worldviews slip in from anywhere and everywhere. We, Christians, must apply ourselves to willingly accept and reject those things that make our seeking for obedience to Truth successful. This is no doom and gloom post, just has been another eye-opener when it comes to accepting Truth and rejecting lies.



God, Your Word is Truth.
-To God be the glory.

Back to School.

I've been studying for the past week or so to go back to school. No, people, I am not planning on pursuing my Master's (HA!), but I am pursuing preschool again. And I'm looking into generalized education and how to school another and (let's be real) be schooled by another. Matt and I have decided to pursue homeschooling for as long as God continues to press it upon our hearts and allow me to be home with our kids. The schooling needs of each of our kids will be evaluated and prayed over continually to make sure we're offering what they need, not just want they or we want. While I have a few minutes before Rachael is in the "school age" crowd, I figured there's no better time than now to learn and grow in my education philosophy. Wow that sounds technical.

I've been reading all kinds of curriculum recommendations and philosophies regarding home schooling. Some have sucked - just being honest. And some quite honestly have rebelled against my structure-needs. Like I don't think I could be the homeschooler who has "unschooled" kids - you know, the one that the book talk about as just letting natural curiosity and non-booked development drive a child's education ONLY. The mom who doesn't push her kids or really classify them as any grade level or require them to read of write or do math or.... While home school permits flexibility, that kid is going to need a job some day. No one's going to pay them to run around outside barefooted and sing to the flowers. But seriously count me in if you find someone who'll cut you a check for that biz! Yet there is part of me that certainly is not seeking to create geniuses with no friends or social skills. Balance wins this contest again. Man, seriously, buy out your stocks in balance - it's creeping into every category.

Just been interesting lately to think of all the potential in raising Biblical kids. Rachael memorizing her first Bible verse (1 Peter 3:18a) at 2.5 has been challenging my Biblical parenting. The child just popped up one night after VBS with the theme Bible verse memorized. After picking my chin up from the floor I realised I could be underestimating her abilities here. Thanks again to her VBS teachers for teaching and reteaching and reteaching that verse to her. We now hear it over the baby monitor as she sings it in the nursery. From the mouths of babes, people. What is 1 Peter 3:18a you may wonder? "For Christ died for Sin, once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous to bring you to God." She doesn't know what it means yet, nor does she know it fully in her heart. But we're to raise our kids with the Scriptures bound on their foreheads. And it's not just the kids that should have it on their minds (wink, wink).

I've downloaded 5 songs from Amazon from the 1,000+ songs that are Scripture put to music for the purpose of memorization. Then I found 12 online for free. Today I made a CD and have put it in our car. Funny but when Scripture is all around us, I find myself wanting to hear more Scripture and thinking more about Scripture and already Rachael has been mouthing the words from the back seat. I'm no ingenious (HA! I didn't even spell that right the first time) Mom, people, obviously someone else had that idea first - over 1,000+ times before I did. But I want Rachael to learn Christ's heart and His philosophy. It's about being goal-focused and intentional. I know she's soaking up everything like a wet sponge - Abi too (only Abi prefers to chew on the sponges)- now how can I help her soak up more eternal things?

"Home Schooling" has taken on a far greater subject line that I once believed. There is so much more than "just surviving the school years" that home schooling has to offer. And just as parenting has so much more to offer through the lense of Christ, home schooling can have so much more to offer through the lense of Christ.

Light among darkness is important. Agreed. But to have light among darkness you must first have light. And in order to first have light, Christ needs to be in us. God has been opening my eyes to that lately. Yes, we Christians are called to be light among darkness (in our community, in schools, in church, in our homes), but my kids aren't Christians yet. So once they are Christians, Lord willing, then they have the opportunity to serve in their mission fields among darkness. Then our focus will be switched from Christ-exposure to equipping to Go. But it's all at one step at a time. Christ is their choice. They can choose Him or deny Him. And while my hopes and prayers are certainly that they would choose Christ, I just want to provide the most real example possible of the beauty and glory of our Lord and my obedience to raising kids as God desires is all I can give. Only my goal is not just to encourage Christians, but to encourage them to become devoted and obedient Christians. There is a HUGE difference in the two (and some would venture to say that pew-sitting Christians are not Christians, but I'm not the judge of obedience or salvation).



All I know is what a blessing it has been, and I pray it will continue to be, to watch them begin on their paths of possibility.


- To God be all the glory.



... now back to reading and praying.

A Good Villain.

So a few weeks back Matt and I watched Tangled - you know, Disney's new movie. And quite honestly I loved it. It wasn't the typical overly-cheesey princess tale and yet didn't succumb to slipping in a foul word here and there amid perverted jokes, which sadly make their ways into Disney movies (though I could have done without the "cupid" drunk guy in the bar). But I was happy to find a different kind of villain - still evil and twisted, but more psychological and a different kind of evil than Disney's typical villain.

And quite honestly, I just loved this song- a reprise of the original "Mother Know's Best" sung in the beginning of the film at the introduction of Mother Gothel's psychological evil and manipulation of Rapunzel.



I love her "No? ....Ooh...I see how it is." Hehehe. But I love her musical theatre voice. Such a wonderful voice - and a great villain. Is it bad that I like the villain so? Maybe it's just that she is able to portray evil without a direct threat of physical harm associated with her evil ugliness. Only directly at the end of the film does the evil turn violent toward the "Prince". I like that the villain has layers. And quite honestly, I like her dramatic numbers. =)

So enjoy the little excerpt and feel free to go on thinking me crazy. =D

Mother Gothel and her slightly arrogant self. hehehe. =)

Other News

So we received our home assessor information in the mail (our caseworker) from the county. YAY! And so we're hoping to call her in Tuesday to get clearance to start our adoption trainings on Tuesday and Thursday of next week (Matt goes to camp the following week so we want to double them up for this upcoming week). Just one more piece of the puzzle completed. =)

Ending it All

Welp, we finished up our week with a Sprinkler park trip on Thursday and Free-for-all Friday. Lexi enjoyed randomly meeting friends at the park, which was a good thing cause my two were more interested in swinging and cuddling and watching than playing. Lexi played hard, running between the sprinkler park area and the regular park area. And when my two showed beginning signs of needing a nap, we headed home. All three of them knocked out and slept for at least an hour.

Friday we went for a bike ride. Matt stayed home with the baby because we don't have a helmet for her yet (we're going to get her one today). And I took Lexi on her bike and Rachael in the pull-along carrier attached to my bike. We were out for a half hour, but we worked hard in the hilled areas of our community. And it was fun teaching about stop signs and bike signals and traffic awareness. We also found a children's picnic table at a local garage sale for $4. Yes, people! That's what I'm talking about. I had been looking around for one to aid in our outdoor lunches and also to prove as an outdoor water-color painting opportunity for my paint-dripping toddler. So I was happy to have invested a whole 4 dollars in hours and hours of artistry fun. =) Lexi's Friday at our house was concluded with a little board game playing, sandbox fun, and hide-and-seek with Uncle James (our Friday night and Saturday add-on).

I have included a few pics from the park play. For obvious reasons I have no pics of our bike ride (not that skilled) and I didn't take any pics on Friday - - camera battery needed a rest. =)

 Smiley Swings

 Genuine Joy.

 Initiated Helper.

 One of the few moments I could catch her still enough.

=)

 Weeeeee.

 She really just loves the swings. =)

Ahhh yes, so hard to be blond in the sun. 

So in all it was a fun, and more busy than usual, but a good week.

Water Play Day

This week is one of Lexi's final weeks at our house before she starts her vacationing, summer camp and then on into her first grade plans. So with only 2 weeks of fun left for us around here (the 2 weeks have a 3 week recess in between), we've been trying to have themed-ish days. Monday we went to boonshoft children's museum and my camera lived on it's protected shelf at home. There's something about taking a few kids (one being a baby) that allows minimal extra hands for pictures. Tuesday, Lexi spent the day with a friend. And today was Water Play Day.

Thus the following 900 (kidding! No dying) pictures are from our water play adventures in the good ole backyard of fun!

 Happy baby cuteness - with teeth!

 O the fun, O the fun.
(THANKS MOM!!! They LOVE it!)

 Daddy adding hot water to the pool

- go on with your hypothermia-preventing bad self, babe!

 Please forgive Rachael, she's in an ugly smiling phase

(that is if you can get her to sit still long enough AND look at the camera).

 sweet intimate friends.

 pretty much how most pics go of this child - she's talking and not looking at the camera.

(photographer hits her head)

 Watching Lexi's daredevil jumping into the pool moves from the safety of a good distance away Rachael kept yelling "do it again!" hehehe. my little precautious one.

 Nothing like the joy of a good warm towel when the water gets a little too cool.

 Rachael working so hard to be "just like Lexi."

 And yes, even I joined in on the fun. But according to

precautious Rachael I moved around and splashed too much. hehehe.

 Outdoor picnic - I love our wagon. Useful in so many ways.

 mmmmm. good.

 the blonde-haired, fair skinned, we-no-like-the-sun shade section of our dining experience.

 Someone enjoyed their summer sun cat nap.

 (sorry for the slight fuzziness, my camera was thinking too hard. hehe)

 She is just tall enough to furniture walk around the exterior

of the pool, using the wall for balance, and O how it delights her so.

 Look! She does actually smile naturally! AND I caught it "on film."

 No matter how big she gets, she'll always be my baby Rachael.

My sweet little girl.

 You really have no idea how hard to was to capture this picture.

But at least we have 3 pairs of eyes and 2.5 smiles. =) YAY!

 YAY! BOTH my kids in a pic AND smiling. Woot! Woot!

Abi's getting brave in the corner, while Rachael delights in the sun-warmed water.

And what better than to end it all with a little cleaning water play in the good ole bathtub.

2 for 1 cleaning, suits and kids all in one. =) [Talk about simplifying, eh Jess? ]

And then the children promptly fell asleep for a long and sound nap time.

Mmmm the joys.

O How I love thee, Water Play Day. =)



Two Lanes?

"Hi, I'm Monica Stauffer and I have an addiction."

I've never been to an AA meeting, and honestly have never drank (at all), but I'd imagine myself to stand up and admit this to an equivalent "Parenting Addiction" meeting. My addiction? You may wonder - it's being strict.

Now before you pull out the tyrant flag to fly in my front yard, let me take a brief moment to explain: (brief? is anything done briefly on this site? - HA!)


I believe kids need firm boundaries. (I know, I'm broken.) I believe love comes in sacrificing now to gain later from their obedience. I am not willing to use excuses, even good ones, about my kids being too young to discipline. I'm not talking punishment, I'm talking training my children in the way I want them to behave. I am old-school when it comes to being strict. There is an honest part of me that does not want to put myself into the position of being the Mother of a tantruming child who has never heard "no" until the grocery store. But I will be stubborn enough to refuse to reward a tantrum - REGARDLESS of if I would rather no one label me a tyrant. I am seeking obedience, not for the sake of obedience, but as an example of Rachael and Abi's love for me. Even at a young age, I think it's attainable for Rachael to obey - not perfection - but at least be able to tell you why I want her to listen to me. Again, I don't expect perfection, but I do expect obedience and consequence comes from disobedience. My expectations are clear and I try my hardest to be consistent. And I really want people to enjoy being with my kids as much as I do.

Downfall to being strict?

I begin to wonder if pattern obedience can come from any other method. I run the risk of believing strictness is the only way to raise a child - or the only worthy way? (don't judge me - hehe) I don't enjoy being around "out of control" kids because I have worked so hard to teach my children self-control. And this is hard because I am not some superior Mom. I'm really just trying to figure this out. But I am goal-focused in my interactions with my kids. And since my goal is not to be a tyrant and not to cater to chaos or selfishness there is a constant evaluation and re-evaluation of my parenting. Parenting is a balance. Only one of the problems that I am encountering is that being a strict Mom is going out of style in my generation. We seem to have exchanged good parenting with Lysol wipes. Now, I'm not hating on Lysol wipes, just hating on raising kids in a sanitation bubble. It's as if protecting my child from all germs equals good parenting. Daycares and schools can teach my kids respect. Or they are too young to learn how to treat people because "kids will be kids" when it comes to picking on siblings (AKA disrespecting siblings).

I really have moments of struggling, if I'll be honest. Struggling to not take it personally that I look "too strict" at times. And struggling to not get frustrated when my kid's obedience is labeled as "good natured" instead of the hours of hard work I have put into whipping them into shape (not literally, people).

I, like any other Mom, seek to compare my kids - not in a bad way. Are they doing ok? Is my parenting working? Are these kids really "off the chain" and I'm not aware of it? Am I being too strict? Only most examples that I am seeing are those "clear out, they're here" kind of kids that you hope don't hurt your kids at the mall. (hehe). Or those "how old is that kid and still sucking a pacifier" kids at the grocery. Maybe I'm a product of a small church. After all, my kids are 2/3 of the nursery population on a regular basis - and that's spanning 2 nurseries, people.

I just struggle to believe that lose boundaries really can produce "good" kids. Maybe that's because it feels like the "easy road" to parenting and it's hard to justify that the easy road works when I'm over here busting my butt.

It's times like these and questions like these that make me "just want my Mommy." Makes me want to run away from critical parenting world and "be Amish", segregated and doing your own thing with those who think like you (no these aren't my only beliefs about Amish people, just roll with the analogy people- wink, wink).

Parenting is personal. My kids are a reflection of me. And I don't know anyone that pours their whole self into something and then hopes it gets shot down.

I am so blessed to have a husband who supports me - even when I have "too strict" moments. He doesn't call me out in front of the kids, challenging my authority, instead he waits and talks to me about it when the kids aren't in earshot. He allows me to learn and grow and loves me through my insecurities in parenting. I am blessed. I am well aware. We are a team and I do not cast off the utter gratitude I have for the blessing of my husband. Thank You, Jesus, for my Matt. 

I just have real parenting thoughts - wanting to honor God the best in my raising of HIS kids. Not for a pat on the back from enablers (though kind words are reassuring), but for the glory of God. I want God's Name to get the fame for the way my kids treat people. I want God's Name to be desirable by testimony of the way my kids reflect my love through obedience. Christ Himself stated that obedience is a public display of our love for Him. While I am FAR less than Christ to my kids (oh the failures), I do know that the more Rachael and Abi want to please me the more they will obey. And Rachael and Abi will want to please me if they love me and feel my love in a very real way. They will have their fall-out moments of "For serious? Did you just do that?" I do not expect perfection, but I do expect them to want to obey me because they know I reward obedience. My unconditional love for them is not contingent upon their obedience, but my reward (not just tangible) is attached to their obedience.

I am proud of my girls. They are "good girls." They fail the perfection test (show me on person who doesn't!) and their eyes speak of the confidence they have in my unconditional love. AND their obedience is not their "good nature", sure it is their blessed temperament from God mixed with years ("year" in Abi's case) of hard work.  I'm no hero of a Mom (HA!), but I want people to want to be around my kids - even when I'm not there to keep them in line- because they are more than just moral beings, but because they healthily seek to please you through their respect and obedience (as that manifests itself through a 2.5y/o and a 1y/o).



- just thinking and struggling and evaluating my parenting policy while thanking God.

In and Out

Our application came in the mail today. We filled it in and sent it back out the mail today - we were ready peeps, we were ready. Now we'll see what God does with a little obedience and a lot of prayer.

And in the meantime, I've moved a desk, begun organizing the hallway closet, moved 2 dressers, tried to tackle the "I'm living on the guest bedroom all summer" laundry, organized my craft stuff, opened the guest bedroom closet, screamed and shut the closet, and begun planning a little bedroom remodeling for our whenever-God-chooses family member.

Seriously, friends, I'm loving life right now.

God is good!

Preparations Begin

We had finished a book about George Muller, having read of his adventures for nearly a week and a half of nap times. I'm not sure how much Rachael reaped from the book, but my harvest was great. I would encourage any and all to get their hands on a good George Muller reading. It could change the way you view prayer and obedience.

Orientation is still fresh on our breath, Matt and I sat through the first three hours of our adventure toward adoption. We have direction and a fresh perspective on God's potential time frame of this step. We learned that the licensure process takes about 6 months, with 36 hours of classes (now only 33 for us) and various inspections for our homestudy. The next step is the application. We're expecting it in the mail shortly and then we will complete it and return it to then be assigned our caseworker within two weeks. At the completion of our caseworker assignment we may proceed with classes, inspections and ultimately receive our license in 6 months. After the license is complete we are then cleared to receive referral calls at any time. Once we receive a referral call we get the blessing of praying about that child and hearing from God if that's our next family member. So in lamen's terms, we could hear of our next family member in a minimum of six months. Let's put that in the close terms that it is - that's as early as Rachael's 3 year old birthday. Now, God's timing is a different story. We'll find out what His timing is. But there are 70 children in the system waiting for homes. And our job is to be ready.

So getting ready we are: piece by piece we're putting together/cleaning out our "guest bedroom" to be our next family member's bedroom. Since we don't know the age of the child or the gender until the referral call we'll be setting up our extra crib and twin bed for the time being. And our job is pretty clear: complete the application/licensure, have the room set and vacant, pray, trust, and wait. God will supply the child. God will orchestrate the timing. We are just to prepare the field and ask for the harvest.

To God be the Glory!

A Mommy in God

Here's a little something I read this morning that encourages a change of perspective for Moms out there. (click and read, friends.)

Now commentary:

Agreed - how much of a blessing and how God-honoring can we be in serving Christ with a heart of missions in our "every day" tasks. And yet I wish the article would have highlighted on one other thing - taking those exact words of encouragement to their fullest form - We are raising missionaries. Now our kids may never move to foreign countries (take a look around the US, the mission field is at our doorstep), but perspective and purpose changes when I think of my girls as beginning missionaries verses just trying to be moral and polite. Moral and polite are responses of humility and gratefulness, which are characteristics we receive in Christ. I don't want to create just moral kids, I want to create kids that want Jesus. For in wanting Jesus they will seek Him, obey Him, and serve Him.

In trying to help create missionaries, I tell them about God's work around the world. I want them to feel the joys and the pains in the work of our Father. I want them to know more and more of the Word of God. And feel bold and brave in Christ. There is a different focus and drive in thinking of raising missionaries because even the little things I teach, like sharing and not yelling at your friends (you know, just to name some random one - wink, wink), are not just for the purpose of having the prized toddler on the playground. It's because Jesus loves us and tells us to love others. And how are my kids or others going to know about Jesus unless I talk about Him?

Sure my baby kids are too young to grasp the fullness of sanctification and working out our salvation (we're still praying of their moments of salvation), but in my explaining and reexplaining what the motivation behind my actions are for my kids, not only am I allowing the opportunity for the lifestyle pattern of Christ to be normal in our lives, but I also am thinking more about God myself. Ever done that: Taught yourself a little something while attempting to teach your kids?

I don't have any idea when Rachael and Abi are going to make their first memory, retain their first Bible verse or hopefully, have their first Ah-Ha Jesus moment. But my job, my joyful and wonderful job, as a Mom is to provide and seek out as many opportunities as I can to teach about Jesus - even while folding the laundry. Not because I want to manipulate the time I have with my kids to be a formal teaching moment, but because Jesus deserves my every thought and my every word. And through me thinking aloud about Jesus to my kids, I am being obedient in training my kids up "in the way they should go" oh that they would not "sway from that path."

THIS is my hope and my prayer and my delight as a Mommy in God.

=)

Answered

You know it may sound silly, but after 2 months of looking for our wagon and trying to be frugal and most responsible with our funds, I said a prayer on Abi's birthday that we could get her the wagon. I was in contact with another lady about the wagon (I had contacted "a few" about their wagons) and she had not responded past my original interest. We were running out of time and I was starting to get bummed that we would have nothing to give Abi on her birthday. While she wouldn't remember, it mattered to me - enough so that I had been working on it for 2 months.

And God answered our prayer. You know, if God would have answered our prayer with a "no" He still would have been God and He still would be doing the best for us. It's just nice to know that even the little silly things, in comparison to eternity, that matter to our hearts matter to our Father. So thank You, again, God for the blessing of bringing these smiles to her on her birthday:

She loves it.

Changed

Sara Groves wrote this song after returning from a trip to Rwanda. For those of you who are not aware, Rwanda has a history of a mass genocide in 1994 in which approximately 800,000 people (approx. 20% of the country's population) were killed from the country's internal turmoils (longstanding ethnic competitions and tension between the minority, Tutsi, and majority, Hutu, people). Many women and children were among the victims that lay heaped in large dump sites. But this song was written after Sara Groves witness the Christians within Rwanda's dedication and efforts to rebuild the communities in Rwanda. These weren't foreigners coming in to "save someone from themselves", but Rwandan Christians' response to the tragedy within their country.


This song has a powerful message that resonates beyond the realms of this country's tragedy. I can't get the words of this song out of my head. As God has been changing me I have realized how much of a challenge poverty has placed on me. My obedience to God's call has so little to do with being unable to financially afford compassion and everything to do with my fears. There are a vast gamut of fears that have in turn kept me from extending the hands of Christ. It's so easy to get lost in the fears, some very real, of selling yourself out for Christ's work. And yet Sara Groves speaks the Holy Spirit's call on our hearts in the truth of God's love through this song. The line, "Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of and what I know of love. And what I know of God," burns into me.

What do I know of God? What do I know of love? Me, with Jesus Christ inside me. Me, with hope and promise breeding within me. See, it's not enough just to get fat on Scripture. It's not enough to merely be served by Christianity. My belief in love and my belief in God is proved in how far I will extend myself for God. Sometimes it's easy to see taking one step of faith as enough for a few months. There, God, I extended myself for Your glory, now let me be for a while. But God doesn't work that way. We can't manipulate Him like that.

You know, it's so easy to make excuses as to why serving Christ in the U.S. is so difficult and time consuming and hard. "I just can't seem to fit it into my schedule," being a mind-comfort for disobedience. Maybe we can even hide under the "but I'm taking care of this family that you have given me" excuse. Been there, done that. But Christians are so safe here in our country. Our biggest fear is of offending someone, not losing our life for God's work. And yet we still have our moments, and sometimes months or years, of bench-sitting.

I have been praying to be used for the Kingdom, not just to raise my family to think about God before meals. And it's a challenge to be changed and grown and matured and pushed by God. It's hard to explain the heart of God to those that don't seem to be growing or changing or moving in the same direction as myself. Certainly condemnation is not to be handed out from my lips for obvious moments of apathy among friends. (Sure glad no one did that to me.) That's not my job. But it's really an uncomfortable place to be in to feel compelled by God amongst comfortable-with-where-we-are people. It must be what it's like to be a missionary coming back to the States for presentations. How can I possibly sum up God's heart in a pretty package of pictures that will motivate others to reckless abandonment for God's glory? It's like that conversation where the other person in nodding their head and yet you know they've already checked out. (How many times have I done that?)

I don't know how to describe it. I don't know how to motivate others' hearts. I don't think that's my job. And yet I feel compelled to not be silent. I can't contain this kind of change into a pretty package. I am having a hard enough time rectifying how I have lived the way I have in the past, let alone encouraging others to give more of themselves for the Gospel. This IS the Gospel - giving of ourselves for the glory of God.

It is changing.
molding.
remodeling.
and cleaning out the old junk that doesn't belong here.

Because there's only room for Jesus thoughts that spur obedience.

I must decrease. He must increase.


"Something on the road, cut me to the soul. Your pain has changed me, your dreams inspire. Your face a memory, your hope a fire. Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of and what I know of Love. And what I know of God."

Celebrating Our Abi

Oh your tiny hands and feet, how my heart longed to protect you from the first time I layed eyes on you at 5:08p on June 16, 2010. Your little snuggle, nuzzeling into my warmth. Holding you Daddy's hand. Perfectly contented to sleep... and sleep... and sleep.

And then there came the tension of you not gaining weight quite right, you just wanted to sleep. But after a few days of bootcamp, you started thriving and filling out. We were out of the lightweight scare without the need of intervention.

You started growing strong and you character started to emerge. My vocal baby, you sure found your lungs. But even when you were most worked up, touch brought you comfort. Oh there were the rough moments, it wasn't all sunshine, in which the porch swing seemed our only comforter. Oh the miles on that porch swing. But one thing remained - snuggling was a necessity. It's how you understand love.

So here I sit, a year later on your birthday, swinging you on the porch swing. Your calm, more than content to just snuggle into me and watch my face. Here in my arms is your preference, even though curiosity runs in your bones. Curiosity about the big wonderful world and the tastes of the plants and mulch nearby. But here in my arms you are calm, quiet, safe... loved.

Abi, my love, I always imagined our kid #2 would be wonderful, but you are unfathomable. From the way you cling to my arm when I hold you to that little pacifier smile and twinkle in your eye that says, "that's my mommy," you bless me so. God really has blessed me so with your warm little heart. And while you may be more than satisfied to just be held instead of investigating the world, and while my sidekick can sometimes be a bit of a challenge in tasks like one-handed-dish-washing or one-handed-laundry-folding, you are worth the challenge in every way. And it really is a compliment to know that you would rather just be near me than seek your own independence. The time will come when you too will spread your wings like your sister and set off on your own adventures of toddlerhood. But, my sweet little birthday baby, I am glad that that day is not quite today. I love holding you and snuggling you while I still can, my little Abi baby.

Happy birthday, lovey. Snuggles all around.

Start

Oh wait, this tastes good!

All hands on deck.

No crumb left behind policy.

Finished.

Practically Speaking

So I have a practical post here for all my helpful community out there. I was hoping you could keep a heads up for me regarding the following items. It's garage sale season and I have been searching for these lovelies to aid in the giggles for our little clan:

I'd really like a radio flyer wagon without paying a kidney - or 7 for it. So if you happen to see one in the 20-30 price range will you call me so I can snatch it up? I've been watching Craigslist (LOVE) for 2 months now seeking this item and was hoping to have given it to Abi for her birthday. But apparently that's not going to work out. I really would like the one with the seatbelts and the tall backed seats shown in the above link since my kiddos are so little that falling out of a wagon after it hits a rough patch in the grass is in their DNA. Thanks all.

*** Yay we got the wagon on Abi's birthday! (see above)


Also, if you happen to see a toddler climber this would be wonderful for our "in between" stage right now in our backyard play. It could be something small like this or something bigger. Rachael's not quite skilled enough to play on our big jungle gym (she's still very butt heavy in climbing the ladder) and it really just makes me quite nervous - and Abi - yeah right. So even if you were to find a "suntanned" toddler climber with a slide I'd be super happy to buy it within the 20-40 range again. Something like attached pictures above that's sturdy and all. I don't really care what it looks like and I'm not brand specific. I just can't rationalize spending that amount of money on a toy for the backyard. Seriously some of these things go for $600. That's feeding Tofic AND Lidia for TEN MONTHS!!! (gasps and dies).


We're also looking for a double jogging stroller with a swiveling front wheel. Matt and I are hoping to train for a 1/2 marathon because we are sincerely insane, but it's really hard to find babysitting 24/7. So if you find a double jogging stroller out there that's not trashed within the 30-40 range we would REALLY benefit from such. Something like the pictured above or whatever would be helpful.


Again, we're not made of money here and we're trying not to acquire merely a bunch of junk, but some useful pieces to add to our outdoor adventures. Used things are fantastic with us! Thanks for all you garage sale/bargain shopping goo-roos who have become delighted by this practical post. And thanks for not looking upon this post as a materialistic overload. =) Just trying to be frugal and practical all in one.

-Thanks!

Unharnessed.

You know, God is changing my heart. It's so hard to put into words. But suddenly some of the things I have valued seem to feel earthly and temporary. Stuff feels like stuff more. And Kingdom works are consuming my mind. I find myself consumed by the burdens, the hope and the promise of an all-sustaining God who provides every need.

It's in the face of the poor's needs that I question how I define need. It's in the way missionaries live that I question what I feel I deserve. It's in the heart of the gospel that I question my drive and my motive. It's in the blessing of our culture that I question my standard of success. It's in your face, Lidia, in your eyes, Tofic, that I am challenged to live a life of surrender and obedience. Where am I looking for Jesus today? Have I missed His life all around me?

Lidia and Tofic, you are normal kids - sinning, smiling, trying to figure out life. And I still marvel in the mystery that by me just admitting you exist and you have needs and obeying, my heart is drawn to Jesus.

You know, I truly believe that our faith is a journey, peeks and valleys, rough roads and smoother ones. And yet I also wonder how much of us is supposed to waver and how much of us are we to allow to be consumed by our culture's hierarchy. No hippy rebellion here, just trying to live with a healthy Godly worldview. Tired of shutting my eyes in so many ways and yet finding the hope in opened eyes, despite the desperate need of the world.

It's funny how God's call to discipleship doesn't necessarily mean leaving all behind will take us beyond the realms of our neighborhood physically. Though casting the net aside and following Him is still the devotion desired and required, God is opening me to the reality of being a missionary in my home. He can touch the world from our front doorstep. Oh what He has and will continue to do with a surrendered life.

I wonder how I've missed it in the past - been so caught up in me. It's like the blinders have come off and the sight has returned. Jesus is so much bigger than we give Him credit. Jesus is so much bigger in this world than we see from North America. I've prayed for missionaries in the past, but they still felt across the seas. Today they feel like next door neighbors. And I ring their doorbells when I hit my knees in the morning.

I find myself hurting for their hurts. I find myself crying over the poor's loss. I find myself inspired and desiring to be more obedient through the stories of the faithful and the God-exalting. Devotion stirs devotion. God's Word seems voidless. And all that changed is my morning routine. Who would have thought that a morning routine change would make Africa feel so close? He's changing me.

Oh the power we Christians have harnessed closely in prayer. Not the cheap brush-off kind of Prayer. I'm talking "I believe You can accomplish this" prayer. The power to hit our knees for more than a never-ending sick list. When prayer becomes more than a mode of gossip. When prayer becomes more than a "church thing". When you start talking to your Best Friend in the mornings (and at night, and at noon.. and ...) about your desire to add one more to His Kingdom. "Please, Jesus, even just this one more..."

Justice seems to matter more. Patience seems to be attainable. Prayer becomes a strategy in battle. Neighbors spread across oceans. Your heart breaks for injustice and overflows in accomplishment and joy. Love becomes more than enough if it's done in Jesus' Name. And discipleship feels natural when Jesus consumes your thoughts.

I don't know if my face is glowing. I don't really care if I scare some by the fact that I have seen God. All I know is, I don't ever want to be the same. I don't ever want to go back. I'm no less filthy than before, I'm just more repentant. And all I know is I want today to be a little more obedient than yesterday. That's a starting point at least.

My heart breaks for those who have yet to see - truly see - the heart of God. Oh, Jesus... you know my prayers. Open us up, Jesus. Please, Jesus, that You would be more and more and that obedience would be our worship.


- changing.

New Vision

I am finding myself in a new place,
Looking in the mirror and seeing a new face
hidden behind the old one.

Inside is changing,
Eyes are widening
and I don't want to go back.

You have become real,
Your hurts, your pains
somehow I am being changed.

Before I just sent the normal,
Giving only what I had promised
now i can't get you off my mind.

We think you,
We pray for you
we wonder how you spend your days.

And while you are an imperfect child,
In an imperfect world
we are seeing Jesus in loving you.

Lidia and Tofic,
we love you
an ocean away.


- thinking about our world vision kids again.

As the days go on...

So this is what happens when you are sick: the world goes on and you are on the catch-up. After a week and a half of oogies, I think our brood is finally on the rebound. Abi missed the bugs - thank goodness, for that kid whined enough busting in her two top teeth to drive anyone to the edge. Good thing I was drugged numb (kidding). But poor Matt received sick wrath - FOR ONE DAY- while Rachael and I are still on the up rise from our suffering woes (cue the violins). If I could just vacuum suction out all the mucus (viewer rating tanks). ANYWAY.

So life is happening all around us. It feels like years since we've been outside and in the meantime some kind of huge deep red flower popped up in our backyard planter box. Perty cool, people. Perty cool.

Dakota has found herself a new home - it was her or Abi so alas, we opted to keep our daughter over the dog. But Dakota is and will continue to be well missed for a while yet. And, as with any family pet whom you have invested in and incorporated into your world, our love goes with her. Saturday was a sad drive to Indianapolis, but it is good to know that while the breed-specific shelter finds her a home her life is not in threat.

So with that change has come some decluttering (or simplifying, eh Jess) of our home as well. I've put up a clothes line in the backyard in efforts to thoroughly brand myself a "woman of another decade". No really, I just think drying blankets and sheets, etc on the line as well as those "we can't seem to get the stain out of them" whites is beneficial.

Only in picking up Material World from the library and thumbing through it a bit yesterday I've come to realize that clothes lines are more common than we "stuck in America's movement" people may have imagined. Talk about a book to readjust your worldview, people. The book goes about the globe and selects homes around the world to do a homestudy upon. They take a picture of all the material goods a family possesses after moving them to the front lawn or such location near their home. Then the book compares similar needs, like toilets, food, etc cross-culturally. Amazing to think of how little some can live on compared to how much we may convince ourselves that we need.

And thus, we've also been thinking and praying and hoping and talking about our efforts toward adoption. Matt and I enjoyed date night conversation walking kidless around the mall (loathe summer heat). It's so wonderful to get us-time to talk about what all we have been praying about and hoping regarding our family's future. I HIGHLY recommend date nights with your husband/wife. Crucial in any marriage to be on the same page.

So alas, that has been our life lately. And next week we'll celebrate Abi's first birthday (falls over dead). How quickly the time flies!

But alas, I must get going, it has been requested that I come read to the children while they soak the bathmat with bath time bliss.

Hope you are fairing well.

Invaluable, but with Expectation

You know more than once I've been accused of over-thinking. Who me (ahem)? But it is true. I confess to be a professional over-thinker. Life matters. Think much. Act smart. And I guess then I can never be accused of thinking too little. Instead you can slap the label of "thinking too late" on me. hehe.

So I've been thinking about parenting and Matt and I agreed on a car ride the other day that one important rule in parenting to teach to your children is that "What Mommy and Daddy says is law." There is expectation and consequence in Mommy and Daddy's words. It is not acceptable to trudge on without acknowledging that Mommy or Daddy has said, "no," and don't mess around in the realm of obedience expectation.

There's a difference in forced and choice obedience. I don't want our kids to obey because they have to, but because they want to please us. And yet in some instances, I'll just take the obedience, regardless of the willingness displayed behind it. We're not running a boot camp, here, but there are certainly clear expectations of quick responsiveness.

Rachael, bless her little heart (Southern slang for "Are you serious?"), has her moments of testing the law. No, people, she's no felon at 2 and a 1/2, but she certainly feels the need to make a few waves sometimes. Yet I am reminded that while children have an amazing ability to remind you of the Fall out (reference: Genesis), their value should never be questioned in their minds (nor yours for that matter). It is not a matter of convincing myself that Rachael is an angel (an often misused and personally unfavored term) and always means no harm - have you seen that kid's eyes, she's not innocent. But she is and will always be invaluable in our eyes. Children are a blessing. I couldn't agree more. And yet that blessing does not mean that in some moments she isn't downright awful. =)

We've all been around the "seriously, do their parents set any boundaries?" kids before. The ones pushing their siblings down repetitively, whining uncontrollably, and the ones that cast off their parents' direction as quickly as you flip channels on a "nothing's on" night. And we've all been around the "do you even like your kids?" parents who seem to make it a personal goal to create and win a power struggle in every conversation with their child. Those poor "can I do anything right?" kids. So obviously this valuing while creating healthy boundaries balance is just that - a balance.

Now I've had my share of "hope no one's taking notes" parenting embarrassments before; serving the baby steaming hot soup, handing the toddler a lollipop to make her shut up... we all have those head-smacking "please don't model your parenting style on this moment" experiences... and I'm sure I'll have more too, cuz perfection won't happen until the new Jerusalem. But operating on a "just this once" parenting style with each passing circumstance won't get the job done. Or let's put it this way, in my experience I have seen it create a lot of ungrateful, selfish, unthoughtful kids that cycle through babysitters faster than a 6th grade dance attracts wallflowers.

Why am I blogging about this? I don't know. Just thought it something to think about in my over-thinking ways.

Question of the day: How can you make your child feel valued while still setting healthy boundaries?

Every child is different, but the healthy boundaries are the same.

Messy Truth

Isaiah 58: 6-11 -

"Is this not the fast which I choose, To loosen the bonds of wickedness, To undo the bands of the yoke, And to let the oppressed go free And break every yoke?

"Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry And bring the homeless poor into the house; When you see the naked, to cover him; And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

"Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

"Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' If you remove the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,

And if you give yourself to the hungry And satisfy the desire of the afflicted, Then your light will rise in darkness And your gloom will become like midday.

"And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." Matthew 25: 31-46 - "All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left. "Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' "Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 'When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' "Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.' "Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?' "Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' "These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." We followers of Christ are called to more than just our moment of salvation. And our evidence of our faith displayed through the fruit of our response to the poor and "the least of these" will have everlasting affects. I find it eye-opening that Christ chooses the presiding factors on which to weed the goats form the sheep to be " For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me,"(Matthew 25: 35-36). And here in Isaiah 58: 7 addresses directly the qualifiers of feeding the hungry, providing a home to the stranger or homeless person, and clothing the naked. This is not to imply that works are a salvation agent, but instead that a life of works for the poor is evidence of a true faith. It is challenging to delve into the dirt and the "messy" lifestyles of others. Christ doesn't qualify clothing the naked only if they are interested in Jesus or only if they promise to get a job to clothe themselves. Yet as Matt learned this morning through Acts 4 it should be Jesus' name that compels us to preach and serve. And we need to be careful not just to love and provide for the poor and the needy because "you're loved," or "we care about you," or even because "we just wanted to bless you," but instead because we have come in Jesus' name (Acts 4:10). It is Jesus that gives us the fire and the heart to run to the needy with open arms. So today, whose name am I coming in? And am I even coming?

- praying for eyes wide open to the Truth.

I Can't Go Back.

Orphan Summit 2011 was wonderful, overwhelming, and inspiring. Much unlike the familiar guilt-trip driven orphan care seen in infomercial ads, the Summit focused on the hope and compassion God stirs within His people for orphans and the poor. The Summit focused on being compelled to reach out and serve and love and provide for orphans because we were once orphans adopted by God and now are called His family. I could fill this blog with hours of information and emotions and out-pouring from the two days of heartfelt encouragement and empowerment for the Body of Christ to go forth and fulfill God's commands to care for the needy. So instead of hitting you with it all today, I plan on sharing with you and anyone else I meet for the rest of my life. When God's called receive His instructions, we are compelled to run to the labor with full abandonment. Or another way to say it, in quotation of Sara Groves: "I saw what I saw and I can't deny it. I heard what I heard and I can't go back. I know what I know and there's no substitution. Something on the road, cut me to the soul. Your pain has changed me. Your dreams inspire. Your face a memory. Your hope a fire. Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of ...and what I know of love..."

Matt and I are left in a place of prayer. We know we are called to adopt. We don't know where. We don't know how. We don't know when. We don't know who. But all we know is that we must find out. And we're not interested in merely a humanitarian act - we just want to obey Jesus. So we're praying hard and asking our friends and family to come alongside of us and pray with us.

The pivotal moment in the weekend for me was sitting down to the provided lunch, while waiting to bag some food to send to those dying of starvation far across the world. Matt and I had come with every expectation to work throughout our lunch process, shoveling down lunch quickly to allow for more time. Jesus compelled me but a statistic resounded in my head, "2 people for 2 hours of labor in bagging food equals 1 child's year worth of food supply." We were planning to fill small bags approximately the size of two stationary envelopes with a highly concentrated rice, mineral, and powdered protein formula. I ate my lunch quietly, listening to the "background" music that blared loudly beside me from computer speakers. It was an African children's choir, singing Revelation song (the one Kari Jobe released). And in that moment God taught my heart in a very real way - these voices were singing straight scripture: "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God, Almighty Who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings..."

It blew me away that from merely me taking time to fill a bag of food, there could be a brother or sister in Christ standing beside me in the new Jerusalem that would have otherwise not been there. In that moment, and in each moment thereafter, it had nothing to do with me helping someone and everything to do with my obedience to God's commands. God's command to go and to make disciples, God's command to take care of the poor and needy, God's command to do unto the least of these, God's command to provide for the widow and the orphan... it all flooded through my mind- obedience felt that much more critical. I don't have to sell all my possessions and move to a third world country, but my obedience is directly tied to what I do today to obey the Lord. My obedience is directly tied to how I serve the least of these today, from the comforts of my home, from the way I teach my kids about God's heart, from the way I help structure our family values and our family goals, from the way I use my money, from the next conversation I have.... TODAY - not tomorrow or some futuristic goal of later having more funds or time or devotion. Today!

I can't possibly describe to you how my heart feels or what it feels like to have God pull the blinders off to His heart for the poor and the needy. I can't possibly begin to put into words how much more than smiling at a homeless man or volunteering once a year at a food bank or how much more than doing a 30 hour famine awareness once a year with the youth it is to have God's heart regarding the poor. But brothers and sisters in Christ, it is our responsibility to pass on to our children that "to much is given, much is expected". It is our responsibility to pour ourselves out that one more may come to know God in His abundant love and provision for our souls.

The world is filled with one "I can't" after another. But what I have found regarding the poor and the needy and the orphan is that a family, regardless of financial status, who has a heart for the orphan and the widow and the needy will pour themselves out through prayer, conversations, collecting spare change, awareness, walking alongside missionaries in their endeavors to blog about God's work around the world, creative fundraisers, and doing everything they can to keep open eyes and gain a more Godly worldview so that through that family our Lord will be glorified. And Matt and I desperately want our family to have an accurate worldview, that God's heart would compel us and direct our steps to bring Him the most glory possible.

It just all boils down to this... In Christ there are 2 kinds of Christians: those that merely receive Christ and those that become saints. I'm not talking some weirdo "check me out, I rock" title. I'm talking about those that have jewels on their throwing-at-Jesus'-feet-crowns and have sold themselves out for the utter and complete Glory of God and God alone. And I agree (once again with Sara Groves) that "when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them." When I stand before Jesus I am going to have so much to say regarding my lackings, but I want to also be able to cling to Him and say, "Jesus, I tried so hard - even though I failed in so many ways- I poured myself out because I wanted so much of You and I wanted to make so much of You."


- that is if I'll be able to speak at all.


(praying and thinking and longing)

Guilty As Charged

I read an article in a Christian Parenting magazine the other day while waiting to pick up the Kindergartner I watch after school. The article title? Getting over Guilt. Beyond the sheer entertainment of the author's self-portrait of standing with baby on hip and her hand to her head with an "I blew it expression", I found it interesting as the author spoke of sending her guilty situation through "the Three G Test".

G #1: Gifts. Guilt gives you the opportunity to re-evaluate what is and is not on your list of gifts. Ex. Some people rock it up at baking - I do NOT! Therefore, instead of feeling guilty that I didn't think of bringing in a piping hot plate of cookies for the next youth group function, I can default to something I am gifted at and serve the youth in another way. End result? The youth get served. AKA Success!

G #2: Growth. Guilt can spur you on to growth. Ex. You stink at doing the laundry so you feel guilty for being selfish all the time and avoiding the laundry resulting in doing the laundry to avoid feeling guilty. (You know, just pulling a situation out of mid air here - cough.) Voila! - productive guilt. But I really likes this statement from the article: "While I am not a naturally 'gifted' homemaker, I cannot use that as an excuse to let my home become a sty. And while I am no more gifted in the area of 'child management' than I am in home management, that cannot be an excuse to let my kids rule the roost." So true. So true. A stinger and so true.

G #3: Grace. You'll never be good at everything and guilt is inevitable when you fail so you are super blessed to have God's grace in the whole teaching process. God continually offers grace in your efforts and your failures. And you cannot experience grace without first experiencing guilt. AKA, I'm not thankful for the undeserved gift of grace if I still feel like I could have done it on my own.


I just thought this article was neat and helpful in terms of motherly guilt. And so in those next guilty moments, instead of standing there and feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to try to think about the three G test. Was it even a gift of mine that I was trying to accomplish or was it a greener grass on the other side of the fence moment? Am I using my guilt as a crutch or growing through the guilt? And is this guilt another opportunity to acknowledge God's grace during my mistakes?

- Just a few guilty thoughts. =)