How It's Been Lately

Posts have been a little slow lately (I know my reader(s) are hungry for my constant news... NOT!).
Between homeschool and watching a little boy (2 y/o) now during the days there has been minimal time to breathe around here. (My last day watching him was today). We just got off of a Discipleship Now weekend with the youth group. I think all enjoyed it. And now comes the usual exhaustion of a completed busy weekend.

I've found myself some time to reflect amid prepping the "new family member" room as we are finishing our last few pieces of adoption paperwork. While I feel like the phrase, "finishing our last few pieces of paperwork" is a lie, it feels nice to say likewise. =) There's always just one more. But that paper takes on another meaning when it brings you that much closer to your new family member.

We did our child survey, identifying all the traits we would or would nit consider tonight. Matt joked that filling out the paperwork during Sunday Night football may have been a mistake.
Me: "Will we consider a child who has been convicted of murder?"
Matt: "YEAH!!! GO, GO, GO!!!!"
Me: "Will we consider a child with the characteristics of honesty?"
Matt: "Man!!! No way!!! What was that?!?!"

=)

I'm looking forward to spending an evening out of the house with no kids (say what?!) with Amanda tomorrow night. I feel like it's been dark ages since we've sat down. And a good cup of hot chocolate at a bookstore is in order for sure. Don't you love how a good Christ-centered conversation leaves you marveling at how quickly the time has passed?

Matt's playing some war video game. I'm sure he loves that I keep asking questions during his relaxing time blowing up of "the enemy forces". It's a boy thing, I tell myself. Girls aren't supposed to understand. ;)

So that's how it's been lately. A little busy, with laundry on the side. And the joy of lazy Sunday afternoon naps and good husband-snuggles during this wonderful football season. 

Looking forward to returning to a less-busy schedule (after the photo shoot, vet appointment, house-cleanup, and girls night out scheduled for tomorrow of course-hehe).

Some errands left to before our final safety audit in this adoption process (lock box, smoke detectors, and a convertible car seat to buy). I'm putting primer paint on my Christmas list. I figure I'll try to get that room painted white and then when we meet/make the matching conference on a child we can ask them what color they'd like their room. Just trying to think of ways to make the room theirs and make them feel welcome.

sigh... alright, that's all for tonight. Thanks for reading my randoms. =)

Happy Sunday night to all!

Who's control is in Control?

You know, I just wanted to take a moment to bring up the interesting conversation/battle of birth control into the topic ring.

I have many times heard the birth control method argued by Christians to be "responsible" and "enabling you to control when you have a kid to best care for the child." I have also heard the conservative approach, and even "excessively" conservative approach argued that "we'll take whatever the Lord gives us."

I find this conversation interesting in terms of the Duggar's new announcement that they are pregnant with their 20th child. So many feel challenged by that information and often throw in their two cents of, "those people are ridiculous" judgement. I could easily find myself in that camp when my kids are obnoxious. I could also find myself in the "test of faith" camp wondering how many other feminist thoughts we are going to try to justify by the Word because the thought of not controlling our family feels uncomfortable and we want to feel justified with our level of control.

Matt and I have had this conversation many times and probably will continue to have this conversation as we continue to surrender our family to the Lord. I agree with him that birth control, whether it be abstaining during your ovulation cycle or a non-abort-effasive method, in many instances can be very responsible. I think it can also be very wrong. I think it boils down to the heart, which is what the Word seems to bring me back to.

Am I saying, "no, I don't want You plan over my own," to the very one I call Lord? Am I saying, "it's not convenient," and viewing children as the "burden" that first began the feminist movement of birth control? Is my heart in line with what God says about kids? Is my mind with Christ's on valuing and delighting in children? And does not being on birth control really mean that I'm going to end up with 30 kids? What about Hannah? Or those in the Bible that were barren? Or those in the Bible that only had a handful of kids?

Or am I using my "faith" in God's plan as a cop-out? Am I being irresponsible in ignoring the things we so clearly know about women's bodies and how and when contraception is at it's most harvest-filled time? Am I being selfish in wanting a particular number of kids and controlling in being non-controlling?

The battle is in the heart. And the surrender, on either side of the argument, is in the heart. But what I do know is that God calls us to self-sacrifice. His Will in exchange for our will. And His Will stretches us and is not comfortable because it defies our fleshly nature. His Will challenges and grows us. And while we can still be Christians and still be controlling, I just know one thing... the Judge looks at the heart to determine who is and who is not sacrificing in worship and evidence of their faith.

Paul states it this way in the Word, that all things are permissible for us, but not all things are good (or beneficial). It is important to weigh out the consequences of either side of this "birth control" argument and surrender our families fully to the Lord. For He even said, "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46).

We need to be certain His motives are ours in all things, the make-up of our family included.

- to God be the Glory.

Our Joy and Pride

No one prepares to be blown away... otherwise they'd hang onto something.

Homeschool has been trucking along with this Mommy creating random letter-focused practice sheets for Rachael to do and coming up with various other curriculum ideas and Rachael just going along for the ride. It's been fun to be creative and watch Rachael's discovery and pride in her accomplishments.

We have been slowly working on Rachael's letters in her name each week. Repetition, repetition, repetition in tracing the individual letter per week, recognizing each capital letter in books and amongst other letters, and learning shapes, colors, and numbers along the way. I've been very goal-focused in targeting Rachael's weaknesses (fine motor control) while blending them into her strengths (identifying shapes, colors and numbers). We've had our frustrating days (sigh) and our moments of victories. And then came today's in which I found myself blown away.

We were sitting down to the normal homeschool with an audience of Abi and Rachael's newest "goes with her everywhere" stuffed animal. We were working on squares today, Rachael showing off her advancements in fine motor skills over the past 3 weeks of focus and I decided to try it out... Rachael has learned the letters R, A and C (we're working our way through her name - other letters didn't really sick). Thus far we have only been tracing them because her fine motor skills are *ahem* "age appropriate". This is not a problem, but I do like to challenge her. So I decided to try it out... NO DOTTED LINES....

And man did she blow me out of the water writing the letters she knows...

It's so cool to see her advancements and her increased focus and hear her ecstatic laughter as she masters a skill for the first time.

- love homeschooling.

Some pictures of her work over the past 3 weeks:

Week 1: "R"

Week 2: "A"

Week 3: "C"

We had done other homeschooling prior to this, it was pretty light and didn't focus on writing at all. Then we took a break from it for a while (helpful of homeschool) after I started getting my feet wet so I could reorganize and so life could happen. And then we started into a more "let's get ready for our real written preschool curriculum for the winter" process which I have charted above.

But anyway, thanks for celebrating with us on Rachael's great successes!

More of Jesus

You know, I was thinking today about what it will be like to be nearest to Jesus. I can't possibly fathom what it will be like to see Him for the first time. And quiet honestly, just thinking about it makes me miss Him so much.

Do you get like that? Where you think about how awesome Jesus is and just want to find yourself wrapped up in His arms? It's not that your family isn't wonderful. You're not in some pity-me moment. And it's not a self-loathing moment either. Your day is good, maybe even great, and you just miss Jesus. He hasn't gone anywhere, but something deep inside... something that can't be satisfied just wants to run into His arms.

Something inside you wants to stay in His arms and catch up on the 'remember when's of this journey. You just want to snuggle in deep and hear Him breathing. You just want to feel His embrace - you know that has to feel amazing.

God is no less real on this side of the New Jerusalem. God is no less present and no less enough than He is. The I AM is still the I AM. And there are days that I wish I could just hug Him. No one has been closer to me than Jesus. And no one ever will be.

The closest thing I can think of how my face will be is comparable to this little girl's face when she looks up from her classroom work to see her Daddy standing there, newly returned home from the war.

http://www.godvine.com/Daddy-Gives-his-Daughter-a-Heartwarming-Surprise-at-School-764.html

With tears in my eyes I can say that yes... Jesus is well worth it.

-Keeping my eyes on the Prize.

"...Going to Training"

My two year old told my one year old in the middle of her afternoon play, "You watch my babies and I'll go to training and be back soon."

Can you tell we've been doing our foster/adoptive training for a good while now.

And alas, I finished my last class tonight. Funny how 36 hours can feel like a lifetime.


The final class brings a relief and yet a bit of fear too. You see, God told us to get our license. So we have. We've tried to be good kids. But as we finish this process up, it's kind of like standing on a cliff after climbing the hill in obedience. It's not a fear of someone pushing you off, God has more love than that. But it sure gives you a thrill at God's prospect of saying, "Jump... trust me..."

It's like that moment at the top of a roller-coaster hill when you have that split second somewhere between, "This was a good idea, right?!" and "BRING IT!!!" It's that healthy wondering of what the horizon will reveal.

So much change has happened to our family over the past 6 months, from no longer watching Lexi to temporarily watching Kevin, to God adjusting our plans multiple times and reminding us that He is more than capable of using any situation to grow and change our family, to babysitting Mom's cats and then ending up adding one of the cats to our crew, to getting into the swing of homeschool and delighting in Rachael soaring in her learning. We just never know what's on the horizon. And it's so exciting not to have the "this will be out of God's control" fear that comes from a lack of faith, but instead to have a butterflied feeling of excitement and anticipation for what we have yet to see.

It's like holding your breath and trusting that God will instruct you when to breathe before it's too late - even if it gets a bit uncomfortable at times. He knows what He is doing. And He sure is moving.


Matt still has a class to go in 3 weeks and then our collective training classes will be complete. We have our list of things still left to get done before getting the final stamp of approval from the county before sending the application to the State for a completed license. But with all that being said, our application/license should be complete around Christmas. Christmas, people!!!! That may feel a bit far away when you look at Halloween and Thanksgiving coming up first, but when you think about the fact that i have started Christmas shopping/looking..... eeeeeek, people!!!! That's in a blink of an eye.


God is so good to us. God has blessed us so. And I'm feeling like a little kid in a toy store as this adoption process is becoming more of a reality. Whooooo! Stand back and check out what God will do...!!!!!

We'll be standing beside you, checking it all out and applauding His Greatness,

Fall Festival

We went today to a fall festival at a local park that is only 15 minutes from my house and yet I didn't know existed. Yes, Yes, I know... submit commentary here about how adventurous I am. =) Each year we try to go to a fall festival or pumpkin patch with "the cousins" (Aunt Ellen, Uncle Ron, Bekah, John-John and Josiah). It's a fun time to make memories together.

The little Fall Festival was free to the public - right in our price range - and had all kinds of family-fun activities from pony rides to a goat petting zoo (don't pet the one that was head-butting the kids -- for serious. lol.), and a pumpkin decorating area with free pumpkins, oh and also a playground and a barrel-seat train ride pulled behind a tractor (Rachael bowed out) and a large wagon hayride (we all bowed out). Wonderful few hours of fun and smiles. Poor Rachael was still recovering from her 102 degree fever the day before, so her regular energy level was not completely back during the adventure. But a good stroller ride, blanket snuggle and a snack helped her rejoin the fun without over-extending the poor kid. And Abi had her first pony ride.

And thus I share pictures.... you know, because I'm a shameless Mom of two cute kids. =D

 Our Cowgirl -always wanting to ride the ponies.

 Her first pony ride. Look at that pacifier smile! (yep, we're still teething hard.)

 YAY!

 Picking out a good one. (The wind in her hair).

 So little.

 She wanted to carry her own pumpkin.

So Daddy was helping her be as big as she felt in that moment. =)

 All the kiddos.

 Pumpkin decorating.

 Rachael's finished product. - bear with her she was starting to feel poorly.

[see her poor flushed face.. =( It was nearing time for a break. ]

 She came back to life, after a break, with full character in the leaf fight.

 hehehe. So much fun had by all.

 Aunt Ellen boosting her up for a view of the cows and donkey.

 Happily Daddy's sidekick.

 Sister Snuggles.

 A family shot. - Rachael's done for the day.

(Oh look! I was there too!)

 One last wind-in-her-face smile before we loaded up and called it a day.

Wonderful trip. Wonderful company. Wonderful day.

Thanks again, Ellen, Ron and Co. for another great year of fall tradition.

Blessed

I am so blessed by these little faces.

 hehe. Look at Abi-baby cheesin' it!

 Oh no... here it comes....

 TICKLE-MONSTER!!!!!

AHHH!!! Second TICKLE-MONSTER!!!!

My cast of characters make my world.
They're such little best friends. =)

Thanks, God!

Goodmorning everyone. 

To be Onesimus for God.

I've been to a few youth conventions in my life. You know, those mass-packed stadiums of exhortation and challenge. I've been to my fair share as a youth and then a good handful as a youth chaperon in college and then as a "youth pastor's wife" here on this side of life.

I've found over my years that the music has changed from being familiar singalongs to I-have-no-idea-who-that-guy-is songs. I'm sure, friends, that as the music has changed so have I.

Those wonderful youth conventions turned from just-right music to did-you-bring-the-cotton-balls music. Again, friends, I did the changing. And while some youth conventions end with outlandishly entertainment-only speakers, I have heard my share of good challenges and, what we "old people" of the faith call "charges" at revival-type settings.

In my quiet-time reading yesterday I felt the desire to check out Philemon again. Good old Philemon; wronged by his disobedient slave who stole from him and ran off (Sentencing the slave with a punishment of death according to Rome should he be found). Poor Christian Philemon.... now what? And then this letter arrives from a dear friend, mentor, and brother-in-Christ, Paul. And the letter says what? The slave is now a Christian and is the bearer of the letter? Now what should you do, Philemon? When put at the crossroads of trial, what should be the response?

The Bible never tells us. Thanks! Good suspense novel missing the last chapter! But again, you know how I like those unsettled-in-the-middle stories.

Only my heart shifts instead to the slave: Onesimus. Onesimus is translated to mean "useful". Paul and his witty self using the play on words that Onesimus is no longer useless, but instead in Christ is useful. Nerd joke alert! Gotta love that Paul.

And yet the term sticks. Am I Onesimus for the Kingdom? That is, am I useful for the Kingdom?

Each day we have an opportunity. I hope to seize that opportunity today. Not that my record could be cleaned or my name looked better upon, but that I would be proof that only Christ can do the changes that are inside of me. Just like Onesimus.

And one more thing, what if God calls you not to the exciting missions field where you get to witness first-hand the Kingdom work, but instead right on back to where you were running away from? Is He any less God? Is that cause to return to uselessness?

- just some thoughts today.

Look at that girl... She's happy.

I got a World Vision magazine in the mail today. Funny how excited my heart gets to see those two words, "World Vision". World Vision means more than a humanitarian effort. World Vision is how we have met Lydia and Tofic. World Vision is like a family connection.

This magazine wasn't like a normal one. Instead of selling gifts and household clutter, this magazine opened up a new window of Christmas - spirited opportunities.

A few days ago, maybe it was yesterday, I took my quiet nap-time allotment to count coins. Yes, I know machines can do that. Yes, I know those little paper wrappers don't carry any alluring factors. But this counting had purpose.

I emptied the contents of our missions jar on the table. We've been just adding our spare change to the collection for a number of months now. And as I started counting and wrapping I wondered how awesome of an experience it would be to sit around with our Sunday School class, or a group of friends, and do just that... count and wrap coins for missions work. I began to sing praise songs - interjecting numerals in there as I got closer to the brinks of my personal math skills. =)

I was pleasantly surprised by the amounts that laid before me some 45 minute or an hour later after shelling and counting and handling what felt like a small amount of coins. Funny how God shows up. I wondered what these would be used for. I wondered why God had put it on our hearts to collect this money. When we set the goal to save the coins and then find a place to donate the money once the jar was filled the day felt so far away. And while the jar is not filled yet, I felt the need to count and wrap up the coins.

Then today the magazine came. World Vision. I love those words. I flipped open the pages and looked at all the pictures with my toddlers today at lunch. Daddy's at seminary all day today, so in many ways the house has felt unusually quiet - even though he's always at work during most of the daytime anyway. But at lunch he usually joins us and he was missed today - as he is every Tuesday.

"Look at that boy!" my little talker interjected. "What's that?"

"A goat."

"Why?" the famous and expected response.

"Because some Mommies and Daddies live in places where it is hard to grow food or where there isn't enough food. You know how you tell me you're hungry and I can just open the fridge and make you lunch? Some families can't do that. Some families don't have enough food. So Daddy and you and me and Abi have been putting away our money in the missions jar. Remember putting coins in the jar? And we are saving the extra blessings God has given us to help feed other families. One way we can help feed other families is by sending them a goat. You know how we drink milk? And cows make milk? Goats make milk too. And so a goat would help a family drink milk."

She smiled. "Look at that girl.... She's happy!"

That's exactly right, little girl. Exactly right.

Funny how tears well up in your eyes sometimes when you know in your heart that something is right. When you know in your heart that you are right where God has planted you... and you are doing your best to grow.

I wiped away a few tears as Rachael looked over the magazine with fascination and continued to comment on all the little boys and girls' faces. Abi kept referring to each animal we saw as "meow"s and after Rachael corrected Abi's labeling we talked about how each of the different animals could help families.

The goal is not just to send an animal. The goal is to serve the least of these with a worshipful heart. They may come to the Lord, who knows, maybe not having to worry about their food source will allow their minds to think more of Jesus. But all I know is that Jesus said very plainly that when you do unto the least of these you do unto Me.

We just want to do unto Jesus more and more each day.

- to the least of these for now and forever more.

-- if you are interested in helping yourself: www.worldvisiongifts.com
Check it out.

Devoted?

Ready to fly?

 
My best friend woke me up this morning. No, I'm not referring to my husband, he's still sleeping, or a pet. I have found that in setting a devotion wake-up time goal i have never had to set an alarm. I just mysteriously wake-up 15 minutes earlier than my goal. That put me right out on the couch after my lovely morning bathroom trip and gathering my Bible at precisely 6:30a.

Good morning Jesus.

How close does He feel today?

You know, I have found in memorizing Scripture and trying to live it out that when Jesus feels close it is not a burden. It is a privilege. When Jesus feels like a best friend, I want to read His letters to me. I want to read His advice and guidance to my heart. And when He feels far away, I find other things to replace the time.

Oddly enough I don't believe our faith should be a feeling. I believe we need to train our selves and whip ourselves into shape. We can never do all our training ourselves, we need to pray for the Holy Spirit's changing in our hearts. But I believe many of the "seasons" in Christianity are really disguised Apathy emerging in our lives. O yes, I have been through dry seasons where it feels like my prayers are hitting the ceiling, but I have also found that while it is a challenge sometimes to think beyond ourselves (ahem, it's a challenge all the time in my selfish heart), I must push myself.

No change will just happen on it's own. I don't believe this is because God cannot just make a change happen. Beyond salvation, in which I found myself all of a sudden "getting it", all other change has happened gradually. As I have asked for more of Jesus and less of me, I have slowly gotten just that. But I must keep asking.

Some days I don't ask so well. Some days I want more of myself. And it's in those days that I must push myself.

A while back I happily accepted my apathy toward devotions. "Everyone struggles with them," I told myself. "This has been something I have always struggled with: the consistency of a devotion time," my own enabling continued. And where did that get me? Continuing to struggle to "find time" for a devotion.

Matt came home from a youth conference with a challenging phrase: "Devotions are a promise. Every day you feel like breaking your devotion time, just go ahead and tell your teenager they can break their purity promise that day. Afterall, you're breaking your promise that day too."


I didn't like that. Purity really matters to me. I can't imagine throwing it all in the can for one day of fleeting passion after waiting for 22 years to save sex for marriage. It forced me to think in real terms.

No, that didn't instantly fix my struggles with devotion. Every day I have the battle, many times a day, flesh verses Spirit. But I must show up to the battle!

My routine started like this: grumbling at the early time, apologizing to God, reading the Word, writing some prayers in my journal, and repeating that process for a week of exhausted morning devotion. We all must start somewhere. Then i started going to bed a little earlier. The grumbling cut back and I started apologizing for sins other than my grumbling. =) And sooner than I thought a month or so had passed and it was just normal to wake up early - even on a Sunday, and start my day off in the Word. There were days it sucked - I was in a bad mood. I hadn't slept well. Vacation came. I failed. But I just kept thinking about telling Rachael she didn't have to guard her purity that day. Now people, I am aware that she is 2, but purity is a heart-training that begins with modesty, initially for the sake of "because Mom says privacy is important", and expands into a lifestyle of waiting for what God has on the horizon for you. I just kept imagining telling Rachael in her teenage years to "go have fun" and "forget about it for today" afterall, "you'll get another chance tomorrow." See how different devotions look in another point of view?


I challenge you to lay it all on the line. You'll mess up - I did. But I challenge you to force the priority and stop accepting your own excuses. You will be surprised what a heart for Jesus emerges from diving into the deep. You'll be surprised at the clarity that emerges in refocusing on His Truth daily.

 Am I ready to fly today?

Or just drag my feet?

... in Christ Alone.

Sunday Morning Recap

At the Sunday lunch table.

Me: "So Rachael, what did you learn in Sunday School today?"

Rachael: "[Specific little girl] wasn't sharing and I was listening."

- rotten.-

Me: "What did you LEARN in Sunday School today?"

Daddy: "What was the lesson that you learned?"

Rachael: Quickly, "I don't know" Shoved noodles into her mouth.

- Thank you, teenager.-

Daddy: "Yes you do too know. Think about what you learned."

Rachael: ..... "about Josiah."

Mommy: eyes the story paper sent home with Rachael.

Daddy: "What did he do?"

Rachael: Quickly, "I don't know." More noodles.

- we wait -

Rachael: "He cleaned up."

Mommy: "then what happened?"

Rachael: "I don't know."

Daddy: "Did he find something?"

Rachael: "The BIBLE SCROLL!"

Mommy: "And then they read it to the people and the people knew what God wanted them to do.

Rachael: shoveling in more pasta.

Mommy: Turning to Abi, "Is that what you learned too?"

Rachael: "No. She didn't learn anything. She just walked around, she wouldn't do a paper and she ate animal crackers."

- Sorry Abi, better luck next time. ;)


And thus you have it: the Sunday Morning Recap... from the mouth of our two year old.

(sigh) - love her.

The Gentle Healer

Sorry for the silence for a while. There has been much to think about and much to pray about lately. With some addition of alone time this past week and the addition of some quiet time this week rocking Abi's teething, tired body, I thought I'd share some mid-thoughts.

A few weeks ago our Sunday School class spoke on hindrances that we personally have in sharing the Gospel with those we care deeply about. I was thankful for the honesty and the grace amongst the group as a few shared their hearts.

Sharing the Gospel can seem so formal sometimes and even unnatural in feeling at times. Some could venture to state that the Spirit is not leading if the situation feels awkward. But so much of the situation feeling awkward could be in your own mind as well. Sure there is the feeling of rejection that adds a bitter taste sometimes. But it is such a tricky piece of life because while we don't intend to walk on eggshells in our world, we also want to be careful not to tromp around with spikes on our boots.

Maybe I can explain it better like this:

When Jesus is everything to you... When Jesus is the air you breath...
When Jesus consumes your thoughts, your heart, your intentions...
Are you then sharing the Gospel or just living?

See how can I keep from wanting to share Him? He's my best friend. Of course I want you to meet Him. He changes everything. He makes the hurts livable. He makes the trials bearable. He makes hope from devastation. He is Life to the full!

Not everyone is ready to accept Him. Not everyone is ready to have faith like a child. And according the Word, not everyone will accept Him. But everyone will hear.

I've been listening to this song while rocking my littlest through her teething needs. "The Gentle Healer" by Selah. It's a cover of the song done many years prior. But I include it here for a few reasons: I like about the song that it is written from the position of an outsider trying to rationalize and understand who Christ says He is and proves Himself to be. And yet at the end of the song the singer is not converted. Many Christian songs end in conversion, yet few continue in their state of lose ends. It's important not to get discouraged as a believer... it's all a process for each of us. And while we have the Answer to Life beating in our hearts, Christ is certainly not to be taken lightly. I enjoy how in this song it ends with "some folks who followed Him, they say that the Gentle Healer is the Truth, the Life, the Way."


At some point it must be us making the decision if the Gentle Healer is our Truth, our Life and our Way. Only we can make that decision. And there are consequences on both sides of that choice.

Yet the journey to that choice is just that... a journey and our jobs as Christians are to come alongside of the walker and disciple them to the choice of Jesus. It is the walker's choice, but our Master has made it more than clear that He is a Gentle Healer, gently healing our hearts to salvation should we chose to have faith in His ability to Heal us.

- just some thoughts rattling about in my head.

Discipleship

The greatest challenge I have ever been given is that of Christian parenting, AKA discipling. I'm not talking about television-raising parenting or any other cop-out parenting. I'm talking about attempting to make disciples and raise your children to honor the Lord.

There are the normal exhaustions of parenting that we selectively forget when looking back on the early years. Any parent is faced with the frustrations of talking back, constant noise, discipline and punishment. Those are hard. Those try your core. And those you can't get away from because your child will follow you. ;)

But there is a greater call that will strip you to your core - making disciples.

The Word tells all Christians to go and make disciples. So we arm ourselves for the outdoors, prepping ourselves in the quiet of the morning for the tasks at hand in the day. We strap on our kindness and our faithfulness and our godliness as we seek to intentionally love others to Christ around us.

But what happens when your disciplings are waiting for you before you have gotten your shower? What happens when your disciplings cry out over the baby monitor for the 15 billionth time in the night and they are just as demanding of your example the following morning? Discipleship moves to a whole new level.

And while discipleship is a shared responsibility for a husband and wife when a husband is home, during working hours discipleship is a mother's responsibility. And no matter how much joy and enjoyment you may find in discipling your children, there are still those moments of returning to your home with toddlers in tow and tears in your eyes because no one showed up for their discipling shift in the nursery again. Those moments are hard, when it feels like you alone are investing in your children with minimal, if any some weeks, breaks to re-prep and re-focus.

I am grateful to those who go out of their way to disciple my children. I am grateful for those who require nothing more than "thanks" from me in exchange for personal time to regroup and recollect myself. Their gift is generous to my children and overly generous to me. Gratitude feels like too small of a word to use to express my thanks. And i try to express my thanks as often as I can to those who so selflessly take on my Mommy hat for a few hours.

(sigh).

Discipleship is hard. Seeing your deepest flaws in your children makes you want to be a better Christian and leave a better legacy. But constantly being faced with your greatest challenge day in and day out, 24/7 is also a challenge in itself.

Some days I show up for the challenge. Other days I wish my kids could follow a real example of a good Christian.

And while discipleship is QUITE the challenge, it carries quite the rewards as well. It's the investment in them that is a reminder of God's investment in us... while we were yet sinners.

- just some thoughts on discipleship in the home.

Held

What happens when we start applying the Word of God like as if it's the Truth that it is? What happens when we cling to the Word and the power of God's promise through it?

You know, it's been slowly growing in me the utter power that God has given us through the Word. Many days it can fell so normal and common-place as if somehow a distant part of the Christian walk. It's "old texts" feel just that when new crisis arises. It's "Sunday School" applications feel more like some dying off church when we face the daily battles and struggles of our culture and our generation. What does the Word really have to say about what I am going through?

It is a challenge to state with your livelihood that every word in The Bible is Truth. Not applicable only to one person, or one time, or one situation, but applicable and True.

Can you imagine what would happen if we were to fall on our faces before the Lord and instead of lifting up countless Sugar-Daddy prayers, beg Him for more of His Word to be alive within us? I can't imagine how it would change us if we would just apply more of the Word of God.

Suddenly gluttony, homosexuality, adultery, anger, fear, depression, greed, gossip, impatience, hatred, hypocrisy, impulsivity, being judgmental, anxiety, bitterness, complaining, being critical, disrespect, doubting, envy, boasting, inferiority, superiority, pride, masturbation, lying, love of money, pornography, laziness, profanity, rebelliousness, stealing, self-centeredness, uncontrolled thoughts, lack of discipline, lack of loving, lack of forgiveness, revengefulness, gambling, materialism, pleasure seeking, intoxication, immodesty, smoking, apathy, neglect of Bible Study, prayerlessness and so many others would be answerable. And through the Spirit Christians everywhere could overcome those demons left over from their life before Christ.

The Scripture would truly be alive and sharper than a double edged sword in our lives, cutting out the garbage we allow to master us.

Matt and I have begun a challenge to use the Word to put off our old self methods - you know, those "always there to trip you up" sins, and put on the new self. You are going to meditate on something. You are going to do something during a frustration. You can't just stop doing a sin without replacing it with what God wants us to do. So Matt and I have been using a tool that helps us identify our Achilles heal sins, put on the Biblical character attributes that are the complete opposite of those and then memorize specific Scriptures to guard our hearts against those sins. In other words, we're trying to take God at His Word.

God promises that the Holy Spirit will be our guide. So we're just trying to identify him better and agree with God that our sins are unacceptable.

Are we going to be prefect? Not this side of the New Jerusalem.

But I don't want to be the same. We are called to grow in Christ. The way we did things yesterday is not good enough. Only through the Holy Spirit can true change take hold, but we're called to be proactive in seeking righteousness, not just hoping it'll fall into our lap one of these days.


I am reminded of this song in thinking over the Truth and the power of Scripture applied in our lives. Amidst the tragedy of losing her newborn son, a woman penned these honest words about God's love and character. In the face of fleshly responses to be angry and broken and beaten down amid the tragedy, came this woman's response to her son's death. I'm sure every day wasn't a walk in the clouds or anything close, but the honesty of her unwavering faith is alive in this song.

I want a faith like that. A faith that doesn't have to be tried by trials and tribulations to produce a right view of God and His Word. But a trust that even though we are in a sinful world that has so many sinful consequences and hurts, God's Word is Truth - now and always- and it testifies about the true character of a more-than-worthy-of-our-praise Father.

I hope you choose today, in this moment, and every moment during today to let His Spirit conquer your flesh. It is a true challenge, but as I am reminded again and again,

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape, so that you will be able to endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

God has provided all that we need to overcome our temptations through His Word. Now it is time for His people to take Him at His Word.

And "if hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?"

- to God be the glory.

Communicating Worth

I have recently been reminded of the value of communicating worth in each conversation.

We've all been there: standing beside a person on the phone who just interrupted your conversation to "take this" obviously unpressing phone call. We get the "just a minute" hand motion. Or talking to someone and realising that they are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can continue to share their story. Or maybe it's the "I know you are dying to know all about me" people who never seem to ask you anything about your day.

It all boils down to expressing worth.

We want to feel valued in a mutual conversation. I want to feel like there is a reason to stand face-to-face, not so I can watch you text on your new iPhone. You value me being there. You want to spend time with me. And that's why you are here... and so am I.

I think we have endangered ourselves with the "I'm always available" age. If you can get ahold of me 24/7 that means whomever I am with needs to take a number. While certainly having access to Matt is a wonderful part of our day - sharing in silly signs that I have passed on my walk with the kids, or that random phone call to share what our crazy toddler just said. And yet there is an oddity and a distance that waiting causes in a relationship when "I just have to take this call" happens.

We've all done it and returned to the "now where were we?" moment. But I have been reminded once again that sometimes that moment has passed and static is left on the line.

It makes me evaluate how I communicate their worth to others when in a conversation. Rachael and Abi will always interrupt - they're not perfect- but I am communicating your worth to me by putting them on hold for you. I am saying, "I value you" by turning off the TV when you call. And I am saying, "You matter to me" by being present during our conversation.

The call can wait. The text can wait.

You matter.

I chose to be here with you.

- hope I can continue to make a conscious effort to be present ... in spite of life. =)

Reflective Rain

Today is a raining, thinking day. Ever had those? Seems like I get my best quiet thoughts done on rainy days. Maybe it's because the weather forces us to stay indoors. Maybe it's because staying indoors produces chores-work, which allows for individual kids play which, thus contributes to quiet thinking time.

[We're on the rebound from a stomach virus here on the homestead. Thus, I am washing everything anyone who was infected may have even looked at while they were sick. We don't want any revisitors.]

Rain kept us sitting in the car a little longer than usual at our destinations today, listening to the comforting melodies of Sara Groves' new Cd. Something about the rain and Sara Groves that makes the world's spinning feel a little more slow and manageable. Quieter... easier... slower.... ever mom's dream?

Just been thinking today. Pondering the Word and it's application in our world. Thinking about where God has our little crew and where He is taking us. This journey always brings up memories of sappy Mother-treasures and lonely valleys. Nope, not depressing things, just a day and a time to ponder.

 I was told over the weekend that I am a good Mom. And I wonder what constitutes being a good Mom?

Is it that I have sacrificed my social life for runny noses and dirty diapers?
Is it handing in concert nights for middle-of-the-night fevers and vomit crew?
Is it making the choice to "give up dreams" to have kids - as if kids are not purpose in themselves?
I wonder how we measure a good mom these days?
Does that mean I'm old fashioned and therefore strike a chord with someone else struggle to find their identity among piles of laundry?
Am I one of those "traditional" moms who keep to themselves and don't let anyone into their corner of crazy?
Or am I a newfangled, "my baby must wear the finest", selfish Mom who is too busy taking pictures of their kid to interact?
Maybe I'm a mixture of all or none in any given moment.

What constitutes a good Mom?

I'm not asking for props to be given to me. Just wondering how I classify a good mom.
Does a good mom mean her kids are quiet? What if quiet is a byproduct of fear?
Does a good mom mean her house is clean? What if she never plays with her kids?
Sure there are the balances and the moments of "we're just going to get ice cream and ignore the dirty bathroom". But maybe a good mom is one that knows her weaknesses - however many- and tries to parent her child to not carry on those same weaknesses.

I was asked if I would want someone to follow my example. Is it bad to say "no?" There are so many better examples out there. So many closer Christians to Christ that could give you a much better glimpse of the Perfect Example. Maybe it's better for you to follow those examples, cause seriously you could end up with the fruit I have if you follow my example.

What constitutes a good Mom?

Is Jesus a qualifier?

Hope so.

Thinking about the Proverbs woman (Proverbs 31) - yowza! Did she do all that stuff in one day? Or is it more a synopsis of her week - or weeks. Maybe I'm not such a good mom afterall. Or maybe thinking I'm a good Mom will stunt my growth toward being a good Mom. Is the aim to be a good Mom? Or is that a byproduct of wanting more of Jesus?

Hope so.


- Moments of reflection.

Don't we all need a day like that?

Hope you are finding your soothing rainy day soon.

National Emergecy

It's hard to believe it has been ten years already. I remember it like it was yesterday: coming into my high school class to a CNN broadcast. It was ironic to have the TV on in the first place, but I took my regular seat. There was a building with smoke billowing out of it and I remember thinking, "What country is that cause it looks surprisingly like New York?" No one in the class spoke, excluding the hallway chatter before the bell rang. The teacher stood speechless, glued to the TV. She wrote our assignment on the board, clearly not paying any attention to her crooked writing while remaining attentive to the TV screen. We all wrote down our assignment in our usual programmed way. I saw the second plane hit in real time. I wondered why anyone would run a drill like this. Didn't they know how much fear they could instill. Then it hit me - our country was under attack.

Today is a mixed-bag of feelings with the shock of the 10 year anniversary of 9-11. It's a mixture of sadness and yet the odd normalcy of the happiness of a beginning a new day. It's that eerie haunting oddity of the tragedy... in the face of the new life and rebirth of today. In so many ways it still feels surreal, even though I have visited ground zero and seen the footage. It still feels like a bad movie sometimes, this disconnect from New York since we are "so far away." And yet now that my horizons have broadened, New York doesn't feel as far away as it used to feel. In other ways it feels dangerously close - too close.

I'm not sure I ever got over the shock of 9-11. I know that I am blessed to not have to personally grieve for the direct loss of family or friends due to the tragedy. Last night I listened to the recorded audio transpondings amid airports and the cockpits of the 4 hijacked planes. Maybe it's because I was so young - merely a Sophomore in high school that made the whole thing feel oddly small for a while. My world felt smaller compared to the things I know and understand today. I couldn't even drive, people, so seriously my world consisted of a town-radius. It was odd how I felt the fear of "they're on our soil" and yet the safety of "we're not nearby anything governmental." I didn't know Wright-Patt Air force Base was in Dayton.

And then I remember seeing the footage of what looked like New York City was on fire after the Towers fell...

It is still quite overwhelming. It brings tears to my eyes at times, now that I know more to the magnitude.


My eyes have been slowly opened to parts of the breadth of the tragedy and I have become slightly less shell-shocked. I wonder if there were any children on the planes. I wonder how terrifying it would be to look up from your desk nearby New York's tallest buildings and see your neighboring building "on fire" or witness the second plane hit. I can't imagine the wives and husbands and Mothers sitting by the phone praying for the "I'm okay" phone call that never came.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims of 9-11. I don't really have words to say, but I offer my silence and my prayers in honor and remembrance of September 11, 2001.

Stats

So with moving to an "updated" form of blogger I get all kinds of screens of stats about my blog. Some are fun. And some are depressing. LOL.

I guess it's kind of neat to see who checks my blog, within reason. There's a wonderful "site feed" list that informs me of how little people are checking my blog and from where they are fed or where they begin. I have learned that most people just type in the URL. And yet, the greatest number of hits I get from an external site is from facebook. Go figure. I had begun to wonder if me posting my blog posts there was annoying people. You know, the kind of thing you block others from appearing on your wall for - - too many posts.

But then I found another fun stat that tracked the countries - yes, people countrIES- that have checked my blog. And here's what I discovered:

U.S. some 1,327 views

Argentina – 37

France – 2

Netherlands – 2

Canada – 1

Germany – 1

Nigeria – 1

Russia - 1

 
Kinda interesting, really. Nigeria, I know who you are. Canada could have been my sis on vacation, but also could not have been. France could have been an old, dear friend from elementary school, Cecile. Netherlands? Argentina? Germany? Russia?

Kinda fun. And then I read the next stat - not a single on of them returned this month. hehehehe. Clearly my posts this month have been - uh, lacking to say the least. =) Oh well, the month has just begun. =) I still have time to lose a few more. hehehe.

Thanks for reading, all. It's flattering and terrifying all in one. =)

A Call to a Challenge

You know, I have found the joy in praying for over-seas missions. What a wonderful job that we States-bound Christians can do! And yet I have discovered something unexpected along this journey of doing what God tells me to do... I miss Theresa Reed. It's funny how close Jos, Nigeria feels some days, and yet there is a truth that we cannot get past... it's not next door.

There are times when I just want to walk next door with a plate of cookies. Or I just want to poke my head in and see how things are going and what more I can pray for. Or I just wish the delay of information and the silence were not so thick at times. Sure I am living in the "get information now" generation. I can't even imagine what Rowland's Bingham's family did as they waited for weeks on end just to find out if Rowland had made it to Africa - let alone survived the next day. So i know I am spoiled by Will and Theresa's blog and emails. But there are days that it's not enough. There are days that I just want to run over there... and maybe never come back (don't worry, I'd bring my family. hehehe).

Maybe that's my missionary heart speaking.

I have found along the road of sponsoring Tofic and Lidia that I just want to give them a hug some days. I'm still a stranger in many aspects, but they are a huge part of my life and my thoughts and my prayers.

We got a letter from Tofic yesterday - the smile was unerasable (that may not be a real word, but you get the point). I am so blessed by that little boy and the prospect of loving him from afar. I may never meet him, but I pray for his salvation daily. We talk about him frequently - not because I'm some weirdo stalker (ahem) but because he matters to me. He is a life worthy of investment for the Kingdom's sake. And God called me to love him and I don't know how to do that half-heartedly.

But some days it just feels too far away. I want to be there. I want to feel the dirt in the air. I want to hug Theresa. I want to see with my own eyes and breathe it all in with my own lungs...

And yet I have the utter blessing and privilege of praying for them all, which in turn makes me feel so much closer.


...


Anyway... I just wanted to comment on the irony and challenge of distance amongst believers and their mission field.


- love to my little Lidia, football-loving Tofic, and giving-it-all Will and Theresa.

Riding in Luxury

The best way to make a long drive enjoyable...

According to Rachael. =)


Thanks again, Jessica Thornell for getting Rachael a sucker the size of her head from your  trip to Disney Land. She HIGHLY enjoyed it. =)

Playdough

So the other week we made an attempt at making playdough.... and it was a success. Thus I share the pictures of our triumph and fun:

Kneading the colors into the dough.

 Vanna showing off our colors.

 Let the play begin...

My Mom's playdough creation a few days later. =)

We had a blast and when Abi woke up from her nap - voila! Playdough!

P.S. I found the this recipe to work well.

Cup Runneth Over

I was talking to Matt on our vacation - I know, CRAZY. And one night I just busted out a new revelation (brace yourselves) that I am satisfied with where God has me.

Have you ever had that revelation. not an I'm comfortable with my devotion level and therefore going to plateau. But just a joy and a satisfaction with exactly where God has you and is teaching you and is growing you. I hope you feel that every day.

It's funny but it's so easy to become over-booked and exhausted by "too much to do that won't get done" or the hard parts of life that I don't step back and enjoy the ride. It really is a joy. And I think that while it is challenging, God has blessed me beyond measure. My cup runneth over for sure.

Have you ever stopped to ponder your blessings? Not just the amount of stuff you have in your house, though a good wake-up call to just how blessed we are by what we have is a sobering experience. But also to the extent of enjoying the purpose God has placed before you. Do you feel like your cup is overflowing with goodness from the Lord?

Maybe you too need a refresher here and there. It's so easy to look at the "too much" of life and find yourself overwhelmed or discouraged by those "am I ever going to learn this" lessons. Maybe you are too overbooked and over-extended that you have created a stress that hinders you from serving the Lord wholeheartedly and joyfully. I was in that mode for a while too. Declutter and get back to the basics. God doesn't have us here to do 2,000 things, but to do things wholeheartedly and well. Accomplish Kingdom work with purpose and intentionality. I've found that as i have slimmed down to the core things God wants me to do (identified through prayer and God's priority revealing) it's like a weight has lifted off and I have become a better Mom and wife and Christian.

God is not here to serve me. He's not alive to rescue me from my self-imposed stressors. He's not a sugar-daddy God handing out blessings void of hard lessons. As Christians it's important to continue to evaluate how much we are serving God verses expecting or desiring to be served by God. And in this evaluation expectations change.

I have found God growing me from a complainer (to be honest) to a thanker. As God has grown my heart of gratitude and opened my eyes (Thanks be to God!), I have been convicted and cleansed and begun to serve Him better right where I am. The situation has changed only in minor ways, but my heart is so less self-pleasing and self-seeking.

Therefore, I find myself satisfied and overwhelmed by the blessings God has already given me. My family, my friends, fellow real Christians to spur me on to God-worship and away from self-worship, my country, my freedoms, my status that I may help and encourage others... the list could go on for days.

A few weeks back - wow, I think it's been over a month- Rachael and Abi (sort of) and I went around the house and put a post-it label on everything we were thankful for God giving us. In an effort to learn gratitude and that God is taking care of us, I was hoping to start planting more intentional seeds of God-honoring. The post-its littered our house for weeks until they lost their sticky and were one-by-one moved to the world of waste. =) But it opened my eyes to all the physical blessings that surround our family and that God has provided. There was something changing about walking into a room covered in "Thank you, God" post-it notes. Alters the way things are seen.

So how is your cup running over?

What are ways that God has blessed you?

And how are you using those blessings not to worship yourself, but to worship the Lord?



- humbled, blessed, taught and changed.

Jehovah Jira

"Jehovah Jira" - God the Provider.

Exhortation. A spiritual gift of encouragement. Exhortation is designed that another brother or sister in Christ would not just receive a pat on the back or a high five, though those are nice, but that a brother or sister in Christ would be spurred on toward Christ in the equation. Encouragement that after the transaction the sibling in Christ would be more like iron sharpening iron, not for the purpose of pointing out flaws and being judgment, but instead for pointing out Christ-like behaviors and encouraging martyr-like faith moments. A pressing on and encouraging of a brother or sister in Christ to run the good race, fight the good fight and keep the faith. Exhortation.

I've heard the argument time and again that women, especially, are in need of encouragement. Women are the "unsung" heroes of the kitchen (have you tasted my cooking? HA!), the martyrs in the home and the "unrecognized" population that keeps the household together. Therefore, I have heard the argument that women need "me-time" to recharge their batteries. Who doesn't like a little me-time, right? But while I too feel the comforts of the words roll off my lips and the overwhelming "agreed" label stamped on that statement, I wonder at it Biblically. Where in the Bible does it guarantee us a right or a just duty to "me-time"?

Please don't hear me wrong; recharging MUST occur for a woman to serve God through her family. But in everywhere that I have read and experienced in my life that recharging does not come from pedicures, massages (oooh, but sign me up!) and pampering days, but from the Lord.

I think we have begun to look at it a little backward. We have women's conferences to "recharge our batteries" and women's events to "press us on" and encourage our beaten down hearts. First off, I have nothing against corporate exhortation. It's nice to be among like-minded people and there certainly can be value to having an "I have been there" crowd of experience. But there is a deeper sweep that we must be careful of as women in Christ. This sweep in women's events says, "You deserve this" and "you need this" and "you need me-time through this conference". Here's the heart issue: where in Proverbs 31 does it state that the woman is seeking her-time? The premise of "I need me-time" is a heart of dissatisfaction. I am not happy with where I am and how things are, therefore I need a respite. It's not to say that the weak need a break, but it is to say that the context of "women's events" is often that we are overworked, exhausted with our responsibilities and pulled apart by our requirements. To me that is nothing like the Proverbs woman. The proverbs woman isn't staying up late at night to get stuff done because she has to. She isn't waking up earlier than her family because someone has a gun to her head. She is joyful. She loves her role in Christ. She adores her family. Her love compels her to service. Her desire for God compels her to real life.

Are you tired, women? Are you overbooked? Are you swimming in too much service to your family and your friends and your community? Do you feel like you’re expected to be everywhere at once and do everything to everyone? Or are you flowering where you have been planted? Do you view your motherhood and your wifehood as a wonderful opportunity to serve the Lord? I'm not talking about a Snow-White moment, but I am talking about Joy coming in the morning! (And no, that's not only for morning people. =]).

I would challenge the "need" for women's ministry events to "recharge your batteries" and for large women's conferences to "rebuild yourself" and "endure for the next year." I think that's a wrong view. The only recharging we need is Jesus - not some elaborate concert or run-down of exhausting speaker lists that leave us in emotion and physical need of a respite from our respite. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a worship set that helps us see beyond our window of Christian women. It's really neat to look out over a crowd and see a sea of women giving their hearts to the Lord. In some ways it feels like a little glimpse of Heaven-worship. But those concert and event junkies and even we semi-junkies need more of Jesus. We need to lose the "this is what I deserve or need to endure my Christian faith" thought. Do we really believe the Word is all we need? Was that even in the running of how to regain strength?

I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that if you are not enjoying your role as a wife or a mom and are finding it more draining than a "look forward to" experience then you need to evaluate your devotion times. Are you viewing God's gift of being a woman of faith correctly? Are you prioritizing the Word in your daily life? Are you seeking God as your only source of strength to renew your mind and change your heart? Or are you looking toward concerts, women's events and big gatherings to find your steam?

It is so dangerous to think of needing a "once a month" or "twice a year" event to define your Christian walk when the very Words of Life sit in multiple copies on your bookshelf.

Again, there is value in women's events. There certainly can be moments of Christ-honoring and self-sacrificing exhortation (and there can also be moments of "we need to control our tongue" that we always need to be looking out for). But we need to be VERY careful at making sure events are not advertised and feeding this "renewal" policy if we are at the same time making the claim that Jesus is more than enough. Events can have renewing qualities, certainly, but that is the job of the Holy Spirit administering through the Word of God that is present at the event.


Is Jehovah Jira enough?

Today, in this moment is Jehovah Jira enough?

It is a daily question. "Am I proving You are enough today, Lord?" Does my speech reflect my dependence on You? Do my thoughts about my husband and children reflect how sustaining and rewarding of a God You are to bless me with such responsibility? How about the way I respond to correcting my children, what does that say about what I believe about You?

Living a life of faith and being a Proverbs 31 woman pushes us to say, "in this moment, I surrender what I think I deserve for Your mind, Lord." And then to repeat that phrase in the next moment. and the next. and the next throughout the day. It's not about playing a role, but receiving your ministry from the Lord. For when I view motherhood and wifehood and house-keeper-hood (a technical term) through God's lenses they are not exhausting. Sure my body needs rest, God's seven day model proved the need for rest. And rest I must find and make. But my role does not become a hindrance of a burden when I shed all the other 48,572,865,728,067,580,267 ministries that ask of me and put worship into serving God through my family. Because out of my worship God through serving my family comes serving the poor and needy, praying for the Body of Christ, seeking opportunities to serve others and encourage others in their faith, God-opened eyes to the dying world, and a righteous walk in the Lord. Isn't that what we want? Daily lifestyle worship?



Jehovah Jira! You are more than enough! You provide all that I need and so much more!



Thank You, Lord.

U Univeristy

We're all in danger of it... it lurks around every corner... and suddenly you are enrolled in it... when you least expect it:

U University.

My eyes are increasingly opened to the sad truth that while we all struggle with U University, there is an overwhelming amount of people that choose to be permanently enrolled. We can get our degree in drama, or the American dream, or even humanitarian acts and still be enrolled in U University.

I was saddened recently to have my eyes opened to the affects of U University. I often use that term with my toddler when she's having a selfish moment. She doesn't get it, but it helps me to identify it and try to eliminate it from my life as much as possible this side of the New Jerusalem.

It doesn't surprise me when the lost act like the lost. But it does break my heart when the "saved" act like the U University of the lost.

We can call it teenage drama to help us pretend like our kid's 4 year enrollment in U University is normal. We can call it "college age" to help us write off their disinterest in anyone but themselves. Or we can fess up and realize that U Universities serve U Universities and result in wasted time and space.

Please hear my correctly, I struggle with U University just as much as the next guy, but self-control shouldn't be thrown out the window because we all struggle with it. It would be like making rape permissible because there are so many cases of it in our country.

It's in times of U University that I find myself desiring to be the Holy Spirit. "Snap out of yourself!" I want to holler at a Christian, "Look outside of you! Are you here to serve yourself? What does that communicate about God?" And while guiding someone in love and compassion is much different than hollering, I am glad there have been Holy Spirit convictions in my life and not only "I am representing the Holy Spirit wrongly" volunteers.

I've seen a good host of self-proclaiming Christian examples of U University: those angry at their friend's efforts to celebrate their birthday, those constantly playing the drama card to remain in the spotlight, those playing the superior game to reside in others' minds, those constantly seeking more for their families and always complaining about how little they have... sound like anyone you know?

Sadly, we all know them. And many times we are those people.

But God has so much more for us.

It continues to blow my mind at how true the Proverb is: "Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied, nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied." [Proverbs 27:20]

Sheol is "the nether world" and Abaddon is "the place of destruction". They are always seeking more to come and reside. And just as the broad path is so much easier and so much more comfortable and so much more appetizing, so are man's eyes never satisfied.

That proverb is sobering when I start my U University thoughts. I will never be satisfied - my flesh will never be satisfied, therefore, I MUST self-discipline and deny self for Christ to be alive in me.

A challenge.... and a lifestyle emerge.


"And He [Christ] was saying to them all, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what is man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?" (Luke 9:23-25)

A Little Something About Love

While in an adoption training we heard this story:

There was an adoptive/foster mom on the trainer's caseload back when she was doing casework. This foster mom went to her foster son's IEP meeting at his school to advocate on his behalf.  Everything was addressed in that meeting from the child's behaviors to his current educational needs. And this mother sat on her own at the meeting in representation of her boy.

She noticed some cruel glances shot in her direction as the topic of the child's "born addicted" status arose regarding his current behaviors. The boy sat silently and watched his foster mom as he noticed the judgements placed on her shoulders.  The foster mother sat contently, continuing to advocate for the boy's services.

Not once did the mother state that she wasn't his biological mother or distance herself from the drug abuses inflicted upon this boy through, "it wasn't me" deflection.

Instead, she just took it all on her shoulders and left the meeting, having done the best she could for her boy.

The school district was unaware that her boy was not her biological son.
According to that foster mom, that "foster" label was on a need-to-know basis.



- Sometimes love is so strong it's hard to put into words.

Good Stewardship

Every time I hear the word I think of a dollar sign: Good Stewardship. Growing up I always thought this had to do with your tithes and offerings and making sure you were a good steward of your money - AKA giving your money to the church and generally not being selfish when the offering plate rolls around. It's like somewhere on the plate there was the engraving, "A good Christian gives abundantly because 'it all belongs to God."

How many times have you heard that phrase, "It all belongs to God." I can recall primarily hearing that phrase from those wanting to borrow money after spending their own on a new pair of shoes for themselves. Or there was that one time that I remember hearing that phrase roll off the tongue of a young mom as she overwhelmed her kids with loads of Christmas presents and filled 1 or 2 Operation Christmas Child shoes boxes. It all belongs to God.... is my life proving that?

Good stewardship.

I've been reading a lot lately (condolences to my sister who read 58 chapter books in a contest and failed to win the Nook prize). I've been doing some studying, as mentioned before, and generally filling my post-kid-bedtime time with some 10+ books while watching Matt's new football video game out of the corner of my eye. The themes are running together. The suggestions good, but a bit overwhelming at times. And the tones of the books range from "grab your torch and pitch-forks!" to "homeschooling is a preference." But one theme, sadly, has only arrived in one of the 10 homeschooling books I read( even though a good handful of them were "Christian" in nature) : Good Stewardship.

It's not the "Go Green because we're running out" good stewardship, but the "be thankful for what God has given you - cuz it's not yours" good stewardship. Yet it didn't stop there...

What about our time? We like to call it God's, but have we sat down and realised what we are communicating through our time?

What am I saying to Rachael through the time I spend Online verses the time she sees me doing house chores? (My husband's too nice to say an amen to that statement.) What am I communicating to my mom and Rachael and Abi when they see the green pool water out the window because I haven't made time to get to it yet? What about our overgrown weeds in the front flowerbeds? How about the wrinkled laundry? How about when we spend all day running around doing errands and we don't have time to play together? Now I'm not saying I'm a crazy slob who doesn't do house chores, but I am saying there is much to be said in how you spend your time.

This is not some big guilt trip. This is evaluation.

What am I communicating to God about how I value what He has given me?

What do I feel I deserve?
Should I feel I deserve things?

Matt and I spent some date night time together last night. It was nice to do something one-on-one that wasn't an adoption class. We've been trying not to stress out our family by leaving the kids with sitters 3 nights per week between the adoption classes and Wednesday church so we took a mild break from date nights and included the girls in our date nights for the past few weeks. We will be done with 2 per week adoption classes this week, but the value of knocking them out before Matt's schooling begins and between vacations was deemed higher than date nights. (Don't judge me, we exchanged adoption classes spent together for date night for 3 weeks. lol)

So last night we were talking about life and getting back on the same page and sipping couponed smoothies - mmmmmmmm. And we just talked about life and training up our kids in righteousness and serving the Lord and how it matters what we do to convey Jesus to our kids and whatever future kids God may add to our family. It was nice. Reaffirming. And right.

I think God is pleased with what we communicated through that use of our time.

And while we have more time and resources and actions and service to constantly be in evaluation of, it's not for the sake of being a super-Christian. It's for the sake of communicating clearly and deliberately that we are grateful and blessed and appreciative of God's provision, through time, finances, children, blessings. And we have been entrusted 2 children, thus far, to train in righteousness - that Christ would be exalted louder from under this roof.

Funny how when you think about teaching a child, God schools you.


Thank you, Jesus.