Just Today

Well, I haven't spoken much about Hannah's pregnancy on here. It's not because it hasn't been exciting or because I haven't enjoyed it. It is because I am now to the "rough it out" end.

Now thus far Hannah's pregnancy end has not been as physically taxing as Abi's last few weeks of pregnancy. Abi's pregnancy came with pinched nerves, which I can say hands down were FAR more painfully consistent than anything I'm feeling today with Hannah.

I think the greatest challenge in Hannah's pregnancy has been happening for a long time now. It's the constant "You're not going to make it to your due date," comments from, honestly, the second trimester to now. I think people sincerely mean well in wanting to share in the pregnancy by adding in their opinion. It's just hard to hear that repeated message over and over, have early labor symptoms arise (been doing these for 3 weeks) and have no progress.

It's that kind of combination that puts a damper on the joy of getting out and washing all of Hannah's newborn clothes. It puts a little tinge on packing a hospital bag for us both as well. See, it doesn't make it feel like she'll wait until her September 5th induction date when I am experiencing daily and hourly mild laboring symptoms. And while these symptoms could amp up at any time, in any place, unexpectedly, they could also just not. And it could just be like this for the next 3 weeks. It's like showing a kid a picture of an ice cream Sunday and then saying, "I'll give it to you later." "But when?" "Later."

Today I'm 36 weeks pregnant. One more week to go until she's full-term.

Part of me is thrilled that she has not come with the first signs of pre-labor threats. And part of me wishes I could just hold her and have my body back.

I think about the sleepless nights and wish they were that way because I was caring for Hannah, not just trying to get out of bed because my lower back can't take it anymore and I need to pee.

You know, I've been told so much "it's all in God's timing" usually from those well-rested, comfortable people who have lost touch with the hurts, annoyances, and anxieties of the last few weeks. I'm not trying to be a bitter person who finds nothing but complaints. I'm not trying to downplay the miracle growing within me. I'm just being honest and trying not to only "put on a happy face" when someone asks how things are going. There is a reality of the situation, not to downplay the miracle, but to come along with the entrance of the miracle. A waiting. And I'm not always patient. - As you can tell.

We have a Dr. appointment on Thursday morning. I'm hoping to learn of some progress from the 25-30+ Braxton contractions I'm now having daily. I'm also hoping to hear of even just the tiniest progress from the amped up lower abdomen pressure and pinches and pains added to the mix this week.

And if I hear of no progress, I'm going to learn further the lesson of waiting amidst the hurts for the promise to come.


That promise is so close I can almost taste it.

So close.

So close...