Born from the Sometimes

Sometimes you just need to cry.
Palm on your forehead,
Face buried in your blanket,
Laying alone in your bed.

Sometimes you just need to stare off.
Disappointment not taking on words,
Fuzzing out of reality,
The bassinet still empty.

Sometimes you just need to lay quietly.
Drowning out the unwanted commentary,
"Helpful" others due date predictions,
Filtering out prying stares.

Sometimes you just need to close your eyes.
That blurry burning in your eyelids,
Headache incurable,
Months of tension in your lower back and shoulders.

Sometimes you just need a moment.
Replaying hospital discharge words,
Medical assistant's "common" classification rolling so easily from her tongue,
Lip quivering and that lump welling in the back of your throat.

Sometimes you just need to stop counting.
Fake progress' painful contractions surmounting nothing,
Distance allowing the illusion of control,
Ripping up the latest record sheet.

Sometimes you just need the silence.
Just alone without expectation,
Letting down the game face,
Months of others' Hallmark hope sayings falling from your mind.

Sometimes you just need to not know what you need.
Heart-ripping frustration rolling from your cheeks,
Not even understanding yourself,
Welcoming the isolation of pregnancy in the moment.

Sometimes you just need to hurt.
Months of sleeplessness and silent symptoms dealt with alone,
Patience statements from well-rested, comfortable others, 
Endless pain welling over the brim.

Sometimes you just need to cry.
Outpouring of honesty to a responseless audience,
Frozen in space and time,
A blender of misunderstood and brushed off.


Sometimes...



Then the sometimes ends,

And you go back to your normal,

Filing the sometimes in honesty and growing into a newness.


... A newness born from the sometimes.