Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Ode To Cheap Earrings
Nickel, plastic, and all the cheap earring relatives and relati0ns, this one's for you:
For every gold sprayed delight and hand painted copper, my sanity goes out to thee.
Such gifts of green puss and expanding, enkindled ears you give.
Such superior manufacture, unbreakable to all but the touch.
And how blissful those Pirate days of one- ear- earringed joy.
Cheap earrings, what would the world do without you?
Hide and Seek would never be the same.
Jewlry counters worldwide would vanish all due to content consumers' discovery of preferable products.
Ah, yes... cheap earrings... your dispensible, nominal, glitzy, erroneous, adverse characteristics enervate all your admirers.
So, alas, I must find another... yes... I bid thee farewell. I must asset another who can better propitiate and palliate these universal desires of my two lobes.
Farewell. Farewell.
[throws them in the trash can.]
(I shall be saving for "real" earrings.)
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Faded Me Reflection
[an excerpt from my journal]
The Best Is Yet to Come
Wait a minute world... the thieves will steal your innocence
Now wait a second world... they'll prey upon your ignorance
And we all become fatalities of this state we call humanity
And we're going down in despair...
But don't give up... Don't give up...
We're all victims, we're all casualties...
We all want rescue from this tragedy...
So don't give up...
Wait a minute world... we're desperate in dissolution...
Now wait a second world... seems we're blinded by illusion...
And temporary satisfactions lead us further into depression
And we're lost within ourselves
But don't give up... Don't give up...
We're all victims, we're all casualties...
We all want rescue from this tragedy...
So don't give up...
Don't give up!!!
So hold on!!!
The best is yet to come!!!
It reminded me to keep fighting. Granted, this song is written for a soul who was contemplating suicide, but I think it finds relevance in my life currently. [No, I'm not contemplating suicide. Let me explain how it finds relavance in my life...] It's so easy to give up fighting for what I know is right. It's so easy to give in to the flesh. It's so easy to stop fighting just for a second, just for a short breather. But then the chorus pierces my ears...
Don't give up... Don't give up!!!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Cat food & a Diamond Ring
"This all for you?" I asked the man once I have finished entering it all into the computer.
"Yes," His voice came in a quite, gentle tone that displayed many years of experience and wisdom.
"Ok, that'll be $12.67." Came my response as I fumbled to pry the bag from the grocery bag holder.
"$0.60?" He sought clarification.
"$12.67, sir." I projected my voice louder, realizing he was struggling to hear me.
"Okay." He slowly reached into his right back pocket with his right arm, retrieved his wallet, and then laid twelve dollars and sixty-seven cents in change on the counter.
I put the money into the drawer and he put his bagged items into the cart.
"Have a good day!" I quoted the regular line as I watched him slowly put a glove onto his left hand. That's when I noticed that his left arm had yet to move from his side. It just remained there in a right angle, pressed against his stomach. Even when he put his glove on, the arm remained still.
I thought about asking the man if he needed help getting his things out to his car, but I was forbidden from leaving the register and I was the only "employee" in the store. Most customers that would like assistance ask for it at the counter, but this man never said a word.
He put the twenty pound bag into his cart, balancing it on his left arm, which still remained at his side, and securing it with his right. And then he walked slowly out of the store.
A few more customers came into the store and left with various pet stocking stuffers. About ten minutes went by and then I saw the same gentleman walking slowly up to the store. "Oh no, he must want to return something," I thought. But he had nothing in his hands.
He approached the register immediately, or as immediately as he could, after entering the store.
"Did I leave a ring in here?" He spoke in a monotone, yet concerned voice.
"I did not see one, sir." I began to look on the register counter.
"Oh, no." Came his concern. "I must have it somewhere. I must have it." His words trailed off in fear as he emptied his pocket of change onto the counter. Once it failed to appear in his change pile; "I had just put it on my keyring..." He fumbled his keys, appearing aimless and lost.
I called for Jonathon, the store manager.
"Where were you in the store?" I asked the man, hoping to send Jonathon on a search party.
"The last aisle, there." He pointed while he continued to fumble through his pockets with his right hand.
I sent Jonathon to search, knowing he'd search well since his wife had lost her wedding ring before, so the situation was very real to him.
The gentleman put his change back into his pocket and headed for the door. "I'll search in the car." He notified me with his back turned.
God, if it be in Your will, help this man to find his ring. No matter how simple or cheap this ring may be (I thought of a plastic ring.), it means something to him, so Lord, please let it show up. In Christ's name. Amen.
He leaned in the entrance, beaming, "I found it!" He held an older gold wedding ring with four diamonds above his head for me to see.
And he left again without saying a word.
Thank You, Lord.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Painted Egypt
VERSE:
I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
And the places I long for the most are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this
CHORUS:
I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacks
The future seems so hard and I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned
VERSE:
The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
And I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the promise and the things I know
ENDING:
If it comes too quick I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
- "Painting Picture of Egypt" by Sara Groves.
~ Just wanted to share this rockin' awesome song with you. ~
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Run For Me
When it rains...
Are you going to be there next time
or are you just going to stand there to say it's raining?
When it rains...
will you bring an umbrella
or just bring boots to drown my soul in splash overflow?
You tell me to cling to the cross,
I wish you could see how white my knuckles are
But it feels like they're prying my fingers away
and the splinters burn...
The splinters burn!
But I cannot give up!
I cannot forfeit!
the Spirit inside cries, "RUN ON!"
I cannot turn back,
when I feel I can't win.
Jesus, run in my place. My flesh is giving out.
Hold me... Please... run for me...
[Just a few thoughts than formed a song in my head tonight.]
Saturday, December 17, 2005
That's Mine
Have you ever had something in your life that was so obviously of the Lord? You know, it's like you can see that nothing you did created it. It was God Himself that molded it and shaped it to His liking. It's just so unmistakably obvious that God is the One spurring it all to happen. And you can sit back and see God pointing to it and saying, "That one... yeah... that's Mine."
"That One's Mine."
Soli Deo Gloria.
Friday, December 16, 2005
For Today.
I’ve been feeling kind of restless
I’ve been feeling out of place
I can hear a distant singing; A song that I can’t write
And it echoes of what I’m always trying to say
There’s a feeling I can’t capture
It’s always just a prayer away
I want to know the ending
Things hoped for but not seen
But I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway
Of going Home, I’ll meet You at the table
Going Home, I’ll meet You in the air
And you are never too young to think about it
Oh, I cannot wait to be going Home
I’m confined by my senses
To really know what You are like
You are more than I can fathom
And more than I can guess
And more than I can see with You in sight
But I have felt You with my spirit
I have felt You fill this room
And this is just an invitation; Just a sample of the whole
And I cannot wait to be going Home
Going Home, I’ll meet You at the table
Going Home, I’ll meet You in the air
And you are never too young to think about it
Oh, I cannot wait ... to be going... to be going Home
Face to face, how can it be?
Face to face, how can it be?
Face to face, how can it be?
Cuz this is just an invitation
Just a sample of the whole
And I cannot wait to be going Home...
- "Going Home" by Sara Groves
me too... (sigh) me too...
Can't Say It All
And sometimes my words have left You feeling so alone
So please forgive me and hear the words I'm saying now
I will spend my whole life looking for a way somehow
To let You know just how precious You are to me
I'll use the best words I know but I still won't say it all
'Cuz what I really want to say
Is what the sun would say to the sky
For giving it a place to come alive
But my words get in the way
Of what I really want to say
Oh what I really want to say ..."
I love You, Jesus.
Come breathe in me again today.
You are Life. Come fill me up.
Be seen.
But even then... "What are my words compared to Yours?" ...
Fill me with You, for Your name's sake. For Your name's glory.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
For Jes
Rejoice in Unsafety
... "Is - is he a man?" asked Lucy.
"Aslan a man!" said Mr Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion - the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ooh!" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he - quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
- "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis (p. 146)
I love You, Jesus. Safety or not. You are worth it.
You are worth it.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
Cinderella Messages
I was reading an old post tonight. And I thought it helped explain why I have no desire to get a television.
Further expanding upon the previous explanation:
Television has become so difficult to filter these days. You can't even watch cartoons anymore without seeing something that is not "child friendly". Sure you could easily label me as "hiding from the real world", in fact I've even received a similar comment from a close friend. But at what point do we draw the line? See, some parents draw the line at rated R movies. But not all rated R movies; for example, I watched Die Hard with my dad when I was four. Some parents draw the line at sex scenes, kindly asking their child to close their eyes during such obscenities. My question would then be, are you filtering their minds or heightening their curiosity for the deleted scenes? How many of you out there did something that your parents specifically told you not to when they weren't watching just to see if you could get away with it? Some parents filter out the violent movies, but some of those very same parents are the ones allowing their kids to watch power rangers or powder puff girls.
Where do you draw the line?
At least for now, [later it will be up to me and my husband -- Lord granting--] my current solution is to chuck TV. Too often there are messages that I do not support that are flashed upon that screen and in no way do I want to encourage it or be associated with those who are apathetic to the messages that are being programmed into our heads. [All those Cinderella messages that creep in.] Tolerance is taught. And sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say, "No. Not me. Not my house." I can find better things to do with my time.
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore, I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
- 1 Corinthians 9: 24-27
Watermark
Come check out the COOLEST band EVER!!! This band is called . I know, I know.. you (just like most of the world) have yet to hear of Watermark. But that's ok, because people, like myself, have already heard of them and are out there in the world promoting their songs of true worship and praise.
A little background on them: Watermark is made up of a couple; Nathan and Christy Nockels. Christy's voice is the main voice on the albums and Nathan sings background vocals and plays all the instruments in the recordings. [Yeah, he's really that gifted from God alone.] Now, you can read all about their history and their devotion at their site, but I'd like to wet your appetite with these words from Watermark...
"We have to rest in the fact that God measures the heart. Only God can measure what is pure and what is just."
"Our dream is that God would be blessed by our work, instead of asking Him to bless our work."
"We’re excited because we feel freedom. This doesn’t mean we have it all figured out, that is definitely not the case, but God is working in our hearts more than ever before. "
"We pray that these songs will be a daily reminder of truth to replace the lies of this world, and that they will bring peace, comfort, and most of all, worship of a holy God into their lives.”
If you do happen to go to their site, click on the "Listen" tab on the left-hand side of their webpage to get a taste of one of their AWESOME CDs, "The Purest Place". This CD rocks my world and has really helped me focus on my Savior and lead into quiet times with my Lord.
What artists do you know that encourage your passion for our Lord? What songs encourage your verbal declaration of devotion?
Oh, and let me know if you ever want to borrow this Cd. =)
Sunday, December 11, 2005
From One Parking Spot to the Next
Oh boy. Came my thoughts.
Then I looked at the lady's car. Her front passenger door was nicely dented in. Looks like she won't be having any front seat passengers for a while.
Keep your cool, Monica. These things happen.
Matt pulled his car around the parking lot, preparing to leave (Chris had already left) and much to my blessing, Matt looked back. Matt pulled up alongside of me, turned his car off and got out.
"What do I do now?" I asked Matt. See, I've never been in an accident before, but I was smart enough to realize that insurance people needed to be contacted, so I was holding my insurance card.
Matt coached me through the affair and even went to meet the "less happy" lady with me. The woman spoke no words to me other than verifying information off of my insurance card. All other words she spoke to her friend, whom she was meeting for lunch. After exchanging info, the lady left and Matt shoved my bumper back on (or at least temporarily). Matt offered his car as a shelter from the wind while I called my Dad and the insurance company. After getting off the phone, Matt followed me home to make sure that my bumper would not fall out. I called Kelly to try to get directions for back-roads to take back to Wright State, but she didn't pick up. So, then I phoned Andi Hill to try to find a quicker route then I knew. See, I was doing ok until Andi asked why I couldn't drive on the highway. I choked back my tears as bravely as possible. Focus on facts, Monica. Focus on facts, not emotions. I worked myself through the potential breakdown.
I arrived safely home. Praise be to the Father alone because in all honesty, there's no reason that my bumper should have held together. And as I drove down Zink Road, Matt told me after I pulled into the parking lot at my apartment that he was watching the right side of my bumper begin to fall out and was praying down the whole road. He shoved the bumper back in again and then offered his own car for me to drive to work tomorrow as opposed to risking it with my own car. We discussed whether insurance would cover me driving his car, etc, but couldn't come to any solid conclusion. So, it was resided that Matt would speak to his father about the whole situation and see what would be best.
"Could I bother you for a bandaid though?" Matt said politely. And at once I remembered his bleeding finger from his initial efforts to replace my bumper. His pants were now stained with blood, but he brushed off the issue with gentleness; "I'm sure it'll come out; but if not, they're only pants. I can buy another pair."
I did well, I managed to keep my cool and focus on tasks. I gave Matt a hug [Thank you again, Matt. Sincerely, thank you.] and I kept it all bottled up until I shut the door behind him. Then the tears came.
It's just another reminder that my treasure will forever be in heaven.
[Not to allude that my car is something I treasure. But again, it's all that I have been given.]
I don't know how this situation is going to figure itself out between the insurance people and the repairs of my car and all, but I trust that the God that has provided for me in the past will provide for me in the future. I have to trust that fact. That's the only thing I can cling to. Afterall, a lot can happen from one parking spot to the next.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
The Right Time
Thursday, December 08, 2005
just words. so few. too fast. but So High
these are just words and are not enough to contain You
Jesus, just words could never suffice to acclaim You
Father just words,
and i have so few
i run out too fast to speak them to You
Father just words,
and i have so few
i run out too fast to speak them to You
You are indescribable, You are beyond expression
i run out of words for You,
i can't speak that high
so hear my spirit groan in me
a painful sense of urgency
to tell You that You are to me
So High...
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
A Special Blessing
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
A Rat Tail Tale
Monday, December 05, 2005
Toes and a Blow Dryer
Was talking to Kelly on the phone earlier tonight. She is always a joy. We were laughing and carrying on like our regular hooligan selves and out of nowhere she said,
"My toes are cold."
Next thing I hear? A blow dryer.
"Are you kidding me?"
"What?... My toes are cold."
I laughed. "Most people with cold toes put on socks, but leave it to Kelly..."
"I am wearing socks." She cut me off. "And shoes..."
- Laughs encompassed the next few minutes of our conversation. -
That girl cracks me up!
Friday, December 02, 2005
Through My Cheekbones
I really thought I could make it through the day today at work, but I was wrong.
I came back home, sick as well... sick, at about ten this morning. Being the typical child in distress, I called my mommy. About ten minutes later, I found myself on the road to the doctor's down in Cincinnati. A quick swipe of the throat cells proved negative in a strep test. YES!!!! But then something strange happened...
"Does it hurt here?" Dr. Moreira's thick Spanish accent whispered as she put her fingers on my cheekbones and my forehead.
"No."
"Here?" She slightly adjusted her fingers and pressed.
"Nope."
"Hmmmmm"
Then she flicked the lights off and returned with her little light (pictured above). [Sidenote... so this light is actually referred to as an "Ear Nose and Throat Medical Light". Kind of a long title for such a little light. But then again, we are talking about doctors here and we all know they like to make up words and long titles to explain simple concepts.]
So, Dr. Moreira turned on her little light thingy and came back over to me. I assumed she was going to look in my eyes with it.
"Are my eyes supposed to tell her my ailment?" I wondered. "I'm not on cocaine...."
Then she put the light on my cheekbone. "Open your mouth." She told me.
"Are you kidding me?" I thought.
I opened my mouth.
She looked inside it and then repositioned the light.
"Yep." She went back over and turned on the lights. "Your sinus is blocked."
She sat down and scribbled out some kind of chicken scratch that she believes said a prescription, which I cannot spell, but I know really didn't say a single English word.
So, I guess I must just be dense, but it entertains my mind to think that some doctor a long time ago was running out of options in a diagnosis. So, he decided... here, I'll just put this little light on their cheekbones. And then when the light failed to shine through the patient's left pinkie, the doctor declared, "Open your mouth." And BINGO!!!! A SINUS INFECTION!!! EUREKA!!!!
The medical world never ceases to amuse me, I tell ya.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
When the Day is Done
When the day is done,
When the curtain closes,
Will I prove to be the one You saved me for?
Will I be seen as “upholding your will”?
Will I have given everything I had for Your name?
When the lights go down,
When the air becomes cool,
Will my decisions have reflected my devotion?
Will my heart prove obedience?
Will I be less
and You be more?
When I lay down to rest,
When my life is laid bare,
Will Peace blanket my face?
Will I be found dethroned?
Will my crown be cast
with no emphasis on it’s number of jewels?
When the day is done…
What will You see…?
Please, may my integrity attest faithful devotion
…when the day is done.
[written earlier.]
Sandpaper Breath
So me and my sandpaper throat are headed to work today. I've packed my little medicine bag, dressed in my layers, and brought enough money for a noodle cup for lunch. (A whole whoppin' $0.59!)
But no matter what I feel like today, I am so blessed to be alive today.
The Lord has blessed me with this breath and even though it can be so easy to get into a rut of feeling sorry for yourself because you feel ucky... I have still been called to share the love of Christ. And people at work are not in any less of a need to feel Christ's love than they were yesterday.
So, I'm grabbing my scarf and my cough drops and heading out to serve my Lord.
I'm no hero... just finally stepping up to the plate instead of choosing to ride the bench.
I love you, Jesus. May today bless your name.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiicola!!!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Empty Hands
empty hands held high
such small sacrifice
if not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight
may the words i say
and the things i do
make my lifesong sing
bring a smile to You
let my lifesong sing to You
let my lifesong sing to You
i want to sign Your name to the end of this day
knowing that my heart was true
let my lifesong sing to You
Lord i give my life
a living sacrifice
to reach a world in need
to be Your hands and feet
so may the words i say
and the things i do
make my lifesong sing
bring a smile to You
let my lifesong sing to You
let my lifesong sing to You
i want to sign Your name to the end of this day
knowing that my heart was true
let my lifesong sing to You
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
let my lifesong sing to You
- only You can make these more than words.
i love You.
teach me to serve You better.
i need Your hand in mine.
in Christ, I pray.
- amen.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Again... Rejoice!
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
My Only Worth
be treasured here
be glorified
i owe my life to You my Lord
here i am....
A Cup of Popcorn and the Kids
I had the opportunity to go to The Fantastic Four with Matt Stauffer and "the kids", Sarah and James Stauffer. (Sarah and James are Matt's little sister and brother and are commonly referred to as "the kids".) At the theatre, Matt nominated himself as "popcorn/etc go-getter" and I happily remained with Sarah and James in eager anticipation of the soon-arriving popcorn. On trip #1 to the concession stands, James went with Matt while Sarah and I had a little heart-to-heart.
"So, what's it like having so many brothers?" I struggled to start a conversation with the 12 year old.
"I don't know. It's ok, I guess." Came back the stereotypical reflection of societal influence on the pre-teen's apathetic mind. [ooo, don't I sound like a sociology major... Oh wait... I am... for now.] "It can be annoying sometimes." - And that part of the conversation was done. -
"So, do you have any pets?"
And thus began the long history of pets that had died while in the Stauffer household. Slightly morbid, yes, but I was grateful that Sarah was choosing to disclose any information to me. In fact, I was even told of an animal accident in which only family members were supposed to know. So I considered it a compliment that apparently something within my character was acknowledged by this 12 year old as "trustworthy".
The reviews began and Matt and James returned with goodies. Some ways into the movie there became a popcorn shortage, sending Matt back to the concession stand for "concession Stand Trip #2". [Officially labeled by yours truly. ;) ] Taking advantage of the empty seat between us, James leaned over to me.
"Are you liking the movie?" He yell-whispered.
"Oh yes."
"Shhhhhh," a father reprimanded from a row back.
There was silence.
Then came a voice.
"Are you liking the movie?" James belted out again. Apparently he had not heard my response before.
I leaned closer to him and spoke with joy, "Yes, James, I am!"
Another Shhhh.
James sat back down, satisfied with my contentment.
I didn't mind the shhhing. That man could shhh all he wanted. James was trying his best to be a good host. And at the wee age of 6? I was thoroughly impressed.
Then came the comment as the child's eyes remained glued to the movie screen, "You and Matt must be good friends, huh?"
"Yep! ... We are." I smiled.
"Yeah, good, good friends." He ended as he went back to his silent movie-trans.
Matt returned with popcorn reinforcements.
"Close your eyes," Matt told James when a less "kid-friendly" section of the movie popped up. (I was glad Matt had already seen the movie so he could monitor what images were impressed into his sibling's minds.)
It was fun seeing a movie with Matt and "the kids". Yes, the movie itself was entertaining, but I found my real entertainment from watching Matt and "the kids". James attempted to be a good host. Sarah pointed out every child she knew in the theatre and generally tried her best to distance herself for the label of "child". Matt tried his best (and he did an excellent job indeed) at "calming" James and Sarah back to their normal selves when they felt the need to show off for "the guest".
At the end of the movie, James asked me as we were leaving, "Are you glad we took you?"
"Oh yes, James. I am!"
He hopped off with a smile.
We got into the parking lot and James began utilizing the energy that he had been storing all throughout the movie by poking Matt and backing away before Matt could reach him.
"Alright, James... that's it." Matt turned around, grabbed the child and threw him over his shoulder. James laughed, expressing his delight in hanging upside down. Matt pretended to throw James into cars and run him into stuff. James, at the mercy of Matt, squealed and laughed with absolute trust in his brother's care. Sarah leaned closer to me as we walked, "Boys..." She spoke with a teenager attitude. I giggled.
They're fun!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Over a Candle
I was the middle child of three kids. I had a little sister named, I think, Katie and an older brother named, I think, Caleb. Katie was five (or around that age), and Caleb was like nine or something.
Katie and I were playing outside on our property. We lived in the country so we had a lot of land to play on. As we were playing an image appeared to us. "Come," spoke the spirit who whenever she spoke to us, she spoke with her face over a candle with a long flame. She kept fading in and out quickly so I couldn't really define her complete shape. It's kind of like those really old movies where the people are standing still, but because of the recording technology it appears as though they're inconsistently moving. She kept fading in and out quickly and reappearing slightly to the left or to the right of her prior placement. She looked quite lovely and attracted Katie's eyes and mind immediately. Katie dropped what she was doing and kept telling me that she wanted to follow "the lady". "I don't think that’s a good idea Katie." I spoke with the amount of wisdom that I contain today at age 20. [It was the mere fact that she spoke slowly with her face near the flame of the candle and did not even flinch that fueled my discernment.] "No, I really think that..." Katie appeared in a near tranz, following the spirit with partial curiosity and willingness and yet the spirit appeared to be dragging her in. I followed Katie, partially curious myself, but also hoping to change Katie's mind and leave the, who had now become, creepy spirit. Caleb, at this point, was playing nearby and yet far enough away that he saw what was happening, but remained behind to do whatever it was that he was doing.
We came to a darker area of the property where it almost instantaneously became dusk. There were large dark, rough wooden remnants of barn/shed-like building frames around and the spirit seemed to be weaving in and out of them, strengthening Katie's curiosity and drive to follow, all the while strengthening my own discernment and desire to break Katie from her tranz. I kept telling Katie that I didn't want to follow anymore and that is was a bad idea. "But she's so beautiful. She's so lovely. I want to see her," Katie continued her pursuit. The spirit then spoke in a riddle, alluding where she next desired Katie to go and then appeared much farther down a path that led up toward an old house-like building on our property. "School!" Katie yelled out discovering the answer to the riddle and immediately ran off toward the spirit. "Wait, Katie! Wait!" I struggled to catch up to her. I found her out by the barn looking through an array of old school desks. I immediately knew what she was doing; she was looking for a desk that she could bring with her. I too looked for a desk because at this point I knew the spirit was bad, but I did not want Katie to go by herself and who knows what could have happened to her. If I were there, at least I might have a chance of breaking her out of the situation. In fact, that was what I was relying on.
Katie found her pick of desk and ran off. I found a desk that was not too heavy and appeared to be the best choice for me and grabbed it from the long, overgrown grass. I ran to the building that Katie had now begun to enter. When I got in, the room was lit by the sunlight coming through the windows. I spotted Katie, but the scene began to unfold as I placed my desk catty-corner to Katie's desk. In fact, there was a row of desks lining one wall of the small, closet-dimensioned room and then a teacher's desk facing the row of desks, but in the corner of the room. Due to the fact that the room was so small and rectangular, the teacher's desk was quite close to the students, in fact, some students desks overlapped the teacher's desk. But this was no problem because, you see, I then realized that every child, excluding me and Katie, was a spirit. Each spirit found its body to be very doll-like, turning their heads/arms very stiffly. I was quite sure that if someone had not set them up in their places, they would surely have fallen over. On the teacher's desk sat a large, yet strong, male spirit who watched the class. I knew instantaneously that this was the teacher. The lady spirit, who Katie had been following, stood up by the teacher's desk, all the while keeping her focus on Katie as Katie feverishly wrote. This "lady" watched Katie with hungry eyes. When I entered the room, I immediately positioned my desk (somewhat in the middle of the room, but catty-corner to Katie's) and immediately began taking the test that everyone appeared to be so feverishly taking. The spirits both viewed me, but the lady spirit quickly refocused her attention on Katie, while the teacher continued to watch me. I looked through my paper (as if it wasn't even there), not caring what the test was, but drawing a mental image of the room; planning our escape. I tried to make the teacher believe that I was testing, but my eyes kept shifting from Katie to the lady spirit. The hunger in the spirit's eyes drove chills down my spine and I knew that if we did not escape when Katie finished her test, we would be in serious trouble. It's no longer a game, Katie; we have to get out of here. This is not right. I thought.
Katie finished her test and handed it to the lady, who then handed it to the teacher, I got up to bring my scribble-scrabble test to the teacher. On the way to the front, I spoke to Katie through the corner of my mouth; "We have to go Katie. We have to go." I tried to remain focused forward, hoping not to draw attention to my warning for our escape. The lady spirit, seeing Katie's subtle distraughtness, turned to me; identifying me as the source. Katie did not want to go, but knew she must. The spirit starred at me coldly, angered by my causal of Katie's distress. Then, all at once, the spirit burned with rage. I dropped my paper, grabbed Katie from her desk and threw my desk behind us as we ran for the door. The lady spirit shrieked in a horrifying shriek of mixed fury and terror. I shoved Katie ahead of me, as I got closer to the door; knowing that once we got outside of our confinement we would have a better chance at outrunning the spirit. Katie got through the door and I nearly got through when the lady spirit appeared before me. Katie ran, but was caught by the teacher and as I tried to run by the lady spirit, she grabbed my ankle. I tripped and fell on my face. I remember as I fell keeping my eyes on Katie. I had to get Katie free. I wanted to make sure nothing happened to Katie. "Caleb!!!" A scream arose in my throat. "Caleb!!!!" I screamed with everything I had. "CALEB!!!!" My voice hit high decibels and seemed to stun the spirits for a short second. Then the lady spirit fought more violently to silence me. "CALEB!!!!!!!!!!!" My final scream of horror and desperation arose. Sure enough, Caleb jumped out of nowhere onto the teacher, who was attempting to contain Katie. The spirits at this point became fleshly, though still the same spirits, but were able to be touched. I grabbed the arm of the lady spirit and turned it around behind her back. I heard her bones crack as I continued to twist her arm. The spirit screamed out in pain and struggled defenselessly, now on her knees on the ground. I remember seeing her collarbone muscles rip from beneath her skin as I twisted her arm and watched Caleb and Katie struggle with the teacher. I knew, instantaneously that we would be free soon. And then I woke up.
I grabbed at my muscle that stretched over my collarbone. Right by my shoulder, the muscle ached. I rolled over, putting pressure on it to relieve some pain. I think I fell back asleep. When my alarm went off, the pain was gone.
It's still kind of sore, though, as I type this.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Press On
I cannot run the race for you. I am struggling to keep my own head afloat in the suffocating waves of destructive messages that this generation seems to be promoting.
But women who are truly running after God’s heart,
Women who are seeking His kingdom and not this fleeting one,
Women who are staking their foundation upon our Completer,
Women… press on! Press on sisters and help each other press on!
Please, whatever you do, just remember… Jesus is so worth it!!!
Jesus is worth it.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
O Come All Ye Faithful
joyful and triumphant..."
"O come, let us adore Him,
Friday, November 11, 2005
Bleep
5:45AM and I rolled over. My, my, what a sleep. 5 hours is not enough for anyone to run on. Franklin's filter made it's normal filter noises and shot out the jetstream at a few rock which clanked noisily in his tank. Great. Shhhh, I though, The noise will magically vanish without me having to get up to fix it. Go back to sleep, I tried to convince my head. Shhh, go back to sleep.
I managed to tune out the filter (well, kinda) but I worked hard at ignoring it at least. I rolled back over at 6AM.
I have to get up anyway. I grumbled in my head. No, wait... what day is it? Saturday. So that means I can sleep in til 7AM cause I don't have to work til 8AM. Yay. I thought. [Now granted, it's not Saturday, but honestly... first thing in the morning... It was good that I remembered I was working.]
Bleep. What is that? Bleep.
Shh, go away. just one more hour.
Bleep.
Please?
Bleep.
Come on, please? I don't get enough sleep as it is and I'm really trying to.
Bleep.
Is it a fire drill? My thoughts immediately flew to 4:30AM firedrills at UT all during exam week because people were just plain mean and thought pranks were funny.
Bleep.
Man! I realized it was my smoke detector that they "supposably" came in to change the battery on two weeks ago. And sure enough, the battery was dying. AKA, they didn't change the battery.
Bleep.
What time does maintenance get in?
Bleep.
9?
Bleep.
Man!!! I got up. I just can't ever get a good night's sleep can I?
Bleep.
=/ ...thanks... =/
(sigh) Day #47809485 without a good night's sleep. Here we go!
I shook it off.
It's all good... (bounces around in a Rocky fighting stanz) I got this!
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Study of Quality Text
Monday, November 07, 2005
Mailed Mystery and Awe
MonicaYou are an inspiration to me and to many others. Thank you for loving God and people. He loves you, and I know He will use you to do awesome things. Life can be so exciting! It can also be hard, so please use this gift to ease some of that and know you are loved and lifted up.- heart -
Ucky
Friday, November 04, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Chaos at it's Finest.
Today marked the application deadline day for the Social Work department. [AKA, University College, I'M TRYING!]
So last night when I recieved the letter and was struggling to figure out all the details that I seemed to be uninformed about, that officially marked Monica's 1st breakdown of the quarter. [Oddly enough, I really didn't think my first breakdown would come from my major, but then again... breakdowns don't really tend to warn you about their arrival.] Despite being locked off ROX (my access to register for my classes for next quarter) and despite slim chances that I will be able to meet the requirements that will allow me to be accepted to the Social wrok major because of the dwindling number of open seats left in my needed classes, I came to a peaceful conclusion. And thanks to three wonderful friends, I made it through breakdown 1 with impeckable "delight".
I went to University College this morning to ask them, basically, to have patience and inform them of my current efforts toward the Social Work major. There I discovered that the advisor I have been seeing fo rthe past 2 years is not my official advisor [odd that that never came up in our meetings] and that my official advisor was not going to work with me at all. I was then handed a piece of paper and told that my options were either to continue to be in University College without a major and without financial aid or to find another major. My official advisor then told me that Sociology best fit my current stack of classes, so I should change my major to that and then work from there between the Social Work departments and the Sociology department to transfer into the Social Work Major. [Confusing you? AMEN!]
So I signed the paper because without signing the paper I could not schedule for my social work classes for next quarter and I headed to the social work department.
Upon walking into the social work department I #1. turned in my application, #2. put my name on a waiting list to talk to the SW (Social Work) department chair, and #3. noticed that my current SW Professor was on the phone in her office. I decided it would be in my best interest to swing in and ask her if I could speak with her after class. I popped my head in after she hung up the phone.
"Hey!" She welcomed my familiar face.
"Hey. I was wondering if you might have any time after class today to talk with me? I mean, I'm sure you have a lot to do..."
"Of course," She cut me off, "I mean it's crazy around here, but sure, sure...what's it regarding?"
"Um," an unexpected lump arose in my throat, "so, I got a letter from the university that says I can't be a social work major and my financial aid is going to be cut next quarter if I..." I couldn't finish.
"Ok, well, let's see..." She spoke with concern. "I have an apointment at 10:30 [my watch read 10:26] but it should be fairly quick and my next apointment's not til 11 so do you have anything to do or can you hang around for a bit?" She openned a doorway of opportunity.
"Yeah, sure I can just hang here and study."
"Great." Came her response.
So breakdown #2 of the quarter occured in the hallway as I was going to get a drink of water in waiting for Dr. Baker's apointment to conclude. I guess the stress and the events of the morning caught up with me. But thanks to mom, I was able to walk back into the department with, granted, red eyes, but with a restored determination.
Despite the possibility of adding an additional year onto my graduation date, I left the Social Work Office with two people on my side; Dr. Baker, my Professor, and Dr. Brun the chair for the Department of Social Work [AKA, the Big Cheese of the SW department]. And I also left the office with one other thing; a piece of paper signing me into the closed SW 271 class.
There battle is far from over, but I am at peace that God is obviously handling this one.
~ Soli Deo Gloria. ~