Wordless Wednesday: I Wish!

Wouldn't it be nice if we all slept this solidly?

Sincerely,

one jealous Mommy.

;)

When the Answer is 'No'

I'm not even sure where to start these swirling thoughts. It's a lot to still take in.

I got a phone call a few months ago and we all celebrated quietly. We didn't want to the news to slip out, but we were joyful at the life conceived after a hard run.

My dear sister in law had already lost three, two in a row and the most recent's surgery still fresh on our minds. And then the news came. And we rejoiced quietly, so as not to announce anything before passing that first trimester window.

Things were trucking along, with understandable conversations of laying anxiety at Christ's feet. For those of you whom have ever miscarried, you know that passing the last miscarriage date feels more secure... it's like a deep breath can happen more freely.

And with the close of the first trimester, we were excited to see our prayers being answered favorably. Thanks be to the Giver of life who knits our very fragile selves together in the dark, quiet comforts of our Moms.

Then all at once she felt something was wrong. She told me of the multiple attempts from nurses and even the doctor to find little one's heartbeat. I remembered that drop in the pit of my stomach when the same thing happened to me. She knew the baby was gone.

With another surgery scheduled, the healing phase begins again. Only this time with the hurt of having more children in heaven than here. We're left with the 'why's to lay at His feet. And why four? The hurts. And the questions that we fight to keep from eating away at our sanity. Faith  is not shaken, but hurt is inevitable. Loss. The grief season.

So what are you supposed to do when the answer is 'no'?

Again.


You hug each other
and hold each other
you come over to distract
and bring dinner
You pass off the baby when she needs snuggle therapy
And keep the baby quiet when she needs to forget
You listen
and listen
and listen some more

You hurt with her hurts
And cry with her crying
And you laugh with her laughs
because life still has joy
You go for walks
and drives
and celebrate what He has given her
with an arm around her at what has been taken away

And you both stand in the hope of Christ
a Hope that heals the soul

a Hope that breathes peace into the mind
and calm into the depths of the pain

a Hope that offers Life
when death seems to surround us


He is that Hope
and that Perfect friend

And so you just pray Him over her


because He is everything she could ever need...


... to heal.

... and to thrive through this storm.



- Love her so.



- to God be the glory. Forever. And Ever.

Wordless Wednesday... err Thursday... my bad

With trucking jobs, we may not see them as often as we'd like to...

but they'll always be Goga and Gopa. =)

- We love them. =)

Maybe...

Maybe it's in pulling out the winter blankets for the girls' beds.

Maybe it's in realizing how much Rachael has learned in last year's homeschooling as I flip through this year's homeschooling outline.

Maybe it's in the realization that Abi no longer fits pants I got out last month.

Maybe it's in hearing her add "certainly" and "presumably" to her 3 year old vocabulary.

Maybe it's in watching Hannah's eyes now open daily and soaking in her world.

Maybe it's in overhearing Abi use words, "it's ridiculous!" instead of screaming every time she's frustrated (evidence of growing self-control).

Maybe it's in the realization that Rachael will be 4 years old in just a few months.

Maybe it's in noticing Abi's face elongating and planning for potty training in just a few weeks.

Maybe it's in the realization that Hannah's 5 weeks old already.

Maybe it's in contemplating bunking the beds after Rachael's birthday.

Maybe it's in looking into the "new kid room" and wondering who will be joining us
... and when
... and feeling like it is so soon
... and that I need to redress the beds in there sooner than later.


Maybe it's a combination of all these things, but today they all just feel so big... so old... so "growing like weeds".



Rubbing my hand through Hannah's soft red-tinted hair takes me back to Rachael's newness
 ... like it was just yesterday.

And then I see her, Ms. Long-legs, dancing down the hallway with Abi squealing and chasing her. Free and so alive.


- In the blink of an eye...

- Snuggling a little extra today.

Wordless Wednesday: Cleaning Done Right

Daddy was away at a meeting Monday night so we took the opportunity to clean the table.... with shaving creme. =D

Yeah, we had fun and the table's nice and clean. =)

Clowning Around

One Sunday after church I decided to use the leftover pancakes to bring a new tradition into our family from my childhood: the clown pancake. Now, when I was young the clown pancake was eaten only on special occasions at "Carousel" restaurant where my uncle worked. I remember the excitement of the clown pancake in all it's sugary goodness and presentation and hoped to bring such joy to my children. So I introduced the clown pancake one Sunday for lunch:

 Look how thrilled she was!!! 

I promise it was a hit (just a 3 y/o picture moment).

 I told her to say "clown pancakes!!!" We all giggled about the varied translations of that phrase. 

 Giddy.

 And this one makes faces too. hehe. 

So with the success of the clown pancake, I decided to repeat the affair the next day, but offer personalized decorating. I put on the whipped creme for the facial features and the girls decorated accordingly. This time I offered more fruit and made the rule that all the decorations needed to be consumed. No one complained. ;)

 Still giddy.

 Another face. hehe. 

(sigh) My three year old and her personality. =)

 Some ingredients never made it to the decorating part. 

 The extent of Abi's decorating. 

And the banana nose only lasted on the clown's face for .5 seconds. 

My little girl loves her some bananas!

Scary face, but proud of her decorating. 

Thus has begun our tradition of clown pancakes to be brought out on fun family nights and as rewards for good behavior.

Mmmmmmmmm.

One Month

Our precious Hannah is one month old today. My how the time flies. And my, my how we adore this precious little girl... our Hannah Joy. =)

 love this one. 

 so sweet.

 hehe. such personality. 

 12lbs of 1 month old good eating. 

 Hard life. 

 Her precious and long little fingers. 

Solid sleep.

 Little red-tinted hair. =)

 peaceful

She slept through the whole photo shoot despite obviously changed positions. Oh to be so small. =)

Wordless Wednesday: Aglow!

A play fort and some glow sticks make for an afternoon of jubilation.

Our fort.

Lights on.

Lights off. =D

Hannah's participation.

Hannah's glow sticks in live action. =D

Picnic lunch, follow the leader, drumming, light swords, and glowing bath play all resulted in MUCH delight for us all. 

- Gotta love great fun with simple stuff.

Three

I wanted to share this from an email I sent to a friend who asked how things were going in our neck of the woods:

We've been finding our balance times we can go out (between feedings) and times I need the privacy of our home to avoid meltdowns (of the children, of course. LOL). [She says while bouncing the newborn, typing with one hand and juggling the pacifier the baby keeps spitting out.] I've also been mastering the art of nursing the baby while: making lunch, folding laundry, problem-solving, cleaning, and mediating. I tell ya what, that Hannah sure has a good latch. Most of our nursing sessions are not done with aerobics at the same time, but at least once daily requires some "skill".

I have found that three kids keeps me more homebound with great value in everything being here w/o requiring me to have brushed teeth. ;) I have been keeping up on the laundry (doing 1-2 loads per day and nearly getting them all folded and put away as well). This makes me feel great accomplishment. =D Funny how accomplishing a load of dishes, laundry or a shower before noon makes you think about writing in to the Noble Peace Prize for a nomination.

I, like you, have been focusing not on how to get a large amount of things done, but on how to get things done well. It's more than just listing off desired behaviors louder than the frustrated screams, but making the time to explain why we should want to serve our family over ourselves in two and three year old lingo. It's finding that extra special way to show each one of them love daily in the way they understand love. It's strategizing your day so you're nearby to listen in and encourage respectful play amongst sisters, ready to model kindness and clear communication. It's nursing the baby while making lunch sometimes, but it's also sitting down and having an extra rocking session without concern for the washer's transfer needs. It's settling into the balance of productivity mixed with the reality of a pajama day. It's dancing in the accomplishment of timeliness being defined as only 5 minutes late when two poopy diapers announced themselves at the exit door. It's saying "no" to extras and "yes" to help without falling into the trap of feeling useless in motherhood. It's seeking opportunities to serve others from your living room or drop off some encouragement when the kids are already strapped into the car. It's letting go of nap-teased hair and laughing at the new shapes hair takes as it dances in the afternoon breeze on the family walk. And it's engaging the girls in dollhouse play while vacuuming the living room with the baby strapped to your chest.

It's a whirlwind, a challenge and an utter, laughable joy that both keeps me going and knocks me off my feet. It's three. And I love it!

I was born for this. =)

Hannah's now 3 weeks old as of yesterday, sleeping 4-5.5 hours at a time at night (thanks be to God) with an occasional odd 3hr shift in there every few nights, and gives us eyes for about a total of 2 hours daily. She continues to be a peaceful, predictable, and patient baby that I'm praying she doesn't "grow out of" next week. She has her moments of "help me fall asleep" exhaustion 1-2x per day, but with a little bouncing and extra snuggling she knocks out within 10 minutes. She has never returned to that crazy shrieking scream that was unable to find a solution (referring to day 3 and 4 of life). And grateful cannot resound any more from my lips.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard that we're nuts to have had three so close together. Makes me want to pull out a picture of your family. ;) But, honestly, it doesn't feel like too much to handle. It's just like a fun Tetris puzzle - figuring out which piece goes where to get everyone's needs met today. I'm thankful for no hormonal weirdness leftovers. I'm thankful for calm, quiet Jesus music setting the background for patience and peace in our household. And I'm thankful for the hope of good seeds producing good fruit when I sit down and take the time to teach life lessons, over behavior avoidance.

So thanks for asking. And for caring.

And for loving us.

Wordless Wednesday: Becoming Theirs

The following things were initiated by sisters:

 "Mommy, can we have a picnic with Hannah?"

"Here, Hannah, here's a bottle for you... just pretend!"

"I read Hannah a book," 

she said after getting Hannah a doll to hold.

Another victim of sharing

"Mommy, can I rock Hannah?"

"My turn, my turn!!!"  

After she got settled, "Now Mommy take a picture."

(And yes, Hannah's smiling.)

- yep, my heart melted. =)