This just in...

There truly is so much to report and not enough time to report it all to you few faithful readers.

* I just got back from a 6 day Cleveland mission trip with Matt's church (yes, it still feels like Matt's church, but it'll feel like mine soon, I hope. )

* Last night (Sunday) was my last house church. It took a walk and a few tears to feel halfway comfortable with that goodbye.

* Today I have to make a copy of Robin's key to turn in tomorrow.

* Today I'm meeting with Sarah from Miamisburg to hang out a bit and head over to Sears for some guidance.

* Tonight is class (only 2 more to go- for participation points only) and I will hopefully find out how I did on my final paper.

* Tomorrow I have to turn in my apartment key and I'm officially no longer Robin's roommate as of tomorrow (only I'll be living her until August 25th until I get to move in with Matt).

* Tomorrow I get to harass the social work board to find out when I can test for my license.

* Wednesday Matt and I get apartment keys and begin moving furniture into our new apartment. I'd again like to clarify at this point that Matt and I are not moving in together until after our exchange of vows, rings and August 25th festivities. But we do get to move furniture into where Matt will be living in a few weeks and where I will get to live in 25+ days.

* And then the rest of the week will be filled with more packing, more moving, and I'm sure a bunch more random tasks that require my full attention and time.

So, yeah.. that's it all in a nutshell. Processing and preparations for my new life with Matt are going well. Thank you, Robin, for your patience and your hugs throughout this process called transition.

Thank you, Lord, for your perfect friendship. Thank you for your peace and your rest. I love You.

Blinds Licker.

So Robin's cat, Boots, is just plain weird. He eats people food... You know, like a dog. Oh and it's not just dairy items. He'll eat broccoli, black olives, cereal, dry noodles, and so much more. He also likes to eat plant leaves, sing to himself in particularly echo-friendly sections of the house, hang his paws over the top of Robin's dresser mirror (from sitting on top), perch on Franklin's tank, lick the bathtub foam after someone takes a shower, swatt at the bathtub faucet while the water's on, and a new one as of today... lick the dust off of the blinds in Robin's room. Yep, he's a freak. A big, fat ol' freak.

Life-long Friend

Thank you, Jes. You've been a wonderful friend to me throughout this transition. And your humor really helped. I love you so much. Thanks man for being a wonderful sister. Okay, enough with the sappiness... quick, fake cry and embrace.

Memory Helper

Oh and in case you forgot... 38 Days!

Purchased Lies

"The mainstays of the American economy are self-improvement products such as makeup, hair spray, hair coloring, perfume, soap, deodorant, and clothing. Since women are the main buyers of self-improvement products, advertisements are geared to women. Their one purpose is, of course, to sell.

Ads must convince the consumer of her need. To do this, they must first persuade her that she is inadequate and incomplete without a particular product. Advertising preys upon, contributes to, and reinforces a woman's poor self-image. As a result, powerful and disturbing feelings of inadequacy tug at a woman's mind-and her checkbook. She buys beauty in the form of soap, attention in the form of perfume, romance in the form of shampoo.

Age spots, split ends, graying hair, and cellulite-fates worse than death, if the media propaganda is to believed. Years ago, women, while conscience of their appearance, didn't worry about age spots because, thought they had them, they didn't know what age spots were. And if they did, they weren't bombarded with warnings about them.

It's not enough for women to wash and brush their hair. Now they are expected to condition it, dye it, color it, curl it, spray it, mousse it, and cut it in fashionable ways. They change hairstyles about as often as their underwear, which itself comes in a multitude of colors and styles. Woman-recreated in the media's image.

Not only is today's woman barraged with this female beauty propaganda, her husband is. Silently, she watches him watch. When she-and he, she supposes-stacks herself up against bronzed bikinied beauties, she sees nothing but a formless slab of whitewashed cellulite. How can she compete? Depression. Stress.

The Christian woman is particularly stressed because she knows that enduring values are spiritual, that character is far more important than appearance, and that while people look at the outside, God looks at the inside. But every time she hears a seminar leader (who is usually beautiful) talk about inner beauty, her mind is on outer beauty. Guilt. Stress. "

- an excerpt from "Women Under Stress" by Randy and Nanci Alcorn

I just thought it was interesting to read during today's rest time at work. Some areas, sadly, are more on the true side than I'd like to admit.

Away.

Matt called me Tuesday. I was glad to hear his voice, it was totally worth being a bit late to work. He informed me of their travels to youth camp. He told me about the popped tire on his parent's van that resulted in a smashed Axel, $200 towing fee, a 2 1/2 hour late arrival to youth camp, and eventually a "totaled" title for the van. He told me about the church bus fender-bender that resulted in a shattered door pane and twisted metal all before Matt could get the boys and their luggage to their lodging. He told me about his self-letdown and disappointment in being the driver of the bus during the parking lot accident. He told me he had an absolutely horrible night. And he really missed me. "It's funny, but whenever things just go completely wrong, I just want to be with you." He told me. And everything I had wanted to give him a hug and tell him that I loved him. But only the words could travel by phone.

So, I miss Matt.
He's away and I just plain miss him.
Could you pray for him, please?

the end.

Finishes! I finished it. 32 pages. 11 outcomes with subgoals. 10 references. 2 years of education. integration of everything I could think of. And it's done.
Goodbye final paper. Proove me well. Get me an A, preferably, or at least a good draft. But no matter what, at least you are done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
FINISHED!!!

Official "Transition"

Well, it's official. We broke the 50 day marker. That's right friends and family and faithful readers (thanks Robin and Matt) we broke the 50 day marker. Indeed, in 48 days from now I will carry two names.. Mrs. Monica S____ and Mrs. Matthew S______. Too cool I get two names... two identities... what else do I get two of? (Sorry, I'm getting a little carried away here.)

Today he did it again. And the sermon was great. Good job Matt. Even though it may have looked like I wasn't listening cause I was writing back and forth to Robin about Calvinism... I was listening and as far as I know... I never once heard any heresy. ROCK ON, Matt!!!
No, seriously. I couldn't have been more proud of you, Matt. God really came through you.

Well, today marks 23 days (3.5 weeks) until Matt and I start moving furniture into our new apartment. Oh, no fear friends. I'll be staying with Robin to keep my witness and Matt will be living in his bachelor pad which I will promptly crash exactly 25 days after the first piece of furniture touches the wood floors. Afterall, Matt and I have earned our white and we're keeping it that way! Thanks be to God for keeping us pure, despite our own impurities.

In other news, pre-marital counseling is 3/4 of the way done. Our last session is going to be in the last weekish before we get married. I highly recommend pre-marital counseling to you all. (Well, maybe not ALL of you.) But nonetheless, "I laughed. I [not really] cried. It moved me , Bob." (Thanks to Larry for the quote.) In all, pre-marital was fun and hard and new and reaffirming and ever-so helpful. Thanks Rob. And thank you, Robin, for listening to all my processing of the sessions. You really were a trooper to put up with me.

Well, this coming week is my last week for internship. (Woot-Woot!) And then my final paper summing up all of my years of Social Work education (all 2 years) is due on Thursday. And then excluding mere attendance to class, I will be checked out of school FOREVER!!!

Also, this just in... Tuesday I'm headed down to Cinci to have my last wedding dress fitting. HOLLA!!!!

So yeah, a lot of fun things in this chapter of life labeled "Transition".

Honey, We Need Counseling

Of course it's not just us... everyone does. Or at least everyone needs counseling who are getting married. Especially those who are getting married in 52 days!!!
(Seven weeks for Robin's count.)

I agree, Jes, relationships are hard and yet rewarding and very "different". And nothing like counseling will make you feel as unprepared for the future as anything. And yet at the same time, our first counseling session reaffirmed the fact that while I may not currently contain the wisdom to conquer fights, love Matt he way he needs, and be a mother (down the road), the foundation of Matt and my relationship is strong enough that the promise of the rest of our lives to each other will survive. It's nice to hear Rob reaffirm what God has already said to be the path for our lives.

But who knew counseling would put you on the spot? (Yes, I'm that naive sometimes.)

For a thinker, there is nothing more horrifying than an interview. And an interview we indeed had. But all the while I was fearful that I wouldn't know the answer to some questions, especially the "if I were to ask Matt this question, how would he respond" questions. So, in other words, if I don't answer this question right, I don't know my future husband. And worse than that, if I answer it wrong, but he answers it right, then I look like a self-absorbed fiance. My, my.... the stresses I place upon myself and the power that I give anxiety to conquer me sometimes. Oh, and way to scare the tar out of me, my dear friend, Rob.

Conflict Resolution is this Saturday's topic. HA! Matt and I have no conflict. This should be easy. We always agree. hehehe.

In all reality, while it may be hard for me to do the mushy romanticism love (I am just not quite wired like that), there is one thing that has been reaffirmed lately in Matt and my relationship. My greatest promise that I can give Matt will be proven not through any words I can say, but through walking beside my best friend and love. It doesn't matter what will come. It doesn't matter how much I get annoyed or frustrated at Matt. No matter whether I want to be alone sometimes or whether I fail to listen when he most needs someone to listen to him. No matter how many times I fail him by not supporting him, by disappointing him, and by saying something mean. It doesn't matter how much baggage (good or bad) I bring into our lifelong promise. But the only thing that does matter is that for the rest of my life, I choose to love Matt, laugh with Matt, encourage Matt, ask forgiveness from Matt, apologize to Matt, cry with Matt, and just sit in silence with Matt. And the only way that I know how to prove my love to Matt is to do just that... walk with Matt through life.

Sometimes I don't feel like that promise is enough. And I am sure that I won't know the extent of that promise until our first serious argument after marriage or our first huge trial or whatever may come. But my promise will never change. And premarital counseling, despite hard at times... and wedding planning, though hard and hurtful at times... and "the rest of our life" conversations about those topics that we so would like to avoid... all of it has only strengthened my promise to Matt.

I love you, Matt.
And I can honestly tell you that I will never leave you until God calls me or you home.


Thank you, Lord, for all the ways that You have reaffirmed this path for Matt and I. Thank You for all You have provided us with. Lord, "thank You" just isn't enough. Yet, thank You, Lord, for the greatest challenge and reward on this side of the cross. Thank You, Lord. Thank You. Thank You. And in my hardest moment of sheer hurt... thank you. How You bless me Lord. In Christ Jesus, I pray. Amen.

A good way to start.

Sometimes I find myself consumed in present day troubles. Oh, these finances. Oh, these internship tasks. Oh, these kids at work who don't listen. And it is in those moments that I need most desperately to think of the big picture.

In life, thinking of th big picture often overwhelms me. Ahhh, I'm so, so, so in debt from college that I can't even breathe. I'm going to be such a poor wife. I'm in no way qualified to be a pastor's wife! And let's not even think about how bad of a mom I'm going to be if God ever gives us kids.

But God's big picture has such a different effect on me. As was mentioned last night at house church, thinking of God's big picture helps me to see an even greater value to prayer. Thinking of God's big picture encourages me to live each moment for His glory alone. Thinking of God's big picture opens my eyes to the hurting souls I come in contct with every day and those brothers and sisters far away whom I will never meet on this earth. Thinking of God's big picture only brings good and hope to my day.

Today I read this (thanks for the unintentional tip, Robin). And it started my thoughts of God's big picture. Slowly the thoughts of my imperfection melted as I thought of God's perfection. Slowly the thoughts of this world's trials and hurts melted away with the thought of this place Jesus is preparing for those who acknowlegde Him as Lord of all. Slowly my morning began to have purpose. And slowly hope crept into my smile. In and amongst my longing for this new Heaven and earth, I felt a part of something so much bigger than myself. And to start off my morning, I felt, once again, that I could actually use these flawed filthy-rags to make God's name and true character known. Talk about a good way to start the day.

Thank You, God, for the hope of someday being perfect in You. That truly is something to strive for. I love You.

But it's Truth.

I finished!!!

Yesterday I finished reading Safely Home and it brought up thoughts. I've been wanting to tell you all about this book I've been reading and how it has made me feel, only I haven't been convinced that I could articulate the thoughts that are circulating. Even now I'm not sure. Where should I begin? What should I say?

My house church decided to read this book and discuss it at our regular Sunday evening meetings. Initially I was quite weary about reading and discussing anything but the Bible, but due to Robin unknowingly encouraging me, I pick the book up. A novel? I thought. I bet it'll be some cheesy Christian fiction. One of those ones that are more like a soap and less like a lifestyle choice. Stereotypical Christian. Stereotypical love life. One of those "Choose to wait" type high school youth group novels geared toward those who believe they can find more direction and guidance in a novel than the Truth of God. [Kinda close-minded, huh?]

In some ways the novel fit the stereotypical Christian novel qualifications. But in other areas... I could feel my mind opening. It was as if the King was saying, "Child, see. Truly see."

I won't give the novel away to you. I won't tell the ending (especially since Robin hasn't finished and she reads my entries sometimes). I will tell you things you could read on the back cover though (even though I never read the back cover). There a Chinese man, Li Quan, who has returned to China after visiting America and earning a high education at Harvard. He returns to his people in China and is a persecuted Christian. His old American roommate, Ben, has long forgotten any Christ thoughts and poured his soul into his business accomplishments, leaving his family in the dust. The two roommates meet in China after twenty or so years of silence. And the rest of the novel unfolds the persecution (sometimes detailed), the risks that are taken for God's name's sake, and the imprints that a radical Christian lifestyle has on Ben. While this book was classified as a fiction novel, the author based the book off of various stories of persecution that he had learned of on journeys of faith (missions trips).

I think the thing that struck me the most from this novel was the whole concept of Heaven's sights verses earthly viewpoints. And in the contrast, God so orchestrated that my mind should begin to wrap itself around more of the eternal picture of life and less of the earthly viewpoint. I have thought and still think about the eternal impact of prayer. It's power truly cannot be leashed. Suffering has presented itself as an honor and a blessing. Surely it's nothing to be pitied.

Would I hold to my God so dearly that physical persecution would not harm my faith?
Would fear overcome me in the midst of torture?
Do I cling too much to things of this world forgetting the Source of the blessings?

The life of a martyr is breathtaking. And to think of the humility still kept while enduring all things for the sake of the cross (-Paul's words, not mine-). Would we, could we dare as comfortable American Christians to forfeit our comfort for God's glory?

One of a few keys points in the story remains trailing through my thoughts...
Li Quan spoke to Ben of his failed marriage with his wife. He spoke in pity that the American couple had not experienced the persecution that made his relationship with his wife so much stronger.

Lord, as much as I fear conflict. I pray for persecution. Lord, for then I know fully that the opposition arises when they see the light of Your face.

Maybe, just maybe, the ticket to fully relying on Christ and dying to yourself is not only to admit that you have been a sinner and accept his life, but also to loose all your comforts that you cling to in order to exalt the Lord... no matter what your life situation would look like afterward.

But that's not what we want to hear.

But it's Truth!

-These links are public facts that the author assimilated on his webpage. If confusion arises regarding any thoughts that the author has shared regarding heaven and other topics, please refer to the Word of God to answer all questions. You could ask me, but I can't guarentee you any profound knowledge since I too am marveling and learning each day. Pray and ask God your hard questions. I cannot guarentee that He will answer your every question, but I can guarentee that He is listening and wants you to ask Him hard questions. -

You

-an excerpt-

"Lord, I love you. You are Maker of Heaven and Earth. You are Refuge. You are Relief. You are Shelter. You are Shade. You are an Awesome God. You are Forgiver. You are Healer. You are Ancient of Days. You are Alpha and Omega. You are the Prince of Peace. You are the Lord of Lords. You are Comforter. You are Open Arms. You are Mercy. You are Love. You are Grace. You are the God of Abraham, Isaac, Moses, and Jacob. You are Judge and you are the Ransom paid for all. You are Guide, Helper, and Friend. You are Savior, Messiah, Ever-present, Eternal, Omniscient, Director, Organizer and Maker of mankind. You are Creator of life. You are Faithful. You are Giver. You are Encourager. You are Teacher. You are Discipliner. You are Corrector.

You are the God who led His people out of slavery in Egypt and through the Red Sea. You are the God who provided manna to your ungrateful people. You are the God who taught and continued to love Your people and provided a Ransom for Your people even in Your wrath for their disobedience. You are the God who sent down prophets to warn Your people of the reality of Your judgement and to declare the coming of Your Son. You are the God who hates divorce because You are concerned with the heart of man. You are the God who used a willing virgin in a humble hole in the wall to bring Yourself to save us from ourselves. You are the God who used flawed mankind to make Your name known and Your Greatness known. You are the God who endured 33 years of our pains and our ignorance. You are the God who took on all the humiliation, mocking, spitting, cursing, depression, emotions behind self-mutilation, pain, worthlessness, selfishness, arrogance, oppression, lusts, temptations, mistakes, fears, angers, outbursts, disobedience, discouragement, and shame of all mankind in exchange for the possibility that we would accept a life-renewing relationship with the god of the universe. You are the God that died on the cross before we ever even thought to accept Your beauty. You are the God that endured all of that, even if we chose not to accept your gift. You are the God that chose to forsake Your Son, a part of You, for a rebellious people yelling "crucify him!" You are the God who declared, "It is finished!" and never once gave up on Your promise to die for Your people, even as Your people held the hammers. You are the God who as laid in a tomb guarded by Roman guards and sealed from people and intruders.

Then...

You are the God who conquered death, leaving the linens to re-emphasize Your love and sacrifice for Your people. You are the God who reminded His people again and again that You will never leave them. You are the God that after ascension sent messengers to re-emphasize again Your love and sacrifice for all mankind. You are the God who sent down messengers who opened their hearts and arms to share Your teachings, the beauty of Your sacrifice and what our response should be. You are the God whose Son sits at the right hand of Your throne, after having been with us sinners for thirty-three years and having conquered the grave, and prays for our obedience. And You are the God who took a willing servant and had him write down the end of Your story... the triumph of You, and ultimately, Your people, to give us all the hope we could ever need during our times of darkness and persecution for Your name's sake.

Lord, Father, Savior, You are that God.

You are all that and so much more.

Therefore, I love You.
Because You first showed me how to love."

Clever Boy

"If you could call her this week, it would be good.
It'd make me a prophet, not a liar."

Does a weekend get better than this...

Today Andi becomes Andi "a wife".

Congratulations, Andi!
I'm so excited for you!


And for all my loyal readers (HA!), I probably won't be posting this weekend because...

Friday, is an afternoon/evening of a dear friend's final wedding preparations, reahearsal and rehearsal dinner [I've never been in a wedding before. This is a new thing.]

Saturday, Miranda Snider becomes Miranda Baker!!!!! and my 'brother', Chris, gets a GREAT wife!!!!!

Sunday, celebrate my Daddy, eat dinner with Matt's Dad, and sing along with Martina McBride. [That's going to be a fantastic concert.]


That's right... great stuff this weekend. And I'm so stinkin' excited!!!

The Hop

Well my dear readers (all two of you) I wanted to give you a real look at my life thus far. So brace yourselves.

Last night I got the privilege of going to the bachlorette party of a dear friend. She’s getting married on Saturday and I’m so excited for her because she’s marrying Chris, who’s totally like a brother to me. It was a wonderful scavenger hunt party. Allisha did a nice job planning it, once the plans got rolling. Miranda was even pulled over (on purpose) during the hunt. And despite some of the gross elements of a bachelorette party, it was a wonderful night of good surprises and support of Miranda.

During this evening, I was most content to just sit back and listen to others ask Miranda questions. It was so neat to think about how far Miranda has come in her walk with the Lord since I first met her. And it was so different to think of dear little Miranda being all old and grown up… and a wife. But I couldn’t be more happy for the two of them and, while it may sound stereotypically cliché, Miranda and Chris really do fit together. I’m not talking about some American dream fit together, I’m talking about a day in and day out, sometimes angry, sometimes unforgiving, but all the time loving fit together. And it makes me so happy to count down the days until their public ‘I do’s. There’s four more days. Four more days.

And that brings me to the thought of the 74 more days left before Matt and I get married. Yes, everyone asks questions, and the questions were not contained to Miranda talk last night either. The same few questions arose regarding my wedding plans and the same shock and, at times, annoyance returned through people's eyes as my laxidazical, "things are going well, I haven't done too much lately, and we're pretty much done" flows out. Oh yes, I am exciting, but I have been focusing on what life will be like in marriage, not on August 25th.

Finances. Finances. Finances. Details. Details. Details. Sometimes it's a real struggle to try to make finances fun. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes the thought of all the numbers which will contribute much stress and, in turn, coping strategies in our married life brings fear into my life. But I am the one who controls whether or not I will cave in to that fear, exchanging my sanity or each unfulfilling morsel.

I know God. I trust God. He has provided in the past. He has promised He will provide in the future. So, therefore, He will. And I just need to trust that.

74 days. [For Robin, 10 weeks.] Two weeks from yesterday marks exactly 2 weeks until we reach the 2 month marker. In other words, 1 week and six days until we reach 2 months to go. Why is this significant? (Robin has asked in her head in the past. - wow that makes you sound liek a crazy, Robin. Or at least it makes me sound like a mind reader.-) At 2 months, Matt and I begin marriage counseling. Marriage counseling!!! Which means August 25th is just a hop away.


So, until that hop takes place, I am working on completing my bachelores degree in Social Work [internship + class], as of yesterday, it looks like I'll be taking additional class, playing outside with my kids, taking the licensure exam (SW), getting a job (or at least getting a "real" job rolling), securing a new APT, moving Matt into the new APT, packing my things, petting Cheddar, moving my things, going to Cleveland on a MFBC mission trip, having a bridal shower (July 28th), doing marriage counseling, and preparing myself mentally and emotionally to make one of the biggest transitions I have ever made.

That's me lately.

What's God been doing in your life?

In Excess of Maximums

I was checking my DARS this morning (the program that reports how "on track" you are to graduate). And I was pleased with all the areas I have successfully completed Wright State's University standars. Then I saw something a bit "different". I saw a "NO" where apparently I have not met a University Standard. In further investigating this "NO" I read this...

NEEDS: 1.0 HOUR

What's that mean?

Cup of Java

There is nothing like waking up at 6am (begrudgingly at first. - I'm not going to lie-), reading the Word, running for three miles and then taking a nice cool shower.
Ahhhhhh... yes.
This is my cup of Java.

Lasts

You know, there are some bitter sweet moments in life that take your breath away. And then there's some hard moments in life that cause you to take coping deep breaths.

It's the end of the quarter and the lasts are creaping in. I am taking my last exam on Thursday, I have attended my last Crosswalk, I just attended my last "class", and my last is all I can give. I can't give anymore to this quarter. And you know what? I'm really okay with that. In fact, it brings much relief. Much relief.

This summer will be hard; one class, practicum and work back to back (and even overlapping at times), and then life. It will be a challenge. Truly a challenge. It's the last sprint for my degree. And while it may feel like it is dangling over my head, attached to a wire on my back, eventually I'll reach it. And another checkmark will be placed on the list of life.

My Refuge has brought rest. Much needed and much appreciated.

I came home to a bouquett of roses and a "just because" letter. How he blesses me. And I agree, taking time for the simple is a must... and it's so needed. Thank you, Matt.

More thoughts that crossed my mind today revolved around a little girl. A classmate brought her daughter into class. Her daughter, Rose, must have been a good 2 years old. Rose was a healthy two, laughing, interrupting class, rolling on the floor, and talking to another five year old child drag-along for the day. My classmate shared with me and another aquaintance, "I wanted two and I knew it was now or never." She also expanded upon her teenager that's back at home. This woman, now in her mid thirties/early forties had this little one. And the smile on this woman's face? Her little one was her world. And it was so cute.

Kinda made me want to be a mom. Later... but I looked forward to if God would ever grace me with the oppotunity to love Matt and my little one to pieces. We'll see in time. I'm in no rush.

I thought of Ellen and wondered how she was doing. I miss seeing her regularly. We're going to meet up and hang out sometime later this week so we can pack her up for her move on June 16th. And maybe I'll even get to hold my neice a little. But, I'm not going to lie, as much as I love my neice to pieces, I really do love her mom and I care more about how her mom was doing than my neice. As cold as that sounds, Ellen's a friend and i really care about her.

I also got an email for Andi a few days ago. She can't come to Matt and my wedding. That was really disappointing because she was one of the few people that I really wanted to be there. Oh but I completely understand that she can't come. I COMPLETELY understand. My, my how God has grown her and Ben. It's amazing to watch. Praise God for His grace and His love. But in and amongst the wonderful things God is doing, there are little hurts that happen too. And Andi not being able to come to my wedding. That's just one of them.

Well, the cats are all sprawled out, napping on Robin's bed. And as tempting as that looks, I think I'm going to go for a run. It's been a long time since I've gotten to just run. And I look forward to it.


Hope you are seeing the Lord's blessings in your life today.
To God be all the glory and honor and praise forever and ever.


Amen.

Zits and Life

So sometimes when you get bad news you just have to cry.
It's funny how finances never seemed to bring good news for me.
But bad financial news is never easy to carry.
See, finances are tied to nearly every struggle Matt and I will face in the next upcoming year. And, as Matt mentioned, finances are the number one cause of divorce.

Before you think Matt is a jerk, I am overwhelmingly confident that Matt will never divorce me, so this matter-of-a-fact statement does not scare me.

...

Today has been a hard day. Cheddar kept me up last night and between him and my allergies, I'm just plain exhausted. I began the day thirty minutes behind and got to church 15 minutes late. So, in an optimists world, I shaved 15 minutes off somewhere. Some days you're just late. And that's life.

Once I shook off my grumpy streak and found myself back at home in comfy clothes, I gave Matt a call. That's when I learned about the path God is providing for us. I am not going to lie, the news of not being able to afford an apartment and needing to live in Matt's parent's house for at least the first year of our marriage was quite hard to hear. At first I took it well, kicking into survival mode. "We can make it." My thoughts denied my emotions. But some things you just have to work through. It's like the idea of leaving Apex, it just must sit with you a while so you can grieve it and move on.

But I can be honest, the news of our financial stability did not stop there. Next year is going to be so much more challenging than this past one. All the people at Matt's house, the thought of not being able to keep Cheddar (my coping strategy), the thought of Matt being busy a lot, and a new job, and even if the Stauffers do let me keep Cheddar, the thought of not being able to find him in a huge house when I need him the most brought tears to my eyes. How can my world fall apart like this? Suddenly the thought of all the furniture God has provided didn't matter anymore. Where will we put it? I just sat in my room holding Cheddar (despite him not wanting to be there) and let it all out. Poor Cheddar got a shower. I got covered in cat hair. And my nose ran uncontrollably. - I just had to get it out.- I haven't cried that hard in a very long time. I don't think I ever grieved Apex that hard before.

Dear friends, it doesn't mean God is any less of a providing God. It doesn't mean God's provision of furniture isn't a promise of what's to come. It doesn't mean that He doesn't want us to be together. It just means that it's going to be a challenge and some days I'll do well with it, and other days I will drench my cat in tears.

...

I have never been spoiled by glamorous photos. I've never taken Senior pictures because they were far too expensive. I don't have a senior class ring and I can't even find my high school diploma anymore. I won't be walking at my college graduation and I haven't done any other monumental thing. But one thing I will be blessed with and that's getting engagement pictures taken with Matt tomorrow. No, we can't afford ridiculously expensive photography-quality pictures. (We won't even have them at our wedding). But a dear friend of mine, Chris, has happily volunteered to take his best photos for the price of the film. So, in light of my past, this means a lot to me. So much that I got a bit vein about my two zits. Oh well, that's life for ya. You don't have super huge zits until you're doing a "once in a lifetime" thing. [I expect to have zits in my wedding pictures too. ] I wanted to get my hair trimmed, but I can't afford it, so I think I'll cut off some split ends on my own. Maybe Robin can help. Matt didn't have time for a haircut, but knowing how much it meant to me, he called to tell me that he'd made a trip to the mall and would even be shaving tomorrow since it looked like a porcupine hit him in the face.

I am so in love with Matt and so blessed that he cares so deeply about me that he'd struggle to find extra time to get "cleaned up" and "nicely dressed" because it means something to me.

...

So today's had it's ups and downs. This basket-case is continually on the verge of tears and completely overwhelmed by the joy of loving Matt at the same time.

"We'll do just fine." He said today. "It's just going to be a big challenge this next year. But if you can't find a job, I'll quit school and get another one. We'll survive. And then the next year, after I'm done with school, it won't be drastically different, but it'll be a little better than the year before. ... It'll be okay. I love you."

- I love you too, Matt.

I know God will pull us through.

Just Some Math

Yesterday = 17 months and 94 days.

Today = 93 and 17 months + one day.

If 93 days, then it will be 20 months.

3 to go.
93 to go.

And to think what it used to be...

Thanks be to God!