Dog Feet

I went to the bathroom before class.
Those cups of water surely wouldn't make it through the next hour and a half.
I looked down.
I was surprised to see a dog's feet in the stall next to me...





For a split second I forgot we were such a handicap accessable school.

1, 1, and 214

Today's 1 year and 1 month.

214 days.

*** FYI... random, but neat pictures. ***

Drinking Cup

So today's my 22nd birthday and in light of my birthday, I went to an all-day seminar on Death and Dying.

The prof of this seminar was a fun-loving storyteller of life experiences. He was such a grandfather figure and his stories about life made the seminar so worth attending. [His Hungarian accent was fun too.]While there were many stories of laughter, others just captured the unspeakable value of God-given human life.

One such story arose in a quieter moment of the seminar.

I want to share it with you, in his own words;

'There was a bunch of Jews and they were taken off to the Holocaust and killed....

And the people were coming back and getting more.

And there was a boy ...

and we took him and took a drinking cup of water ....

and he was screaming because he didn't know what we were doing....

But we baptised him. We said the words and all....

And we ran down the road to the priest and we told him we baptised him and he gave out a certificate of baptismal right then and there...

He signed it right away and handed it to us...

And he wasn't taken off to the Holocaust...

All he had to have was proof that he wasn't a Jew...

..... that priest handed out a lot of certificates.....'

Unexpected CHOICES

G'morning all. The reason I am up and blogging this early is because I got up for my practicum this morning. My car died Friday, so thanks to my sweet fiance, I needed to get up earlier than usual in order to obtain Matt's car. Matt got up on his day off at [what I'm guessing was] about 7:30am and drove his car out to my apt with plans for me to drop him back off at his house. After getting up at 7:15am myself, I popped into the sower. Man, I had such a desire to be irresponsible, sleep until 7:30 and then rush to get ready. But I figured I'd be late and only end up making Matt, who was doing me a favor, wait on me. After getting ready fairly quickly for 7 in the morning, I must say, I did some responsible things like pay bills and gather my things before "last minute". Matt showed up [sleepy thing] and drove me back to his house. We spoke of ligistics and said our goodbyes. Heading down the road toward my practicum, I thought about calling Carol back. I noticed my phone said I had a message. I listened and heard these words from Matt;

"Your practicum's canceled. CHOICES is closed. Dad told me. So I hope you don't get there and then get this message." [It's about a 30 minute drive].

So, despite the fact that I'd love to complain and complain about how early and how annoying and... and .. and... instead let's look at the bright side. I get an unexpected morning off, I got my bills paid, and it's 9am and I'm already up and dressed for the day. Whew baby!!!!

So, I'm going to continue this overly productive day and work on my project for my independent study class. And who knows... I may even get to finish it. I'm also looking forward to updating my budget, cleaning my room and trading in my guitar today.

Thank you, God, for the blessing of an unexpected day off.
I love You. I love You. I love You!

Not Loosing Count

In case you were afraid I was loosing count, since I haven't updated you since a while ago...

227 days.

~ Can we say excited?!?!

Highlighting Disappointment

Today in Social Work class we began with some group activities. There were icebreaker type questions which involved dividing into groups. Our Prof happily took on the task of dividing us up into groups of four.

The first couple of questions were fairly unnerving. Despite our Prof's goal to "get us to know ourselves" and "speak freely" in her classroom, we all spoke stiffly and stereotypically of what the department had programmed us to say since our first Social Work class. Equal opportunity. Service for all regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, sexual preference (that one makes me cringe in all reality), age... whatever you want to add on to the monotonous list of accepted life styles that we have been trained to spout off.

Then the second round of questions began. And tension began to grow in the room. I played my regular role of "shut up and pretend to be interested" as heated opinion clashes plagued the once-peaceful environment. As far as I know no one has won another's opinion by arguing that they are wrong. Who am I to start such arguments?

Rash, irresponsibly emotional statements flew from side to side as two distinct sides of an issue arose. The issue? Ironically, marriage. One side argued that marriage was a wonderful union. The other, and louder side, argued that marriage meant nothing in society anymore. You could just cohabit, make babies, and be on your way, reaping child support and maintaining independence. One voice rang above the others, "Well if you think that marriage is only to gain the benefits of taxes, then you are so wrong, girl. You're missing so much cause marriage is so much more." I couldn't agree with the voice more until it erred in making emotional defenses, "And you may like cohabiting, but I love my husband, but I don't want to go to Hell for him." The mention of Hell added a strange tension to the room. "Moving on," the Prof joked nervously as the tension was cut with various knives.

The conversation bounced from defense to defense as once-respectful students began to throw flaming arrows at each other. I stared forward, in no-where-ville, blocking out the chaos for a moment. "Well marriage has no benefit anymore. There's no point. People just have sex anyway." One frustrated student announced to the classroom [and the surrounding hallway].

"Well, that's true, but some may think marriage is still the thing for them. So, I say let them get married. And if you want to have children with your significant other and cohabit for the rest of your life, then I say do it." My professor popped in her opinion to appease both shouting matches.

I felt Laura's eyes searching for mine. I looked up from my "respectfully listening" position to find the eyes of the distraught Christ-follower. I smiled my "it'll all be ok. But this one's not our battle to fight verbally in a big group" smile. The tension fled from Laura's eyes.

I looked down at my engagement ring.

I missed Matt.

...

I still miss Matt.

Vanishing Stale

I had the privilege of traveling down to Cincinnati to visit my sister on New Years Day. My sister was throwing a party and I looked forward to the joys of spending time with my sis and her roomie, Sarah. The party went well with much laughing and talking with new faces. Matt, Tara and I played Pirates of the Caribbean Life and we played a white elephant-type game for presents. The game became quite lively with a few key presents being fought over. It was fun.

Around 5pm the party had died down and most of the guests had left. Sarah, Jes, Matt, Scott (Sarah's boyfriend) and Megan remained.

"Want a sandwich?" Jes asked me knowing that I had not eaten lunch [or breakfast for that matter].

I happily received the offered tuna sandwich on Rye.

After getting a few good bites of sandwich, Sarah asked for a bite.

I was in the process of finding a new music selection, so I tossed my response to her over my shoulder, "No prob. Have as much as you'd like."

Sarah took a bite.. "Oooo... the bread's hard." Came her quiet comment.

When I returned to my seat after happily discovering a Josh Groban CD guess what I discovered...

the parts of the sandwich that were the softest remained on my plate.

Sarah's selflessness is amazing.

Rockin' Robin

A few nights ago I got the privilege of having a fun night at home with my roommate, Robin. In case you haven't gotten a chance to spend an evening with Robin, I'd like to inform you that you are missing out! Robin's hilarious. Her wit, her silliness.... oh yes... it was a wonderful night. I took some pictures to document our evening.

First we did a bit of house chores, like collecting mail [shown above] and doing laundry[well, I supervised the laundry doing =P ]. Then we played some cards, followed by playing with the cats a bit and playing the game of Clue. I won, but Robin sure tried hard. [bwahahahahahaha!]

So, yeah, it was a great night of fun.

And if you see my roommate... be sure to tell her "hi" for me.

Holiday Screaming and Leg Stabilizing

Well... tonight was the Holiday concert for the Beavercreek Christian Learning Center (aka BCLC...where I work). So my Kindergartners all showed up to join in the festivities of scream singing and ridiculously wonderful dancing. As the children came in I became the evening's distraction factor, ushering their attention to a book they had heard billions of times before. Then after much hallway shushing, the stage welcomed the squirmy children. All children Kindergarten through 2 and 1/2 found their place on the stage. Us HUGE Kindergartners were given our honorable spots on the risers. That's right.. risers! So I found my honorable spot stabilizing the legs of jumping, swaying and spinning 5 year olds. With each song they moved closer and closer to their toppling defeat. Nonetheless, upon the concerts conclusion, we ushered out the children, trying our best to keep them from screaming in the mics and yelling at their parents from the stage. Then we lined up our rambunctious bunch in front of the classroom so their parents could come relieve us from our own parenting duties. Or shall I call it our shepherding duties? I sat on the floor with one overwhelmed child to keep her from crying. She sat in my lap, clinging to my arms for comfort. After her mom came, I stood by the morning Kindergarten teachers, carrying on playful banter. Time passed and the swoop of moms and dads and random other relations passed through. As the crowd cleared I saw my one little Kaylee's blue eyes looking up from the hallway wall.

"Come on over here, baby." [I call them all that.]

She came over, receiving my outstretched hand.

"Oh... is she yours?" A passing mother asked me.
"Oh... no, no, no." Came my quick response as the woman moved, trailing the heard of chaos.
It was then that I realized that both Kaylee and I had our curly hair pulled back in a bun-like mass of curly chaos. We did kind of look a bit similarly overdressed for the occasion.

"I think her mom's down the hallway," Mrs. Thatcher said as she grabbed the last few things from the hallway and shut up the room. I knew her mom wasn't there. Kaylee's mom was out of town. But her babysitter was supposed to be there though.

Kaylee and I walked down the hallway.
No babysitter.

We entered the sea of cookie eating chaos in the gym. Parents stood socializing as their children ran through the crowd pushing other kids, stealing cookies, and screaming. [Ahhh, the joys of the BCLC.] We wandered through the crowd.

"Is she yours?" Came two more strangers.
"No, No." My eyes continued to search for Kaylee's sitter.

We left the crowd after Kaylee got a few pictures with a classmate. I couldn't take the chaos anymore.

"Maybe she's in the sanctuary..." I ventured forth trying to make our quest a game.
"She's forgotten me." Teary eyes looked up at me.

"No, baby, are you kidding me? You? Not Kaylee... how could she forget Kaylee? Oh no. There's just so many people here, so she's a bit harder to find. But we'll find her. We won't give up. But let's go get a cookie first. I think that'll help."

We headed for the cookie table, bumping into Mrs. Thatcher again.
"I was looking for you. I couldn't find her mom either." Came the information.

We found two chocolate covered cookies at the cookie table and when we turned around... there stood the babysitter.

"See... I knew we'd find her."

Kaylee's face lit up and she exploded into story after story about the holiday concert. She grabbed hold of her sitter's hand as I vanished into the crowd.

See friends, readers.... what you don't know is that Kaylee was adopted. So it was all the more important that she not be left behind.

But nonetheless... after a night of holiday screaming, leg stabilizing, and being accused of getting pregnant at the age of 16 [seriously guys... me? A single mom?] I'm calling it a night.

G'night all.

I went to the Princeton High School Holiday Concert last night. It was so weird.
I was so glad that my sister was there. Matt came with me too. [Sweet boy.]

So yeah... at the closure of the Holiday concert, all Alumni are invited on the stage to sing the Hallelujah Chorus from the Messiah and Silent night [which the audience gets to sing along with as well]. My sister and I were laughing as we attempted to squeak out the high notes in the Hallelujah Chorus. We didn't sound too bad, but for a second soprano and an alto... it was rough. Hehe. We did sit in front of Jes' old best friend (or maybe they're still good friends.... but I'm not so sure). Nonetheless, we saw some familiar faces. There were a whole 3 people from the class of '03. But we saw a few others from other classes. It was kind of weird too cause I ran into a good section of the Grease cast. [Yes, in case you didn't know... I was actually in Grease the musical my Senior year.... yep... I was Sandy.... Moving On.] So yeah.. the concert was pretty neat, but weird at the same time.

[By the way in case you are confused... the picture above is from my Senior Recital... it wasn't actually at our school, Princeton, but at a Cincinnati Music Hall side-stage room. - The room's acoustics ROCKED!-]

One thing that was quite weird was a conversation with Megan after the holiday concert. Megan was actually in the class of '04, so she was a year behind me (and still is actually). Megan spoke of others from my class. Two names popped up... an old best friend of mine, Erin Kennedy, who according to hearsay is engaged. Congratulations Erin, wherever you are. And then sadder news came to my ears about an old classmate who is expecting her first child soon. It really made me sad to think of the single-mom situation that this child would be born into. Furthermore... I just wonder if God is going to use this child to open his mother to the good news. She has been so closed for quite a long time.

On a happier note, I did get to report my engagement to a few old friends while at the concert, which was always a joy to brag on my Matt.

And furthermore, Jes, her old friend, and I explored the place of our teenagehood... ragging Matt and Nayt along. They were sweet for entertaining us with their interest.

Overall, the night put a good close to my Alumni status. If I never return there again, then I'm okay with that. I went once. But in all honesty... God has me in a new place now. And I look forward to all that He brings me in contact with as He guides me down His road of life.

Thank You, Jesus.

In Peace

December 6, 2006 at exactly 12:07, my watch took it's final tick.
I didn't discover it's lifeless little face until this morning. [I'd tell you what time, but it is so difficult to recall. ;) ]
How can I describe how I feel?
It's like time has just stopped.


May it rest in peace ...

... for now.

Of the Saints

I heard this song again this afternoon...

Tears Of The Saints
By Leeland [Album: Sound of Melodies]

There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People’s hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it’s state of desperation
For Your glory

This is an emergency!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

Too often do I find myself focusing on my own self-hurts and my own life struggles that I forget that there is an emergency of hurt all around me. No, I can't run out there and save everyone. No, I can't go fix all the stumbling Christ followers that are so lost in a world of materialism that they have forgotten the beauty of being in love with Jesus. No, I can't save anyone... that's God's job. But I have forgotten to be open to His guidance into the uncomfortable conversations and open arms of those searching for meaning. I have forgotten to pray for those in emptiness. How careless of me. How selfish. I have forgotten to deny myself. [Luke 9:23] I have chosen not to.

Thank you, Lord for the reminder.
I love You and You give all that I need.
Thank You for forgiving me when I choose not to accept Your gifts.

I love You, Jesus. I love You because You showed me what love is.

Clingy, Clogged Cutie

Today I got the chance to watch Ezra. While Ezra isn't as small as the little one to the left, he's still tiny in comparison to most. Ezra is a whopping 18lbs eleven month old. Random funny trivia for you... Chloe Elizabeth, one of the Turner kids that I watched last night, is a whopping 17lbs and that child is almost 4 months old. So either Ezra is small for his age, Chloe is a strong 4 monther ... or both are true.

Nonetheless, Ezra and I hung out today. He was dropped off to me from an Aunt's car at about noon. His mom and dad are a few hours away doing wedding photography, so Ezra had an evening and a day of bouncing to two caregivers. I was excited to be one of them. I love that Ezra. He's a blast. And not to be unmentioned... he's a cutie too.

Ezra, on mom withdrawl, clung to my shirt, rubbing his runny nose on my sleeves. [Poor little guy.] We had a fairly uneventful day. We played, we ate, Ezra napped, we played, we ate, and then it was Ezra's bedtime. Preparing for some crying like at naptime, I began singing to Ezra as we climbed the stairs to his bedroom.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say
And if you think of me
I'll be with you

[Yes, the Veggie Tale song sung by Junior Asparagus... but seriously guys.. it was the first thing that popped into my head.]

Ezra happily clung to my shirt, much like the duration of the day. I sat down in the comfy rocking chair recliner and the fussing began.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say
And if you think of me
I'll be with you

I put Ezra into his sleeping sack (way cool invention, by the way) so as to simulate a comfy blanket that stays wrapped around the little buddy. Ezra wailed, angry that I had set him down to zip him all into his nighttime blankets. I picked him back up and he stopped crying. He rubbed his face on my arm once again, snuffling as he tried to breathe through his cold.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say
And if you think of me
I'll be with you

I walked about the dimly lit room, cuddling the baby in my arms.

Think of me everyday
Hold tight to what I say...

I looked down to see the sleeping babe.

And if you think of me
I'll be with you...

His heavy breathing consumed the quietness.

"What a little piece of Heaven," I thought.

To his stomach he was placed in the crib without clinging or waking.

Sweet little dear.

You know, I've been here at Ezra's house for about nine hours now, and I figure I'll be here at least until 10pm, but there are no promises of when I will be able to go home tonight.

But you know.... I have been so blessed to have had a quiet afternoon spending time with such a sweet kid. Despite his cold and his mommy deprivation, Ezra has been such a dear this afternoon and evening.

So I just wanted to post a little to let you know about the sweet little Ezra.

I love that kid!

New Habit Gone So Wrong

So our cats have this new habit... jumping on the kitchen counters.

And I don't like it!

But the new habit turned from bad to worse this morning.
My blueberry bagel popped out of the toaster.
Boots hopped onto the counter, grabbed my bagel out of the toaster and was back onto the floor in a split second.

So now he's howling from his jail cell, the bathroom, where he's going to owe me MUCH time in repayment for his new habit.

He's lucky he didn't get the death sentence.

Braggin' Again

A few nights ago as Matt and I were saying goodbye he graced my ears with these words;

"I Loveth Youeth Mucheth"


(She swoons) That man... and when he speaks the King James....


hehe
= P

An Unfitting Dress and a Solo

For those of you who don't know... I headed down to Cincinnati this past weekend. (Really it was Friday night to Saturday early afternoon.) For those of you who know what I initially headed down there for... no it didn't fit. And for those of you who don't... I was trying on a wedding dress.

But no fear... my trip was not in vein.


I really enjoyed getting the opportunity to hang out with my mom and dad. I had had a really horrible day on Friday and I was actually looking forward to seeing my parents. (Not to say that I do not usually look forward to seeing my parents, it's really that usually bad days cause me to seek out alone/away time.)

It was a fun trip filled with viewing mom's old wedding dress (it was really neat to see a symbol of the start of my parent's marriage- and also all the hard work my mom's sister had put into making her '70s lace wedding dress), wedding dress online exploration, a GOOD night's sleep (FINALLY!), a quiet morning, enjoying a contata practice, hearing my mom's solo (she did really well. I am still impressed at how despite her stage fright, she really gave her all to God... ignoring the fear. GO MOM!), holding a baby (always wonderful), and a nice lunch.

I was so blessed by the trip.

Thanks God, for once again, blessing me in ways that I did not imagine.

I love you, Jesus.

Brightens My Day

Look outside! DO YOU SEE THE SNOW?! [Well if you don't then you must be in a place that it didn't snow at. But it snowed here!!!] That's right... SNOW!!!!

It makes me want to sing.

But I can't.
Cause I don't want to further the "neighbor who was assassined for singing" statistics.

But at 9:45... yeah baby... I'm bustin' out the guitar!!!


To continue my wild jumping fit... I was reading my sis' blog this morning. I was excited to find the address in my email since it got messed up through my last site and I've been Jes-blogless for far too long. But there was a section that was written to me... me who lost her blog site.... me!

It overjoys me to discover that in and amongst the business of life [and man it can be stinkin' crazy], my sis thought about me. It was nice of her to write to me.


Thanks Jes.
That's another thing that brightens my day.

I love you.

Tall Man and 3 Little "Princesses"

So I have to take a second to brag on my man... bear with me. [Or don't. Cause it's your choice to read or not.] =)

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, my mother's boss got married. It was her and her husband's second marriage and the couple was a bit older so they had kids from their previous marriages. In light of their many grandchildren, Matt and I were hired for the evening to watch these "spirited" children. We had seven kids all under the age of six and a half. The ages went as follows; 6 1/2 (boy), two 4 1/2s (girls), one almost 3 year old (girl), one almost 2 year old (girl) and two 1 1/2 years olds (boys). Whew! What a crew! And yes, they were all in uncomfortable dress clothes. Our instructions? Keep them occupied.

With limited means and limited instruction, Matt and I worked purely on improv. Small goody bags were provided for all the kids, so I drained every inch of entertainment from those goody bags as Matt tracked down a high chair for an extra little one. When the goody bag joys were fully drained, the children took to running about the reception hall. Since these children were usually psychotic, the bride and groom encouraged their running and took no mind to the screams and giggles. So what did my sweet fiance do? That's right, he ran around the reception hall with them. No pride whatsoever. It was so neat to look up from the toddlers at the table and watch three little flower girls chasing after Matt as he weaved through columns in the middle of the reception hall. Those little girls ["Princesses" as one mom called them.] just laughed and laughed as they ran behind him.

After dinner was finally served for these little ones, we headed upstairs for video entertainment. Some of the little ones changed into more comfortable clothes, others stayed in formal wear. The parents came in and out of the room at random times to invite their little ones back downstairs. It was pretty laxed at that point.

Once video time was complete, the reception had elevated into dancing, which is always interesting because at that point I knew that alcohol had kicked in. [Not for me -I don't drink- but for the guests who would be dancing.] By the time we got everything all cleaned up back in the room and headed downstairs the guests were weaning, but Matt and I were still "on the clock" so to say. We found my Mom and Dad to chat a little while the seven kiddos were dancing. In the middle of watching the dancing, almost three year old Mackenzie ran over to me so I could hold her. [She had taken to me for some reason.] She told me all about her dancing.
Matt piped in, "You want to go dance with Monica?" knowing how much I hate to dance in public.
"Yeah!" Mackenzie took the bate.
"How about dancing with Matt, that's so much more fun!" I set the trap.
"Yeah!" came the responce.
I handed the child to Matt and off to the dance floor they went.

Matt held her and spun through the crowd. This huge smile beamed from her face.

"Visions of the future?" My Mom spoke leaning toward me.

"Oh yeah." I laughed knowing she could read it off my face.

So yeah... that's my sweet Matt for you.

And thus ends the tale of the Tall Man and 3 Little "Princesses".

Emerging

"Emerging"
[neat pictures.]

Chocolate rebels

Last night I went out to dinner with Matt. I really didn't know much about the whole affair, but Matt gave me more details as he discovered them himself. I wasn't worried... I was going out with Matt. Who cares where we went.

So we ended up going to the Schindler Event Center on Xenia Christian's high school campus. Yes.. CAMPUS. For a second I felt like I was at Michigan State driving the loop up the hill from the Spartan statue (Matt nodds his head knowing what I'm talking about... all others are clueless). Anyway... Xenia Christian Schools? Huge! And for serious... it's a lot like a college campus. What they do in and with all the buildings still baffles me mind.

We arrived just in time to meet up with "Pastor" (as Matt calls him). It was nice to be welcomed by familiar faces and we even got ot eat dinner with Matt's pastor and his wife, which was quite fun (as you will read later). We also ran into (not literally) Matt Burgy, Andy and Lisa Weems, Justin Williams, Chris from Crosswalk, and a few other less familiar (to me) faces in the big world of Baptist Association peeps.

It was in meeting all the people Matt introduced me to that I first learned of the name of this event. Check this out... "Ministers and their Mates". Can you tell a man came up with that title? Mates? First thing I thought of was a porpus, then maybe some other wild animal. HEHE.
But no fear, the evening rose well above the confinements of it's title.

After prayer, we were dismissed in a specific order to go to the buffet line. And where did our table fall in that order? Almost last. Carla (Pastor's wife) leaned in to explain, "It doesn't seem to matter where we sit each year, we are always last." Matt joked, "Well, I guess we'll be finding a new table."

And then came the announcement straight from heaven, "At 7:15 you may go to the chocolate fountain, but please hold off until 7:15."

At 7:15 we still sat at our table waiting for our turn for dinner.
"What time is it?" Carla asked Matt.
"7:15" came his smiling responce.
Pastor Steve looked at his watch, "It's 7:18 by my time."
"Let's go get chocolate," came Carla's brilliance.
"Are you serious" Matt Burgy asked as Carla and Pastor Steven, Matt and I got up from the table, "Oh, ok..." Matt Burgy jetted after us.

That's right... we had dessert first. And as we sat down to our dinenrs, we smiled at the long line that was forming at the chocolate fountain. That's right... we were the rebels. And who started off our rebellion? The Pastor's wife.

I have even higher respects for Carla after last night. Hehe. =)