sad sunday.

The funeral's been bounced to Wednesday because the family decided to cremate Mike. Therefore, Matt and I came home from Michigan on Sunday. But what we found was sad. Cheddar was lethargic, weak (shaky legs), painful to the touch, meowing weakly, and unable to keep down water. With the wheezy cough that sounded like potentially water in his lungs, Matt and I headed to the Emergency Vet Clinic. Long story short, $300, about 2 hours, a catheter and a removed plug later and Cheddar was on his way home. He had a blocked urethra (mucus clump between his bladder and the outside world) and therefore his bladder was filling up with water and nothing was coming out. Apparently his bladder was solidifying causing the painful touch, vomiting of water, dehydration, and general weakness. So today Cheddar is napping on the bathroom floor, still with a chancy stomach but at least he's showing increasing signs of perkiness. He's a bit of a sight for sore eyes, but he's moving around about every half hour or so which is a huge improvement over this morning's life-drained mass on the bathroom mat. And he's opening his eyes more and willfully choosing to drink water. We'll see if he keeps down the treat that I force-fed him a few minutes ago (he hasn't eaten in probably about 36 hours and refused even the smell of food but still remains quite weak). And if you get really close, despite his sickly mute status, you can hear his deflated purr as you pet his frail body.

I just love the sound of that purr.

A Wedding and a Funeral

There is nothing like a purry furry in your arms at 6 in the morning.

Yesterday was a long 11 hour day at work and there is still paperwork awaiting my attention. Matt and i got a phone call at 10ish last night. Matt's Uncle Mike whom we were rearranging our schedule to go visit on Sunday had died within the hour. The paramedics were still at his Michigan house when we received the news. "I think this is going to hit Dad hard," Matt said after laying on the bed in silence for a while. Mike had recently been diagnosed with cancer which had spread rapidly to his pancreas. But Mike was in denial and refused treatment despite the 6 month time-frame. And then he had a stroke yesterday and still refused treatment. But it doesn't make him any less of a person, his stubbornness. And it's going to be a hard funeral for many family members who can't say with assurance that "He's in a better place." And that's hard.

Saturday we are going to Michigan for Matt's cousin's wedding. We're traveling with Ellen and Ron and Bekah and Sarah all packed into a van. Can we say family road trip? But in light of last night's news it looks like we'll be staying in Michigan at least until Monday for the funeral. And work had better let me off. ESPECIALLY after my 9 hour day Wednesday, 11 hour day Thursday and soon to be 9 hour day today.

I'm getting my little sister, Sarah, today so she can go to the movies with the youth tonight. I love seeing Sarah. She's a sweetheart. Last night she called Matt with a dilemma that her boyfriend was not "of age" to go to homecoming. I love her honesty in saying that she'd love to just lie about his age. But I trust that she will do the right thing in asking the homecoming adults if her boyfriend can go due to his homeschooling status. Hopefully they will cut her some slack. If not, Matt and I offered to take the two of them out to dinner (of course Matt and I sitting in a booth over or whatever). I just love that girl and her boyfriend is quite sweet too. Their innocence is so much fun to encourage and support.

Wednesday night I was given a few shirts from a new friend. Lydia's a house-mom of three kids (one 7th, 5th and 4th grader). It was so wonderful to hear her heart for her family. Hard times are coming for their family or at least times of hard transition. And it was really comforting to see a new friend continuing to fight for the most important thing entrusted to her - her family. I'm honored to wear the tee-shirts she has given me. It reminds me of a strong woman who gets it when it comes to loving a family.

Anyway, that's been us for the past few days... overworked, underpaid, and trying to be a good family to others.

In more random news I had a dream last night that Renee was pregnant. And the night before I had a dream that an old high school friend of mine (the pastor's kid) had a biracial baby outside of wedlock. I'll attribute both dreams to extra hormones. And then I sat on Dakota's paw last night while on the couch. She hollered initially and then dragged on her injury like the world was falling apart. There was this break in the initial pain and then this continuation of the drama as I gave her lovings. That dog is hilarious. You should come see her. (One at a time please.) =)

Not sure when I'll get a chance to update any time in the next few days. But I'll be back to keep you all posted on the wonderful life of the (announcer voice) "Associate Pastor Posse". - Baby's says 'kick'!

Ailment Leftovers

Alas, the low iron returns. Had the low iron effect a while back before pregnancy, but now it's choosing to return. So iron supplements and orange juice are added to the prenatals and for one who doesn't like popping the pills... it's all for the baby. I came to the realization this morning after nearly losing my prenatal vitamin that I haven't missed a single day of prenatals in 6 months. That's right, I know you're jealous of these skills. Mom also informed me that with the addition of iron to my vitamin drug use (hehe) I will have another added feature that will return from trimester 1's joys. Bummer, dude. Real bummer. But I still have some left over fibercon. As for the poison-ivy type rash on my stomach it appears to have faded to a nice scar that occasionally jumps into remission (requiring an oatmeal soak). And the baby has picked up the fine art of kicking my large intestine with brute force causing that four-year-old "I'm about to go in my pants" sensation along with the more frequent bladder assaults. So to sum it all up... baby appears to be doing quite well and getting all that it needs. Me on the other hand... I'm getting the leftovers. =) - There's surprising joy in the leftovers sometimes.-

my Cheddar

I just love him so much. I can't help it.

Niagara Falls - one last look

a concern now ended

During pregnancy you're not supposed to have blood in your urine. Signs of blood in your urine? Tinged-red urine. One of the combined signs of miscarriage? Tinged-red urine that doesn't go away and cramps. Last night while hanging out with Robin, my urine was tinged red and I had a cramp (which could be attributed to other things). After calling the on-call doctor and answering a few more questions regarding other miscarriage signs, I was told not to worry (it's not like freaking your body out will help any), drink more fluids, and take it easy. If the tinged urine persisted in the morning then I should call the doctor and report to the hospital for a urine sampling. So Robin and I watched a few CSI episodes on television (yeah electricity) and surfed to "What not to Wear" during the stupid parts of CSI and the commercials, vetoing our other Friday night plans for a night of couch sitting and drinking water and milk. And I just prayed with Robin, "God, take care of your baby please," trusting that God's way is best for my life. He knows my heart and He heard it laying the baby in His hands again today.
And my urine returned to it's yellow color later that night.

At 24 weeks a baby can be delivered with a 60-70% chance of survival. Prior to 24 weeks (6 months) the odds are not as favorable. I will be 24 weeks on Sunday. But it looks like this one is quite comfortable right where it is. And for that I am blessed.

(24 weeks)

Thank you, God, for being in control.... thank you.

Light Hath Come

Thursday night Matt and I went over to the office behind our house to microwave some soup/ravioli for dinner and watch "the Family Man" (love that movie) on my laptop from the semi-comfortable choir/Sunday School chairs in Matt's office. As I walked back to the dark house Matt, driving ahead (since he was carting all the stuff) jumped out of the car and yelled across the parking lot, "We have power". I took off running across the parking lot toward the house. There was nothing as sweet as the sight of all our windows and blinds exposed and beaming with electricity. The smile could not be wiped from my face until sleep took it 10 minutes later. So, dear friends, at 9 something, but really at 10:30 Matt and my blackout was ended. And the light has been absolutely wonderful since.

A Little Tired

The blackout continues for this household while 100 feet behind us still has sturdy power and I think I saw a kitchen light on in my neighbor's house. Part of me yearns to be awoken at 3am to 60-watt floodlights and a ceiling fan. But Matt's words, "I don't think there are really that many people working the third shift to repair power," seem to hold some truth. I'm trying not to be complain-y and ungrateful. I mean come on, Matt and I have running water and a roof. But it does make it a bit harder to be grateful while standing in the darkness and missing essential clean-clothes items. My creativity is starting to drain as I am finding less nutrition in those microwaveables, I ate half a less-fresh yogurt for breakfast that was "saved" from our power outage, work presses on, and the night's rest seem less and less satisfying with varying temperatures, church emergency exterior lights waking me up (have to crack the blinds to keep from overheating) and my white-noise fan silenced. Matt's also getting behind in his school work. Again, I'm trying not to be complain-y and ungrateful, but as I skim over the words I just wrote I'm not sure if I was able to accomplish such. Let me tell you one thing that is nice that happened as a result of the blackout: Matt and I got a chance to spend unexpected time with his family, mine and a good friend's family for mealtime and candle-lit fun. Last night we were even spoiled by the taste of electricity when we went to a friend's in-law's home for taco night. (Matt even got to play video games.) So really things could be much worse. It's just that the joy of playing survivor is starting to wear off a bit. I keep waiting in eager anticipation of Matt's phone call reporting that the ban has been lifted. Oh what a joyous day that will be.

Hope the rest of you out there are coping well with the blackout.

And I also hope the rest of you out there with electricity are appreciative of that blessing.

Blackout

We got our piece of Ike and I am grateful that it wasn't the same piece others have received. I mean can you even imagine being stranded for who knows how long while water recedes from your living room? It brings back pictures of New Orleans disaster relief to my head. All the mud, all the mildew, all the lost memories.

Sunday at 2:30 or 3pm or maybe it was 3:30pm (can you tell I was about to fall asleep on the couch) our power went out. It had been a wonderfully windy day with gusts of wind that tore the American flag from it's pole and broke tree branches in our backyard. But other than laughing in the pulsing wind gusts, Matt and I were fairly unscathed until the power cut. So we did what any sane person would do... we took a nap and then went for a walk in the crazy weather. But we weren't prepared for turning the corner of the block. Trees down, power lines down and everywhere you looked neighbors were on porches to avoid the dark. Some of the youth were sitting on a skateboard with a huge tarp-kite harnessing the wind for riding power. Dakota scurried like a psycho, smelling every tree branch as we surveyed the damage. Trees hit houses and cars.

Today the trees are mostly cleared and the new hype of this morning is that a few more traffic lights were blinking on the main drag to the highway than the past few days. But our blackout continues. We are blessed that the church office has power so we were able to move our fridge and freezer items to the cold of the office fridge. So yeah for actually having food! Matt also was able to get his paper finished and sent off to Kentucky, utilizing the much-needed Internet connection in the office. But the same routine happens each night after the sun goes down... Matt and I light our 7 candles and stare at the wall... bored. But it's cool. The blackout has given us some fond memories like sitting on the couch going stir-crazy because our cars were trapped in our garage. Or there's the candle-lit games with Matt's siblings and the laying on the couch with 3 candles lit listening to the school closings and rejoicing with the kids. And then there was last night and the cooking of every meat Mom and Dad had left in their freezer via the grill and the candle lit feast down south. Yeah for creativity! Oh and then don't forget the candle-lit showers in the mornings. Those are nice (shut up Matt).

So, in all it really could be a lot worse for us. Work has electricity (go figure) so at least I'm getting caught up on paperwork since I have no afternoon off-site school groups to run (schools are shut). But the reports do say that it could take til the end of the week to restore all power. So, I wonder what other joys this week will bring along the trail of darkness. Who knows? We may even get desperate enough to bring our taco meat down to our friends down the street and share in their gas-stove goodness!

Until the power is restored or work continues in it's slowness... "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...."

Behind a Hazel.

There are days that my temper runs too short. There are days when my stubbornness kicks in too strong... for the wrong reasons. There are days when my world is tipped and anyone trying to fix it is in threat of losing an eye. Have you ever had those days? It’s in those days that I am grateful that I am walking in his footsteps. His gentleness in guidance and his wisdom through love rope me back in without need for correcting words. He just trusts. And he just waits.

There are days that I feel like I could fly. Nothing can hold my wings captive any longer. Nothing can stop the breeze from carrying me. Have you ever had those days? I’m grateful that I am walking in his footsteps those days too. His supporting smiles entertain my artistic whims. His dreamer’s heart leaps at the chance to run beside me before take-off. And his practical logic keep me grounded until the air’s clear. He just trusts. And he flys with.

There are days that I just want to crawl into a hole. Maybe today the world will end. Maybe today I’ll not be seen. And the weight of this life wears on my back. The day too long and the night too short. Have you ever had those days? In those days I am grateful that I’m walking in his footsteps. He just sits beside. He abandons words. He suggests a walk knowing it’s a silent one. His arms extended. He just trusts. And he just listens.

Oh he’s not perfect. Sometimes he gets them mixed up. Sometimes the signs are confusing to read, my signals unclear. But he always tries, even when he’s tired. And I find through his example that I just trust. And I just wait. And I fly with. And I just listen. It’s in these days that I am grateful that I am walking in his footsteps. His patience is something to be admired, but he’d be the first to brush it off as “how he should act,” passing the compliment to another. But I must tell you that it is so much nicer walking in His footsteps when I am walking in his. Just look in his eyes sometime. I wonder how those eyes can carry so much... masked behind a hazel.

I love him. My best friend.

mom-instinct

Everyone looks for that perfect job. You know, the one that allows you to keep putting that scoop or two of food in the dog bowl and have enough time to complete the dishes once you get home. That one job that fits your family needs. That one job where the work environment is just tolerable enough that keeping your mouth shut and laying low works well. Looking for that one job where experience overcomes new bosses and opinions are weighed heavily no matter the extent of your degree. And we all keep looking… and hoping… until we find something that’ll “work for now until something else comes up.”

This week has been a bit hard on me. I started the week missing Matt. Our puppy got sick and that mom-instinct in me kicked in. I didn’t want to be at work and think of that sick puppy at home just waiting for her vet trip. You should have seen that big dog with her tail between her legs shaking in her cage when I got up Tuesday morning. Poor thing. And those two events combined have kind of hit me harder than I thought they would. See, I’ve missed Matt before. There have been days that I just flat out don’t want to go to work because I want to see my husband. I think, “Everyone else got to see him, but he’s mine and I want to get my share.” Monday night date nights help.

Transition is occurring at work and it’s leaving me a bit high and dry. I’ve been putting in the work for 2 jobs and I don’t see an end to this phenomenon. I’m trying to remain hopeful. Baby’s taken a growth spurt and begun to stick out more and more with each passing morning. Work people are noticing and commenting regularly. But the kids at work remain in the same intensity level, requiring running down the hallway, dragging screaming 5 and 6 year olds, and absorbing some blows here and there.

Things have changed a bit since I was first told I was taking full responsibility of the older class. I have grown a bit (as mentioned before) and this week it has become much more evident to me that I am no longer risking just my neck. See, I can take a blow from a 6 year old. I’ve taken them before and I’ll take them again before this life is over. But I can only do so much to defend this baby. Our baby. My baby.

I mentioned my concern in staff meeting yesterday regarding some highly aggressive kids and my continued growing state. Administration offered a temporary fix for which I was grateful that anything at all had been done. But the topic was concluded with the strong statement that this was merely a temporary fix until this transition was smoothed over. Only problem is that these kids aren’t leaving any time soon… and I’m not going on leave until January. So it makes me a bit more concerned about this baby’s safety, especially since this baby’s mine. If I don’t look out for it while I’m carrying it (and thereafter) no one else will. Matt can only do so much to keep our baby safe when it’s in my belly.

I don’t know… this week’s just been a little hard in that my priorities are very much elsewhere. And the balance of work and my family’s welfare seems to be a little tainted this week.

sigh

What's In a Name?

Welp, my friends, for those of you who have been asking (nonstop) Matt and I had our first real name conversation last night. No one left in tears. No one' feelings were hurt. No one brought baggage into or out of the conversation. There was absolutely no expectation of landing on a name last night, just brainstorming. I think I'm going to keep our brainstormed list on the fridge. We'll just keep adding as we go along.

We came up with a list of six or so girl names and boys names... three. We struggled a bit more in boys names off the cuff. And do you know what? The conversation was kinda funny as Obediah and Habakkuk were tossed in. And we landed on a great gender-neutral name... Bleppo!

But it is funny that other people seem to be stressing out more about Matt and I having a name conversation and finding out the gender of our baby than we would ever dream of stressing. It's hilarious to watch the faces of these overly-stressed people and get the endless advice. It's as if 4.5 months has turned into days in their eyes. We've got some time here folks. And I'm sure with our list of names that we look at and think about occasionally, one of those names will pop out and stick at some point... maybe even on the way to the hospital in between contractions. =P

But anyway, we came up with some really cute girl's names and some "eh, they're okay" boy's names. So we need a bit of work in the boys names category. We haven't even attempted the realm of middle names. That I'm looking forward to having fun with. No, Bleppo won't be in there. But middle names can be opportunities to pass on heritages and history, even if for some reason our society teaches people to be ashamed of their middle names. (Who knows why?)

Anyway, enough rambling today. We have a Sunday School Corral and festivities today that should last from 9:30am to 4 or 5pm. Matt and I are stoked... our sixth graders are coming up today. We're gonna go get donuts and all kinds of fun (not to mention the 8 foot ranch gateway that has appeared in our side yard as church decoration). It should be an afternoon filled with gunny-sack races, ice cream, pot-luck lunch, and so many more things. I gotta tell you, it's really quite fun to be in a small church that still enjoys the simple pleasures of hours of eating contests and festival joys.

Oh and also, I am now officially 22 weeks pregnant. Shhhh, don't tell the baby that they have built more strength for those kicks and punches. =) It's actually quite fun to feel and pretty soon Matt will be able to feel them from the outside too. What else does 22 weeks mean? It means baby can hear us now, is sensitive to light (so putting a flashlight on my belly can cause movement) and that baby is now 1lb in weight and about the size of a small baby doll (8 inches). Kinda fun, huh? So now the talk that Matt does to my belly can be heard, the dog barking, my music selection, my heartbeat, and much more fun. I personally think that's kinda cool. Oh and baby's sense of touch is also now developed so sucking thumbs/fingers and yanking on that umbilical cord are daily priorities. Again, kinda cool. (Thanks again, Renee for the book.)

Have a great Sunday, all!

Fleas, Freeness, and Navals

Flea Bath Friday. That's right, folks, we attempted the first bathing of our big dog. And with splattered walls, Matt's drenched t-shirt, soap all over my legs and water all over the floor that poochie is still biting those fleas. Oh well... we tried. And it was perty fun too. Dakota kept turning backward and trying to sneak her back legs out of the tub. hehe. Silly dog. We had fun.

In other news, Matt and I got the privilege of having a Saturday off. It will be the only Saturday off for the next month to month and a half. I was so excited to get the opportunity to sleep in that I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30p. So here I am.. fully awake since 5am. Oh well... that's life!

Oh and for those of you who care and will probably never see (because of modesty issues), my naval is beginning to stretch out and is getting closer to flatness at this point. Kinda funky, friends, for one who has an innie.

Ok, enough anatomy. I think I'm going to head over next door to play the piano for a while. Afterall, I have a whoppin 2 or so hours to kill until Matt even thinks of opening an eye.

Happy Saturday all.

Defining Steps

I just woke up from this funky dream. I was at my High School graduation with some familiar High School faces. But my best friend, Robin, was there... thrilled as anything to be finished with her college degree and walking at our graduation. My sister was there... in the same boat as Robin. And in some instances of the dream I was at a High School graduation and in other instances I was at a college graduation. Those are dreams for you. But there was a sort of point to this one. All throughout the dream I was caught in this feeling of "this is the last big thing I will do in my life... it all ends here. All my dreams end here."

I never walked at my college graduation. And I really don't regret that fact. I didn't want to graduate, get a job and then come back from my job one weekend to walk at my college graduation. It seemed a bit backward to me and due to my internship falling through in the first quarter of my senior year, I was bumped into a 4 yr and one quarter graduate candidate. So I missed the graduation with my classmates who I took all my classes with and with whom I completed my entrance into the Social Work department. A bummer initially, not because I had any special bond with those people, but just the sheer feeling of overcoming what we all thought would overcome us would have been nice to walk acknowledging. But to walk by myself? And two-three months after I had completed school and moved on in life? neh.

Nothing, though my dear friends, could express the amount of pride that I had for my husband as he was handed his (mock) BA diploma and I sat 2 months pregnant about 100 feet away. I was so thrilled for him. What an accomplishment!!! And with his completion of his undergrad we were tossed into the second and final phase of his pastoral education degree. It was SO exciting and still is here at semester one of Matt's seminary degree.

I knew at the completion of my college degree that I would never be back to pursue my Masters. There are Masters people and then there's me... satisfied with a bachelor's degree. A waste? It is often implied through co-workers who hear of Matt and my family goals. Oh and you should have seen my professor/counselor's face when I notified her that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and it was Matt and my choice for likewise. Oh how she tried to alter my thoughts to the business world. The fact is that some are cut out for the business world and others just aren't. Am I giving up on my education? Absolutely not... I'm using it in the way that best fits our family.

I got a change to walk and talk to a sweet friend of mine last night. It was neat to hear of her family plans and agree with her that the politics of the working field are quite frustrating when you just want to serve the population. We spoke of how tricky and obnoxious it can be to try to avoid all the work-drama and power-hungry bosses in order to have a smile for a client. And it was fascinating to think of how much and how quickly life came at this wonderful woman. It was funny how the prestigious college pride of "no one can do anything without a college degree" has been overturned in the life of many families. I am appreciative of my degree because it's enabling Matt and I to get good insurance coverage for this little one's entrance into our arms. And I have overall enjoyed working with the populations. But when it comes down to it, a job is just a job to me. Yes, I want to work with a needy population.. one needing more than just fries and a drink. But throughout the day my heart yearns for my family and my home... not a longer day at work or one more client. When I'm at work, I do work. But that drive away from the office has never felt more freeing. My job is just my job, it doesn't even come close to defining me. And at some point my job will change beyond this transition into motherhood to a full-time stay-at-home job that I can say has much more bearing on who I define myself to be. Some time soon... some time soon...

What parts of your life do you think defines you?

A Few More

I wanted to post these just because I like to look at people's pictures on their blogs so much that I figured you might like it too.

a favorite place

playing with a fly together

just cause I was thinking about him this morning

Alright, I'm getting kicked - that's my breakfast alarm. =)

Notice

Attention: Mr. Charles Horse

It has been brought to the attention of maintenance and management that you have been residing in the Right Calf Building with violation of our building codes. Neighbors have made complaints of a physical altercation that occurred on Tuesday, the second day of September in the year of two thousand and eight at the hour of five o'clock in the A.M. Officer Calcium reported having given forewarning of the consequences of any such altercation the previous night at ten o'clock in the P.M. Officer Flex also reported of his attempts to settle the altercation, but the lasting tension resulting from the altercation has continued to plague neighbors in the building. It is, therefore, in violation of the building code rules of keeping the peace and working in harmony that management has regretfully given this notice. Unfortunately, in light of the severity of this physical altercation and the unresponsiveness to correctional forces, it is on this day, Tuesday, the second day of September in the two thousand and eighth year that you are receiving this eviction notice. Your belongings are to be collected at the front of the property by noon today and any soreness or damages left behind will be billed as outstanding charges. Any noncooperation with this immediate eviction will result in further legal actions.

- Management #011985