The Middle Class

Casting Crowns has a new album out and there's this song called, "Caught in the middle" that is my newest ear candy (as Phil Wing says). Casting Crowns has been notorious for sending out a lyrical challenge for the Christian Church to be alive and real. And this song speaks just to that challenge. See, I'm cool with accepting that challenge and the lyrics flow from my life as long as I don't have to act it out when it really hurts.

"Fearless warriors in a picket fence

Reckless abandon caught in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end
and we're caught in the middle..."

I thought I'd try it. Who knows what I'd find. Nothing else was working. Marcia answered the phone, "hi, do you need a job?" Today I observed the children because Marcia refused to allow me to make a contract to teach before knowing what I had signed up to do. "The wild ones" were their logo. But when I saw their faces I knew the three year old mentality was just a phase of socialization that these kids were struggling to grasp. I talked with Theresa about the needs and my ideas to help encourage the functioning of that social group. Baby steps, but with some time, consistency, and love those children could really learn to function in their little social world. "You are an answer to our prayers," the honesty rang from my friend's lips. "I can't promise a long period of time," reality spoke from our checkbook. "But even if you're here for a little while..." I left that building I had left so many times before, but this time feeling I truly was supposed to return.

"An interview," my voicemail promised. The two words I have been waiting for three weeks to hear. Yet my heart broke. I looked at the building still before me.
'You are an answer to our prayers.'

I've learned that an interview doesn't promise a job. Oh, how I've learned that. But how can I be at two places? What does Your timing really look like, God? Especially in light of all this.

I found the middle today.

...................now what?.....................now where?...........................

Crickets...and Updates

Hi there, friends. It's been a few days since I've even thought about typing in an entry. But for those of you who are feverishly hungry for the fulfillment that comes with reading my blog... I'm writing for you. Hey, where'd everyone go? (crickets.)

Well, anyway... I'm writing none the less. Not a whole lot has changed recently. I am enjoying the married life. Matt and I are learning more and more of what it means to share everything and function as a unit. That's fun. It's challenging at times, but Matt and I really do work well (surprise, surprise), so it's fun too.

Tonight is an Associational Meeting at our church, so that means Matt and I get to pretend to be competent leaders of the youth group. [J/k... Matt is competent.] But anyway, I get to sing in the mass choir made up of 6 or so churches that will be "entertaining" the evening session of the meeting tonight. And Matt and I get to suffer through the early session as "church representatives". I honestly look forward to it. I know, that officially classifies me as a loser AGAIN. But I am actually excited to spend the evening with a bunch of church leaders from some 10 or so area churches. I don't really know why, but it just makes me feel... involved... and a part of something so much bigger than our little church. Funny how God has excited my heart about a silly little meeting. But none the less... excited I am.

For those of you who haven't heard my complaining recently (I now, that's no one), but yes, it is true, I am still sick. Yes, I've been sick for about 3 weeks and am still sick. It seems to be a constant lifestyle for me lately. But hey... there ya go.
But in light of being sick, I have relearned the value of having two functioning nostrils, pukeless feeling tendencies, and sleep.

I am a part of a Daniel study that the ladies at our church are going through and that is fun. It's neat to be involved in a women's group. And it's neat to get to meet the ladies outside of the typical 5 minutes of "meet and greet" during the service.

So, yeah... that's me for now... sick, enjoying the feel of a small church, and thrilling in the little things that God is allowing me to be a part of. And for the record... while I am still jobless, I am learning daily to appreciate the opportunities God has given me while I've been unemployed. (For example, I've gotten to help out a friend, annoy another friend -love ya, Robin!-, meet with an old youth during "working hours", eat lunch with Matt, and I'll get to go support Matt at his first funeral. ) I am focusing more and more on the value of God's circumstances and opportunities in my life right now. And even in loss of what I thought I needed, I am finding God's blessing. Thanks be to God for teaching me to rely more fully on what He declares to be my needs. I love You, Lord.

This One

I was talking to a good friend as I drove her back to her apartment. We discussed "this generation" and our concerns about it. I brought up the fact that no one seems to get out of the way for the emergency vehicles anymore. Oh we might stop, if the vehicle appears to need to turn in front of us on a four lane road. Or if it's a cop, well they could give us a ticket, so we'll stop. But I have noticed as a few ambulances have passed me in the past week, that no one really moves over anymore. Are we that selfish of a generation?

I got my blood donor card in the mail today (well, a few days ago, but I just now opened it). You'd think I was a hero with the way that the letter and even shiny pamphlet thanked me again and again for my generosity. The printed words emphasized over and over again through flattering words that I had "saved three people's lives" and all this other hero-like puffing up. Oh I know there's always a blood shortage. Run from the needles. Run! - No really, those needles are not small.- But it was wild to watch the desperate plea from the American Red Cross for a few pints of my blood. Are we that selfish of a generation?

I just kind of wondered what this generation will come to. As my friend mentioned this morning we are the "don't discipline them" generation and the "don't give them an F in school or it'll hurt their feelings" generation. And I wonder what will become of us. Oh, I know what the end product will be. But I wonder in the midst of this process what will be the choices and the chaos our generation causes. I find it funny that our generation doesn't want to grow up. Why would we when our childhood was so "protected"? I mean why not be a tween (twenty year old who acts like a teenager). Why stop going to school? We know when we graduate we'll have to grow up, so get another degree, head on to grad school... heck even get your PhD. But once you're done with school... then what? Is it really that college has become another extension of high school? I mean I talk to people all the time about their future families and they stress that they don't want to have too many kids because they won't be able to pay for all of their children's college. Even in my own desire for a big family, the immediate response is "how will you pay for their college". And I think... I WON'T! It's their education, not mine! I had to do it on my own and I learned so much from it. Why deprive them of that chance to grow up?

But even beyond our generation, I wonder what's going to happen to the next generation. The generation our generation produces. You know... the germophobic generation. Haven't you see the commercials? The Lysol mom. Kid sneezes, but the "good" mom is there and ready to wipe off the kid's doorknob to disinfect the house so the child won't die from the norms of life. It's hilarious! And the new Lysol commercial where the mom and kids are running and playing in the completely bleached out household and the voice over speaks of that being the "ideal". Man, I can't imagine how the medical companies are going to prosper in our future. Because if you're not exposed to illness... you have a weak immune system. Seriously dude, I grew up eating stuff off the ground and I haven't died yet!!!

What's happening to this generation and what will be the effects of this one on the next generation? It's wild to think about it.

It really is wild.