Broken Sick

Boots broke his tail last night (the one on the left). Robin and I are still confused about how exactly it all happened, but I have this guilt-complex that I was somehow involved in it. This morning he was super lovey-dovey to me. This both made me feel bad for him and made me feel like a low-life to have potentially hurt him.

I'm sick today. I think I'm coming down with what Robin had... has. She went to the doctor last Friday after I threatened to take her to the ER if she didn't stop choking to breathe. She has a sinus infection that, if left to progress a few more days, would have turned into bronchitis. She's now on antibiotics.

I'm not absolutely convinced that I have caught her sinus infection. And I'm not missing school, work or internship any time soon to go to the Doctor's unless I absolutely have to.

In calling a lady from my house church to warn her about my sickness since I was holding her baby last night, she said "well, that's good. Now you can get a break from all that's going on." To which I quickly responded, knowing well of my demands of my schedule, "No. Anything that I cancel I'll just have to make back up on another day."

I had a hard night last night. Between the mucus build-up, nausea, scratchy throat and heavy conscience, three and a half hours of sleep is all I could come by. Part of me doesn't care if I get sick. Bring it on! Says my cockiness. But another part of me wonders if this will be the final straw to break this camel's back.

I have been so overwhelmed lately.

So overwhelmed...

I miss Matt.

Announcing Congratulations

Getting past the fact that this ring looks very Lord of the Rings-ish, I have an announcement for all my blogging friends.

Yesterday was Mom and Dad's 25th Anniversary.

Congratulations!!!

They are such an example of faithfulness and dedication in their love for each other.

By the grace of God.

Thanks be to God.

I am so blessed to soon follow in the same unwavering footsteps.

By the grace of God.

Thanks be to God.

Broken Glass

I'm on page 155 out of 288 of the above book by the above author (that I met in person) and I must finish before my head can hit the pillow tonight. And then tomorrow I need to type my 5 page paper about this book to turn in tomorrow night.

Procrastinator. You may think. But the reality is that I am so overwhelmed with school, work, internship, Crosswalk, social life and attempting to meet basic needs that I have begun to shut myself off from the realm of caring. It's the fight or flight method that is truly overcoming me. When this monster is too much to bear, flight is inevitable.

I find myself thinking things like "Why even try anymore? I won't win."
And "I don't think I can last these next six weeks of the quarter."

Uplifting post?
Absolutely not.
But true to me currently?

Sadly, yes.


I know I have to make it, I have made it thus far. But I am so burned out.

so burned out...

Coming Soon!!!

Exciting News...

Today I went over to the Stauffers to visit Ellen and Sarah. I wanted to visit Ellen in particular because it's probably the last time I will get to see her while she still has Bekah inside of her. That's right... Ellen's getting incuded on Friday, April 27th and I'm going to be an (unofficial) aunt!

At the Stauffers, Ellen and I cut out directions for Matt and my wedding invitations on the living room floor as Sarah scrapbooked beside us. Then we decided to grab some lunch. We headed out to Subway where Bekah decided to kick me for the second time. Only this time I watched with my own two eyes as Ellen's belly had this huge heal of a foot kick from the inside. I was amazed and overjoyed. Ellen explained to me that when she pokes at Bekah, she will often kick really hard for a few good kicks. Ellen thinks she's annoyed. =)

Bekah's revenge? She sat on Ellen's ribs.

Hehe.

I love that little baby already and I can't wait to meet her this week.

I've called off my practicum on Friday so I can go to the hospital at 4am when Ellen will be induced and wait it out.

I just can't wait!
I'm so excited!!!!!!

Also, 126 days until Matt and I get married.
WOOT!!!

Nothing More

There's nothing more pathetic than snuggling in on the couch on a Friday night to watch a movie all by yourself with a roll of toilet paper and a plate-full of cauliflower.

I miss Robin.

She needs to come home now.

Blogged Decapitations

I was reading a blog's comments (yep, I had a bunch of extra time this morning since I bathed last night) and I found this comment. Let me give you some context. The blog consisted of documenting struggles in bedtime routines with children. After reading of how a mother tried to please her daughter in cycling through bedtime routines until the best bedtime routine was formed, this comment busted out of the crowd.


I can just picture a mother's mentality (having experienced similar bedtime annoyances of children escaping the dreadful un-railed bed) of doing a bedtime routine for the sole purpose of getting a child to go to sleep. And then I read this post:

I still sing to my girls. However my oldest is 7 and she's starting to understand that Mommy can't sing well.

Also, I occasionally, if hassled enough, will read them a book.

Then of course the night ends by me yelling, "GET BACK INTO BED!!", or "Stop playing around, or I'll come in there and throw away your stuffed animals."

and maybe by 'throw away' I mean cut Winnie the Pooh's head off...

I have never laughed so hard at a blog before.

Now, before you freak out on me and think I have a horrific sense of humor, please note that I would never imagine a mother would actually decapitate a favorite Pooh Bear, but I too have experienced the utter annoyance for those little ones who feel the great need to floo the coop for a half hour or so after bedtime has officially ended ten times over.

And someone vocalizing it was absolutely hilarious to me this morning at sun-up.

When California Runs Dry

This morning I was sitting at my computer when I realised the cats had knocked my books over.

Bummer, I thought, casually passing along the annoyance of our cats.

And then my brain connected that my jar of sandy California beach water and shells was used as a bookend for that shelf.
And it was gone.

My eyes traced it's path to the floor where I first spotted the rectangular jar on it's side.

And sure enough, California had run dry.
Low tide.
Monica's ocean was gone.


Now what do you do when California runs dry?



Find pleasure in the dry sand.

As Promised, Six

As promised to Robin this morning, I am posting here from my internship. (Yes, I really have that much to do here.) I am pleased, on the other hand, that it is almost 1pm and I have yet to think about poking out my eyes from boredom. This is huge improvement over other internship days.

So something sort of unexpected happened today. I attended the Foster Care Staff Meeting (oh how I hate those, but it was better than sitting at my desk and staring at the cubicle wall) and discovered that a social worker from my internship was laid off. She was at the meeting (apparently her last day wasn't today). This got me thinking about the world of the social work profession in child welfare-type agencies. And it also made me question where I wanted to work when I graduated. For the first time ever, I thought about not working in the social work field.

Let me explain. In the child welfare field you can either work as a county worker (booo, hisss) and be a number or be a social worker for a nonprofit agency. Due to a serious foster care violation case (a young boy was left in a closet for all wrapped up for a weekend and died) there have been new laws passed. With these new laws, all the non-profit, small agencies are seriously hit with new requirements and new expenses. Due to this, a lot of them are hurting. Therefore, job availablility? um... not so great. Furthermore, ability to hold your job if you're working at a non-profit? Well, using my internship as an example, one lady quit and another was laid off. That makes 2 gone out of 5. Not so hot!

I also thought about the five year idea. The five year idea states that Monica would like to be a housewife and raise 6 children [HECK YES!]. Therefore, in raising six children, Monica would not be working. Furthermore, Monica needs to work until Matt and Monica are on their feet enough for Monica to stop working. That will be accomplished once Matt gets a full-time ministry job. In turn, that will happen after Matt is finished with his seminary degree. [FYI, this isn't just Monica's idea, it's Matt's too.] Will it work? By God's grace it will work. And the idea is that I won't be working much longer than five years max.

With this new piece of information, I wonder if it'd be better for me to get an office job somewhere or some job outside of the social work profession that pays a bit better than a risky non-profit job. This is only a thought... not a conclusion.

Just a thought.

Not a conclusion.

Low-Income Windows, Friends, and 135

So, my friends and fellow readers... today is the third day at my internship that my supervisor has not been here for some reason. AKA... I'm lost... hence the blogging.

I am supposed to be working on a low-income housing project in which I research low income housing and then visit to determine the quality of living by window coverings.

For example, in the picture above... there are various window coverings. Obviously curtains cannot be afforded so various colored sheets and boards are put up in the windows to keep out prying eyes. Now before anyone becomes too high and mighty, please understand that I am in no way insulting anyone's style of life. I too slept with a blanket over my campus window for nearly two years in order to block out the light. But those "better" low-income apartments out there require that a resident place at least a white sheet over the windows if curtains cannot be afforded. Hence the reasoning behind looking at people's windows.

Beyond low-income housing shopping and internship dullness, things have been going well. I got the opportunity to talk to a good friend, Chris, for awhile this morning which was great. It's really quite wonderful to find out how good friends who you don't get to see often are doing. For the world to know... he and Miranda are doing well.

It's funny how the thought of visiting "old friends" brings such joy to my day. No plans have been set in stone, but the thought of a time coming soon, quite soon, when I will get to visit Chris and Miranda for more than 15 minutes is quite exciting.

I also got to talk to my mom this morning which was good. I really have enjoyed hanging out with my mom and getting to talk to my mom lately. It's funny how we have gone through her parenting me, me rebelling (in various ways), me going off to college, her learning to befriend me, and now it seems like we are moving further and further into her and I being friends. Oh, she will always hold the parenting card over me... I mean seriously, she's my mom. But I am really appreciative for those moments in which we get to just laugh, talk about challenges, and do random chores around the house. I love you, mom.

As for my Matt, I've gotten the chance to see him more these past few weeks than I have gotten to see him in a long time. I attended Miamisburg First Baptist these past two Sundays. In such a visitation I am learning more of what it means to support Matt in his ministry. Oh yes, eventually it will be come our ministry at Miamisburg, but as for now it's Matt's ministry. I really am enjoying being Matt's sidekick in ministry, though it does require me to sit alone during some church services. But I really do enjoy watching him serve and doing random things here and there to aid him. But I'll be honest, there really is nothing in comparison to just being with Matt, outside of the context of Miamisburg. Just me and Matt... oh that's a blast.

This just in [Matt's dad just walked by my cubicle]... Ellen (Matt's sister) has been put on bed rest so please keep her in your prayers as she nears Becca's arrival. Becca is due May 4th and I couldn't be more excited. Ellen and Ron are also putting a bid on a house today that they could potentially move into soon. And... (drum roll please) Becca's head is down and Ellen's beginning to dialate. SOOOOOOOOOO EXCITING!!!!!!!! I'm going to be an Aunt soon! It's been really fun and exciting to watch Ellen go through her pregnancy and I can't wait to meet my new niece whom has kicked me once already. SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!

Beyond all that joy, school has been school, I am learning more of what it means to have fun at work despite the challenges of my Kindergartners, and, lest you all forget, 135 days until Matt and I get married. Also, a new countdown... 99 days until I complete my requirements for graduation.

Silently Yours

You know? It's funny but sometimes you come to the realization that you just want to be alone. Oh, no there was nothing anyone said or did. But sometimes the draining of unfamiliar crowds or large crowds (even if it's only 6) can wear you down. And it's in the hiding away that you get the chance to listen to the silence...
breath in life...

one breath at a time.

I am really thankful for those times. Where I can just be. Yours.

Silently Yours.